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DIAHANN VS STAR
The way that blogger.com works is that sometimes someone will post a comment on one of my older posts and I can't find which post they are commenting on. So I can't actually find the post this particular reader's comment relates to, but basically, someone wrote that we are all a bunch of dismissive, heartless, racist bitches after a post in which I slammed Star Bones, and many of you agreed with me via your comments. I wanted to repost the comment, but I mistakenly eraced it in it's email form and could not find it on the old post. The accusatory comment did strike a nerve. I'll admit that I'm dismissive and while I don't think I'm completely heartless, I like to "read" and can be negative while on my period. People expect queens to be catty and I'm usually happy to oblige. The queens and gay men who commented on my last Star post echoed or even one-upped my criticisms/dislike of Star.  But the racist thing touched a nerve. Maybe because, as Avenue Q says, "we're all a little bit racist" and this reader could sense my racism towards Star which I myself wasn't even aware of. The comment claimed that Star was only guilty of being "grand", and that was why my racism surfaced--I wanted to put her in her place. How dare a black woman act grand, etc. But dear reader, I still think you're wrong. It's not just that Star is grand, she's phony, fawning, foolish, dishonest and possibly a bit homophobic. I seldom watched The View, but I recall her mentioning that she liked men who are a little bit "street"--yet she ends up marrying a trophy husband who's rumored to be gay. And besides, I love grand black women! They are all my favorite entertainers: Patti Labelle, Diana Ross, Shirley Bassey, Grace Jones, Gladys Knight, etc. I just hunched over my laptop this morning watching a truly grand black gal, Diahann Carroll, on her segment on RuPaul's talk show. (Someone from myspace sent me the clip because Ru mentions me--I always said Ru resembled Miss Carroll. Watch the clip here: YOUTUBE ) I have no racist desire to bring Diahann down and put her in her place because she truly is grand, not to mention an inspiring beauty and talent. Not a wannabe with publicly played-out tacky issues like Star. I don't think too highly of Barbara Walters either, and understand that she's a real cunt for a boss who was already stinging from Meredith's departure from her show. So maybe Star was actually done wrong by The View's decision makers and in the end took the high road. Hey, in Star's defense, I watched her on Larry King and to her credit she did not engage in any mud-slinging towards her former co-hosts or on The View or even at Rosie O'Donnell, who has harshly questioned Star's honesty about her remarkable weight loss. (I'm actually kind of intrigued by Rosie joining the cast--now that everyone knows she's a bitchy dyke, she has a lot less to lose and may be more fun than she was able to be on her own show.) But Star still tricked them and jumped the gun by making her retirement announcement days early, knowing full well that she had already done a People magazine shoot and article days before that. Disgustingly, Star claimed on CNN that she jumped the gun with the announcement only after conferring with her pastor. I wonder if she conferred with her pastor before deciding to pimp out her wedding, too. Not that clergymen woul ever choose a path of greed or anything. But you know, while they may publicly seem to be taking the high road, Star, and Barbara, who though stunned at the announcement, thanked Star for making the show a success, were probably seething underneath their phony smiles. Show business is very competitive, and in terms of earnings, these gals are huge. So it's fun to see their fake comraderie unravel, says a negative, dismissive, but hopefully not racist, drag queen. And one question to the anonmous commenter: Were all The View fans who initially liked Star and then soured on her--probably because of her own actions--racists? Then why did they initially like her--wasn't she black when the show began?
SHE CLEANS UP REAL PURDY
Whitney Houston looking like her old gorgeous self at a recent appearance:   She also hit the Pancake Pantry and the Cheesecake Factory with buddy CeCe Winans after a 9:00AM church service, so at least she's eatin'!
SHAKIRA NEVER KNEW
 Love the duct tape belt! GOOGLE
BORING WOMAN
Deeply demented video short: YOUTUBE
THIS LITTLE LIGHT OF MINE
 MULTAN, Pakistan (June 29) - Fateh Mohammad, a prison inmate in Pakistan, says he woke up last weekend with a glass lightbulb in his anus. MORE: AOLNEWS
DON'T BREAK THE CHAIN!
I want to thank all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me chain letters over the past year. Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy. Because of your concern: I no longer can drink Coca Cola, because it can remove toilet stains. I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper, since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans. I no longer drink anything out of a can, because I will get sick from the rat feces and urine. I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave, because it causes cancer. I no longer check the coin return on pay phones, because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS. I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants, even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day. I no longer go to shopping malls, because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me. I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx, since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise. I no longer shop at Target, since they are French and don't support our American troops. I no longer answer the phone, because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get the phone bill from hell with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan. I no longer eat pre-packaged foods, because the estrogens they contain will turn me gay. I no longer eat KFC, because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers. I no longer date the opposite sex, because they will take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice. I no longer have any sneakers, but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike. I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus, since I now have their recipe. I no longer worry about my soul, because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish. Thanks to you I have learned that God only answers my prayers, if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes. I no longer have any savings, because I gave it to a sick girl who is about to die in the hospital. I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program. I will now return the favor. If you don't send this e-mail to at least 1,200 people in the next 60 seconds, a large bird with diarrhea will crap on your head at 5:00 pm tomorrow and the fleas of a thousand camels will infest your armpits. I know this will occur, because it actually happened to a friend of a friend's neighbor's cousin twice removed.
STRANGERS WITH CANDY
 RUN TO SEE THIS GENIUS SHRIEK-FEST! I have never squealed so much in my life! Amy is a complete moron and her entrance during the science project presentation redefines show business! This raucous comedy is the antidote to all the crap which ain't worth $10.75. Nowadays, Hollywood is so desperate for ideas that they're remaking everything and not even improving on the originals. So said the reviews for the recent remake of The Omen. So please, with something this fresh and offbeat and funny on the market, talk to these movie execs with the only language they understand--TICKET SALES! It was also a hoot to see scenesters Dee Finley, Gina Varla Vetro and Billy Erb with cameos. Someone just told me that this flick got terrible reviews. Shocking! I can't remember laughing out loud more at any film ever. OK, so the sugar and caffieine of Diet Coke and milk duds may have mae me a titich more excitable than usual, but this is a smash hit in my opinion and I will definitely buy it when it comes out on dvd.
IS THIS NEWS?
It's funny, biting, clever and I love to see FOX NEWS' Bill O'Reilly slammed, but I have never seen anyone who seriously considers themselves a news anchor carry on like MSNBC's Keith Olbermann does in this diatribe. It's like an SNL skit! WATCH: PAGEONEQ.COM
LIE-CLOCKS
A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are all those clocks?" St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move." "Oh," said the man, "whose clock is that?" "That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie." "Incredible," said the man. "And whose clock is that one?" St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life." "Where's President Bush's clock?" asked the man. "Bush's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan.
HAGUILERA DIRT FROM POPBITCH.COM
>> Don't look back in anger << Christina Aguilera needs charm school Christina Aguilera has always had a diva attitude - arriving hours late for everything, big demands, feuds with everyone from Mariah to Kelly Osbourne. Now with the release of her new album she's learned a new trick. During promo interviews she's refused to look at any journalist. Instead, the diva insists that the interview, for which she's usually two to four hours late, takes place in a dimly lit room, where she sits and stares in the other direction completely to the journalists while they ask, and she answers, questions. WHY NOT JUST DO A PHONER?
DRUNKBOB SQUAREPANTS
Jan from Kansas is on the rampage again and sent me this hot mess! 
FROM HUFFPO
IF YOU'RE NOT OUTRAGED, YOU'RE NOT PAYING ATTENTION, by John Sweeney We're at war. Wages are stagnant. Gasoline prices have doubled since 2001. Pensions are disappearing. Health coverage is slipping out of reach. Parts of New Orleans remain uninhabitable. So congressional leaders decide to debate unpassable constitutional amendments barring flag-burning and same-sex marriage. READ THE REST: HUFFPOPS: WHO IS BURNING ALL THE FLAGS WHICH MAKES THIS SUCH A PRESSING ISSUE? I'VE NOT HEARD OF SUCH.
JUICY MUSTO DIRT!
Michael Lucas sucks cocks for jewelry! Sandra Bernhard called "nigger lips"! Peppermint Gummybear can't conceal her large clitty-cock! And Sweetie and Hedda get into it over recently-bashed Kevin Aviance! READ ALL ABOUT IT IN LA DOLCE MUSTO: VILLAGEVOICE
SCREECHY JACKIE BEAT
Apparently, the "actor" who played Screech on 80's shitcom SAVED BY THE BELL is broke and selling t-shirts in an attempt to keep his house. Please check out the demented diva Jackie Beat's take on Screech's plight. (Scroll down a little--it's currently the 2nd entry.) JACKIEBEATRULESIf you crave more Screech-bashing, there's actually a website called WWW.SCREECHSUCKS.COM
SOME LIKE IT ROTTEN
(Click to enlarge--you'll love the whore-y details.) 
FAB CHICAGO PRIDE COSTUME
 Made and modelled by Gigi Deluxe.
STEPHEN COLBERT ON GAY WEEK
As usual, this fool is hilarious. Can't wait for STRANGERS WITH CANDY! YOUTUBE
BORN GAY OR MADE GAY?
From the Guardian, by Peter Tatchell New research claiming gayness is biologically determined does not add up. Something as complex as human sexual life is bound to evolve from a multiplicity of factors. Why are scientists so preoccupied with what causes homosexuality, to the near-total exclusion of the factors that lead to heterosexuality? I don't object to research into sexual orientation. It is the one-sided obsession that bugs me. The presumption seems to be that straightness is normal and therefore does not need explanation; whereas queerdom is a deviation from the norm and this requires investigation and answers. The latest theory of why gays are gay suggests that birth order influences male sexual orientation. According to new research by Anthony Bogaert, a psychologist at Brock University in Canada, gay men tend to have older brothers. Indeed, the more biological older brothers a man has, the greater his likelihood of being gay. MORE: GUARDIAN
RUPAUL ON THE GONG SHOW
This was a pre-Supermodel look, which Ru worked before he was signed to Tommy Boy. We had been living together in NYC and he'd been doing drag looks to work in clubs. But Ru needed a break, so he headed back to his native San Diego to reinvent his image. Here he is on The Gong Show with the new look and the evil Salt 'n' Pepa as judges: YOUTUBE
VISITING FIRE ISLAND?
 Well, if you grow weary of the sun and the cocktails and the boys and the drag queens and the crystal and the meat rack, why not take in some culcha? Ande's a dyke friend who has been chronicling the downrown club scene sice the early '80's. Her subjects include John Sex, Wendy Wild, Sister DImension and (above) Ethyl Eichelberger. THE INFO: Ande Whyland at the Barbara Ann Levy Gallery 2 more weeks, until July 2nd The opening at the new Barbara Ann Levy Gallery at the dock in Cherry Grove was a lot of fun. Thanks to everyone who came! Guests included photographers Gina Garan and Steven Menendez and artist/performer Tabboo. I was also surprised to see some of my old friends from the Pyramid. There are still two more weekends to see the show, so if you're going out to Fire Island, please stop by. There are 14 prints in all. A couple of them were on display at the New Museum's East Village show, but most have never been seen or published. These photos will take you back to Club 57, the Pyramid, the East Village and the early days of Wigstock. Some of the photos in the show can be seen at my new website andewhyland.com and at thebarbaraannlevygallery.com Barbara Ann Levy Gallery 159 Dock Walk Cherry Grove, Fire Island NY 11782 Open Fridays from 6-10 pm, Saturdays from 2-11 pm, and Sundays from 11 am to 6 pm
PRINCE BECOMES QUEEN
from 365GAY.COM: (New Delhi) The eldest son and heir of one of India's princely families has been disowned after coming out publicly. Prince Manvendra Singh Gohil of Rajpipla quickly became the public face of the gay rights movement in Gujarat and is the patron of the region's biggest HIV/AIDS organization. The prince learned that he had been stripped of his title, inheritance, and all rights in the newspaper. His family, one of the richest in India, this week placed an official announcement in local papers accusing him of disobedience and of bringing dishonor to the royal family. The announcement said that Prince Manvendra was involved in activities that are "unsuitable in society" and said that the family was severing all ties with him. In an interview with The Times of India the prince said that he was not altogether surprised. He told the paper that he had come out to his family in 2002. "However, they may not have expected that I would go public with the issue." "I did so by giving an interview that was carried prominently. I also said gay relationships were not uncommon in royal families. This, along with my recent interviews regarding a documentary film on gay relationships, seems to have prompted the action," he told The Times of India.
FORWARDED FROM A STRANGER
I can't vouch for the legitimacy of this email's contents, but it wouldn't surprise me. And if no one bitches about cops misusing their power like this, it continues. His letter: folks, i'm sure that many of you may not be interested in this. i've never before sent this kind of mailing out to the list, but since i'm shutting it down anyway, and as i just witnessed a very disturbing event that i hope some public furor may have an effect on, i'm sending a one-time real-life non-poetic message: NYPD brutality and fraud in Harlem today i live on west 116th street, where the 28th precinct presumably keeps the peace. but this afternoon, around 4pm, the so-called peacekeepers nearly started a riot. and it's almost too bad that we didn't get to that point. there's a fancy new building with million dollar condos at 316 west 116th street. it's a beautiful building, much better than the crackhead shanty lot that was there three years ago. when some developers started working on the property, they hired Victor as security guard, first over the construction site, and now as combo security guard/super/doorman for the completed building, which already has several tenants. this afternoon, a friend of Victor's -- they've known each other since childhood -- stopped by to say hello. while saying hello, he was also committing the high crime of having an uncapped guinness in a brown bag in his hand. two ununiformed, unidentified men came into the courtyard and demanded entry to the building. one took Victor's friend and shoved him up against the wall, demanding to know what was in the brown bag. the other demanded entry to the building. Victor, doing exactly the job he is paid to do, asked the man who he needed to see, what was his purpose of wanting to enter the building. instead of answering, the man tried to push past Victor, and Victor physically restrained him by knocking him down. again, this is the job that Victor is paid to do. turns out the two hoodlum-clad cowboys were plainclothes cops, not that they ever once bothered to mention this. they may have been responding to a call from within the building, but this was never made clear. one cowboy whips out a radio and sends an "officer down" message. in my five years on this street, i have never seen so many cops -- more than 20 at one point -- on this block. meanwhile, the officer that is "down" (and apparently unhurt) keeps trying to get up but his partner repeatedly tells him "No, don't get up, don't get up, we're getting an ambulance for you." the guy was obviously capable of getting up, and was clearly being coached not to in order to escalate this case far beyond its merits. meanwhile, Victor has been thrown to the floor, his arms are twisted up behind his back, and a recently-arrived uniformed cop is sitting on his back. Victor is screaming that his arm is about to break, that he works there, would the cop please reduce the pressure on his arm. he is ignored. by now, a pretty big crowd has gathered. we outnumber the cops by quite a few, and all of us are screaming at the cops: What are you doing? He works there! He's the security guard! He's just doing his job! now the cops are getting nervous. i try to get a couple of them to talk to me, to give them some context, but all they're interested in doing is getting the crowd to disperse and having the unhurt officer carried off on a stretcher. i have known Victor for 2 or 3 years now, as has everyone on our block. he has intervened and solved potential fights, robberies, and other threats. sometimes, when i got home late at night and passed him at his post, he'd walk me to my door (i live just a few houses down). he gives advice on where you can and cannot park without getting a ticket. he is a good man, who, according to his lifelong friend (who asked not to be named because he is afraid of NYPD retribution, and who can blame him for that?) has never been in jail. so a security guard, on duty at his post, with no criminal record, is arrested because he prevented two unidentified men from entering the building he is charged to protect. and as for the guiness-drinking friend, well, after he got shoved into the wall and screamed at (for a "crime" that i believe warrants only a ticket, not an act of force), well, he was just forgotten in the melee that the POLICE THEMSELVES created on 116th street this sunny thursday afternoon. i am faxing this account to the captain of the 28th precinct. i am emailing it to every single press contact that i have. i ask that any of you who read it, forward it as well. this one incident could deprive Victor of his future -- of any future -- for no good reason at all. the cop who came out on the stretcher? smiling. sitting up on his own. no blood. no bruises. one shoe off. that's it. the telephone number of the 28th precinct is 212-678-1611. feel free -- even feel encouraged! -- to call them if you have some strong feelings about the way that this situation was handled. thank you.
FADING STAR JONES
 She's leaving The View. But don't worry, she still takes her wig off every day and tapes the weather as her alter ego Al Roker. MORE: LATIMES.COM
TRANNY THIEVES HIT NOLA
NEW ORLEANS — Robyn Lewis, owner of Dark Charm fashion and accessories for women, represents the first line of defense for the Magazine Street shop owners. She is the first to see them come strutting in their pumps down St. Andrew Street, the bewigged pack of thieves who have plagued the Lower Garden District since May. READ THE REST: NEWORLEANSCITYBUSINESS
TRANS BEGGAR W/ RAINBOW POODLE
WHY SO HARD TO SOLVE A REDNECK'S MURDER?
1. All of the DNA is the same. 2. No dental records.
MADAME'S BACK!
 Emmy Award Winner & Hollywood Squares Star Returns MADAME: A COMEBACK FROM ABROAD July 17 - 31 at The Cutting Room After an 18 year hiatus, two time Emmy Award winner and Hollywood Squares star MADAME returns with her first full-length live show. Alongside her new partner JOE KOVACS, the legendary comedienne will present a limited engagement workshop of her new show A COMEBACK FROM ABROAD beginning July 17th at The Cutting Room.
MAE SINGS!
 Mae West sings while Racquel Welch, Farrah Fawcett and Roger Herren discuss how a man should act. Short sample clip from the misunderstood Michael Sarne masterpiece Myra Breckinridge. 1970. YOUTUBE
TRUE FRIENDSHIP
Are you tired of all those sissy "friendship" poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series of promises that really speaks to true friendship: (1) When you are sad - I will help get you drunk and plot revenge against the son of a bitch who made you sad. (2) When you are blue - I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you. (3) When you smile - I will smile, knowing you finally got laid. (4) When you are scared - I will rag on you about it every chance I get. (5) When you are worried - I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to quit whining. (6) When you are confused - I will use small words. (7) When you are sick - I will stay the hell away from you until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have! (8) When you fall - I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass. This is my oath... I pledge it till the end. Why, you may ask? Because you are my friend. Try to send this to 10 of your closest friends. Then you can get depressed because you can only think of two and one of them isn't speaking to you right now anyway. Remember: A good friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a body. Let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel.
GIRLS' NIGHT OUT
Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they need to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, and used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home. The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls night out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, `From all of us at the Fire Station. We'll never forget you.'"
THE MIAMI 7
Last night a terrorist plot involving the Sears Tower in Chicago and other targets was foiled, with 7 men arrested. I thought "Whew! Good job! Maybe our government is actually protecting us a little more in exchange for whittling away our civil liberties." Didn't you think the same thing? Weren't you comforted? I mean, I sucks that there are still plots hatching on US soil, but it makes the government seem a little more capable if they are prevented from happening. Tonight, the Miami 7 is being called "aspirational, not operational. They aren't muslim, have no weapons, money or Al Quaeda connections. The rag-tag group did claim that wanted to kill "all the devils we can" in an attack "as good or greater than 9/11." Their diabolical plans also included opening a restaurant to finance their schemes. One expert interviewed on CNN claimed that not only could this bumbling group not take down the Sears Tower, they probably couldn't even find it's elevator. And tonight, it looks like the 7 have a good case against the government for entrapment. The guys practiced karate together, and wrapped themselves up conspicuously and stood guard outside of a warehouse where they met. Authorities had monitored the gang of wannabes for a year after being tipped off by a neighbor. The government provided them with cameras to photograph potential targets with, and a van for their transportation. What, no free turbans? Now the news is abuzz with the fact that these are "home-grown" terrorists, like those apprehended in the recent Canadian attempted attack. This kind of shoots the "Fight them over there so we don't have to fight them at home" notion to shit--they're already here, darlin'. And we continue to create them worldwide with scandalous US military operations, with little sprinklings of good will like Haditha thrown in for extra-strength terrorism brewing. Today, a state of emergency was delared in Iraq, where a foolish Bush declared victory years ago. After the Canadian plot was uncovered, anchors starting squawking junk like "Maybe Mexico is the wrong border to focus on. Our Canadian border is longer and more porous. Canada isn't as tight with their immigration policy as this country so the muslim boogiemen can gain entrance from the north." Why not stop the problem of terrorists at it's root and "cut and run" away from a war which most Americans don't support anymore? You can't seal up every border or police every individual with a beard. If you stop murdering innocent Iraqis, maybe their muslim brethren and sisthren (ok, I made that one up) wouldn't hate us so much that they'd feel compelled to suicide bomb us. It's very interesting that new findings out today indicate that the the earth is at it's hottest temperature in 2,000 years. Also in the news today, the likelihood of outer space communities happening sooner than we think. I think the powers that be are well aware of how unliveable they're making/have made this planet and they're ready to move on to another one. That'll be the ultimate divider of mega-rich and the rest of us. Who'll be admitted to that exclusive club? I just pray that they're planning on a drag bar up there.
GAY TERMS DEFINED!
 Gurl, you gotta keep up with the lingo! After-hours -- where you go when the bars are closed and you still haven't found someone to sleep with. Baggage -- the excuse people use to punish their current boyfriends for things that their past boyfriends have done to them. Bicurious -- gay Bisexual -- gay Bitter -- what all gay men are destined to become. Caused by drama and stress (see below). Bottom -- orientation preferred by 95% of the gay population Butch -- what gay men who don't think they act gay call themselves. Actual butch men will never need to use this term. Cuddle -- sexual activity in which there is no exchange of bodily fluid. Drama -- an imaginary condition made up by sad, lonely individuals with no real problems in their life who feel the need to drag stable, well-balanced individuals who are trying to make a valuable contribution to society down to their level in hopes of making themselves feel better. Ex -- 1) anyone you've slept with more than once. 2) a club drug popular in the late 90's. Excedrin -- what every gay man should have in his medicine cabinet. Expiration Dating - Frequent hot sex with someone you know is only in town for a short period of time, and that you know you have no chance of actually dating seriously because they aren't local. Gaylights -- an unnatural highlighting of the hair that no straight man would be caught dead with. Gurl -- the first word of every sentence. "Gurl, you 'bout ready to go?" or "Gurl, I haven't had sex in 3 days!" Gym Bunny -- a troll who has realized that his only chance of getting laid is to work out every day. Hayyy -- a greeting. The gayer you are, the more Y's you put at the end. Homewrecker -- the person who stole your ex Omaha Diet -- unnatural weight loss caused by nonprescription medications. Also known as Jenny Crank. One Night Stand or ONS -- a very short-term relationship, the end of which is signified by someone putting on their pants. Philson Sex -- sexual activity in which everybody wants to get off, but nobody does. Enables you to have a one night stand without actually becoming classified as a whore, yet still significantly more intensive than cuddling. Rough Trade -- a one night stand that you will later pretend never happened. Shot -- when you need to get drunker faster Stress -- a non-imaginary condition brought on by the drama of others Top -- see Bottom Trade -- what you bring home from the bar, paid for in services rendered. Troll - anyone older than you that wants you to go home with them. Trick -- See Trade Twelve -- how old you are if you're not 21 Universe -- the area of space contained within a three-foot diameter of every gay man. Versatile -- glorified Bottom (but will top if absolutely necessary) Whore -- anyone who has more sex than you
TELLY, YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE!
 Telly Savalas recorded an album to cash in on his mammoth Kojak fame. Click here an then click on his album cover to hear Baldy talk/sing YOU'VE LOST THAT LOVIN' FEELIN'. Pew! WOOBIEBEARMUSIC
GO, CHER!
(Or "Scar", as RuPaul recently called her because of the amount of her extensive plastic surgery.) She's come out against the war, but feels that as long as we're at war, at least improve the quality of the soldiers' helmets so they don't get killed as easily. Full story: CNN.COMCher even attended a hearing in Washington on the matter and donated $130,000 to the cause. The 60 year old singer/actress is no stranger to headdresses, and she even brought along a few examples of her own killer head gear which might add a little more flair to our military's look. Imagine a stunned gang of Iraqi insurgents being charged by our boys wearing these, singing a rousing chorus of Cher's dance hit, STRONG ENOUGH, at the top of their lungs!    Although I'm sure the soldiers are more likely to be singing the diva's first disco smash, TAKE ME HOME! 
DO NOT BUY ANDERSON'S BOOK!
 DO watch the (God bless what's left of America) Jon Stewart goof him on this video clip. The audience gets Jon's read before Anderson does! HUFFPOAlso on Jon: JON STEWART, ENEMY OF DEMOCRACY? This is not funny: Jon Stewart and his hit Comedy Central cable show may be poisoning democracy. Two political scientists found that young people who watch Stewart's faux news program, "The Daily Show," develop cynical views about politics and politicians that could lead them to just say no to voting. Comedian and fake-news anchorman Jon Stewart makes the already cynical viewers of Comedy Central's "The Daily Show" even more cynical -- and possibly less likely to vote, two political scientists at East Carolina University say. That's particularly dismaying news because the show is hugely popular among college students, many of whom already don't bother to cast ballots. WHOLE ARTICLE: WASHPOBUNNY NOTE: DUH, MAYBE ANYONE WITH A BRAIN IS ALREADY CYNICAL AND PERHAPS IT'S THE ACTIONS OF THE POLITICIANS WHICH IS CREATING THEIR CYNICISM, NOT A TALENTED COMEDIAN WHO SIMPLY CHRONICLES THEIR EXPLOITS, CATCHES THEM IN IDIOTIC LIES AND HOLDS THEIR FEET TO THE FIRE? JON MUST REALLY HAVE "THE MAN" WORRIED FOR AN ARTICLE LIKE THIS TO APPEAR SMACK DAB IN THE MIDDLE OF THE COMMIE PINKO WASHPO!
FREAKY FOLGERS COMMERCIAL
FROM POPBITCH.COM
A journalist interviews Sir Paul McCartney: "So, Sir Paul, do you think that you will ever go down on one knee again?" Sir Paul: "I'd prefer it if you called her Heather".
CAPTION THIS PHOTO
 My favs are: Your doing a heck of a job Bloomie. and "so just remember...when ur in the debates, this is where the secret transceiver goes that Sheekey will be whispering the answers over...man those debates are hard" NYDAILYNEWS
MJ AND FLACK ON FREE TO BE:
Michael Jacson and a skinny Roberta Flaco pefom a whimsical nuber from FREE TO BE: YOUTUBE
WE'RE SICK!
From Yahoo news: WASHINGTON - A Pentagon document classifies homosexuality as a mental disorder, decades after mental health experts abandoned that position. The document outlines retirement or other discharge policies for service members with physical disabilities, and in a section on defects lists homosexuality alongside mental retardation and personality disorders. READ THE REST: YAHOONEWS
NUREMBERG TRIALS FOR AIDS
BY LARRY KRAMER Remarks for the New York Times “Times Talks” AIDS at 25: What Next? Panel The New School, Monday, June 19, 2006 AIDS has been a plague since 1982 although officially it never has been called one. This panel has been summoned to talk about the future of what is incorrectly called a pandemic. But you don't learn much about how to live in the future until you understand the past. Surely Freud taught us this. Unfortunately the future and what is going to happen is obvious. Many millions more people will die, drug companies will continue their insatiable and never-ending evil greed, and governments, particularly our own, will not stop their base, mean behavior in the face of so much death. None of this will change, no matter how many panels or Bill Gateses there are. It is deeply disheartening that 25 years later the message remains the same. No, we must face up to the past and ask why this plague has happened. From the beginning AIDS has been a disease inextricably and irretrievably bound up in the minds of the world with homosexuals. There is not one person in the world, even South African wives infected by their itinerant truck driver husbands, who, when hearing the word “AIDS” or “HIV” does not think the world “homosexual.” Homosexuals are hated everywhere in the world. That is why there is a plague. And why the plague will continue. The mayor of New York when this plague started was a closeted homosexual. The ballet-dancing son of the President of the United States was thought to be a homosexual even by his father and mother, who had her own sexual proclivities to hide. The original Director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, that division of the National Institutes of Health which should have been responsible for HIV and AIDS, was a homosexual. His assistant was a homosexual. The editor in chief of the New York Times that covered this plague so abominably stingily and destructively was virulently homophobic. Even Mrs. Iphigene Sulzberger, the matriarch of the Sulzberger clan that owns the New York Times, became exceedingly unsettled when anything about homosexuals appeared in her paper. It is deeply disheartening that the actions of all of the above remain uninvestigated and unreported and unchallenged 25 years into 70+ million infections. Dr. Alvin Friedman-Kien and Dr. Linda Laubenstein and Dr. Mathilde Krim and Dr. Joseph Sonnabend and Dr. Lawrence Mass were the only doctors I know of who warned outright and from the very beginning: a virus is at large and immediate caution is required by all. Their warnings were in no way heeded. Dr. Laubenstein was the only doctor anywhere in the world who said, bluntly and immediately, “stop fucking each other to death”; the director of her NYU Medical Center, Dr. Saul Farber, branded her a crazy person and put a cap on the number of patients she was allowed to admit. NO WARNINGS OF ANY SORT ever came from any official anywhere, in the New York government, in the San Francisco government, in the Federal government, in the NIH, in the Public Health Service. By the time the virus was actually identified, on the eve of 1985, pretty much every gay man in the world who had sex had been exposed to this virus or to someone who had been exposed to this virus. We are currently witnessing endless commemorations of various aspects of HIV/AIDS, as it now is called. To commemorate something without even knowing and acknowledging its history and how the actions and inactions of individuals and institutions and governments caused and shaped that history is a harsh joke. This country still admits to shockingly little, even when it is staring us in the face. A formalized and honest process to establish the facts of this history must be initiated. I do not expect the New York Times to own up to its own huge role in allowing this plague to progress any more than I expect the New York Times to honestly and completely own up to its repellant record of reporting the Holocaust. On this latter unbearably sad subject I refer you to Buried by the Times, by Professor Laurel Leff, (Cambridge University Press, 2005). As with AIDS, it should blow everyone’s mind what this “newspaper of record” did not report about the Holocaust. Additionally, just prior to the Holocaust, the New York Times Moscow correspondent from 1921-1934, a most peculiar man named Walter Duranty, received a Pulitzer Prize in 1932 for actually denying the gigantic famine and widespread starvation going on in Russia under Stalin's purges. He completely whitewashed Stalin. What is it about this newspaper that it is so cowardly in fully and honestly reporting the horrors of our times? It is no small feat to falsely report three of the biggest tragedies of the 20th Century. It makes one forever suspicious of the veracity and validity of their coverage of any of the world's horrors today. When the leading newspaper in the world behaves like this, setting the template for all other papers all over the world to follow, which they unfortunately do, how are we to have a true history of anything? These are the writers who covered HIV/AIDS for the New York Times: Richard Flaste, Erik Eckholm, Dr. Lawrence Altman, Nicholas Wade, Philip Boffey, Gina Kolata, and Philip Hilts. Each was as bad as the others. How bad? Read my book, Reports from the holocaust, St. Martin’s Press, for details on how badly this newspaper has reported AIDS. Kolata was so bad that ACT UP plastered New York and the Times building with stickers: “Gina Kolata of the New York Times is the worst AIDS reporter in the world.” They took her off that beat. But they never replaced her with a reporter who covers AIDS specifically. And the job they are doing is still awful. The New York Times has never, ever, covered the politics of HIV/AIDS, particularly in America, as they cover the politics of other serious issues. But then the politics of AIDS are inextricably embedded in all that I am writing about here. All grist for a Nuremberg Trials, no? Yes, I would like to see something set up to document the real history of this plague akin to the Nuremberg Trials, which nailed Nazi responsibility for the Holocaust,. Why did or didn't Edward Koch do X? Why did or didn't Ronald Reagan do X? Ron Reagan, Jr.? Nancy Reagan? Dr. Richard Krause and Dr. Jack Whitescarver of the NIH? Abe Rosenthal of the New York Times? Sulzberger mother, son, and grandson of the New York Times? The drug companies that made Factor VIII? The list is an extensive and far-reaching one. Each one of many many people committed acts of inconceivable inhumanity that must be documented. Without such official documentation the politics of homo-hating and bigotry will continue to rule the world and this plague will never end. The world does not know this and it should: HIV made its entrance into the gay population through infected Factor VIII as injected by gay hemophiliacs. Factor VIII is a treatment that prevents hemophiliacs from bleeding to death. It was available in trials beginning in 1975 and in distribution from 1978. It was manufactured and sold by these companies: Baxter Travenol Laboratories, Alpha Therapeutic Corporation, Armour Pharmaceutical Co. (a division of the Revlon Cosmetics Corporation), and Cutter Laboratories. Each single individual treatment of Factor VIII contains blood parts that have been spun down from the pooled blood of tens of thousands of people. This blood was collected from paid donors all over the world. Only one donor had to be infected for the whole vat of pooled blood to be infected. All of these companies came to know that the blood plasma they had bought all over the world and which they had used to make their Factor VIII was infected with what would become known as HIV. They did not heat-treat this blood, even though early methods to do so had been available since World War Two. Even when they possessed the knowledge that their product was infected these companies did not cease selling their Factor VIII. It will not be until 1987, in this country anyway, that Factor VIII would be completely cleared of poisons. (I am grateful to Pulitzer-prize winning science writer, Laurie Garrett, for first presenting this awful information in her book The Coming Plague, Penguin.) As I said, by then the gay population was well on its way to being wiped out. One single gay hemophiliac on infected Factor VIII having sex with only one other man on Fire Island in 1975 or so was all it took to get the whole chain rolling. Thanks, Baxter Labs, et al. I have just discovered that the first cases of AIDS in America were not in gay men. Five cases of extreme immune deficiencies were discovered between 1975 and 1981 in HETEROSEXUAL WOMEN. They were reported by Dr. Henry Masur (et al) then of Cornell now of NIH. For puzzling reasons this report was not published until October 1982. Had this vital information been published, as it should have been, before the July 1981 New York Times report of “Rare Cancer Seen in 41 Homosexuals,” (and let us not here parse Dr. Altman's repellently loaded and inaccurate constipated homophobic prose in that announcement), HIV/AIDS would not be forever labeled, with such disastrous results, as a gay disease. From this very first announcement in the New York Times, the gay population of the world has been and continues to be targeted for extinction. Because the world hates homosexuals the world is dying and will continue to die from HIV/AIDS. This plague is the result of a series of individual acts of commission and omission, a huge number of them intentional, which killed people and were committed and continue to be committed by people who knew better. Many of the same people who were around in the beginning are still around committing the same actions today. Perhaps Nuremberg Trials would sort such awful behavior out. It has proved impossible to get any reputable and honest historian or journalist to write about any of the above. Telling the truth about this plague has so far proved impossible. Seventy million plus infections later HIV/AIDS is still not called a plague. Sean Strub, Rodger McFarlane, and Will Schwalbe contributed information.
WHO WILL CRY FOR MARY CHENEY?
This animated short about Dick's ;oathsome dyke ends with a BANG. HUFFPO
TELL IT, HONEY!
Canaries in the goldmine: The emerging arts in New York City. BY ROBERT ELMES, DIRECTOR OF BROOKLYN'S GALAPAGOS ART SPACE: Recently two developers walked into the Brooklyn apartment of my friend and told him he had nothing to worry about - they weren’t going to tear down the building he was living in for at least another year. My friend, a filmmaker, thinks he can’t possibly afford to stay in New York, and he’s not alone. The canaries in New York City’s real estate gold mine – the emerging arts – are no longer talking about the next show they hope to land, they’re talking about the next city they think they can land in once their current lease runs out. But for many that lease on life has already run out. Affordable habitat in the cultural ecosystem is becoming hard to find. For everyone. Within the next few months, ten off-Broadway theaters will permanently close *. (BUNNY NOTE: WHO NEEDS EXPERIMENTAL OFF-B'WAY THEATRE WHEN TOURISTS WILL BE $150 FOR A BILLY JOEL or ABBA MUSICAL?) The price of real estate has risen so far that, from a cultural point of view, in three to five years we’ll be experiencing a fundamentally different idea of what it means to live in New York City and be a New Yorker. City Hall must find ways to incentivize rebuilding the emerging arts infrastructure that’s evaporating in our white-hot real estate market, or it won’t be built. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ The past: For the last fifty years the emerging arts in New York City have attracted the one smartest kid from everywhere. These young cultural migrants scratched out a two or three-day-a-week freelance career, lived cheaply and brazenly and learned the street smarts that would one day transform their art or adopted industry. Not everyone who begins as an artist ends up with a career as an artist, and the result for New York City has been a significant contribution from the arts to the culture of aggressive and intelligent management that helped make New York the leader in the arts, finance and media industries. The present: In a New York too expensive to incubate young artists many of these best young minds will fly right past our exploding real-estate market and rezoned artistic neighborhoods to cultivate and grow cultural and economic opportunities in other, less expensive cities. It’s important to remember that these young artists have no loyalty to New York; they’re from places like Des Moines after all. Many in New York City believe that the vital underground of emerging artists’ environments is here to stay ‘just because’. This is wrong. New York doesn’t have to be the cultural capital of the emerging arts, or of the financial or the media industries for that matter, New York needs to continue to earn its place and it can easily price itself out of that role **. London is only one of many capable cities who are very busy trying to beat us at our best industries. The Future: As more and more cities begin to understand the advantage they can place in their populations by proactively attracting the emerging arts and either establishing or buttressing their own creative economies, the bidding for our young cultural participants will begin. Smart cities will soon make New York based artists offers they’d be foolish to refuse, and cities like (gasp!) Philadelphia, Berlin, Pittsburg or London will get the most adventurous of them – the ones our meritocracy would obviously miss the most – if we can’t find effective ways to continue pooling them here, in our city. Maybe one can’t live and work speaking only English in a city like Berlin this year, but in 5 to 7 years it will be possible. English is fast becoming the lingua franca of cultural Europe and the danger for New York is that if cities like Berlin or Amsterdam can by policy one day show that they want our young artists more than we, they’ll get them if we can’t be either relevant in opportunity or affordable enough to pool them here. And we must pool them here. If we can’t find ways to continue incubating young artists in our city then our entire cultural ecosystem begins to calcify. What we need to do: The cost of real estate is crushing the emerging arts. We’re about to see a huge exodus of emerging artists leaving new York for other, less expensive cities. To even think about retaining them we have to incentivize the creation of opportunity at the emergent level. And we have to create lots of it. Why? If emerging artists and the best young cultural thinkers can’t see themselves possibly affording to live here then we’d better find ways to make them think they can’t possibly afford to live anywhere else. In the end only one-thing matters: good artists and the best young cultural thinkers follow ideas, and ideas flourish when and where there is opportunity to realize them. . No one can roll back the cost of real estate or prevent small performance spaces from becoming chic little clothing stores, but to create so much opportunity in this real estate climate that we remain an effective cultural capital and not simply a wonderful museum city where art isn’t made, there are a number of questions that must be asked. What can our City government do? What can the largest cultural institutions do? What can the foundation and funding community do? What can the business community do? What can our next Governor do? What can you, the audience, do? To find out, go to GALAPAGOSARTSPACE.COM
CHA CHA HEEEEEEEELS!
Thanks to Jon Murphy for sending this video of Eartha's disco hit! YOUTUBE
KING GEORGE AND THE QUEENS IN TEXAS
FORM LA TIMES via Jordy at VIRTUALMATTER.BLOGSPOT.COM: Bush was not invited to the coronation. He spent the weekend at home with his wife, Laura, on Prairie Chapel Ranch, about 20 miles west of Waco, White House spokeswoman Dana Perino said. He was briefed by staff Saturday morning and spent the rest of his time visiting friends and tending the ranch, Perino said. The Bush daughters, Jenna and Barbara, were not expected to visit for Father's Day today, Perino said. Secret Service agents blocked the road two miles away from the ranch. Although the president has not adopted Waco (population 113,000) the way he has Crawford, (population 705) Perino cited a few visits last year — for the Little League Baseball World Series and a summit with Mexican President Vicente Fox at Baylor University. "The president loves everything about Texas," she said. Even the drag queens? Perino, who was staying at the Hilton, said she noticed the drag queen gathering, but was not sure whether the president was aware of it. "I doubt it", she said. READ THE REST: LATIMES
APOLOGIES
for my delinquent blog entries, but I'm in London until Thursday and then working every second from the second I return. I have intermittent email access here and my host's computer only occasionally admits me to blogger.com and even then, I can't watch videos that you are sending or post pix in whatever cookies-disabled, cache-needs-clearing mode different-English-keyboard mode I'm in. On the bright side, I have taken a buttload of pix for your enjoyment and can't wait to post them! But please bear with me! --Bunion
HITLER CATS
A whole site dedicated to cats who resemble Hitler! HITLERCATS
BUSH IN HELL
George Bush has a heart attack and dies. Obviously, he goes to hell where the devil is waiting for him. The devil tells him "Sorry, but we have no room for you. As you definitely have to stay here, I'm going to have to let some-one else go. I've got three folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let you decide who leaves." George thought that sounded pretty good, so he agreed. The devil opened the first room. In it were Richard Nixon and a large pool of hot water. He kept diving in and climbing out, over and over. Such was his fate in hell. "No!" George said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and don't think I could stay in hot water all day." The devil led him to the next room. In It was Tony Blair with a sledge hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing the hammer, time after time. "No!" I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day" commented George. The devil opened a third door. In it, George saw Bill Clinton lying on the floor with his arms staked over his head and his legs staked in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. George Bush looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this." The devil smiled and said, "Ok, Monica, you're free to go!
WE'RE GONNA HAVE AN AVIANCE NIGHT!
I am away, but if you're in NYC, please be CUNTY and show up! March and Rally this Saturday Raise Our Voices Against Anti-LGTB Hate in Our City and in Our Neighborhoods When: Saturday, June 17 Where: Gather at NE Corner of 14th Street and First Avenue at 2PM; march at 3PM to Christopher Park (Christopher & West 4th Streets) Why: In the last week - as unfortunately happens so often in June - a number of hate incidents have impacted our community in neighborhoods around the city:Â Saturday, June 10, 12:30 AM - East Village, Manhattan On his way home, Kevin Aviance is brutally attacked by a group of men yelling anti-gay slurs Saturday, June 10, 1:10 AM - Astoria, Queens A group of three friends are attacked by a larger group yelling anti-gay and racist epithets and wielding a baseball bat Sunday, June 11, 5:45 AM - Astoria, Queens A man is followed off of an "N" train by another man who harassed him with anti-gay language, pushed him down elevated platform exit stairs to the street, and kicked and punched repeatedly. Make your voice heard... ...we will not be targeted even as we celebrate our History, our Pride and our Survival... Stand up and be counted Saturday...but anti-LGTB hate happens all year long... ...what you will do to help stop anti-LGTB hate and help those who fall victim to it after the March is over... Community Partners in this Effort include: the NYC Gay & Lesbian Anti-Violence Project, Daniel Dromm, Empire State Pride Agenda, Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation, Gay Men of African Descent, Hedda Lettuce, Lambda Independent Democrats of Brooklyn, the Latino Commission on AIDS, Manhattan Borough President Scott Stringer, mano a mano, the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, New York State Black Gay Network, NYC Council Member Rosie Mendez, NYC Council Speaker Christine Quinn, NYS Assembly Member Deborah Glick, NYS Assembly Member Sylvia Friedman, NYS Senator Tom Duane, People of Color in Crisis, Unity Fellowship Church of Christ
KEVIN AVIANCE BASHED
So glad they caught the bashers! Seriously injured but defiant, I am sure that Kevin is already planning his chic court room ensemble from his hospital bed!  NY TIMES: 3 Arrested in Attack on Singer on East Side By KAREEM FAHIM Published: June 11, 2006 A Manhattan singer was taunted and beaten early yesterday by a group of young men who shouted anti-gay slurs and then broke his jaw as he walked in the East Village, the police and the singer's publicist said. During the attack, the singer said, no bystanders came to his aid. The singer, Kevin Aviance, 38, who has recorded a number of popular dance songs, underwent surgery for a broken jaw at Beth Israel Medical Center last night, said his publicist, Len Evans, who said he talked with Mr. Aviance after the beating. Two 20-year-old men and a 16-year-old boy were arrested in connection with the beating last night. The men, Akino George of Townsend Avenue in the Bronx and Sears Jarell of Newark, and the 16-year-old, who lives within blocks of where the police said the attack took place, were charged with first degree assault as a hate crime, the police said. According to Mr. Aviance, Mr. Evans said, he was heading to his Chelsea home about 1 a.m. yesterday after leaving Phoenix, a bar on East 13th Street, where he had been relaxing with friends. As he walked on East 14th Street near First Avenue, Mr. Evans said, Mr. Aviance was approached by six or seven young men who shouted anti-gay slurs and threw objects at him, including a spray can that one of them had fished out of a trash bin. One of the young men punched Mr. Aviance, and the others attacked him. "They dragged him to the curb," said Mr. Evans, adding that Mr. Aviance said that the men threatened to kill him. "There were pedestrians everywhere. No one helped him." The young men stole Mr. Aviance's cellphone, Mr. Evans said. After the singer passed out, some bystanders apparently came to help him, Mr. Evans said. Mr. Aviance performs in drag but was "dressed like a boy," before the attack, according to Mr. Evans. "They kept using these words. They said, 'You're not diesel.' He didn't know what that meant." Mr. Evans said that the singer had planned to take part in next week's annual Gay Pride parade and festivities. "He won't be able to perform now that his jaw is wired shut," Mr. Evans said. "Din Da Da," Mr. Aviance's infectious remake of a 1980's song, reached the top of the Billboard dance chart in August 1997, and another song, "Alive," was No. 1 on the chart in 2002. ALSO A VIDEO LINK OF THE NEWS REPORT HERE: WCBSTV.COM
SORRY, TYRA AND JANICE!
I'd much rather watch these "ball children" compete than your lame model wannabes. Check out this video of the Harlem scene and if you agree, click on GREENLIGHT and maybe we will be able to tune in to see this one day soon. CURRENT.TV
YOU ARE AN EXTREME REDNECK WHEN:
1. You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids. 2. The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it. 3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws. 4. You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night. 5. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean. 6. Someone in your family died right after saying, "Hey, guys, watch this." 7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader. 8. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan. 9. Your junior prom offered day care. 10. You think the last words of the "Star-Spangled Banner" are "Gentlemen, start your engines." 11. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels. 12. The Halloween Pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse. 13. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge. 14. One of your kids was born on a pool table. 15. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos. 16. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it. 17. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk. Bonus Comment: An East Texas couple, both real-life rednecks, had 9 children. They went to the doctor to see about getting the husband "fixed". The doctor asked them why, after nine children would they choose to do this. The husband replied that they had read in a recent article that one out of every ten children being born in North America was Mexican and they didn't want a Mexican baby because neither of them could speak Spanish.
IN CASE YOU MISSED IT
From KXAN: BURBANK, Calif. Al Gore jokes he's been getting a taste of the movie star treatment. The former vice president was on the "Tonight" show last night. Host Jay Leno asked about the reaction to Gore's documentary on global warming, "An Inconvenient Truth." Gore says since he's been on the Hollywood A-list, he's had a huge feud with Lindsay Lohan. When Leno asked for details, Gore said Lohan "knows what she did." The line got a big laugh. Gore also jokes he might consider a nude scene in his next movie if the script had integrity and it advanced the story. On the serious side, Gore says he has no plans to run for president again. He says he's "been there and done that."
MICHAEL JACKSON ENJOYING HIMSELF?
FEMME QUEEN FACE AT POCC BALL
WHITNEY'S SPEECH
 COMMENCEMENT SPEECH, WHITNEY HOUSTON, EAST SOUTHERN UNIVERSITY, JUNE 9, 2006. BY JEN MICHALSKI - - - - Thank y'all for coming to see me tonight. How are you doing? Let's get this party started, yeah! (Assistant whispers to Whitney.) Oh, oh right. What college is this? East Southern University. Well, hello, ESU. ESU, ESU, ESUUUUU (dances). Let me start by saying, I believe that children are our future ... (hums) ... lead the way ... show them all the beauty they possess inside ... shit it's hot. (Wipes brow and drops fur coat to the ground.) Why you having this shit outside, anyway? You never heard of air conditioning? Where's Bobby? Bobby? You know, I got to tell you a little secret. Just between you and me. (Leans over the podium.) The demons are after Bobby. I try to protect him now, 'cause he's my man, and you ain't mess with my lair, my family. 'Cause family is the most important thing in your life. You need to find a man that has your back, that will do anything for you, deal with your shit, literally, your black love. But what can I say? (Shakes head repeatedly.) Demons after him ... But, Bobby, baby, I just want you to know IIIIIIIIIIIIIII will always love yooooooooooouuuuu. (Assistant whispers to Whitney, points to note cards on podium.) All right, right now, don't you be bossing Whitney around. (Rummages through note cards.) Who got my glasses? Shit. (Tosses cards into air.) No one needs to tell me how to live life. I am Whitney Houston, baby. I can tell you all you need to know about being a success in life, 'cause I'm a diva. You know, they say everybody searching for a hero ... people need someone to look up to ... Well, let me tell you—I never found anyone to fulfill my needs ... so I learned to depend on me. You can't depend on nobody but yourself. Everybody is out to get you. The tabloids, the demons, the bitch ass at the Chinese place that always messes up my order. The only person I depend on to get through the day is God and Whitney. If you have God, if I have God, they can't take away our dignity! We'll have the greatest love of all. Inside of me. And let me tell you something else. You succeed in the world like I have, you don't do cheap shit, OK, Diane Sawyer? Crack is cheap. I make too much for me to ever smoke crack. Let's get that straight, OK? We don't do crack. We don't do that. Crack is whack. Stay in school, I tell you. You got to stay in school. (Assistant whispers to Whitney.) Right, right, right. OK, you out of school now. Well, use your education to be a lawyer or banker or teacher or something. I didn't need an education. God gave me a voice to sing, and when you have that, what other gimmick is there? So find your strength in love, baby. Where's Bobby? Bobby? Who's that in the front row—the demon with the black robes on? They're everywhere, hundreds of black-robed demons! Bobby, they coming for you! Get my gun out of the Lincoln, baby. (Knocks over podium, revealing pajama pants worn over a bathing suit.) Hold on, baby. God is on his way. He told me to hold on. He's on his way. Where's my pistol, goddamn it?!? STATEMENT RELEASED BY WHITNEY HOUSTON ENTERPRISES, JUNE 10, 2006. Because of the hectic demands placed on her by her performance at the 2006 Olympics back in February, Ms. Houston has been suffering from severe exhaustion and regrets that any part of her commencement speech at East Southern University was taken out of context. Ms. Houston believes that education is the greatest priority a young mind should have, and she is proud of the young men and women at ESU who made a commitment to education and saw it through. She wishes all recent graduates much success in the work force and hopes that her own perseverance and determination will serve as an inspiration to those who are in the midst of achieving their dreams.
FROM POPBITCH.COM
The centuries old question of whether God exists has been answered for us once and for all by a brave Ukrainian man. This unnamed 45 year-old philosopher took a rope to Kiev Zoo last Sunday and used it to lower himself into the lions den, where he proclaimed "God will save me, if he exists." Then one of the lions reached over and grabbed him by the throat, instantly killing him. ----------------------------------------------------- "Shiloh Pitt" in Swedish translates as "two pounds of cock".
2 THUMBS UP!
ROGER EBERT ON AN INCONVENIENT TRUTH: "You owe it to yourself to see this film. If you do not, and you have grandchildren, you should explain to them why you decided not to." An Inconvenient Truth Disaster movie Release Date: 2006 Ebert Rating: **** BY ROGER EBERT / Jun 2, 2006 I want to write this review so every reader will begin it and finish it. I am a liberal, but I do not intend this as a review reflecting any kind of politics. It reflects the truth as I understand it, and it represents, I believe, agreement among the world's experts. Global warming is real. It is caused by human activity. Mankind and its governments must begin immediate action to halt and reverse it. If we do nothing, in about 10 years the planet may reach a "tipping point" and begin a slide toward destruction of our civilization and most of the other species on this planet. After that point is reached, it would be too late for any action. These facts are stated by Al Gore in the documentary "An Inconvenient Truth." Forget he ever ran for office. Consider him a concerned man speaking out on the approaching crisis. "There is no controversy about these facts," he says in the film. "Out of 925 recent articles in peer-review scientific journals about global warming, there was no disagreement. Zero." He stands on a stage before a vast screen, in front of an audience. The documentary is based on a speech he has been developing for six years, and is supported by dramatic visuals. He shows the famous photograph "Earthrise," taken from space by the first American astronauts. Then he shows a series of later space photographs, clearly indicating that glaciers and lakes are shrinking, snows are melting, shorelines are retreating. He provides statistics: The 10 warmest years in history were in the last 14 years. Last year South America experienced its first hurricane. Japan and the Pacific are setting records for typhoons. Hurricane Katrina passed over Florida, doubled back over the Gulf, picked up strength from unusually warm Gulf waters, and went from Category 3 to Category 5. There are changes in the Gulf Stream and the jet stream. Cores of polar ice show that carbon dioxide is much, much higher than ever before in a quarter of a million years. It was once thought that such things went in cycles. Gore stands in front of a graph showing the ups and downs of carbon dioxide over the centuries. Yes, there is a cyclical pattern. Then, in recent years, the graph turns up and keeps going up, higher and higher, off the chart. The primary man-made cause of global warming is the burning of fossil fuels. We are taking energy stored over hundreds of millions of years in the form of coal, gas and oil, and releasing it suddenly. This causes global warming, and there is a pass-along effect. Since glaciers and snow reflect sunlight but sea water absorbs it, the more the ice melts, the more of the sun's energy is retained by the sea. Gore says that although there is "100 percent agreement" among scientists, a database search of newspaper and magazine articles shows that 57 percent question the fact of global warming, while 43 percent support it. These figures are the result, he says, of a disinformation campaign started in the 1990s by the energy industries to "reposition global warming as a debate." It is the same strategy used for years by the defenders of tobacco. My father was a Luckys smoker who died of lung cancer in 1960, and 20 years later it was still "debatable" that there was a link between smoking and lung cancer. Now we are talking about the death of the future, starting in the lives of those now living. "The world won't 'end' overnight in 10 years," Gore says. "But a point will have been passed, and there will be an irreversible slide into destruction." In England, Sir James Lovelock, the scientist who proposed the Gaia hypothesis (that the planet functions like a living organism), has published a new book saying that in 100 years mankind will be reduced to "a few breeding couples at the Poles." Gore thinks "that's too pessimistic. We can turn this around just as we reversed the hole in the ozone layer. But it takes action right now, and politicians in every nation must have the courage to do what is necessary. It is not a political issue. It is a moral issue." When I said I was going to a press screening of "An Inconvenient Truth," a friend said, "Al Gore talking about the environment! Bor...ing!" This is not a boring film. The director, Davis Guggenheim, uses words, images and Gore's concise litany of facts to build a film that is fascinating and relentless. In 39 years, I have never written these words in a movie review, but here they are: You owe it to yourself to see this film. If you do not, and you have grandchildren, you should explain to them why you decided not to. Am I acting as an advocate in this review? Yes, I am. I believe that to be "impartial" and "balanced" on global warming means one must take a position like Gore's. There is no other view that can be defended. Sen. James Inhofe (R-Okla.), chairman of the Senate Environment Committee, has said, "Global warming is the greatest hoax ever perpetrated on the American people." I hope he takes his job seriously enough to see this film. I think he has a responsibility to do that. What can we do? Switch to and encourage the development of alternative energy sources: Solar, wind, tidal, and, yes, nuclear. Move quickly toward hybrid and electric cars. Pour money into public transit, and subsidize the fares. Save energy in our houses. I did a funny thing when I came home after seeing "An Inconvenient Truth." I went around the house turning off the lights.
SENATOR INHOFE'S GAY PRIDE
Hard to believe that this backwards trash like this could get elected, even in Oklahoma. What a great country! THINKPROGRESS.COM
IN NYC?
Here's a couple of hip happenings coming up: THURSDAY 6/6 NOW IS THE HOUR A Love-In for Tom Spanbauer and his new book "Now Is The Hour" 9 PM to latenight Pier 63 @ 23rd Street FREE No author has captured the Lost East Village of the early 80's better than TOM SPANBAUER's "IN THE CITY OF SHY HUNTERS", which helps explain his devoted cult following among NYC nightlife folks. In the Portland, Oregon-based writer's new novel NOW IS THE HOUR (Houghton Mifflin), the main character sets off from Idaho for another Gay Mecca - sixties' SAN FRANCISCO - with a flower in his hair. In celebration of the book, and to welcome this reclusive icon to Gotham, THE JACKIE FACTORY and a host of "Participating Tribes" announce a free one-night LOVE-IN on Thursday, June 8 at PIER 63.  PARTICIPATING TRIBES: THE JACKIE FACTORY, HX MAGAZINE, NEXT MAGAZINE, THE NEW YORK BLADE, RADICAL FAERIES INTERNATIONAL, JOHNNY DYNELL and CHI CHI VALENTI, MICHAEL CUNNINGHAM, JUSTIN BOND, JOHN CAMERON MITCHELL, JAKE SHEARS, RUFUS WAINWRIGHT, MICHAEL MUSTO, PATRICIA FIELD, THOMAS LAUDERDALE and PINK MARTINI, THE TRINITY: AIMEE, DREW and MACK, DANIEL NARDICIO, THE HOUSE OF DOMINATION, MARK NELSON, GREGORY T. ANGELO, JOHN POLLY, SISTER DIMENSION & BILLY BEYOND, MATT BELL, TRENTON STRAUBE, DJ SAMMY JO, TEXXX, SWEETIE, DANILO, PAUL ALEXANDER, TRANI and THE MUDHONEY SALON, SHERRY VINE, HATTIE HATHAWAY, PAIGE STEVENSON, MISTRESS FORMIKA, JONNY McGOVERN. 9pm Sunset Barbeque 11 PM Readings from NOW IS THE HOUR by Spanbauer and groovy guests with MC CHI CHI VALENTI Midnight on - Jackie 60 FURTHER presents GAY 60s SAN FRANCISCO inspired shows, go-go and dancing with DJs MISS GUY and JOHNNY DYNELL all night on the pier. Rain or Shine, thanks to Pier 63's heated indoor pavilion Free Admission/Cash Bar SUGGESTED DRESS: Glitter beards and patchwork, flowers, Native American anything, important tie-die, Mountain Girl realness for femme queens, Cockettes- inspired, paisley paillettes, Castro Street Cowboy, body paint, Brown Party vs. Fringe Pride, Janis Joplin messy glamour, sanded denim baskets or other 60's motifs. http://www.mothernyc.com THURSDAY 6/8, from 6-8 GAY ART NOW An art exhibit and party curated by jack Pierson, featuring new works by Stephen Tashjian (aka Tabboo! ), Kathleen White and others who I'd love to tell you about if the "gallery" had a findable website. I'm not even sure that GAYER THAN GAY is the correct title of the exhibit, but it should be a great crowd. They'll probably start boozing here and move on to the Love-In above or to: THE LEATHER SQUIRREL AT JULIUS From the ridiculous invite: squirrelfriends, summers here, and tho' nut gathering season seems so far away, another will soon be upon us. but now, now my furry fellows, we can groom our tails, rest on our muscular hindquarters, and feel proud of how far the squirrel movement has come in such a short time. to our delight, squirrels were recently profiled on "IN THE LIFE" in a segment narrated by linda hunt. & in april, NUTMEAT magazine hit the stands, validating us as erotic creatures, and offering an alternative to the rigid standards of beauty within the industry. so you see we have cause to celebrate and reason to frisk in the sun in this summer of love.... what : the notorius leather squirrel when : this thursday, june 8th, 9:30 pm 'till 12:30am where : julius', west 10th street and waverly in the greenwich village. who : you, your gay ass, & any potential squirrel initiates, friends of bill, dorothy, or shakira why : in special honor of : the name of this show is not GAY ART NOW opening at the paul kasmin gallery curated by jack pierson ( see attachment ) how : now brown cow dresscode : " johnny cakes" realness, or vito s.: first time in heels . lace bodystockings, nude-illusion surfer jams, or sheer unitards. zac posen for strawberry. wolverine or the boy from oz effects. summer-weight djellabas or utilikilts special category , open interpretation of " the devil wears carhartt " or lesbian wedding attire ( creative nehru collar ). remember to bring juke box money, and that the grill will be serving grilled cheese sandwiches, cheeseburgers and fries, until the cook has had enough. please tip generously, drive responsibly, and carry a dental dam, or at least a roll of saran wrap. all my love , david y. grand wizard, T.O.O.T.L.S. 6/9 MY NAME IS JACKIE BEAT PREMIERE FRIDAY, JUNE 9 World premiere of the documentary “MY NAME IS JACKIE BEAT” at NewFest, The NYC Gay & Lesbian Film Festival www.newfestival.org AFTER PARTY & PERFORMANCE at AREA 10018 20 W. 39th St. (between 5th & 6th Aves.) www.tripwithus.com PUERTO RICAN PRIDE AT LA ESCUELITA ALL WEEKEND  And coming up on July 3rd, Sofia Macintosh hosts Mr. Escuelita and performs other dates around Gay Pride Weekend: This whore is a mess and I'm so glad Ben is bringing her crazy ass to town. If you go to ESCUELITA and click WATCH MORE CLIPS, scroll down to the one called sophia/janae/gina/sugga and watch it. Princess Janae pulls out a tube of crazy glue and asks Sofia is she needs "eyedrops or lip gloss". INSANE! 
LA JANICE
 Janice Dickinson gives a dishy interview to HX in the current issue to promote her new TV show. I tried to watch it's premiere last night but it looked very typical. But she herself, as this interview proves, is a highly entertaining nut! Here she disses Tyra: The pressure! Well, I want to know why you still made appearances on America’s Next Top Model after getting fired as a judge? Why should I care? I’m model for Vogue, not Sports Illustrated, honey. Get it? No helicopters land on my forehead. Get it? I’m still modeling and I’m a perfect size 24 jeans. Get it? Rrrowr! I get it. Tyra had Naomi Campbell on her daytime talk show to sort out their differences. Would you consider that? Please, Tyra wishes she were the man that Naomi is. Why would I want to sort out her mother smother? Let her figure it out herself. WHOLE INTERVIEW: HX.COM
CHRISTIAN PARENTING ALERT
Freehold, Iowa - A number of panicked Christian ladies across America are scheduled to give birth on June 6th, 2006. This date raises concern among church members since the numbers of that day also identify the son of Satan, the "Beast" from the book of Revelation. No decent, Christian family wants the little red bottom of the devil's spawn perched on a limb of their family tree, taking a dump on the branches below, much less sitting in a high-chair at the dinner table listening in on family prayers while quietly finalizing plans to sodomize mommy with the family vacuum. As such, Landover Baptist Creation Scientists have put together a checklist of recommended actions one should take if their baby is being born or was born on 06-06-06.  Is My Child The Devil's Son? A Checklist for Christian Mothers 1. Ladies, keep your legs crossed until after midnight. A True Christian™ lady always keeps her knees together -- and June 6 is no time to stop. As your demon child willfully pushes and kicks, causing your lady hole to dilate to the size of a drainage pipe, keep your knees locked together at all times. This will give your demanding child a wonderful, early lesson that he can't always have his way. To underscore this valuable disciplinary message, as the devil child flops around, trying to claw its way out to the human world to do Lucifer's bidding, continue to warble in a loud voice, "La la la la la la la I CAN'T FEEL YOU!" READ THE REST OF THE CHECKLIST: LANDOVERBAPTIST.ORGAlso on the site, the Betty Bowers review of THE DA VINCI CODE which includes this delirious tidbit:  This man (on the left wearing a fabulous vintage chiffon-lined Dior gold lamé gown over a silk Vera Wang empire waist tulle cocktail dress, accessorized with a 3-foot beaded peaked House of Whoville hat, and the ruby slippers Judy Garland wore in the Wizard of Oz) is worried that The Da Vinci Code might make the Roman Catholic Church look foolish. BETTY'S REVIEW: BETTYBOWERS
WHY CHURCH WEDDINGS ARE IMPORTANT
"I WRITE THE SONGS THAT MAKE THE GANGSTAS FLEE"
"I WRITE THE SONGS OF LOVE AND SPECIAL THINGS I WRITE THE SONGS THAT MAKE THE YOUNG GIRLS CRY I AM MUSIC, AND I WRITE THE SONGS..." I WRITE THE SONGS, Barry Manilow  FROM AOL NEWS: SYDNEY (June 5) - Sick and tired of souped-up cars with loud engines and pulsing music? Barry Manilow may be the answer. Officials in one Sydney district have decided to pipe the American crooner's music over loudspeakers in an attempt to rid streets and car parks of hooligans whose anti-social cars and loud music annoy residents and drive customers from businesses. Following a successful experiment where Bing Crosby music was used to drive teenage loiterers out of an Australian shopping center several years ago, Rockdale councilors believe Manilow is so uncool it might just work. Councilor Bill Saravinovski said local authorities plan to install a loudspeaker and pipe in Manilow music, interspersed with classical pieces, over a car park favored by car "hoons," or hooligans. "There are restaurants nearby and people can't park in the car park because they're intimidated by these hoons," Saravinovski told The Daily Telegraph newspaper Monday. "Daggy music is one way to make the hoons leave an area because they can't stand the music," he said. The Oxford Concise Australian Dictionary defines "daggy" as unfashionable, or lacking style, even eccentric or stupid.
THE INCREDIBLE BOBBIE GENTRY
GOODY GOODY GUMDROPS!
IT"S GAY SHAME MONTH! 
WHAT'S BETWEEN YOUR TITS?
FLY GIRL
This li'l heifer is just performing her little heart out--in sensational mylar-fringed gloves soon to be worn by this older heifer. I also worship the look of white lace on silver sequins. From my pal John Sanchez's blog, THIS IS SHOW BUSINESS: JOHNQSANCHEZ.BLOGSPOT
TRULY PHAT RHYMES
 From LESLIE AND THE LYS on cable show CHI-CA-GO-GO! YOUTUBEAnd since I know you'll crave more Leslie, here's her official site: LESLIEHALL
THIS ONION MAKES ME CRY
WITH LAUGHTER! From THE ONION; SERIES FINALE OF WILL AND GRACE ENDS 8-YEAR TRUCE BETWEEN GAY, STRAIGHT COMMUNITIES  In the nearly two weeks since gay Will and straight Grace ended their televised domestic cohabitation, dozens of vigilante raids on gay bars and nightclubs have been reported, Provincetown, MA announced its secession from the U.S., while skirmishes have broken out at gay–straight border areas along New York's Chelsea neighborhood and the Castro district of San Francisco. And Monday, openly gay congressman Barney Frank was shot and killed on the steps of the Capitol. "Straight men and women have reverted to their stereotypical view of gays, painting them as two-dimensional caricatures of either uptight, impeccably dressed neat-freaks, or shallow, flamboyant, sex-crazed maniacs," said Neil Giuliano, president of the Gay And Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation. "Without the glue that held us together every Thursday night at 9, the floodgates have opened, and it's only going to get worse from here," he added. Until now, the gay community has largely obeyed leaders' appeals for calm, but gay–straight violence seems likely to intensify in the vacuum left by the show's departure. Last Friday, a posse of militant homosexuals laid siege to ESPN's Bristol, CT studios and took five hostages, while actors Harvey Fierstein and Nathan Lane are facing assault charges after throwing several Molotov cocktails into a UCLA fraternity house over the weekend. READ THE REST: THEONION
EAT THIS HOT 'HO!
I declined several major news network interviews last week to free up my schedule for 2 podcasts. Here's the link for EAT THIS HOT SHOW, in which I joined nuts Madge Weinstein, Wanda Wisdom and Ragan Fox for a full length 'cast which listening to has forced me to conclude--I NEED TO STOP BUYING SUCH CHEAP TELEPHONES! I sound awful!
FROM ELVIRA:
 OBEY THIS OLD WITCH! WITH THOSE KNOCKERS SHE KNOWS A LITTLE ABOUT "GLOBAL WARMING"! Dear Everyone.... I just came home from seeing the movie "An Inconvenient Truth" and am still reeling from it. The impact it had on me was mind-numbing. I actually trembled during most of the film. My teeth chattered loud enough that I was afraid I was disturbing the people next to me. I'm urging, no - begging, you to see this movie right away if you havn't already. It may not be around that long and it may not be that easy to find outside of larger cities, but whatever you have to do - PLEASE GO. Everyone should see this movie, but if you're a parent or hope to be one someday, it's absolutely your duty to see this movie. If you have trouble finding it, go to www.climatecrisis.net to find out where it's playing in your area. Seeing it this week is important as it will have an impact on how long it stays in theatres. I know this letter may sound overly dramatic, (I'm an actress, after all) but after you see it, I think you'll feel the same way. --Cassandra UH, SINCE WHEN IS SHE AN ACTRESS? IS THIS A RECENT DEVELOPMENT?  Then someone on Cassandra's cc list hit REPLY ALL and I got this email: Cassandra, I was at the Cannes Film Festival and was involved with some of the hype for the film. I’m looking forward to seeing an inconvenient truth. But I also read Michael Crichton’s State Of Fear where he makes a compelling case for the overuse of pseudoscience presented as fact. I suggest you read it as a balance to Al Gore’s POV. Author's Message from State of Fear: A novel such as State of Fear, in which so many divergent views are expressed, may lead the reader to wonder where, exactly, the author stands on these issues. I have bee reading environmental texts for three years, in itself a hazardous undertaking. But I have had an opportunity to look at a lot of data, and to consider many points of view. I conclude: • We know astonishingly little about every aspect of the environment, from its past history, to its present state, to how to conserve and protect it. In every debate, all sides overstate the extent of existing knowledge and its degree of certainty. • Atmospheric carbon dioxide is increasing, and human activity is the probable cause. • We are also in the midst of a natural warming trend that began about 1850, as we emerged from a four-hundred-year old cold spell known as the "Little Ice Age." • Nobody knows how much of the present warming trend might be a natural phenomenon. • Nobody knows how much of the present warming trend might be man-made. • Nobody knows how much warming will occur in the next century. The computer models vary by 400 percent, de facto proof that nobody knows. But if I had to guess --- the only thing anyone is doing, really --- I would guess the increase will be 0.812436 degrees C. There is no evidence that my guess about the state of the world one hundred years from now is any better or worse than anyone else's. (We can't "assess" the future, nor can we "predict" it. These are euphemisms. We can only guess. And informed guess is just a guess.) • I suspect that part of the observed surface warming will ultimately be attributable to human activity. I suspect that the principal human effect will come from land use, and that the atmospheric component will be minor. • Before making expensive policy decisions on the basis of climate models, I think it is reasonable to require that those models predict future temperatures accurately for a period of ten years. Twenty would be better. • I think for anyone to believe in impending resource scarcity, after two hundred years of such false alarms, is kind of weird. I don't know whether such a belief today is best ascribed to ignorance of history, sclerotic dogmatism, unhealthy love of Malthus, or simple pigheadedness, but it is evidently a hardly perennial in human calculation. • There are many reasons to shift away from fossil fuels, and we will do so in the next century without legislation, financial incentives, carbon-conservation programs, or the interminable yammering of fearmongers. So far as I know, nobody had to ban horse transportation in the early twentieth century. • I suspect the people of 2100 will be much richer than we are, consume more energy, have a smaller global population, and enjoy more wilderness than we have today. I don't think we have to worry about them. • The current near-hysterical preoccupation with safety is at best a waste of resources and a crimp on the human spirit, and at worst an invitation to totalitarianism. Public education is desperately needed. • I conclude that most environmental "principles" (such as sustainable development or the precautionary principle) have the effect of preserving the economic advantages of the West and thus constitute modern imperialism toward the developing world. It is a nice way of saying, "We got ours and we don't want you to get yours, because you'll cause too much pollution." • I believe people are will intentioned. But I have great respect for the corrosive influence of bias, systematic distortions of thought, the power of rationalization, the guises of self-interest, and the inevitability of unintended consequences. • I have more respect for people who change their views after acquiring new information than for those who cling to views they held thirty years ago. The world changes, Ideologues and zealots don't. • In the thirty-five-odd years since the environmental movement came into existence, science has undergone a major revolution. This revolution has brought new understanding of nonlinear dynamics, complex systems, chaos theory, catastrophe theory. It has transformed the way we think about evolution and ecology. Yet these no-longer-new ideas have hardly penetrated the thinking of environmental activists, which seems oddly fixed in the concepts and rhetoric of the 1970's. • We haven't the foggiest notion how to preserve what we term "wilderness," and we had better study it in the field and learn how to do so. I see no evidence that we are conducting such research in a humble, rational and systematic way. I therefore hold little hope for wilderness management in the twenty-first century. I blame environmental organizations every bit as much as developers and strip miners. There is no difference in outcomes between greed and incompetence. • We need a new environmental movement, with new goals and new organizations. We need more people working in the field, in the actual environment, and fewer people behind computer screens. We need more scientists and many fewer lawyers. • We cannot hope to manage a complex system such as the environment through litigation. We can only change its state temporarily --- usually by preventing something --- with eventual results that we cannot predict and ultimately cannot control. • Nothing is more inherently political than our shared physical environment, and nothing is more ill served by allegiance to a single political party. Precisely because the environment is shared it cannot be managed by one faction according to its own economic or aesthetic preferences. Sooner or later, the opposing faction will take power, and previous policies will be reversed. Stable management of the environment requires recognition that all preferences have their place: snowmobilers and fly fisherman, dirt bikers and hikers, developers and preservationists. These preferences are at odds, and their incompatibility cannot be avoided. But resolving incompatible goals is a true function of politics. • We desperately need a nonpartisan, blinded funding mechanism to conduct research to determine appropriate policy. Scientists are only too aware whom they are working for. Those who fund research --- whether a drug company, a government agency, or an environmental organization --- always have a particular outcome in mind. Research funding is almost never open-ended or open-minded. Scientists know that continued funding depends on delivering the results the funders desire. As a result, environmental organization "studies" are every bit as biased and suspect as industry "studies." Government "studies" are similarly biased according to who is running the department or administration at the time. No faction should be given a free pass. • I am certain there is too much certainty in the world. • I personally experience a profound pleasure being in nature. My happiest days each year are those I spend in wilderness. I wish natural environments to be preserved for future generations. I am not satisfied they will be preserved in sufficient quantities, or with sufficient skill. I conclude that the "exploiters of the environment" include environmental organizations, government organizations, and big business. All have equally dismal track records. • Everybody has an agenda. Except me.
SONDRA PRILL!
 Once again, the queen of the Tampa Public Access airwaves in the early 90's, Sondra Prill, presents her own, one-of-a-kind version of Janet Jackson's classic. If you're looking for a place to start your journey of discovery into the Sondra's world, this is a good first step. Feel the magic - if you're nasty! YOUTUBEThanks to Jeff for sending Sondra my way! It's a real credit to Janet Jackson's delivery that she pulled off these awful lyrics of NASTY BOYS!
SNOW JOB
 Say what you want about the right wing, they're organized. There's a new outrage each week: Katrina, corrupt congress members, our sagging economy, national security so poor that an unarmed migrant farm worker has only to hop a fence, cow-towing to corporate cash at the expense of inivifual rights, election fraud, privacy invasion, underreported lies from the White House, deplorable education and worst of all--Katherine Harris's phony horse face. You really have to stay on your toes to keep up with those republicans' mess. But outside of a few screechy liberals, the country seems to be more interested in American Idol than the air we breathe. No one except the few screechy liberals is holding the White House's feet to the fire. Thank god for Arianna Huffington's newsy site, which I visit daily. I'll admit that it definitely has a liberal bias, so you normally won't see headlines which blast Hillary and other democratic fuck-ups. They also collect fantastic pop culture articles like this one from the UK's TIMESONLINE.COM, about a culture war between China and Japan over disposable wood vs. reusable wood chopsticks. Well, I thought it was interesting... Huffpo posted an article which debunks a NATIONAL REVIEW cover story: ( Scare of the Century (Global Warming!) . The REVIEW scoffs at a recent TIME (that revolutionary 'zine) coverage on global warming and claims that SCIENCE magazine's is "prone to hysteria" on the subject. One quote from the TIME piece is that “Suddenly and unexpectedly, the crisis is upon us.” Now this IS truly ridiculous. There's nothing sudden or unexpected about the earth's gradual climate change which we--well, you--humans are causing. The NATIONAL REVIEW asks "Why are scientists using the wrong numbers? " Well, Huffpo links to an article on www.thinkprogress.com which points out that the NATIONAL REVIEW is omitting key facts and limiting it's research to the eastern coast "for the sake of brevity." The REVIEW concludes with: "In the meantime, let’s stick with what we know — about melting ice, and about global warming generally. We’re not sure that we have a problem. If we do, we don’t know that we’re the ones causing it. But Time, Al Gore, the Democratic party, the EU, politically correct scientists, and the entire green lobby want us to throw enormous sums of money at solutions that won’t work anyhow." RIGHT! INSTEAD, LET'S THROW ENORMOUS SUMS AT AN UNWINNABLE, BASELESS WAR! The REVIEW claims that TIME and SCIENCE are attempting "to distort the truth for political ends--which is precisely what has been done with the ice-caps story." What are the politcal ends? Who stands to gain? The box office at cinemas showing Al Gore's movie? Vegan bakeries? Environnmentally friendly toiletry manufacturers' powerful lobbyists? Are these hysteria-prone mainstream magazine articles screaming ENVIRONMENTAL CRISIS like the one in TIME commissioned by the pr reps of the zit-faced teen-agers who stand on the street handing out Green Peace literature? Talk an about an issue which crosses party lines--THE CLIMATE? Hi girl! Turn off the AMERICAN IDOL for a sec--IT"S KIND OF, LIKE, THE ONLY CLIMATE WE'VE FUCKING GOT!!! Global warming is an unpopular issue because it's so all-encompassing and complex that no one wants to deal with it. It's not "sexy." I insist that my news be "sexy", which is the new term meaning "hot." Don't give me any ugly, old trustworthy newscaster like Walter Cronkite--I want my news delivered by anchors who are first and foremost, "sexy." They don't have to be talented--just sexy. I don't care if the drivel they spout on the air is balanced or even honest. Hell, let the government continue to buy propaganda segments on it, but just make sure that the White House infomercial remains "sexy", with lots of distracting graphics zooming onto the screen, or I can't be bothered to care about it. Paula Zahn even peppers her entire prime time broadcast with a countdown of the 10 "sexiest" stories that websurfers select on CNN.com. Great. So let the same people who'd dictate that the asking price for a photo of Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt be sold for a rumored 4 million dictate what the news gives airtime to. The birth of one celebrity brat birth is much "sexier" than the 5,000 who perished so tragically in Indonesia last week. But I think the notion of the earth's future populations choking to get a breath of clean air is pretty "sexy." Not as "sexy" as choking on a horse-hung hispanic's dong, but I think you could still get a TV movie out of it, like the recent ABC Movie of the Week Bird Flu disaster film brought to you by Tamiflu. THAT'S WHAT I CALL "SEXY"! JUST IN TIME FOR PUERTO RICAN PRIDE DAY, WHICH I ASSUME GOT RAINED OUT  Besides, global warming is a very slow-moving, non-buzzworthy type of doldrum-laden trend. Hey, I'm a world class procrastinator myself--which is why I'm on a chair typing this instead of on a treadmill. But the only people who stand to benefit from halting global warming is everyone. The only political ends being advanced are an agenda which dares to...gulp...concern itself with our atmosphere. What politician or leader SHOULD NOT be concern themselves with every bit of scientific data on the subject? For that matter, what religious leader wouldn't decry the desecration of God's own earth? The Bush administration has been caught paying for slanted news segments which favorably depict the war. You think they wouldn't kiss corporate ass and purposefully omit key facts in this research? Yeah, let's dismiss global warming as a theory and ignore/omit evidence supporting the environmental time bomb so that factories owned by those big corps won't have to reduce greenhouse emissions and we can ride in our SUV's with the windows open with the a/c on. Who stands to gain from dummying up or falsifying research on the environment? Procrastinators, people who don't want to face the fact that their country's lifestyle must be overhauled for the common good, and black-hearted hearted, money-grubbing republicans who seem to be working towards the common bad. I'm no scientist. I've never picked up one issue of SCIENCE magazine. Maybe the rag does sensationalize global warming to sell issues. I just wish there were some elected officials who cared about combing through the science data so I didn't have to. But for the most part, there aren't. Those same corporations are crossing democratic congresspeople's palms with hush money, too. The whole system is corrupt. I'm fat and it'll be too crowded at the gym to go now. Good thing I TIVO'ed the AMERICAN IDOL finale. Signing off, Bitterness Central.
BUNION SOLVES IMMIGRATION AND GAS SHORTAGE!
I'M JUST AN IMMIGRANT-LOVIN' LADY IN HOUSTON THIS PAST EASTER!  In her latest piece in Genre Magazine: FLAMING MAD!  I’m totally torn over this whole immigration issue: On the one hand, every day, I see immigrant workers relieving us Americans of the down-and-dirty, back-breaking, soulless, low-paying jobs that many us would frown on performing—like doing me nightly (thanks, Jorge, Miguel, Juan, Jose and Hose B.). But, on the other hand, I wonder why it is that Americans think they’re too good for these strenuous jobs? A YOUNG LATINO IMMIGRANT IN HOUSTON HUNGERS FOR WORK! (AND ANOTHER DRINK)  What would Lady Bunny do? There just may be a way to kill two birds with one stone. It’s widely known that the typical Mexican diet contains hearty portions of beans. How about shoving a tube up their butts just after suppertime—all that rootin’ and tootin’ would give them citizenship and end the gas shortage! (Well, the gay ones might like it!) Oh, calm down. I’m only kidding—I’d much rather have a Mexican come through my back door. READ THE REST: GENREMAGAZINE
LILY OF THE BLOGGY
LILY OF THE VALLEY (AKA MICHAEL KAVADIAS) WITH THE DEMENTED JUSTIN BOND (AKA KIKI OF KIKI AND HERB)  Lily of the Valley (aka butt-fucking greek Michael Kavadias) is not only a retarded drag queen/actor dj by night, but also a surprisingly (assuming you've ever seen her fool self) shrewd political commetantor with a new blog that's part of Planet Out. An excerpt: I'm not a huge fan of Chris Mattews to say the least, but watching him interview Howard Wolfson (Hillary Clinton's campagn manager) is making me like him a little bit more. Matthews keeps asking Wolfson if he thought the decision to invade Iraq was the right one. Wolfson reponds that the occupation could have been handled better. Matthews presses him again and again, but you can't get a straign answer out of the Clinton people on this subject. My favorite exchange...... Matthews - "I fear we're gonna get up some morning...and we'll here that the President has attacked Iran...and Hillary Clinton will be saluting that morning. That's what scares me. Her instincts seem to be to support the President, on everything." Wolfson - "Well there's a lot of conjecture in that statement" Wolfson - "Look I'm not going to defend this administrations foreign policy" Matthews - "Well I'm afraid Hillary might. Thats what I'm worried about, cause then we wont have a choice" Matthews last line look the words right out of my mouth. MORE LILY BLOG AT: ARENA
MADAMISM!
FROM CITY RAG: Faye Dunaway becomes the latest actress to succumb to Madamism, (a term we coined for the puppet like features caused by too many face lifts.) Thanks for sending this, City Rag, but I think it's the face lifts in conjunction with the silicon cheek implants and an old-aged sharpened chin, which develops as the nose hooks over to meet the witchier chin. But I love your collage!  SEE MORE MADAMITES: CITYRAG
POOR CANDY ASS
WAS FORCED TO PARTY FOR CHER'S 60TH. Read the demented rant of LA's most twisted drag, which includes a Candy-style review of Madonna's concert. BLOGGOTFAGGOT
I DONE MY DOODY
JURY DOODY, THAT IS! I am still reeling from sitting for one month on a grand jury. I'm never been a 9-5er, so having a rigid daily schedule imposed on me did not feel very natural. And you all know how important "natural" is for a fool whose work uniform includes a 10-pound hat, inch-think war-paint and accoutrements glued onto it's ears, eyes and fingertips with it's nasty, nelly nuts shoved up it's ass. As a teen, I used to jokingly tell myself that a 9-5 job could "kill an artist's spirit", when what I really meant is that I'm too lazy and unruly to show up for anything regularly and punctually. When called, I had no idea that grand juries, unlike regular juries, sit in session for one entire month. The good news is that once you serve your term, you can't be called again for 8 years. There was such a feeling of crushing defeat at our first day's assembly that 20 very different people bonded in mutual pity. ALEXIS DEL LAGO AT THE PREMIERE OF SUPERSTAR IN A HOUSEDRESS, THE JACKIE CURTIS STORY (ALEXIS WAS A MARGINAL WARHOL FIGURE)  I have no idea what my fellow jurors must have thought of me. I am undergoing facial electrolysis, which I know from previous attempts, I have an extreme reaction to--the worst my electrolysist has ever seen, in fact. Why am I burning my beard with painful, expensive and temporarily disfiguring treatments? Well, I was in the basement of the Pyramid Club in the mid-80's when I saw the gorgeous, insane Puerto Rican drag named Alexis Del Lago. Once billed as "The Male Dietrich" at Club 82, she was a haughty diva who sewed, and was always impeccably decked out in vintage Hollywood-inspired creations of the '40's. An entire book, documentary and reality show need to be created to do this whore justice, but I'll tell you a few of my favorite Alexis tales--as if you wanted to read a lengthy essay on jury duty anyway! Alexis sewed for other performers as well, and once performer Karen Bihari complained about one of Alexis's costumes right before she was to wear it onstage, and asked Alexis to fix it. Alexis, with her latin temper, took offense and said "I fix it--I fix it good!" and ripped the dress right off of Karen's back. Still fiery over 20 years later, Alexis's temper landed her in jail recently. She now "mans" a vintage clothing store in LA's French Quarter, and disturbed by the thumping music of a neighbor, she popped by with a hammer exclaiming "I can't take this noise", demonstrating with the hammer, "pounding, pounding, pounding!" Then brandishing the hammer at the horrified neighbors' infant son, threatened "And he's next!" The poor woman was sufficiently scared to call the authorities. "ALEX" IN A MORE ANDROGYNOUS LOOK FOR DAY  And you though Alexis Arquette was the only LA drag queen throwing violent temper tantrums! I was relieved that Miss Del Lago seemed to like me, but then again, I always deferred to my elders. Alexis also liked Billy Beyond, who she rightly claimed resembled Gene Tierney in drag. Most of the Pyramid queens, however genius their acts were were, unpolished-looking, so Alexis really stood out as a perfectly accessorized glamorpuss. But when I got closer to her in the harsh light of the dressing room, her skin looked like spackle over sand-paper, so thick was "her" beard. I swore to myself that if I was going to be doing drag at her age, I was not going to be featuring that look. And since I haven't managed to learn any other skill besides drag and am approaching the age that Alexis was in the 80's, it's time for me to get to work. Otherwise, by the time I finish, I'll have a completely hairless mug--IN MY COFFIN! I hope that you'll all come to the funeral home and stroke my hard-won smooth cheeks appreciatively. But not so vigorously that you remove the heavy foundation, which I doubt I'll ever give up. My objective with electrolysis is to substitute the spackle over sandpaper look with the look of sandpaper over linoleum. BILLY BEYOND, BACK IN THE DAYS WHEN HE MODELLED FOR TODD OLDHAM  Since I'm unable to apply foundation for one week after an electrolysis treatment and also unable to live on the $40 per day I receive 8 weeks after my jury duty term, I've devised 2 matching veils to cover the irritated lower part of my face, and then I just paint my eyes and doll up the rest. I can't perform with the veil, but I can dj, and I was rushing to a gig at The Bubble Lounge when an adorable young latino hunk called "Yo, ma!" I hurriedly gave him my number and hopped into a cab telling him that I'd call him later that night. I knew this was a lie, because anyone would be turned off by the scabby mug which lay beneath that veil. One friend suggested that I cut a sucking hole in it, making it a "glory-veil" of sorts. I'm working on this. DJ'ING AT THE BUBBLE LOUNGE WITH GLAMOROUS ACTRESS BEVERLY BENTLEY, THE FORMER MR. NORMAN MAILER (NORMAN WAS THERE BUT THEY WEREN'T SPEAKING! I DON'T THINK HE'S SPEAKING WITH ANOTHER OF HIS WIVES EITHER. FASCINATING! NOW WHO IS HE AGAIN?)  But each day after I left the courthouse, I'd head to the electrolysis den. The next day, I'd appear in the fluorescent lighting of the courtroom, with a traveling rash which must have repulsed my fellow jurors. Of course, in order to zap the hairs, you have to grow them out for at least 3 days, and this reinforces another reason why I'll never grow a beard--I sprout hairs which are blond, black, brown, red, white and increasingly GRAY! Nothing quite so hideous as a calico beard, is there? In this semi-mutilated state, at first I was almost afraid to ask the jurors or lawyers a question for fear of calling attention to myself. Each time I opened my mouth to contribute to the discussion, I felt the reddest part of my face transforming my words so that they screamed "I am herpes! I am syphillis! I am AIDS!" to my fellow jurors. But they didn't seem to be too bothered by it. We even became quite chatty with each other, and one day, between cases, someone brought up a guy on Oprah Winfrey the day before who'd doused his wife with gasoline and lit her on fire. "He must be crazy" I said. "With gas prices so high?" My attempt at humor broke the ice a little more. Another day, an older grump poo-pooed one of my questions as irrelevant, and I felt sufficiently confident to snap back at him "I'll ask as many questions as I need to clarify this and your impatience has no effect on how many that is!" There was a collective feeling of "Ooh, it read him!" (And besides, what's irrelevant about asking for the cock size of all the male defendants?) But for the most part I was impressed with the other jurors, particularly the women. American women are so open and honest and cheerful. There was one perky reality TV star on our jury. She sat in the front, and would turn around at any opportunity to address the rest of us, and took special care so that anyone for whom english was a second language had their concerns fully explained to the rest of us. She even brought two giant boxes of dough-nuts on the final day! I Since I consider myself as a woman on some levels, the dough-nuts resonated with me. (Translation: I ate one of the two boxes.) In a similar traditional hostess fashion, I recently shocked two IKEA furniture assemblers by offering them coffee the way my mom used to offer workers lemonade.Well, I guess the part that shocked the Israeli and Mexican workers was when I explained that "coffee" meant "blow job" in English--after they'd acceped my offer and I squatted erotically while twiddling my nipples. Well, the gas emissions while squatted weren't as erotic, but I'd had some coffee too! Maybe there aren't enough real women in my life, but if my female jurors were any indication, American women are a joy to work with. During deliberations, they were generally thoughtful, chatty and fun. They didn't seem to have an agenda other than being resigned to do this gruelling job in a cheery manner. I mean please, I realize that some women of every nationality "work" men who they are interested in, so perhaps I'd have gotten a different vibe had I seemed like a man, or at least a man with money, or hell, at least a thin man who wasn't covered with a facial rash! In contrast to the American gals, there was one French matron: dressy chic, nose job, lots of eye-liner--very put together. Even though I walked to the subway with her twice (my limo was in the shop) and we chatted about the days' cases during breaks, I never knew whether or not she would greet me at the beginning of the day. The American gals were always quick with a nod. And I once caught Madame's heavily made-up eye and thought, "Wow, she's full of mystery." Now, this might be a big turn on for a straight man, the mystery indicating "I know some wild love-making technique that could make your head spin". And she certainly had a more glamorous way to present herself than the fresh-faced, bubbly American chicks, but I much prefer dealing with them. I mean, c'mon! Bringing 2 boxes of dough-nuts to your last day of jury duty? That's adorable! Maybe women of other cultures which I'm not as familiar with would do the same, but I kind of doubt it. It's so Mrs. Cleaver. The policemen were not quite as cute as little miss TV star, though I must say that a light blue dress shirt on cafe con leche-colored skin of the latino cop is so irresistible that it ought to be a crime! Yum! A few were steroid monsters who couldn't disguise their contempt for jurors who questioned their sworn statements. But for the most part, jury duty gave me a much greater respect for the police than I've ever had. I'm basically an anti-establishment ex-hippie who will always tend to view them as "pigs" or "the fuzz", and most of my personal dealings with policemen have been negative. Not only have I filed 2 harassment complaint in the past 3 years which police did not want to take to (I assume) avoid generating paperwork, but I've actually had policemen mistake me for a hooker on more than one occasion. (Lift jaw and return to closed mouth position.) Several times while living on Gaansevoort Street in NYC's meat market, back when it was a haven for cracked-out tranny hookers instead of coked-out label whores, Lahoma, RuPaul and I would be mistaken for working girls. (We may have been trannies, and we may have been cracked out and we were usually looking for sex, but to my knowledge, none of us was getting paid for it.) The police would speak sharply to us while we were hailing a cab to get to work at Disco 2000 or wherever. And once in Miami, I was staying in downtown Miami for a dj gig and I got in a day early. That night, I walked 3 blocks to a gay bar named Cactus which was dead, so I headed back to the hotel. Since it had been freezing scarf and gloves weather in NY for months, I decided to sit on a stoop across from the Marriott and enjoy the balmy night air. A police car pulled up and an officer barked "Keep it moving." I said "What?" and they said "Keep it moving or we'll bust you for prostitution." Shaken, I explained, "I'm a guest at the hotel across the street" to which he replied "Tell it to the judge." I had a friend drive me to the Miami police headquarters a day or two later to make a formal complaint. Since I didn't take down the license or badge numbers, my complaint didn't do much good. I tried to explain that there was nothing wrong with me sitting outside on a railing which lined the street on a pleasant evening. The officer explained to me that this was an area known for male prostitution. I asked him if the prostitutes normally flew down from New York and stayed at The Marriott and dj'ed on the side, but the supervisor seemed unwilling to even take my complaint--Dade County police are notoriously brutish. So I told him, I'm over 40, overweight, and effeminate--is that even a stereotypical description for a male prostitute? And get this: he said "I've seen worse!" The noive! So I'm predisposed to distrust policemen. I mean, every society needs a law enforcement agengy. But the intrinsic problem is who wants to see themselves as a law enforcement agents? Sometimes, it's gonna be power-abusing bullies. It's an occupational hazard, just like child-molesting priests and alcoholic drag queens. (Hey! Now that his career as an alcoholic drag queen is winding down, maybe Michael Jackson should try joining the priesthood!) An even if the police aren't power-mad bullies, the force doesn't usually attract the most enlightened men and women, so their racial or homo- or trans-phobic prejudices color their enforcement of the law. I have been recently shocked by tales in The Village Voice of police casting orange nets over protesters, so I'm not saying that policemen are sweethearts. But seeing them in the courtroom with meticulous vouchering of evidence, lab reports of confiscated drugs, and all of the ID numbers which must accompany every single arrest, I was forced to admit that despite my unfair run-ins with "the fuzz" and the few who are bullies, most of them are decent people who regularly risk their lives to stop burglars and rapists, keep drunk drivers off the streets, and really turn me on, too! NOT EXACTLY LANA TURNER'S COURTROOM FROM MADAME X  The cops turned everyone off with the sheer number of drug arrests. It seemed that was most of what we focused on. Even the older jurors who'd probably never taken a drug in their lives had a hard time indicting defendants on laws based on "presumptive ownership", which is, for example, say I offered you a ride home from a club and you weren't aware that I was a coke dealer who had a certain weight of drugs in the car, even if you had never shared the drugs or sniffed one in your life, you were "presumptively" co-owning it with me. This also applies to marijuana ownership in larger quantitiies., Now it was our job to indict or dismiss based upon the existing law, not change the law. But it was clear the jurors were bristling at this presumed guilt by association. It just seems so odd that a victimless crime like buying a bag of weed should occupy so much of any officer's time when a fucking murderer is in the WHite House! I grew up in the smallish city of Chattanooga, Tennessee, and even though our house was within city limits, we generally felt fairly safe and suburban. I've only been mugged once in NYC in over 20 years, so I suppose I have false sense of safety. Jury duty let me know how often someone is pushed into their hallway and robbed while fumbling for their keys, or met with someone lurking in the hallway. Maybe I've just been lucky--or even more likely, maybe I don't look rich enough to bother robbing or desirable enpough to rape! And say what you want about Bill Clinton's office in Harlem gentrifying uptown, I'd say that over 85% of the cases we dealt with occurred above 100th St. I guess it was a much-needed wake up call. Sometimes, I'll sense a shady-looking character approaching as I access my outer door, and I'll feel silly suspecting them and laugh it off after nothing happens. But jury duty was a wake-up call to let me know "You're in NYC, honey!" and I'd rather be silly and safe than stupid and cut. And these fools had every kind of weapons imaginable! Speaking of lethal weapons, I encountered one of my past regular tricks during a break. Since we knew each other from "another world" and he was on his job delivering packages, I was floored when he motioned me into the bathroom..........Now I am trash but I didn't go! I did get a giggle out of it, though. After weeks of all those long, penal codes, I could have used something that was long and penile! And even though I say I'm trash, it's important that every kind of voice is represented on the jury--even trash! That's what I find so peculiar about the outrage of these recent club closings. The clubs were shut down when extensive drug-dealing by club employees was uncovered, as well as underage drinking. There are laws preventing these, and of course police will selectively enforce them based on the mood set by an upcoming election, character of a police chief, bust quotas, etc. But if trashy messes don't step forward and say "I want to do drugs!" or "I want to protect other people's rights to use drugs", then their voice isn't heard. Don't scratch your head and scream "homophobia" because the latest round-up was mainly gay clubs. The previous slew of club closings was straight, so I don't think y'all have much of a case for pulling the gay card. If it means that much to you that you have a drug-friendly club environment to party in, then put your money where your crackpipe is and start chipping away at the legalization of marijuana and other attainable drug-tolerant goals. I don't think underage drinking is to attainable a goal, but how about speaking out against the Rave Act which unfairly penalizes club/event owners who don't sufficiently police their own venues against drugs? But when Giiuliani's zoning laws for sex shops hit, there weren't many porno freaks who were willing to join the protest and hit a street corner with I WANT CITYWIDE ACCESS TO FISTING PORN signs, either. If you want a more permissive society, you gotta fight for it. Our enemies have gotten a lot stronger during the Bush administration. I'd love to see NYC/the whole US adopt more of Amsterdam's attitude which seems to say "We celebrate our kink." But it doesn't happen by itself, folks.
JOEY HEATHERTON FOR SERTA
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