NEW MASTERCARD AD

CATHERINE TATE

THE TRANSLATOR! WATCH IT NOW!

EMPRESS BOLL WEEVIL

Electra Woman and Dyna Girl take on the Empress of Evil!

HE-SHEE MCGOO

Aka Chi Chi Larue is coming to town! She's dj'ing nowadays, and you can catch her along with NYC promoter Daniel Nardicio on Thursday at the hell-jole listed below. Joining them is Squeezebox founder/fashion guru Michael Schmidt, who specializes in making custom chain mail pieces for the likes of Tina Turner, Debbie Harry and Cher. In fact, Cher apparently just invested in his line with a big check saying "Pay me back if it works out." How cool is that? But back to the partay, Chi Chi brings a raucous energy to any slutfest she's involved in so stop by and say "High?"

THE CROCODILE HUNTER MEETS ROSS

(Jay Leno's faggy intern.) Hilarity ensues. I do love the way that Ross holds his hands on his hips at an extra high, womanly position, as if trying to create a waist. (Why would I notice this?)

TINA LEGS TANTRUM

So that's who bought my dvd in Ireland! I forgot how retarded I was until I caught another queen doing my act! I created a monster! Well, another monster, that is. I will say that her titties help more milk than mine did.

PAUL LYNDE!

DRAG LEGEND CHARLES PIERCE WITH PAUL LYNDE



SELLING CEMETARY PLOTS TO ROCK HUDSON and MEETING KISS ON HIS HALLOWE'EN SPECIAL!

WAH WAH!

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club.

A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello".

WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes".

WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "A coat for only $1,000? Sure...go ahead if youlike it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 200 models. I saw one I really liked"

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "$90,000"

MAN: "OK, but for $90,000 I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing ... The house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000"

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of $900,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand if you really want to."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!!"

MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape..... He smiles and asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"

WHERE'S CARACTACUS?

INSANITY!

OBVIOUS TO A 12 YEAR OLD

Who attended the peace march in Washington today, along with Jane Fonda and active duty troops.

via HuffPo:

Standing on her toes to reach the microphone, 12-year-old Moriah Arnold told the crowd: "Now we know our leaders either lied to us or hid the truth. Because of our actions, the rest of the world sees us as a bully and a liar."

READ THE REPORT: YAHOO

KOSHER PORN

Via huffpo:

Read all about the upcoming x-rated release from Israel, ASSREALIS.

BUSH VS NIXON

Carl Bernstein: Bush Administraton Has Done 'Far Greater Damage' Than Nixon

By E&P Staff

Published: January 24, 2007 4:00 PM ET updated Thursday

NEW YORK In an online chat at washingtonpost.com on Wednesday afternoon, Carl Bernstein, the famed Watergate reporter at that paper and now writing articles for Vanity Fair, took several hard shots at the current Bush administration -- almost every time he was asked about the Nixon era. It came just as news of the death of former Watergate ringleader E. Howard Hunt was circulating widely.



After a long explanation of how the American system "worked," eventually, with Watergate, Bernstein said:

"In the case George W. Bush, the American system has obviously failed -- tragically -- about which we can talk more in a minute. But imagine the difference in our worldview today, had the institutions -- particularly of government -- done their job to ensure that a mendacious and dangerous president (as has since been proven many times over, beyond mere assertion) be restrained in a war that has killed thousands of American soldiers, brought turmoil to the lives of millions, and constrained the goodwill towards the United States in much of the world."

Later, asked if the Nixon administration was unique in hiring disreputable characters, he replied: "Until the Bush-43 administration, I had believed that the Nixon presidency was sui generis in modern American history in terms of your question...

"In terms of small-bore (but dangerous) characters like Howard Hunt and Gordon Liddy with their schemes, I doubt that any presidency approaches the criminality of the Nixon White House. But the Watergate conspiracy--to undermine the constitution and use illegal methods to hurt Nixon's political opponents and even undermine the electoral system--was supervised by those at the very top.

"In the current administration we have seen from the President down -- especially Vice President Cheney, Attorney General Gonzales, Condoleeza Rice, Donald Rumsfeld -- a willingness to ignore the great constitutional history of the United States -- to suspend, really, many of the constitutional guarantees that have made us a nation apart, with real freedoms unknown elsewhere, unrestricted by short-term political objectives of our leaders.

"Then there are the Geneva conventions: Who would have dreamed that, in our lifetime, our leaders would permit their flagrant abuse, would authorize torture, 'renditions' to foreign-torture chambers, suspension of habeus corpus, illegal surveillance of our own citizens....

"But perhaps worst, has been the lying and mendacity of the president and his men and women--in the reasons they cited for going to war, their conduct of the war, their attempts to smear their political opponents.

"Nixon and his men lied and abused the constitution to horrible effect, but they were stopped.

"The Bush Administration -- especially its top officials named above and others familiar to most Americans -- was not stopped, and has done far greater damage. As a (Republican) bumper-sticker of the day proclaimed, 'Nobody died at Watergate.' If only we could say that about the era of George W. Bush, and that our elected representatives in Congress and our judiciary had been courageous enough to do their duty and hold the President and his aides accountable."

Bernstein was also asked about the CIA leak case and the leaking of Valerie Plame's name, which he called "a truly Nixonian event, a happenstance not atypical of the take-no-prisoners politics of the Bush presidency. But it pales in comparison to the larger questions of the Constitution, of life and death, of the Geneva conventions, of the expectation that our leaders -- from Condoleeza Rice to Dick Cheney, to the attorney(s) general to Paul Wolfowitz and on down and up the line speak truthfully to the American people and the Congress. They have consistently failed to do so."

AM I THE ONLY MONSTER...

...who was thrilled to see a couple and their uncontrollable (she put the troll back in uncontrollable!) bratty daughter bounced off a plane as she refused to take her seat before take-off and was hitting the parents? Though I may look pregnant, I can't actually bear children, but I know from my sister's offspring what a committment they can be. As in a non-stop committment for 13 years--at least! I know that there are going to be occasional flare-ups wich even Bose noise-cancelling headphones and a Valium can't extinguish, but if your brat is prone to fits, sedate the little monster! Don't you think there should be mandatory sedation for proven wailers on any flight over two hours? Cuz if they ain't yelling, their kicking the back of your seat. So if you can't control your kid, slip them a vitamin V and show a little consideration for your fellow passengers. Or maybe they could check them with the rest of their luggage in one of those pet cages? Does anyone else think this is a good idea? Or will I once again be proven to be inhuman?


From yahoo.com:

ORLANDO, Fla. - AirTran Airways on Tuesday defended its decision to remove a Massachusetts couple from a flight after their crying 3-year-old daughter refused to take her seat before takeoff.

AirTran officials said they followed Federal Aviation Administration rules that children age 2 and above must have their own seat and be wearing a seat belt upon takeoff.

"The flight was already delayed 15 minutes and in fairness to the other 112 passengers on the plane, the crew made an operational decision to remove the family," AirTran spokeswoman Judy Graham-Weaver said.

Julie and Gerry Kulesza, who were headed home to Boston on Jan. 14 from Fort Myers, said they just needed a little more time to calm their daughter, Elly.

"We weren't given an opportunity to hold her, console her or anything," Julie Kulesza said in a telephone interview Tuesday.

The Kuleszas said they told a flight attendant they had paid for their daughter's seat, but asked whether she could sit in her mother's lap. The request was denied.

She was removed because "she was climbing under the seat and hitting the parents and wouldn't get in her seat" during boarding, Graham-Weaver said.

JANE CHILD

Remember this one? Great voice and nutty, high 80's hairstyle! Too bad she didn't have more hits.

BRITNEY'S NEW CD FINISHED!

CHER THROUGH THE AGES

BY THE INCOMPARABLE FRENCH AND SAUNDERS!

LEGENDS REVIEW

By Randy and Fenton from the Wow Report. Here's a teaser...


Randy Barbato: Could you believe those Nolan Miller sketches in the lobby?

Fenton Bailey: I wish they were selling those! Fabulous!

Randy: Linda Evans' face is weird.

Fenton: It's so totally post human. Did you notice how strange both their bodies were?

Randy: It was a total drag extravaganza.

Fenton: They even called each other drag queens. More than once, and ripped their wigs off!

Randy: And a male stripper humping them from behind?

Fenton: It should have been playing at Rage!

Randy: The Pyramid!

Fenton: Escuelita!

Randy: The piers!

READ THE REST: WOWREPORT

SPLASH'S DISCO TEA

SHAKE IT, BABY, SHAKE IT!



A RAVENOUS FRIEND PREPARES TO EAT SHERRY VINE AND THEATRE COUTURE'S ERIK JACKSON



H.R.H. PRINCESS DIANDRA WENT ON DESPITE A TRAGIC CAB ACCIDENT WHICH SEVERED BOTH OF HER ARMS!



If you are out and about in NYC on a Sunday night, please stop Splash for our DIsco Tea every Sunday from 7-11. It's early, so it's so casual that it's almost like not going out! Last week was a blast! Princess Diandra as Diana Ross put on a helluva show, lip-synching to NO ONE GETS THE PRIZE and THE BOSS, two heavenly, dramatic disco classics written by Ashford and Simpson. (Of course, she showed up so fucking late that I thought she was impersonating Grace Jones, mk?) The crowd parted as the boa-wrapped diva swished and swirled down onto the dancefloor (closer proximity to tippers) but of course, always hit all of the music's stops, horn hits, drum fills and drum-breaks. And naturally, Miss D grabbed someone from the audience to pull them close during NO ONE's boogie breakdown and then shove them aside when Diana says "Back off!" It was so old school that it was new. Or should I say nu? Or should that be I, hereby retire? Don't answer that!

So we've traded in our poppers for walkers and we're hitting the town again! Seen: RuPaul, Bravo's Andy Cohen, high fayshion hairdresser, Pyramid regular and Nan Goldin model (he's on the cover of her book THE OTHER SIDE) Jimmy Paul and Flotilla Debarge in a kicky Dreamgirls tee. You may recall that Flo faces charges in a few months for brawling with a couple at some forgotten club, so she hasn't been spotted out as much lately. However, she arrived early enough for me to spin a few songs which I knew might never pack a dance floor, but which she and I would enjoy. Like Melba Moore's cover of the BeeGees' YOU STEPPED INTO MY LIFE and Bonnie Pointers' FREE ME FROM MY FREEDOM. The latter features disco's only known banjo break, as well as lyrics like "Tie me to a tree, handcuff me" during which Flotilla would cross her arms as if she were being jailed. Hilarious!



Splash's handsome manager Ray emcees a line dance every week. The crowd seems to love it, and actually manages to do the Hustle. I have never for the life of me been able to learn the Electric Slide, the Hustle, the Llambada or the Chicken Noodle Soup with a Soda on the Side dances. Yet these guys and gals seem to manage to accomplish it drunk, every week as I look on in amazement. Of course, a 6' 3" muscular hunk with a deep voice like Ray telling you what to do with your legs can prove somewhat irresistible.

There's a new hostess, and she'll murder me on the dancefloor for no remembering her name but she's new, dammit! But she certainly has a knack for grabbing the foxy fellers. I'm not usually turned on by sweat, but DAYAM, BIG BOY!



PRINCESS BRITTANY AND BLOOLIPS LEGEND LAVINIA CO-OP



Vivacious hostess Bianca Del RIo certainly engages all the customers, when she takes a break from engaging the bartenders with drink requests. Which is about 5 minutes out of each night. But she can handle her liquor--she's from New Orleans! The whore is actually flying home every week to to emcee at Oz each Saturday night until Mardi Gras, and then back for an early gig (7-11) on Sundays? Talk about a rough commute!

BIANCA SAYS "MAKE MINE A DOUBLE!"



BIANCA WITH DANCE MUSIC VETERAN KEVIN WILLIAMS


SHAKE IT, BABY!

BIANCA SAYS "THAT'S ITALIAN!"



BIANCA STEALS BUNNY'S HUSBAND



BIANCA DIES. HUNT FOR NEW HOSTESS BEGINS. LET'S MAKE THE SEARCH INTO A FUCKING REALITY SHOW/COMPETITON!

I'll be in Florida for the weeks of February 14th and 21st. Replacing me the first week is circuit star Manny Lehman and for the second week it's Grammy award-winning Hex Hector! And that nuyorican knows his classic disco! Unti then, it's Granny award-winning granvestite dj Lady Bunion.

Last week, I graced the cover of HX and since I'm off the stands, I'll reprint my interview here for thos of you who might have missed it!



1 So how did this party come about, whose idea was it - Christina's? I'm just curious which came first: The idea of a Disco Tea or the idea of a Lady Bunny tea where the disco theme came second.

Rub it in: I came it second! It was Christina's idea. "Tina" really makes any night special, doncha think? She had hired me a year back to do a disco-themed birthday party for break-dancing interior designer Tony Furnabio and it was a hoot.

2 What do you say to those people who say, Disco is dead!

I say "Drop dead!" I dj at lot mixed corporate parties and even if straight guys are requesting 50 Cent all night, put on GOT TO BE REAL and they all hit the floor. Besides, half of today's hip-hop and dance hits are based on a one bar sample of an old disco tune like Chic Cheer (Love Like This by Faith Evans), Heartbeat (Hotstepper) or the Abba sample used in Madonna's Hung Up). Instead of hearing one bar repeated over and over--come out and hear the whole fucking song, dammit! Beyonce's Crazy In Love is an old soul sample, too. These kids need to be educated and I mean to do it! And if the kids are over 8 inches long, their "education" can include one-on-one "counseling sessions"in the dj booth!

If it were dead, could Bunny bring it back?

Honey, if I could raise the dead, I'd become Flotilla Debarge's manager!



4 What do you love about disco?

It's only the most brilliant dance music ever! Anthems from that era are constantly being remade or remixed from I Will Survive to Love Sensation to Lady Marmalade. At it's height, disco became so huge that even rockers like Kiss and Rod Stewart recorded dance tracks. And when the money was in dance music, it attracted the top songwriters, producers and artists. So the quality of this music is incredible. Do you think the dance music of today is quality music? Newsflash! It ain't even music! There's not even a vocal and it sounds like one dull-ass "progressive" drum track mixed into another. "Soundtrack To Tweak By" is so worn out that yes, I think a 30-year old quality disco track is fresh by comparison. Everyone I know gripes about mindless circuit sounds played in big clubs. So log off of manhunt.com and get your groove on!

Today, there are no major label dance artists. Ultra Nate, Martha Wash and Deee-Lite in the 90's were really the last ones in this country. Current dance acts may have fantastic voices, but they are relegated to dance 12 inch's without even their photo on it! (Fags, focus! I meant a 12 inch record so quit drooling or turn to the back pages of HX.) In contrast, the disco era cultivated some of the gay community's best-loved stars and some truly outrageous talents and characters from Donna Summer to Sylvester to Grace Jones. They had strong identities so it wasn't just faceless music. That's why singers like Thelma Houston and France Jolie still tour alongside today's dance divas. Who ARE today's dance divas, anyway? I can't name many. Deborah Cox was the last stand-out star with a string of hits and she doesn't even have a record deal now. Plus, she was never intended to be a dance artist. Her songs were simply remixed when they failed on the r & b charts. She had some great remixes but there is not as much money in a dance hit as in an r & b smash, so even talents as cherished as Deborah's are neglected. Classic disco music was written to be uptempo--it isn't remixed ballads which didn't chart.

5 What are your best memories from the disco era?

Well, (ahem!) I was VERY young in the disco era, but I do recall peering excitedly from my crib and shaking my rattle to the beat whenever a disco act appeared on TV. I didn't enjoy this memory at the time it happened, but I have to laugh now because I know from my personal experience that most dj's hate requests. I was in a huge London gay club in 1978. Thinking I would demonstrate how music-savvy I was, I asked the dj "Have you played Shame by Evelyn "Champagne" King yet?" He snarled "Yeah! Six months ago!" I've shied away from making requests ever since then, though I don't mind taking them myself. As long as your request isn't "Give me a drink ticket", "Can you hold my coat" or "Please retire!"

6 Tell me about your history and relationship with Splash. Have you spun other big parties there over the years?

I've mainly performed there, and only dj'ed there one other time when they were trying to have dj's in the coatcheck downstairs. It was winter and they were very busy, so we just gave up on the dj idea since the coats were being drug over the turntables--I spun vinyl then. But I had a blast. I was happy to "help out" security and rifle through coat pockets for drugs, confiscating quite a few baggies--which I'd conveniently forget to turn in.

7 Why is Splash the perfect place for this party?

The sound system is amazing, the cover's low, the drinks are cheap, the naked bartenders are even cheaper, and Avalon's closed!

FUN-LOVING, HUNKY BARTENDER LARRY BULLOCK LOVES HIM A THEME NIGHT!



8 Is this night more about bringing in an older crowd that lived through the era or introducing a younger crowd to that music?

Last week, I put on (You Make Me Feel) Mighty Real and a group of 20-something twinks were squealing alongside 40-somethings. Or maybe they were all in their 40's and some had better plastic surgeons... But for the crowd that knew disco the first time around, they go nuts to hear songs like Native New Yorker played on a big sound system. With it's gospel, soul and latin influences, disco has a joyous, celebratory vibe. Not like today's dark "It's 5 am and I've just peed my pants in a k-hole" dance "music".

Disco or not, why do you think the boys can't seem to get enough of a good Sunday Tea Dance?

One thing hasn't changed over the decades--no, besides Lypsinka's act! Hairdressers have Mondays off, so Sunday is a perfect night out for the gays. Though it is an early night which begins at 7:00, so if you do have to go to work on Monday, you can take advantage of the 2-4-1 until 9 and be in bed drunk by midnight. But really, do that many people in Bush's America even have jobs anymore?

10 Tell me about Bianca del Rio and how she contributes to the evening.

Oh, she does a spectacular job! She's the janitor of the club by day and she keeps the place spotless! Seriously, Bianca is a hoot! She's new on the scene, a recent transplant from New Orleans. The devastating Hurricane Katrina not only left her homeless, but homely! She hosts the night and passes out everything from sparkler rings to cocktails. Some nights she just passes out.

PROMOTER CHRISTINA VISCA, A BOMBED AND FRIGHTENING HELLION, AND DANNY TENAGLIA



11 Do you throw back a few cocktails during your set? And if so, how does that affect your set by the end of the night?

Well, Bianca's a terrible influence on me. Like everyone from NOLA, she's an alcoholic, and she is constantly bringing me my favorite shot--Geritol with a splash of GHB. It's killer! (Literally!) Anyway, though I'd like to think that my song selection is flawless, I'm certainly not the world's greatest mixer. But what other dj is on the floor carrying on with their crowd? OK, so sometimes the song ends an I'm caught on the dancefloor with no music playing-- but who doesn't love surprises? Look, there's a million dj's with seamless mixing skills, but only a few who look great in seamless stockings!

Seriously, even the cheesiest disco record on the tiniest label had a full string and horn sections, latin percussion and dramatic breakdowns. It;s not that I'm drunk, I simply give into the hypnotic hedonism of the sound. It's the music which intoxicates me. You ain't buying it? OK, so Splash's bartenders are not only hunky but very generous. I got so "merry" on Xmas eve that I seem to recall removing my wig and swinging it over my head to the tune of Turn The Beat Around. And speaking of "head", I did play the 17 minute version of McCarthur Park to become "better acquainted" with one of our patrons
in a toilet stall. Just call me the dj with the bj! Oink!

GERALDINE HUNT WITH RICK JAMES. CLICK ON HER NAME TO HEAR MORE ABOUT THE SINGER OF CAN'T FAKE THE FEELING. (I had no clue that she wrote the early 80' hit MURPHY'S LAW for her daughter's group Cheri!



LADY BUNNY'S TOP TEN DISCO CLASSICS

Star Love Cheryl Lynn

Heaven Must Be Missing An Angel Tavares

Get Off Foxy

Don't Stop Til You Get Enough "Michelle" Jackson

Can't Fake The Feeling Geraldine Hunt

Gonna Get Over You France Jolie

Red Light Linda Clifford

Disco Heat Sylvester

Instant Replay Dan Hartman

I'm Coming Out Diana Ross

Heaven Must Have Sent You Bonnie Pointer

REASONS NOT TO TAKE YOUR KIDS TO THE ZOO

Instead, why not just direct them to my site and save on the admission!

PARIS EXPOSED

Aw, you've seen her snatch already! Apparently, she forgot to pay a $208 storage bill and some website's bought it, posted it's contents and even made a trailer about it! We all have a few skeletons in our closet, and I'm sure we've all seen and done a few things which we would prefer not to have on the i'net. Maybe some of these video clips were taken out of context, but hearing her read someone as a poor, broke bitch SEEMS to confirm everything you've ever heard about Paris being a hateful, snobby brat. Don't it?

Thanks to Paris Hiltron for sending it my way!

Apparently this was a PR stunt:by Paris which I fell for--she has a financial interest in the site which has itemized her belongings: DOTSPOTTER

So the commenter who smelled something fishy was right! I was thinking, why not pay $208?

FROM CHRISTINE, GURL!

MS. CHRISTINE KENNEDY MINGO STEINITZ VIA HER MYSPACE PAGE:

Many New Yorkers will remember Christine as an outrageous 80's club figure before she snagged a wealthy husband, who's from the same Steinitz family which was involved in an art forgery scandal/heist. After a few years of married life in Tel Aviv, the exotic Christine is now divorced and living in Paris.

LYPSINKA'S NEW DIXIE CUP AD

DISCO DIALING

Here's a gadget for the little princess in your life that apparently came out from the stuff that fairy tales are made of - a disco diva phone that shares the shape of a shoe. You would be surprised to discover that this YOUniverse Funk Fone actually functions very much like a real telephone, and it is equipped with a trio of funky ring tones to boot. Kids will also love the flashing lights that complement something so corny, it looks cool. The YOUniverse Funk Fone measures 6.4" x 4" x 9.4" and retails for $20.

For the princess or budding queen! I don't know what "actually functions very much like a real telephone" means--is a phone or not? Can you make it in a cell version, pretty lease? Imagine the delight pulling that out of your purse on the dancefloor? This is almost as good as my corn phone. No, not corn pone, a phone shaped like an ear of corn I got at on 14th Street! To paraphrase my favorite KFC slogan (which advertised it's wretched, too-soft corn), YOU WON'T BELIEVE YOUR EARS!

UBERGIZMO

MARCH ON DC 1/27

FROM CENTER FOR AMERICAN PROGRESS

We've identified 312 members of Congress who oppose President Bush's disastrous plan to escalate the war in Iraq. Fewer than half that number, only 145, have offered their support. Likewise, according to a recent Gallup poll, 61% of Americans oppose escalation and only 36% support it.

Escalation will hurt, not enhance, our national security. An overwhelming majority of the American public and their representatives in Congress have made their oppostion clear. Unfortunately, President Bush has stubbornly refused to listen.

It's time to step up the pressure, take to the streets, and demonstrate to President Bush that America stands against escalating this disastrous war. This Saturday, January 27, come to Washington, DC and join United for Peace and Justice and hundreds of other organizations as we March to Stop the Escalation! The Center for American Progress Action Fund (CAPAF) and Campus Progress will provide signs, stickers, and other materials to help make the march a success.

What: March on Washington to Stop Escalation
Where: National Mall between 3rd & 7th Streets
When: Saturday, Jan. 27, 11 am - 1 pm

UNCF ARETHA TRIBUTE

The first year without Lou Rawls! But a stellar line-up nonetheless.



This year’s United Negro College Fund’s (UNCF) An Evening of Stars® Tribute to Aretha Franklin (AEOS) kicks off Black History Month with national broadcasts, including the top ten media markets across the country, such as KNBC in Los Angeles and Chicago SuperStation WGN on Jan. 27, WWOR MY9 in New York and BET on Jan. 28. A complete station lineup, background information and media contacts can be found online at www.uncf.org/AEOS.

This year’s program, produced by acclaimed five-time Emmy-award winning director Louis J. Horvitz, marks the first time in 28 years a woman has been honored for her longstanding and generous support of UNCF’s mission to provide deserving students with access to higher education and scholarship support. Additionally, Franklin is also respected for her well-known activism and philanthropy on behalf of numerous other causes.

The program features stellar performances by some of Hollywood’s biggest stars including recent Golden Globe and Screen Actors Guild nominee Jennifer Hudson, winning rave reviews for her performance in Dream Girls. Other performers include recent Kennedy Center honoree Smokey Robinson, American Idol winners Ruben Studdard and Fantasia, former AEOS honoree Stevie Wonder, Natalie Cole, Michael Bolton and Joss Stone, to name a few. Ahmet Ertegun, music industry titan, founder of Atlantic Records and a Franklin mentor, makes his last national television appearance on the program honoring the Queen of Soul. Ertegun died in December of 2006.

BANDS THAT MAKE YOU GAY

Elton is so gay that he's mentioned twice!



From LOVEGOD'SWAY.COM

"One of the most dangerous ways homosexuality invades family life is
through popular music. Parents should keep careful watch over their
children's listening habits, especially in this Internet Age of MP3
piracy".

Yeah, and butt piracy! Did you see that eye make-up Johnny Depp wore as a pirate in BUTT PIRATES OF THE CARRIBEAN QUEEN? Anyway, The Scissor Sisters top the list of bottoms--did your fav group make the cut?

BANDS TO WATCH OUT FOR

And don't forget to watch Donnie Davies and Evening Service's THE BIBLE SAYS, whih no one can figure out if it's a joke or not. The fool is wearing a pink shirt, for chrissakes!

Sample lyrics: “Lord you are my strength, fill me with your love, help me fight these feelings… God hates a fag, God hates a fag, God hates a fag… To enter heaven, there is no back door…. Righteous man, get on your knees, there is no virtue in sodomy! Jesus my savior is the only man for me!”

LIZ RENAY GONE?!?

Fuck the SOTU! Stop the press! (Or start it in the right direction.) Platinum-tressed glamourpuss extraordinaire is gone an I had to hear about it from a private email??? From the Las Vegas Revie-Journal, here's a thoroughly entertaining obituary for this femme fatale. Femme fatal? You get the (sad) idea.

In his usual dour way, F. Scott Fitzgerald whined, "There are no second acts in American lives." But Fitzgerald didn't know Liz Renay.

Too bad. He could have learned something from her.

My favorite Vegas bombshell was all about comebacks, second acts and thirds. She was unsinkable, indefatigable, incorrigible, irresistible.

Liz was larger than life and had the bust line to prove it. Even as she approached her 80th birthday last spring with her bum hip and other age-related maladies, she still led with her best assets.

In the right light, she could still turn heads and charm the chips from casino players' pockets.

PERHAPS, THIS NOT "THE RIGHT LIGHT"!



It's hard to believe she's gone.

Liz Renay, who in her R-rated lifetime was an actress, author, artist, stripper and convicted felon, died Monday night at Valley Hospital of complications after a lengthy recovery from a fall. The Clark County coroner's office attributed the official cause of death to cardio-pulmonary arrest and gastro-intestinal bleeding. She was 80 going on 25 and left a few family members, a cult following from her role in John Waters' "Desperate Living" and enough ex-husbands to fill a Greyhound bus.

No second acts?

FIND OUT BY READING THE REST: REVIEW JOURNAL.COM


LIZ'S FACIAL BEAUTY IS MESMERIZING IN THIS STUNNING PORTRAIT! (I GUESS STRAIGHT GUYS LIKED HER BIG TITS.)



In cae you don't read the whole article, it ends with this great quote:

"Politicians do the dirtiest act," Liz said. "Their act is way beyond what any dancer could do if they were trying to do dirty dancing. Martha Stewart got a slap on the wrist for lying, and her lie could have hurt people. But those politicians in this case, they wiggle out of things more than the strippers wiggle on stage."

TINY TIM: DO YA THINK I'M SEXY?

Ever wonder what Tiny Tim got up to in the disco era? Well, now you don't have to! Here's a hint--he abandoned his laid-back ukelele compositions for this mind-numbing disco tuba romp! In the 80's, of course, he reinvented himself as Weird Al Yankovic and is still going strong!

RAQUEL'S SCI FI DANCE

I believe this clip is from Miss Welch's 1970 TV big-budget TV special which never aired. It's magnificently horrifying. I will say that her dancing's very well-rehearsed, even though she's not the greatest dancer. With that face and body, all she needed to do was lie there! She sings, too, but that's in thre next clip down on youtube. Bob Mackie did costumes for some of these numbers. There's a zodiac-inspired # which cannot be believed! Raquel is truly one of the sultriest screen goddesesses of all time. Those flared nostrils just scream "I'm a bitch in heat and I want to pick up your scent!" Since I don't have her nostrils despite the black nose-shading which I borrowed from Dionne Warwick-impersonating drags, screaming "I'm a bitch in heat, etc." on street corners has never worked that well for me. Well, homeless guys like it. And a few homeless gals, too.

HOME PURCHASING CLUB

This is genius! I can't manage to post the actual link, so treat yourself and visit to VH1.COM/show, scroll down and select Episode 3, ONE SIZE FITS ALL. Before realizing that the featured frock was reversible, I thought the hint of white at the bottom was a peekaboo colostomy bag and I got really turned on despite my anti-depressants libido-reducing properties. Why isn't the VH-1 programming that's on the air more like this? It's laugh out loud funny.

NEW KID ON THE BLOCK

From Diddy to Fiddy, his skills got 'em all runnin' skeerd!

CHARLOTTE RAE VS JOAN COLLINS

I love 'em both--but I bet Charlotte's right! Thanks to Kabuki for the link!

YOUTUBE

THE BRADY BEARS

HERE'S THE STORY OF A HANDSOME GRIZZLY...

HE WORKS IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS!

And places, apparently! LIKE THE BEHIND OF THIS ADORABLE TERRIER! Click to witness a blessed miracle!

BREAKING NEWS: BUSH REPORTED DEAD

Shocking details below.

CHER, TINA AND KATE SMITH???

Performing a Beatles medley. Cher sounds really good, Tina is alway s great and really knows hot to swing a wig, and God Bless Kate for being such a sport--and looking a lot like Dame Edna!

CINDY ADAMS PAYS LIP SERVICE TO LIPS

Disappointed by the Golden Globes, the gossip maven dropped by the West Village drag-themed restaurant. I added a few of my own pix from a recent night there at the bottom.

PORTLY PRINCESS SULTANA BELLIES UP TO CINDY ADAMS


All so disappointing that I did what any intelligent person should do. I went to Lips. On Bank Street. It's a drag queen palace. Listen, they know how to dress.

My waitress - you should excuse the expression - was 6-foot-4. A 46-double-D. The waist is 44 inches. The weight, 350. The introduction? "Hi. My name is All Beef Patty." She/he waited for the laugh, then, "I'm actually on Weight Watchers. Soon I'll be Patty Melt."

All Beef Patty, inside a sky-high wig that would make Dolly Parton look bald, glued-on eyelashes so thick they'd work in a carwash, major makeup and a short black patent-leather skirt, sniped about a fellow (pardon the expression) drag queen who went by: "Her outfit's by Dolce & Garbage."

My friends - the Village Voice's Michael Musto, who has a new book out called "La Dolce Musto," and Beauregard Houston-Montgomery, who collects dolls and was a contributing editor for Doll magazine - took me there because they decided I was becoming boring and should see something other than Le Cirque. Musto, in a coat decorated like a dinosaur tail, said to me, "You're the only real woman here," to which Beauregard answered, "I resent that."

Also with us was Sultana the Egyptian belly dancer. By day, in a suit and tie and different look and different name, Sultana's a respected businessman in a very traditional operation. By night, a blond celebrity working his/her varying parts off - bumping and grinding - at Lips. "Lola, a transsexual, makes my Sultana dresses from a Vogue pattern size 22," she/he said.

"My wigs come from 14th Street, but Patricia Field, the famous award-winning stylist from 'Sex and the City,' styles them."
Sultana, the Queen of the Middle East Village, was wearing a spaghetti-strap, beaded, low-cut sheath. I was in tailored plain black pants. There was something wrong with this picture.

All Beef Patty handed me a menu. It was nice. Roasted beet salad, crab cakes, grilled chicken, shrimp, salmon. Michael Musto murmured, "You're the only one here interested in the food."

And All Beef Patty made suggestions like, "Eat your spinach, honey, so your boobs grow big and strong."
Lips was jammed. Open 10 years with branches in San Diego and Fort Lauderdale, Fla., it's the Starbucks of drag queens. People read about the place in tourist brochures because it's obviously a staple of New York. Me, the New York columnist, I didn't know about it. The patrons, many out-of-towners, were mostly straight. Their interactive dialogue went like this:

"I'm from Iowa."

Frankie Cocktail the bartendress: "You have indoor plumbing?"

"I'm from Michigan."

"Even worse."
"My friends told me about it."

"Oh, the ones on crack."

The "waitresses" entertain. Lines like: "What's the difference between our owner Yvonne and a bag of trash? The bag of trash gets picked up once in a while." "Ginger" complained, "Please. More applause. I just got my back waxed." Someone named Jason Cosmo did Liza doing "New York, New York." And then they played Bitchy Bingo. The winner to get a porn CD. One heckled a clean-cut Pennsylvania kid with the oldie: "Drink up. The more you drink, the better we look," to which Sultana sniffed, "Oh, please, that line is Drag Queen 101."

But they were very nice to me. They promised they'd make me an Honorary Drag Queen. They said they'd christen me Mme. Nu-Wave. And then maybe I could borrow Bjork's old swan outfit.

And Cindykins, I do declayah that would be like casting swan before pearls! (And that "joke" is as bad as one of her deceased husband's Joe's!)

LIPS GALS GUSTY WINDS AND REGINE: REGINE DOES A MEAN CHER. GUSTY'S JUST PLAIN MEAN. AND PLAIN.



HERE'S THE BEEF! A LIPS TRADITION, ALL-BEEF PATTY INSPECTS THE SIZE OF A BRIDE-TO BE'S WEDDING RING.



BARTENDER FRANKIE COCKTAIL WILL GET YOUR TAIL CROCKED!



THERE'S EVEN AN ADORABLE TRANNY BUSGIRL!



THIS GAL BROUGHT DOWN THE HOUSE WITH AN ENERGETIC AIN'T NO OTHER MAN.



SEXY REGINE SNAGGED THIS ITALIAN DREAMBOAT RIGHT OUT FROM UNDERNEATH HIS GIRLFRIEND'S LARGE NOSE. WITH A THICK BLACK MOUSTACHE UNERNEATH THAT, WHICH WAS ALMOST AS HEAVY AS REGINE'S!. THAT CUTIE REMINDS ME OF NICK KAMEN, RIGHT?

SHE'S MADONNA HQ

Is the title of a new video from Robbie Williams, shot I presume, in an LA club with a bunch of queens including Jackie Beat, Alexis Arquette and the notorious bald Constance, who was heavily featured in Christina Aguilera's BEAUTIFUL. Alexis is featured heavily in this piece. Miss Beat just has heavy features. (She'll kill me!) Sexy Robbie starts off the video in drag as Madonna, removing his clothes right before his track begins. It certainly does hook you in. First Jake Gyllenhaal dolled up on SNL and now Robbie--am I turning into a kai-kai queen (sp?) or are these two just hot anyway you slice 'em? Not that I'd want to cut them in any way, you understand. Well, not Jake, anyway.

SUNDAY NIGHT FEVER!

Check out my interview if you like tawdry gossip!

A little ol' teaser:

HX: What’s so great about disco?

Lady Bunny: It’s only the greatest dance music ever! With its gospel, soul and Latin influences, disco has a joyous, celebratory vibe - not like today’s dark, “it’s 5am and I’ve just peed my pants in a k-hole” dance music. “Soundtrack to Tweak By” is so worn out that yes, I think a 30-year-old disco track is fresh by comparison. At its height, the genre attracted the top songwriters, producers and artists, so the quality of this music is incredible. The disco era cultivated some of the gay community’s best-loved stars and some truly outrageous talents and characters with strong identities like Sylvester and Grace Jones. Who are today’s true dance divas? Kevin Aviance hasn’t had a smash in a while - unless you count her face!


PS: Sunday Disco Tea at Splash from 7-11 has been a blast. Last week I was amazed to see a dancefloor filled with guys and gals dancing to Debbie Jacob's DON'T YOU WANT MY LOVE and hitting all the 1-2 cha cha cha, 3-4 cha cha cha's with their glow sticks! Insane!

And this week, we have the incredible H.R.H. Princess Diandra (pictured below) performing as Disco Diana Ross at 10:00. Diandra's Diana impersonation is truly phenomenal, and sometimes this stuious method actress even gets really drunk like Diana in order to completely nail her character! Although she tends to get really drunk every night. Oh well, I'm sure she's just doing character research--what a pro!

MARGARET CHO & CO

Performing MY PUSS! One for the lesbo's!

LEO SAYER AND THE MUPPETS

YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE DANCING

TURDS OF WISDOM

From the Scourge of Minneapolis and podcaster extraordinaire--or is that extra ordinary?--Miss Wanda WIsdom!

ANDRE 7000

Actually, it's the Great Daryl Nathan performing INTERNATIONAL LOVER on Grand Rapids, Muchigan's public access cable channel in '96. You gotta love stops and clavinet flourishes designed to highlight a wig-stroking move.

WHAT CAN YOU DO FOR ME

Cher joins Labelle to perfrom their 70's funk hit. Cher looks better than she sounds ina mirrored headdress and skirt. Of course Patti sounds great. But this is one of Patti's oddest styling periods. All of Labelle were working Larry LeGaspi's genius outer-space costumes, yet Patti wears practically no make-up and short secretary hair! She hadn't yet gone through her disco drag transformation as a solo artist, which yielded looks like these:

CAROL'S BACK!

I WANT THIS T-SHIRT!

GOOD THING NAOMI'S PRETTY

Cuz on the inside, she seems like a lying, nasty, violent bitch! Of course, I still think her biggest crime was naming her album BABY WOMAN.

TODAY:

NEW YORK (AP) -- Naomi Campbell pleaded guilty to misdemeanor assault Tuesday for hitting her maid with a cell phone over a pair of missing jeans.

"I threw a cell phone in the apartment. The cell phone hit Ana," Campbell told Manhattan Criminal Court Judge Robert Mandelbaum. "This was an accident because I did not intend to hit her."

If convicted at trial, Campbell, who originally had been charged with second-degree felony assault, could have been sentenced to two to seven years in prison.

Campbell, 36, hit Ana Scolavino in the back of the head with the phone in the supermodel's Manhattan apartment last March. Scolavino was treated for a head injury. (Read: Campbell's employee troubles)

In exchange for her guilty plea, Campbell must pay Scolavino's medical expenses of $363, do five days of community service and attend a two-day anger management program. (FindLaw: The Campbell charges)

NAOMI'S STATEMENT WHEN CHARGES WERE FILED (from smokinggun.com)

"The allegation that I hit her or in any way injured my former housekeeper is completely untrue.

From the time she began working for me about two and a half months ago, I began questioning her about items I found missing. This morning, when I finally fired her for that and her erratic behavior, she screamed, "This is going to cost you a lot of money." After some more yelling and screaming on her part, she left the house. The next thing I knew, I got a call from the police. I have no idea how she was injured."

NICOLE RITCHIE'S WEIGHT HITS A NEW LOW!

JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT YOU HAD EVERYTHING...

DIANA ROSS ON DREAMGIRLS

Diana Ross said she hasn't seen "Dreamgirls," but knows she was an inspiration for Beyonce's character. "Maybe I should go see it with my lawyer," she joked on "Good Morning America."

Her new album, the horribly titled I LOVE YOU, comes out today. Don't look for any dance numbers. She's gone the Rod Stewart classics route, with a very muzak-y feel. She picked a few great songs like Bill Withers LOVELY DAY, but without too many uptempo tracks.

THE MASSEUR FROM IN LIVING COLOR

Starring Jamie Foxx in his brilliant drag. Also a bloopers vid underneath this one.

YOUTUBE

THEN MY LIVING WILL NOT BE IN VAIN

It is no secret that Patti Labelle is my favorite entertainer of all time. Not to mention her soul-shaking voice, her warm-hearted, sassy stage persona is--from what I can tell by meeting her twice--emanating from a truly radiant spirit. OK, so I've made a few jokes about her diabetes medication commercials lately. "Ten years ago I collapsed onstage. Then the stage itself collapsed underneath my weight." Kidding! But this woman can make me burst into tears just by quivering her nails. But it's not Patti's performance that's making me cry when I watch this video. I had never heard of Oseola MaCarty, the gal Patti is honoring. But if a washerwoman can care so much about others to scrimp and save on her meager wages to create a $100,000 scholarship fund, I know that I am definitely not doing enough with a Katrina/tsunami contibution here and a moveon.org contribution there so I'm totally humbled by this old gal's generosity. The world is such a mess on so many levels right now and if the people who can don't do anything to right it, who will? The concerned occupants of some other planet? I know how sappy I sound but I'm often quite dishy on my blog, so a little balance will hopefully be forgiven. And I know that some of you will find it as moving as I did when Patti hugs Oseola in a jam-packed auditorium. The philanthropist never expected such a reward for her efforts, but I'm so glad that she got this one. For that moment she was a queen, with the Queen of "Rock 'n' Soul" at her feet. Too bad Oseola had to get up and clean the entire auditorium by herself after the show ended. Kidding, gurl! Anyhoo, here 'tis!

From youtube:



"The one and only Patti Labelle performs in honor of Oseola McCarty, the Mississippi washerwoman who'd saved $150,000 over her 70 years of working for nominal wages and donated it to create a scholarship fund. The performance is rousing, not Labelle's most spectacular vocal performance but probably the most heartfelt. What other diva possesses the grace and humility to kneel at another's feet? Only Patti."

THEN MY LIVING WILL NOT BE IN VAIN

YOU BETTE WORK!

From youtube via Lypsinka:

Here's Bette Davis promoting her album "Miss Bette Davis Sings!" on a 1978 episode of "DINAH!" devoted to Miss Davis and her career. Dinah, with ten years experience shilling Chevys behind her, gives it a hard-sell, much to Bette's disdain. Miss Davis then offers a "going along with" version of "I Wish You Love." It's the first time I've seen someone need a cough drop to lip-synch a song.

BETTE SINGS

I wish they could have cut away to some reaction shots from Dinah. I can't imagine the hostess was thinking. A long, seated lip-synch! And when and why did Bette hit upon the glasses look? To cover wrinkles? And that wig is genius! Love this kook in every phase of her incredible career.

FAILED PRESIDENCY

NEVER BEEN TURNED ON BY ANOTHER DRAG QUEEN

Except for Jake Gyllenhaal in this fantastic SNL opening skit from last night. Miss Girl really hits that last note, too!

OK, so there's one other queen who gets me hot. But who could blame me? I'm sure you al feel the same way I do about her.

R.I.P. YVONNE DE CARLO

What a beauty! I knew she'd been around long before her hit series THE MUNSTERS, but I didn't know how gorgeous she was early on in her career. According to Wikipedia, she was hired by Paramount Studios because of her resemblance to Dorothy Lamour and started out playing a B-movie version of Maria Montez.



Here's an interesting obituary from a site which I googled and forgot--The National Ledger or something?) (Senility!)

She will always Lily Munster to TV Viewers despite her long resume of acting credits. Actress Yvonne De Carlo has passed away. She was 84. De Carlo died of natural causes Monday at the Motion Picture & Television facility in suburban Woodland Hills, longtime friend and television producer Kevin Burns said Wednesday.



Yvonne De Carlo, "Lilly Munster" Dead at 84

The Munsters series lasted only two years, but it had a long life in syndication and resulted in two feature movies, "Munster Go Home!" (1966) and "The Munsters' Revenge." (1981, for TV). "I think she will best remembered as the definitive Lily Munster. She was the vampire mom to millions of baby boomers. In that sense, she's iconic," Burns said Wednesday.

At the series' end, De Carlo commented: "It meant security. It gave me a new, young audience I wouldn't have had otherwise. It made me 'hot' again, which I wasn't for a while."

Burns added, "It would be a shame if that's the only way she is remembered. She was also one of the biggest beauty queens of the 40s and 50s, one of the most beautiful women in the world. This was one of the great glamour queens of Hollywood, one of the last ones."

According to an Associated Press report, in her late years, De Carlo lived in semi-retirement near Solvang, north of Santa Barbara. Her son Michael died in 1997, and she suffered a stroke the following year.

SHE'S A LITTLE BIT SIOUXSIE SIOUX HERE, AND I'M SURE A PERPETUAL INSPIRATION TO GOTH GALS EVERYWHERE.

RICHARD GERE-BIL

Ohmigod, this is so sick and genius! Taylor Calvoni's twisted ass sent me this knowing it was right up my (and Richard's) alley! For you youngins, it was widely rumored that Richard Gere was hospitalized in the late 70's. The problem? He allegedly had a gerbil shoved up his ass. It was a hardcore gay thing that I try to explain in this interview with Micael Lucas. (Yes, I know I've posted it before but I have sooo many new fans daily.)

Of course, there is no proof of the Richard's "gerbilling". But about.com addresses the urban legend and even offers this urban hoax which was supposed to be an item in the LA Times:

GERBILLING MISHAP INJURES TWO

"In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only trying to retrieve the gerbil," Eric Tomaszewski told bemused doctors in the Severe Burns Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital. Tomaszewski, and his homosexual partner Andrew "Kiki" Farnum, had been admitted for emergency treatment after a felching session had gone seriously wrong.

"I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum and slipped Raggot, our gerbil, in," he explained. "As usual, Kiki shouted out 'Armageddon', my cue that he'd had enough. I tried to retrieve Raggot but he wouldn't come out again,so I peered into the tube and struck a match, thinking the light might attract him."

At a hushed press conference, a hospital spokesman described what happened next. "The match ignited a pocket of intestinal gas and a flame shot out the tubing, igniting Mr Tomaszewski's hair and severely burning his face. It also set fire to the gerbil's fur and whiskers which in turn ignited a larger pocket of gas further up the intestine, propelling the rodent out like a cannonball."

Tomaszewski suffered second degree burns and a broken nose from the impact of the gerbil, while Farnum suffered first and second degree burns to his anus and lower intestinal tract.

HOLIDAY DISCO TEA

This Sunday we are starting early and ending early at Splash. It's Martin Luther King day, and it's a personal tradition that I suck black--sorry--African-American cock all night in MLK's honor, so I'm taking off early. But I'll still be spinning your favorite disco classics and there will still be 2-4-1 drinks for 2 hours (not sure if that's 6-8 or 7-9 this week.) At 10:00, sexy DJ DeLeon will take over and Bianca Del Rio, my vivacious co-hostess will perform Cher's disco smash TAKE ME HOME. The New Orleans trans-plant is still homeless, poor thing! Come by and buy her a drink! May I recommend a hurricane? It's her favorite!

NEXT SUNDAY 1/21:

Back to our regular hours from 7-11

2--4-1 drinks from 7-9

A very rare, special performance by HRH Princess Diandra doing DISCO DIANA as only that bitch can!

AS YOU CAN SEE, I TAKE MARTIN LUTHER KING DAY VERY SERIOUSLY

ASK AND YE SHALL RECEIVE

POTASSA'S EXQUISITE SWAN NECK--AND I LOVE THAT HEAVY DISCO ROUGE!


In my earlier Grace Jones at Studio 54 post, I queried readers about Potassa, a reigning queen at the club. And who should come to my aid but Scott Ewalt, the super-designer whose images have adorned Suzanne Bartsch invites, Wigstock posters and album covers galore. He sent me this hot pic of Potassa and wrote:

hey bunbun-potassa was a 70's queen that was very close with chrysis and was a halston model- the first queen that he used. she introduced chrysis to dali (much to amanda lears dissaproval as noted in her book) and erte. potassa was also included in warhols "ladies and gentleman" drag portrait series, and got a full page in andy warhols exposures book-see attatchment.

POTASSA=HOT!



And Scott had even more vintage tranny tea to pour. International Chrysis was a stunning transsexual who appeared with other trannies on the cover of a Kool and The Gang album cover for HOLLYWOOD SWINGING. Chrysis never liked me much, and couldn't understand the popularity of the artsy booger queens who ruled the Pyramid Club when she was so much more beautiful than them. She once did a show at the Pyramid and left a gorgeous feather boa in the dressing room. It sat there for weeks. I was quite poor in those days (as to opposed to simply poor in these days) and a luxurious, abandoned boa was simply too much to resist, especially since my thrift store wardrobe so desperately needed sprucing up. I gave into temptation and threw it on. After several cocktails, I felt so fancy that I high-tailed it over to The Boybar, which featured much more polished queens than we Pyramid clowns, to show off my new look. Who should be there see my grand if drunken entrance but the boa's owner itself!

KOOL AND THE GANG'S HOLLYWOOD SWINGING ALBUM COVER SHOT WITH CHRYSIS ON THE FAR RIGHT



Of course, I shopped for vintage vinyl non-stop in those days and had already seen the cover and spooked the fact that the models were "girls with something extra". I clocked that album before I ever met Chrysis so when I spied her at Danceteria, I ran up excitedly and asked if she was on a Kool and The Gang cover. She could barely disguise her displeasure, so we got started on the wrong size 10 foot. I realized later on that since the album was released in 1973 and it was probably 1985 at the time, so Miss Thing might have thought that I was making a crack about her age. (I was about 22 at the time.) I wasn't making a crack, but she remained quite chilly for years, I guess until she realized that I simply wasn't going away. And possibly that she wanted to perform at Wigstock.

CHRYSIS: GORGEOUS EVEN WHEN STYLED AS A DISCO DYKE--WITH ONE INDIVIDUAL BOTTOM LASH AND A SEVERE MIGRAINE!

MEET MARBLES HAUSGAW

YOUTUBE

If you crave more of her insightful commentary, Marbles also has her own myspace page.

EDUARDO SPATULAHANDS

WARNING: This video is long, annoying and unbelieveably brain-dead. But for those of us who like that sort of thing, this one excels in it's genre. Almost as off as EDWARD PENISHANDS, the only porn movie I've ever bought. Perhaps this video was inspired by PENISHANDS, which featured a Johnny Depp look-a-like with dildoes fro hands. Pics of this classick below.

GREG SCARNICI'S BEST IN FILM

BEST MIDGET IN A FAMILY-THEMED TRAVESTY:
Ben Stiller in "Night At The Museum"

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A LEAD ROLE:
Jennifer Hudson in "Dreamgirls."

BEST OCTOGENARIAN LESBIAN PREDATOR IN A FILM:
Judi Dench in "Notes On A Scandal"

BEST NUDE MAN-ON-MAN WRESTLING SCENE:
TIE: "Borat" & "Bareback Bikers Vol. 8"

MOST BORING ENVIRONMENTALLY-CONSCIOUS FILM:
Tie: "An Inconvenient Truth" & "Happy Feet"

BEST RECURRING CHARACTER IN A MOVIE:
Sharon Stone's Vagina in "Basic Instinct 2"

CLICK HERE FOR THE REST.

ANSWER SONG TO JUSTIN'S MY DICK IN A BOX

MY BOX IN A BOX is from a femaile perspective. This girl actually has a lovely voice, too!

BRENDA DICKSON'S WELCOME TO MY HOME

Make-up artiste extraordinaire Kabuki Starshine sent me these insane clips of THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS'S Brenda Dickson. Yeah, I'd never heard of her either. But her two-part instructional video is a lesson in high-80's sickness with plenty of costume changes and Brenda's chipper if vacant delivery.

WELCOME TO MY HOME PART 1

PART 2

Among her beauty secrets: "Sugar causes wrinkles."

JON STEWART ON NY'S RECENT GAS SMELL

Pretty fucking funny!

Also funny? The fact that all of the reports immediately denied that it was NOT a terrorist attack. Who thought it was? As Jon sarcastically says it this clip, NYC usually smells like "lavendar and cinammon". I guess it's just a way of linking a gas leak to terrorism even when no one is even making that connection. CNN was reporting that the smell had nothing to do with terrorism even before the problem was diagnosed. They didn't know what it was, just what it wasn't. Yeah. Un-hungh!

PAULA ABDUL: DRUNK AS A SKUNK!

She actually seems more fun in this interview than I've ever seen her.

TASERING CELEBRITIES

CBS's new reality show casts several B-list celebs, including Erik Estrada and LaToya Jackson, as cop trainees. This video clip showed them getting tasered. LaToya is so phony and stupid that she doesn't even know how to sincerely act like she's been hurt, even when she probably has been hurt by the electric shock. As much as I despise reality TV. I'd almost like to direct this show, so I could do enough takes of the tasering scene to do serious damage to anyone wrong enough to want to be cast on this show. Call me weird, but I'd like to see LaToya get tasered until blood squirts out of the snake slits she and Michael and Janet call their nose. I wonder what actual police officers would hink of this show? Though there are a lot of things wrong with our police force, they do put their lives on the line on a daily basis, so maybe if one of these has-been stars were to be killed "on duty", there would be enough public outcry to end moronic reality TV once and for all.

But since reality show casts are so willing to eat worms, get stranded on desert islands, live together in wacky houses, work for that Trump asshole, show their naked, flabby figures on Celebrity Fit Club and even compete for the love of that ugly-ass junkyard dog and washed up rapper Flava Flav, maybe we should send all these fame-hungry idiots to fight in Iraq with a camera crew to watch them get maimed and killed instead of the poor soldiers, whose tours of duty have just been raised to four year terms of gruelling (and losing) combat. And because competition is such an important part of the reality show formula, maybe some celebs could dress as Iraqis and battle their US counterparts. I'd definitely tune in to seethe revolting New York from FLAVA OF LOVE duelling to the death with her equally disgusting mother. And I wouldn't mind seeing SURREAL LIFE's Tawny Kitaen demonstrating how suicide bombing is done.

CHELSEA BOYS BOOK SIGNING!

Mt dear friend and SIrius talk show host Frank Decaro will be hosting this event to publicize the work ofillustrator Glen Hanson, of the syndicated cartoon strip CHELSEA BOYS.. So c'mon down to Therapy on 1/31. Therapy's been great help for me. I haven't raped any wheelchair-bound women in over 2 years! I love that Glen drew my charicature as grabbing pornstar/singer Frederick For's crotch. Frederick will be performing one of his dance tracks. I will be performing fellatio on him in the dressing room.

RE-INTRODUCING, MISS ANN THRAX!

Can you believe that the president comes out with a "new" "strategy" for Iraq which is widely denounced and presto! Miss Anthrax mysteriously reappears in courthouses of Palm Beach, Lauderdale and yesterday, in Allentown, PA. If you'll recall, the anthrax in the 2001 scare was analyzed and found to be a of variety only manufactured in the US labs. So it didn't come from the multitudes of "turrorists", as Bush calls them, overseas. Isn't it a little odd that just when the president needs more support for his delusional foreign policies, anthrax reappears? Let's raise the threat level again--we haven't done that in while! Hey, they can kill two turds with one stone and terrify those damned activist judges who murdered Terry Schaivo right in their very own workplaces! Or am I just Little Miss Conspiracy Theory? (All chime in simultaneously: Heifer, you ain't "little" Miss Anything!) CNN reported that one person exposed to the envelope in Allentown "became ill." How odd! Despite a threatening letter stating that the correspondence contains anthrax, upon investigation, it turned out to be Cream Of Wheat! I know, I know! That gluey gruel makes me feel a little sick to my stomach too. Too bad the Cream of Wheat story wasn't considered breaking news and covered as heavily, so if you only catch a bit of the news, you'll get the impression that we're under attack again and even our mail's unsafe--so you'd better support a strong if retarded president's troop escalation.

No one got sick from the real anthrax sent to Florida courthouses, though I think 5 people who were exposed had to be decontaminated. (Anyone know where I can get this procedure done in the NY area? Those high colonics aren't working too well for me any more.) But the federal government gave up their brief investigation and turned it over to local authorities. Maybe they didn't want to find out the source... Funny how post-9/11 the news featured a crash course almost daily on every possible form of chemical attack--you could almost walk outside or step on a subway and taste the sarin, ricin and mustard gas and every envelope was carefully shaken and examined opened with suspicion of a powdery substance. Particularly the credit card bills.

What's next up to scare us? Bombing an embassy? Whoops, I forgot that the our government just engineered--I mean suffered--an embassy bombing in Greece. Condi's off to the Middle East to win support for Bush's "new" Iraq plan. Great idea! Send a hag like Condo-loser to charm them into greenlighting a blueprint for lasting chaos in their entire region. Since the jet-setting diplomat was out of the country, her deputy was being interviewed on CNN and he so robotically spat out his republican talking points, that he seemed almost happy about the attack! (It was hardly much of a tragedy. Even though US diplomats have been regularly killed in Greece for 20 years, this attack, with a missile-launched grenade, broke a window. Woo hoo! Headline news! Terrorist organizations with all the power of a kid playing baseball with bad aim. ) Twice the deputy/assistant--I didn't catch the botoxed-looking fag's name--remarked that it's wonderful that the Greek government had our back. Fags! Stop your fantasies about "greek" anal action and focus! He was so desperate to demonstrate that the rest of the world is with us that he ignores the fact that ANY foreign government would investigate ANY bombing on ANY embassy in ANY country. And honey, we all know that even the majority of people in THIS country aren't down with the policies Bush and Condi are off to peddle.



PS: I realize that Lady Bunny is something of an unusual name. But I'm an entertainer, not in public office! Imagine the snickers worldwide when Miss Condoleezza Rice is introduced in staterooms! I'm all for creativity, but has anyone ever heard of this hideous name before? The double z really ups the ante on it's rottenness. And then to add Rice as the last name? She sounds like some exotic dish--though this homely gal is certainly no dish by anyone's assessment. Hey! Maybe that's the secret of her name. Her Alabammy mammy hadn't quite decided on their child's name, but when her fugly frog face popped out, she realized that pretty girly-girl names like Tiffany and Samantha were way out of the question. The mug that would sell out it's race and the rest of the nation one day inspired a unanimous cry of "That's a Condoleezza!" The doctor then mistakenly spanked her face and thus a great tragedy was born. (Cue the thunder clap sound effect.)

E-GIBBERISH

Like all of you, I receive a lot of spam. Sometimes you can spook the spam by the sender's name, like the sex emails I've gotten recently from a Gallivant R. Blackberries. Is someone who oesn't speak english thinking that Gallivant R. Blackberries is a distinguished name which people would wanna open mail from? Or is someone in this country just thinking of a moniker so twiste that you're more likey gonna open it? Well, to a gibberish-lover like myself, I not only open them with glee, I re-post them as blog entries! You gotta hand it to me--what other blog is crap enough to re-post spam?

This one really takes the cake and I swear I didn't make any of it up. How could spying on nude neghbors possibly be connected with pennyroyal, which of course I recall from my childhood excursions into witchcraft. (Pennyroyal is a minty, european plant used in a lot of spells.) And after displaying such a tip-top vocabulary, whatever sent this adds a sassy tag line with "ain't" in it.


Hi, Maria

Spy On Nude Neighbors
We spied on beaches, houses, dorms,
and more you can see
>> http://geocities.com/arDGeftpCu

>> voluntary punky, contractual citron banks ?
punish solution cautious.
>> electret chaucer .endgame debater videotape leatherwork annalen impunity act pennyroyal snowball.
nomenclature! areaway concatenate. haggard overhang toilet pomp turntable syntheses. sand homogeneous pupil rectify chicagoan tuscan.

And he's inherited mine which is fine ain't like either of us mind

SUPREMELY BAD 80's VIDEO

Nothing like a rap song that morphs into a feel-good violin Up WIth People #--sung by Superman!

YOUTUBE

10 TRAITS OF DIVAS

Someone forwarded me this:


Beyoncé ... listen.

If you're going to play a legendary diva, then you better get schooled in ... um ... divadom. Your Deena Jones is no Diana Ross.

We break down 10 personality traits that divas tend to share:

1. A modern-day diva must conquer more than one media. We assume she can sing, but can she act?

2. She must raise being flinty/bitchy to an art form (she does not share the stage easily or gracefully). Look for bruised background singers or chorus members tossed headfirst into the orchestra pit. God help you if the billing on the marquee is wrong.

3. She has a string of powerful men as former lovers. You call him "Svengali;" she calls him her personal ATM or sometimes simply "man-puppet."

4. A diva has tons of gay fans. They are devoted and will never leave her. Gay men and Las Vegas are a diva's "pension plan" and "social security."

5. A certain sense of camp. Here's the funny part: She has no idea what you're talking about here. Divas may have a sense of humor, but never about themselves.

6. Divas own the room. No matter where, no matter when, no matter who else is there. They can't help it. It's been that way since Zeus lowered them from the heavens.

7. At the very, very least, a diva must be fashion literate, if not an out-and-out fashion icon. She doesn't listen to stylists ... she commands them.

8. A diva must have personal tragedy and career mishaps. Songbirds can't always soar.

9. She has a palpable need to hear applause ... for her and her alone. If they don't, divas lose their glow. That's right, just like Tinkerbell.

10. Hair and makeup are like water and air to her.

ANOTHER CINEMATIC FLOP FOR MADGE

An excerpt from Newsday's review:

"Arthur and the Invisibles" makes an excellent case against casting animated movies with celebrity voices. There are people who make their living as voiceover artists, and they would have been infinitely better than the lackluster Robert De Niro, as the Minimoy king, or the tiresome Jimmy Fallon as Arthur's tiny buddy Betameche, or Madonna -- will we ever be rid of her? -- who, as the feisty Princess Selenia, maintains an irritating, petulant whine that might literally drive any person out of the theater. The princess is a pill.

Hey! At least her whiny voice isn't singing. And it doesn't have a Malawian (sp?) accent.....YET!


WHOLE ARTICLE: NEWSDAY

GRACE JONES AT STUDIO 54

Lip-synching an unrecognizable song (bad sound) Grace, sure knows how to work a flouncy, ruffle skirt. She doesn't keep the mic too close to her mouth, but she's having a blast. Literally, I'm sure. I think she's introduced by the ruling Studio 54 tranny Potassa, who I can't find any info on. Anyone got her tea?

A DATE WITH JOHN WATERS

His new cd won't be out until February, but if it's as entertaining as the liner notes, I'm sold!



I’m John Waters and I’m lookin’ for a date – with you. Come on over, let’s listen to some tunes. Wow, you look great! Come on in. Would you like a drink? Have a seat on my sofa and let me play for you the first record I ever shoplifted, “Tonight You Belong to Me” by Patience and Prudence. So stolen, so pure, so good. Of course, I can be bad too. “Jet Boy Jet Girl” always gets me in the mood. Wanna “pogo?” Go ahead, knock over the furniture, I don’t care. I always feel relaxed if punk rock music is blaring in the background. Sit a little closer. Like the song says, “I’m gonna make you be a girl.” Want a popper? Here’s the first tri-sexual song ever recorded – “Ain’t Got No Home” - and God, is it a good one. Let’s play sexual roles just like Clarence “Frogman” Henry does as he sings. You want to be the “boy” this time? You can be the “girl” too just as long as I get to be the “frog” – I’m just kinda kinky that way.



All control freaks like me are looking for the person they can’t control, that’s why I asked you for a date. Listen to “I’d Love to Take Orders From You” by Mildred Bailey and maybe you’ll get some ideas. Good ol’ Mildred – that white fat girl singer who hung out with gay guys and passed for black. When she sings about “discipline” it goes way beyond race and gender and guess what, so do I. Want to be corny and sing a duet together? Let’s be hillbillies and pretend we’re stupid. Who wants to sleep with smart people all the time, anyway? Think I invited you over here to discuss the future of independent film? Hell no, I’m lookin’ for a little action and “In Spite of Ourselves” by John Prine and Iris DeMent ought to do the trick. “Convict movies make her horny” goes the lyrics. Me too! Put on a video.



Wanna get married? Just kidding. Me neither. But listen to the great Tina Turner, when she was still with Ike, had a mustache and wore ratty mink coats, as she screams out the ultimate wedding song of rage and jealousy “All I Can Do Is Cry.” God, I wish I could have directed the music video for this song. What lyrics! When Tina wails, “Their friends were throwin’ rice all over their heads,” she always makes me feel like popping the question.



Ok, let’s lighten it up a bit. Need to take a leak? You might want to smoke a joint too. My next selection is by one of my own stars – the greatly unhinged Edith Massey and while some have called her rendition of this classic one of the World’s Worst Records, I think it’s pretty catchy. “Big Girls Don’t Cry” – well, sometimes they do if their dates don’t put out. What? How old am I? What difference does that make? Didn’t you ever hear the expression “old chickens make good soup?” Let’s slow it down a bit and get melodramatic. Love? Is there such a thing or are we forever searching for some idealized fantasy fueled by movies like Douglas Sirk’s “Imitation of Life?” Listen to Earl Grant’s voice as he sings the title song from the soundtrack. So smooth…mmm…kissing is so personal, so much like being in a movie. Here…lie down, let me hang up your clothes.



What’s this in your coat pocket? A gun!? Jeezze, I knew you were edgy but I guess I’m old fashioned – I frown on firearms on the first date. Well, of course I understand rage and so would Mink Stole, one of my favorite actresses. Listen to her give Julie London a run for her money as Mink sings the perfect song for our awkward moment, “Sometimes I Wish I Had a Gun.” Sit back down. What else you packin’? Confused about your sexuality? Who isn’t these days? “Trend-sexual,” “friends with benefits,” “bro-jobs,” all these modern words for dating turn me on. “Johnny Are you Queer” you may ask and so does Josie Cotton on the song that’s playing right now. Go ahead, turn up the volume. Feel like go-go dancing? Hit it! I love to watch. Go baby, go!



Feelin’ dirty? Who isn’t with Ray Charles’ “(Night Time Is) The Right Time” playing in the background. Let’s go all the way! But wait to hit the jackpot until you hear the amazing voice of Margie Hendricks come in half-way through the song. Hold it…here she is…listen to her howl! Oh my God, she’s gonna sing that line, “Squeeze me, squeeze me!” Get it Margie! Get it!



Phew, that was nice. Want a Jujyfruit? Yummy. It’s nice to share, isn’t it? Oh Christ, who’s that at the door? What do you mean “it might be the cops?” Shhhh…they’ll go away. You must be tired from running from the law all day. Let’s “Hit the Road to Dreamland” with Dean Martin and cuddle up. Nighty night, don’t let the bedbugs bite.



Good morning! Breakfast’s ready! Poached eggs and so much bacon you’ll get a headache. Ain’t love grand? “If I Knew You Were Coming” I’d do more than “Bake You a Cake” as Eileen Barton chirps in her upbeat song of the same name. Sorry you have to leave so early but I understand with your name being on the news and all that you better get an early start. Bye! Come on over next weekend and we can “break up.” Isn’t the best part of a good date missing the person right afterwards? I always feel downright “Bewildered” when I take a chance on love, so what better way to celebrate this risk than listening to Shirley and Lee sing about it? Isn’t hearing Shirley’s nasal voice even better than love? If I hold my nose and sing to you the next time I call, will you still love me tomorrow?

DEAR ALCOHOL

(Wisdom from the worldwide web)

Dear Alcohol,


First & foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours. My friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-work cocktail, a beer at the game, and you're even around during the holidays, hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings. However, lately I've been wondering about your intentions. While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences:


1. Phone calls: While I agree with you that communication is important, I question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or necessity takes place after 2 a.m. Why would you make me call those ex-boyfriends / girlfriends when I know for a fact they do not want to hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night?

2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal, but why do you suggest that I eat a taco with chili sauce, along with a big Italian meatball and some stale chips (washed down with WINE & topped off with a Kit Kat after a few cheese curls & chili cheese fries)? I'm an eclectic eater, but I think you went too far this time.

3. Clumsiness: Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer the issue home by causing me to fall down. It's completely unnecessary, and the black & blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are beyond me. Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock.

4. Furthermore: The hangovers have GOT to stop. This is getting ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evening's debauchery may be in order, but the 3pm hangover immobility is completely unacceptable. My entire day is shot. I ask that, if the
proper precautions are taken (water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin) prior to going to sleep/passing out face down on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn, the hangover should be minimal & in no way interfere with my daily activities.

Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now & would like to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets.

In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above & address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later than Thursday 3pm (pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions & hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.

Thank you,

Your biggest fan

P.S. THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. British Constitution
3. Passive-aggressive disorder

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
2. Nope, no more beer for me.
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
5. Oh, I couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing

ONLY IN NEW YORK, KIDS!

Would you find a musical about Sylvia Rivera, the transgendered Stonewall legend pictured here. As an added treat, the show features the lovely transsexual diva Bianca Leigh, who you may recall as the Texan tranny party hostess in TRANSAMERICA.
Here's the info:

SYLVIA SO FAR By Timothy Mathis

The Club at La MaMa ETC
74A East 4th Street
(between Second Avenue
& Bowery)

January 12 - 21, 2007
Fridays January 12th and 19th at 10:00pm
Saturdays January 13th and 20th at 10:00pm
Sundays, January 14th and January 21st at 5:30pm


Also of interest, a one-night tribute to a legendary lady who may not have been transgendered, but the bitch definitely had balls! Miss Ethel Merman!




THE BIG VOICE: GOD OR MERMAN?
celebrates Ethel Merman's 99th Birthday at The Actors Temple Theater on JANUARY 16th in style!

Come dressed as Ethel Merman for free admission to the show or bring a ³Merm-mento² for $19.08 admission (the year she was born). Costume competition judged by the legendary Marge Champion and Donald Saddler!

Mermaniacs unite, and smile baby! In honor of Ethel Merman's 99th birthday on January 16th, the off-broadway hit musical THE BIG VOICE: God or Merman? wants to make the evening truly special.

Audience members are invited to dress up like Ethel Merman for free admission to the show that evening at 8pm. After the performance, there will be a "Merman-off" costume parade hosted and judged by the legendary Marge Champion and Donald Saddler. Marge directed Ethel as Dolly when she went into the show and Donald Saddler directed Ethel many times including her famous show with Mary Martin. The costume parade will conclude with a cake and ice cream celebration at the theater.

For those less daring, simply bring a "Merm-mento" to the show that evening, and receive admission for $19.08 (the year that The Merm was born). A ³Merm-mento² can be a picture, a CD, or anything related to the great star.

Written by and starring Jim Brochu and Steve Schalchlin (The Last Session), THE BIG VOICE hilariously proves that showbiz is as much a calling as the priesthood. This high energy, razzle-dazzle show chronicles the lives of a Baptist from Arkansas and a Catholic from Brooklyn who find eternal salvation in the temple of musical theatre.

The New York Times raves "THE BIG VOICE is a hilarious and utterly rewarding evening of musical theatre" and Variety cheers "funny, touching and warmly endearing." The New York Daily News applauds "A funny, tender and thoroughly entertaining two-man show. 'The Big Voice' captivates with its big heart. Anyone who loves musical theatre should see this show."

THE BIG VOICE traces Jim and Steve's meeting aboard a ship in the Atlantic Ocean, Steve's struggle with AIDS, the production of their hit off-broadway musical The Last Session, their separation and their reconciliation. It's a comedy about a "gay marriage" between two men created by the couple themselves.

THE BIG VOICE: God or Merman? currently plays Tuesday @ 8pm, Wednesday @ 3pm & 8pm, Thursday @ 8pm, Saturday @ 3pm & 8pm, and Sunday @ 3pm & 7pm at The Actors Temple Theater (339 W. 47th Street) . Tickets can be purchased by calling Telecharge (212) 239-6200 or going to www.Telecharge.com. For more information, please visit:www.TheBigVoice.com

SUCCESS IS THE NEW FAILURE

Watch the illin' Illeana Douglas in her very funny SUPERMARKET OF THE STARS.

BACK TO THE OLD DRAWING BOARD

SPIDERS ON DRUGS

make sure you watch until the end--it's a mess!

SPIDERS ON DRUGS

FANS OF JOANNE WORLEY

WILL DEEPLY DIG HER NEW FAN TRIBUTE SITE!

A FACE ONLY A SON COULD LOVE

TRULY HONEY BLUSH

A drag queen who gets off on "sensually" blushing her mug while some real purdy music plays. Indescribable!

ROSS ON LAUGH-IN!

YOUTUBE

Also, here are the Supremes singing THE HAPPENING live and Diana is really on. On what, I dunno, but her wig is insane and she is at her most puppet-like ever.

FALL FASHIONS

And I don't mean autumn! Check out this hilarious montage forwarded to me by supermodel Billy Beyond.

GOT GAS?

So I wake up this morning and turn on CNN to find that an odd odor is emanating from New Jersey. And? So? What's the news? Then the reports switch the pungent aroma's origin to the West Village, where I reside, along with Apple Paltrow. (Soon to be known as Baked Apple Paltrow after the terorists ignite that gas leak.) I did wake up smelling something putrid. Howver, on that wretched low carb diet, I got in from dj'ing at Splash and oinked some store-bought shrimp salad which I had thought might be a tad past it's shelf life. But when your aged back is aching and it's raining out Lady Bunion didn't feel like trekking out to hunt for it's food. So it wolfed down that shrimp not caring about the flatulent food poisoning which might ensue. Living for the moment, baby! All the glamour! A middle-aged, arthritic transvestite shuffles home from spinning at a disco oldies night and is so busted that it's forced to eat rotting seafood. (Please, no pussy jokes.) But honey, at least I stuck to my much-needed diet! After those plentiful and hearty holiday feasts which I've been relishing since Thanksgiving, I had my old sin-hiding mumu on last night. My co-hostess, Bianca Del Rio, asked if the glittery caftan was my Gloria Gaynor look. I said "No, it's my 'Weight Gaynor' look." (And the rimshot, please.)

Of course there is another possible explanation. CNN spoke of a possible "inversion" in New Jersey which could be responsible. Now Harmonica Sunbeam lives in Jersey, but I can't normally smell her "innie" belly button all the way in Manhattan. A more likely suspect? LA art-punk sensation Vaginal Davis is making a rare NYC appearance at The Cock on Wenesday and has arrived a few days early. If I'm correct, expect a heavy concentration of the odor around gay bath houses. Also expect a rapidly diminishing clientele shortly after Vag makes her entrance to said establishments. Should subside sometime Thursday soon after her departure.

I KNOW THE FEELING

MY PUSSY'S BURNING

OUT AND ABOUT TONIGHT?

MY OLD PIANO

A slightly deranged Diana Ross makes love to her OLD PIANO. A fab Chic-produced song which didn't hit as big as I'M COMING OUT and UPSIDE DOWN form the same Chic-produced album.

"His international style exudes an air of royalty."

MENTAL!

(Joint recommended before viewing!) Three cartoon horsies visit Candy Mountain, with unexpected results.

WHITNEY'S GARAGE SALE

Items include wardrobe, music awards, instruments and this church pew, which I imagine she like to sit on and smoke crack with Bobby making shit jokes for her Bravo show.



AJAUCTIONS

LUCY HARPER

A white queen stripping to KILL WHITEY!

PUBERTY PALS

Is this from an upcoming Amy Sedaris movie?

THIS CUTE TEDDY'S GREAT FOR KIDS

So send it to all the kids you hate and want to scar for life: SOFTLAB

KIRK SNYDER ON LOG CABIN REPUBLICANS

The gay republican group has elected a new leader. Mr. Snyder of Huffpo has written a passionate piece on the folly of the very existence of a gay republican. Here's his conclusion:

If you vote Republican because you falsely believe they are the party that will somehow put more money in your pocket, then you have chosen greed over your own identity. For every gay, lesbian or transgender American that is bashed, taunted, fired from their job, denied housing, healthcare or civil rights, you carry a portion of that responsibility because you advocate and vote for candidates that represent a political party that collectively refuses to do anything to stop these atrocities. In fact, by being a Log Cabin Republican, you support it.

Amen!

WHOLE ARTICLE: HUFFPO

PHYLLIS DILLER ON COSMETIC SURGERY

This little dilly of a short is from Lady Esther Gin: YOUTUBE

FRIENDS OF LARRY LEVAN PRESENT:

TOGETHER IN PARADISE TO BENEFIT GMHC



Celebrating the music from the legendary Paradise Garage (1976–1987) spun by Guest DJs:

David DePino Kevin Hedge Danny Krivit Joey Llanos Special Performance by Martha Wash

CEO of West End Records Mel Cheren's birthday! All proceeds will go to Gay Men's Health Crisis.

Sunday, January 21st, 2007 Doors 4 PM to midnight

Pacha New York 618 West 46th Street $35 general admission and $15 with a Paradise Garage ID--imagine any club today that's so fab that you'd hang onto the ID for 15+ years? Me either!

EXPECT SOME EXCELLENT DANCE MUSIC!

VANITY, THY NAME IS HIGH-DEF TV

There goes my TV career!

FROM CNN.COM:

The holiday shopping season was expected to sharply boost the number of U.S. homes with high-definition televisions to nearly 33 million. In the eyes of a growing number of image-obsessed on-air personalities, that's 33 million clear reasons to be concerned.

Besides spectacular vistas and shockingly real playing fields, hi-def clarity puts any and all wrinkles, pimples and pores on display in well-lit bathroom-mirror detail.

MORE from CNN.COM via Huffpo

J-HO: AND I AM TELLING YOU

SOUL-SHAKING PERFORMANCE FROM THE 1982 TONY AWARDS! A queen in Atlanta named Bertha Butt almost had a heart attack every time she launched her 300 lb ass into this sizzler. (She did finally die of a heart attack but not onstage.) They'd have to start the song over 2/3 times just so that the line of tippers could get to her.

If you are interested in other Jennifer Holiday tunes, I just got a few on itunes. Check out NEVER COMING DOWN (This Game of Love), JUST LET ME WAIT, and the original NO FRILLS LOVE--not the remix which came out a couple of years ago. Itunes doesn't offer Jennifer's I'M ON YOUR SIDE, but she's singing it on youtube. Truly one of the prettiest songs I've ever heard.

JOSEPHINE BAKER: LONDON 1974

HOW THE HELL DOES SHE KEEP THIS HEADDRESS ON? AND KEEP THAT GIRLISH FIGURE??? Never loved her music but she looks sensationelle!

In this clip, she's giving you rhinestone facial appliques. The original club kid?

ORGAZMO

I completely missed this sick flick starring SOUTH PARK's Trey Parker. Upstate drag demento Shealita Baby sent it to me with a note which said "You were great in the movie." I'm assuming she meant the T-Rex character. Click here for my big scene!

I DON'T UNDERSTAND THIS...

But it turns me on.

DO YOU KNOW YOUR PENIS?

Fascinating info from my pal Cubby, who's done extensive research in the field.



1. Smoking can shorten your penis by as much as a centimeter. Erections are all about good bloodflow, and lighting up calcifies blood vessels, stifling erectile circulation. So even if you don’t care all that much about your lungs or dying young, spare the li’l guy.

2. Doctors can now grow skin for burn victims using the foreskins of circumcised infants. One foreskin can produce 23,000 square meters, which would be enough to tarp every Major League infield with human flesh.

3. An enlarged prostate gland can cause both erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation. If you have an unexplained case of either, your doctor’s looking forward to checking your prostate. Even if you’re not.

4. The average male orgasm lasts 6 seconds. Women get 23 seconds. Which means if women were really interested in equality, they’d make sure we have four orgasms for every one of theirs.

5. The oldest known species with a penis is a hard-shelled sea creature called Colymbosathon ecplecticos. That’s Greek for “amazing swimmer with large penis.” Which officially supplants Buck Naked as the best porn name, ever.


6. Circumcised foreskin can be reconstructed. Movable skin on the shaft of the penis is pulled toward the tip and set in place with tape. Later, doctors apply plastic rings, caps, and weights. Years can pass until complete coverage is attained. . . . Okay, we’ll shut up now.

7. Only one man in 400 is flexible enough to give himself oral pleasure. It’s estimated, however, that all 400 have given it their best shot at some point.

8. There are two types of penises. One kind expands and lengthens when becoming erect (a grower). The other appears big most of the time, but doesn’t get much bigger after achieving erection (a shower).

9. An international Men’s Health survey reports that 79 percent of men have growers, 21 percent have showers.

10. German researchers say the average intercourse lasts 2 minutes, 50 seconds, yet women perceive it as lasting 5 minutes, 30 seconds. Are we that good or that bad?

11. Turns out size does matter: The longer your penis, the better “semen displacement” you’ll achieve when having sex with a woman flush with competing sperm. That’s according to researchers at the State University of New York, who used artificial phalluses (ahem) to test the “scooping” mechanism of the penis’s coronal ridge. Next up: curing cancer.

12. The penis that’s been enjoyed by the most women could be that of King Fatefehi of Tonga, who supposedly deflowered 37,800 women between the years 1770 and 1784 — that’s about seven virgins a day. Go ahead, say it: It’s good to be king.

13. Better-looking men may have stronger sperm. Spanish researchers showed women photos of guys who had good, average, and lousy sperm — and told them to pick the handsomest men. The women chose the best sperm producers most often.

14. No brain is necessary for ejaculation. That order comes from the spinal cord. Finding a living vessel for said ejaculation, however, takes hours of careful thought and, often, considerable amounts of alcohol.

15. The most common cause of penile rupture: vigorous masturbation. Some risks are just worth taking.

EVERYTHING COMES DOWN TO POO

From the SCRUBS musical epeisode to air on 1/18--weird!

EVERYTHING COMES DOWN TO POO

CRAPPY NEW YEAR TO GIULIANI

Via Huffpo



What a treat! Giuliani's 140 page plans to win the '08 presidencey were left in a hotel room. The detailed dossier outlined his entire fundraising and campaign strategy and even noted his liabilities from a former disgraced aide to possible mud-slinging from his bitter ex-wife, Donna Hanover Giuliani, who he dumped for current wife Judy Nathan while in office. (The freak held a press conference right after his wedding. Since he was temporarily impotent from prostate cancer drugs, I guess the newlyweds weren't in a hurry to hit their honeymoon suite.

I realize that some of you non-New Yorkers may not be familiar with Giuliani's ways. Leading the polls amongst Republicans, he's viewed by many as the hero of 9/11. Well, he didn't stutter over a children's book in a classroom the way our president did when he got the news of the attacks, but all Rudy did was what any mayor would do: he took care of the situation in a together fashion. Sure there are a few unheard complaints of breathing disorders from rescue workers, but on the whole, the mayor did a decent job in the face of a crisis. My problem with him lies in what he did before 9/11. Police brutality went up with people regularly got jailed for one joint. Sex shops were re-zoned and closed. One third of the taxi fleet quit because of crackdowns on shortcuts like U turns without which they can't make $, making it very hard to get cabs. And the rigid freak even wanted to do away with the quintessentially NYC hot dog vendors and make school uniforms mandatory! Both of these ideas were dismissed as ridiculous. So if that's what you want for this country, you've got your candidate.

I'm just praying that the rest of his campaign is as badly bungled.