DITCH DEITCH PROJECTS

For years, I've recieved expensively printed, nicley art-directed, glossy invites from a gallery know as Deitch Projects. When I got one for the Dazzle Dancers' retrospective and debut of their new cover of THE LOVE BOAT, I knew I had to go out and support these nuts, who really carry the East Village's torch with their kooky, bare fashions and laughable, purposefully cheesy dance routines. The perfect opportuninty to check out the reportedly buzz-worthy Deitch gallery.

Of course, it was a sizzlah of a day, and the moronic midle eastern cab driver couldn't comprehend that when a big, sweaty, bewigged, begirdled, and support-hose wearing cow asks you to turn the a/c on, you don't leave the window open. Hello! Basic a/c principle??? To add to the fun, the funk from the driver was so in my face that I might has well have been chewing curried, undigested cardamom pods that I'd combed his ass hairs free of with my teeth. But I was still enthused for my pals' big show.

DOESN'T THIS LOOK FUN TO YOU?



There was a mob outside, and a suited doorman who had all the charm of a Garden City, NJ plumber, barking at us to stand back. "I'm their drug dealer!", I shouted. When that didn't work, I fanned myself and yelled that "I have AIDS." He didn't flinch.They claimed to be filled to capacity and weren't letting anyone in, even as a group of 5 came out. (One exiting gal said it wasn't worth the wait.) The goon could have cared less who I was or who backbones of the scene for a decade or more like Chloe, David Ilku, and John Roberts of Flaco, Octigrab and PuPu Platter fame were either. Occasionally, we'd get a blast of icy a/c when the door opened, just to tease us. But it didn't tease us as much as seeing the show starting, and the place was only 1/3rd full! Pathetic! If your occupancy # is so low, maybe you should take RSVP's or have a door person who knows who should be let in. Cherry Dazzle couldn't even get press people in! That isn't even in Deitch Project's interests.

ACTOR AND 1/2 OF DUELLING BANKHEADS DAVID ILKU WAS ALSO HORRIFIED, BUT I THINK HE STAYED. (There was an open bar.)



I spoke with an illustrator friend who had experienced the same thing at Deitch several times. What's the point, idiots? Huge clubs have already closed down because no one wants to deal wiith that tired door selection scene. Deitch might wanna be a little more hospitable. And a friend who did get in said that the tech guy operating the smoke machine kept it on so long that the Dazzles' entire number was shrouded in fog making only an occasional hand peeking through visible. He also said that after the first show, everyone left and there was no one in since they hadn't admitted enough people to begin wit! Duh! . I still wish the Dazzle Dancers the best, but unless a night of senseless disorganization is your cup of AZT, don't let the pretty invites fool you. Based on my experience, it is most definitely to be avoided. And a special FUCK YOU to the sponsor, Adidas. They probably sprung for the goons to make it look more exclusive. The fucking performers felt exclusive with no one to watch their 2nd show...

--Lady Bunny, a Deitch Reject