There’s a funny notion that you hear around election times. That Americans vote for the candidate we’d most like to have a beer with. I’d like to have a beer with Grace Jones, but I certainly don’t want her running the country. She’s explosive on stage and in real life, so let’s keep that diva away from any buttons attached to nuclear weapons.

Equally nuts is that some people, we are told, vote for the most likely winner. Um…this isn’t the lottery, folks! You don’t win if your candidate wins and they aren’t actually interested in advancing your rights and financial health instead of the welfare of the corporations who’ve bought them. You lose even if win you do win in that scenario.

I gagged when I traveled to Texas during the last election and a latino gay guy told me–I hope he was joking–that he wouldn’t mind seeing Paul Ryan around for 4 years as VP because he thought Paul was so sexy. I’m a card-carrying slut who thinks sex is healthy, but can’t you get your kicks in some way that doesn’t drag the country backwards as you get your rocks off?

Another insanity is people who vote based on name recognition. “Duh, I know that name. Uh, her husband was president.” If you vote based on name recognition without any analysis of the what the other candidates are proposing, go ahead and write in the candidate God. He’s known worldwide and very powerful and very trustworthy. Or Cinderella for that matter–she rose from humble circumstances to prove she was born to be a ruler. The theme of this election overall is that we are sick of the DC establishment. So a vote based on someone’s name recognition alone means that the very political system we distrust produced the name you so easily recognize. And between your viewing of the Kardashians, more commercials will come on for that candidate because that candidate has been purchased by the corporations which actually control our government. (Which is, incidentally ,why we hate Congress.)

If you’re somewhat detached from the candidates’ actual policies and more in tune with their beer-drinking demeanor, sex appeal and name, you may view Bernie Sanders as angry old white man. His voice splutters and it looks like he may be spraying spit when he rants. Then he does that odd thing where he licks his tongue out of the side of his mouth. Gays–you love it when Cher does it!

But may I suggest that if you aren’t angry, you’re asleep? We all hate Congress, we’re disappointed by Obama and after 4 terms of Bush and Obama with most of the new wealth going to the 1%, most of us aren’t filled with much hope. More like rage and despair. We’re working harder for less money and often unable to retire at 65. This anger is on both sides of the political spectrum. One reason the moronic Trump is soaring in the polls after failing in every one of his past election bids is that he’s tapped into that anger. Hillary is acting like she’s going to carry on Obama’s “great” work and that everything is fine and dandy with a few incremental changes she’d make. For most of us, that isn’t enough. We need a new direction which isn’t guided by crooked campaign donors. Bernie Sanders wants to make fundamental changes in health care, college tuition, foreign policy and the way we approach climate change. Don’t you realize that when he’s talking about income inequality, he fighting mad for you? I don’t exactly know what Donald Trump is fighting for–racists, people who think they’ll beomce rich like him, people who think Obama isn’t a citizen, etc.

Look–do you want to input Bernie’s picture on that site which let’s people on the site gauge how sexy he is? He’d lose that vote in a landslide. But if the election were based on the canddiate fighting hardest for working Americans against corruption and misplaced priorities like corporations who pay $0 in taxes, Sanders comes out on top. A vote for Bernie Sanders is vote for yourself. Unless by some bizarre coincidence all my friends are billionaires. If that’s the case, could I please borrow a few million?