TAMPON CRAFTS

"For any time of the month."




MORE DESIGNS: TAMPONCRAFTS

HAPPY MARDI GRAS!

"Mardi Gras starts tomorrow in New Orleans. Talk about perfect timing. Those truckloads of ice from FEMA just showed up." --Bill Maher

"This Mardi Gras will be a little different. This year when drunks yell up at the balcony, 'Show us your boobs!' Michael Brown and Michael Chertoff walk out." --Bill Maher

"Mardi Gras is going on in New Orleans. Actually it's scaled down quite a bit. Now when you throw a bead, women only flash one boob." --Jay Leno

"In his speech President Bush said we need to rebuild Iraq, provide the people with jobs, and give them hope. If it works there maybe we'll try it in New Orleans." --Jay Leno

"Pakistan had one of the worst natural disasters ever, up to 50,000 people dead after an earthquake this week. But of course it's not a resort, no supermodels like the tsunami, so it doesn't really get covered. But other nations are trying to help. They've offered food, medicine, corpse-sniffing dogs. New Orleans sent a volunteer team of cops to beat the crap out of survivors." --Bill Maher



"You know I love New Orleans, they're vowing to hold Mardi Gras this year come hell or -- no pun -- high water. This is interesting, they've always had a Mardi Gras drink called the Hurricane. They're not going to serve that this year, but they've got a new one called the FEMA. It's strong, it hits you about a week later." --Bill Maher

"They say the toxic water and sludge smells so bad in New Orleans that they're thinking of renaming the city Newark." --Jay Leno

"The president said much of the aid is going towards job training. And when they heard that, the people of New Orleans rose as one and said, 'Can we start with you?'" --Bill Maher

"Bush called the rebuilding of New Orleans one of the largest reconstruction efforts the world has ever seen, second only to Cher." --Jay Leno

"The rebuilding of New Orleans is already underway. The relief and reconstruction contracts for rebuilding the city have already been awarded, many of them no bid. Among the recipients, major Republican contributors Bechtel and Fluor, the Shaw Group, client of Joe Allbaugh, ex-FEMA head, and, of course, come on, don't be shy, say it with me -- Halliburton." --Jon Stewart

"President Bush toured New Orleans. He saw something that was below sea level: his approval ratings." --Jay Leno

"Taking a page from their tsunami playbook, the White House announced today that former presidents Bush and Bill Clinton will head up the fundraising efforts for the hurricane relief. And you know, Bill Clinton is no stranger to this kind of thing. He was once visiting the French Quarter during a hurricane and got blown behind a dumpster." --Bill Maher

"But hey, it is New Orleans. Watching today, I could tell that this city has not lost its hope. It has not lost its distinctive pluck, because every time rescue teams would toss supplies to people, women flashed their tits." --Bill Maher

MISS CHRIS OWENS


And for a real hoot, go to New Orleans' most famous entertainer's site to check out her Cajun-style spelling. Yeah, Chris Owens has plenty of rhythm, but she just cain't spell it! I guess with a figure like that, she don't have to! I
CHRISOWENSCLUB.COM

NEW SERENITY PRAYOR

TOTAL INFORMATION AWARENESS

An excerpt from Democracynow.org's lead story yesterday:

In 2003, lawmakers voted to shut down Total Information Awareness - a program that developed technologies to predict terrorist attacks by mining government databases and the personal records of people in the United States.
Months earlier New York Times columnist William Safire had warned about the dangers of the program. In a column headlined "You Are A Suspect" Safire wrote:

"If the Homeland Security Act is not amended before passage, here is what will happen to you:
"Every purchase you make with a credit card, every magazine subscription you buy and medical prescription you fill, every Web site you visit and e-mail you send or receive, every academic grade you receive, every bank deposit you make, every trip you book and every event you attend -- all these transactions and communications will go into what the Defense Department describes as 'a virtual, centralized grand database.'

"To this computerized dossier on your private life from commercial sources, add every piece of information that government has about you -- passport application, driver's license and bridge toll records, judicial and divorce records, complaints from nosy neighbors to the F.B.I., your lifetime paper trail plus the latest hidden camera surveillance -- and you have the supersnoop's dream: a "Total Information Awareness" about every U.S. citizen.

"This is not some far-out Orwellian scenario. It is what will happen to your personal freedom in the next few weeks if John Poindexter gets the unprecedented power he seeks."

Following public outcry, the program was halted primarily because of privacy concerns, but also because its main advocate was John Poindexter, known for his involvement with the Iran-Contra scandal of the 1980s.

It now appears that the project "was stopped in name only" and that TIA is in fact continuing.


READ MORE: DEMOCRACY.ORG

GREAT MARK MORFORD PIECE

An excerpt from his latest SFGATE.COM article:

As it goes with America, so it goes with the world. You want to know why
there's vicious rioting and people dying across the world right now, from
Iran to Pakistan, Libya to Nigeria, all in the name of a mediocre cartoon
featuring Allah and a cute turban bomb? Why otherwise rational Muslims are
protesting by the thousands from London to Cairo? Here's a hint: It has
nothing to do with the cartoon. It has nothing to do with Muslims loathing
Christianity, or even with the Islamic fundamentalists who teach their
children to hate pretty much everyone (but especially America) from birth.

But it has a great deal to do with the world's foremost peace-keeping
superpower becoming the world's foremost thug, turning into a
self-righteous torture-happy God-monger and a grand perpetuator of war. It
has much to do with the U.S.-led stoking of an already white-hot Middle
East tinderbox via launching two brutal, unwinnable wars and fueling the
fires of division and separation and rage. Once we were the great beacon
of peace and diplomacy. But now the beacon has become bloody and malicious
and hollow. It has become a brutal joke.

Are we to blame for all the eternal tension and raging religious hatreds
in the Middle East? Of course not. Are we largely responsible for making
them far, far worse than they were just five years ago by deciding, under
Bush's pampered thumb, to become the planet's sanctimonious hell-bent
Jesus-crazed bitch-slapper? Hell yes.

READ THE REST: SFGATE.COM

WHILE YOU WERE OUT...

BIRD-BRAINED EMAIL

I can't believe I actually received this. The site seems to be a legitimate bird flu info site. Are people really looking for bird flu t-shirts? I didn't know it was THAT popular, but it is catching.


Hello Bunny,

Do you have any Bird Flu t-shirts for sale? I was looking at your site, but didn't see any.

I am with Avian Flu Talk, the most active Bird Flu discussion forum in the world.
http://www.avianflu.com
As of two days ago, we began accepting advertisers and so we would like to notify you.

We have a spot available on the top and on the bottom of the main page.
The advertisements on the main page will also propagate on all pages of the forum.

Our banner link ad spot size is 200 x 125 (approx 2 ½ by 1 ¾ inches).
When someone clicks on the banner ad itself - they are forwarded to your site.
The ad acts as a "link". You simply need to design a banner ad, or we can have it designed for you at a cost of $100.00.

We charge a flat rate of $499.00 per month for a top page spot.
We charge a flat rate of $399.00 per month for a bottom page spot.
Must pay 3 months in advance.

Please see the attached file which shows the web statistics for the traffic to our site over the last two weeks. Unfortunately, we do not have the stats that go beyond the last two weeks as we did not start tracking the activity until that time.

Seriously, please contact me as soon as possible if you are interested in advertising on our forum. We would love to have you. I know that Bird Flu t-shirts would sell very well on our forum. We get thousands of visitors a day... many looking for Bird Flu T-shirts for sale.

Thank you,

Jane

Jane Madison
Avian Flu Talk

"STAR CROSSED"

Rumors are flying about Star Jones' cute husband's homosexuality. But her new book doesn't address them--or how Star lost 150 pounds. What if poor ol' Star lost that weight because her fag husband gave her--no, I won't go there. But the below article, by my friend Daniel Kusner at the DALLAS VOICE, stirs up some rumors just as juicy. Well, almost... If you love to hate Star like I do, you'll thoroughly enjoy this well-written piece.


TV host-turned-relationship-advisor blows a fuse when questions arise regarding the ‘down low’ phenomenon and her husband’s sexual past

DON’T GO THERE: In Star Jones Reynolds’ new book, “Shine,” you won’t get any solid answers about how she lost all the weight. And there’s almost nothing about the intense speculation regarding her husband’s sexuality.
Star Jones writing a book about finding the ideal husband is like Anderson Cooper listing the best ways to score with hot chicks. Something just doesn’t sound right.

Star Jones added the last name Reynolds in 2004, exactly a year after she met Al Reynolds, a handsome Wall Street banker, eight years her junior. After a brief romance, Reynolds proposed to “The View” co-hostess during halftime at a Lakers game in February 2004. And that’s when the publicity machine kicked into gear.

Star and Al posed for countless couples portraits. They even launched a website that’s still up and running, StarandAl.com. But as the couple prepared for a lavish Manhattan wedding that rivaled the David Gest-Liza Minnelli nuptials, items about Al’s sexuality began appearing in gossip columns — all because Al once shared a house on Fire Island.

Then something weird happened.


READ THE REST:

DALLASVOICE

SO APPETIZING!

A SHEEP DATE

heep abuser has to register as sex offender
Associated Press
Feb. 14, 2006 06:11 PM
BATTLE CREEK, Mich. - A man who pleaded no contest to a sodomy charge involving a sheep says he should not have to register as a sex offender.

Jeffrey S. Haynes said the state registry is intended to keep track of people who have committed crimes against humans.

But Calhoun County Circuit Court Judge Conrad Sindt told Haynes at his sentencing hearing that once he is released from prison, he must register with the Michigan State Police Public Sex Offender Registry.

Haynes, 42, of Battle Creek, was sentenced Monday to 2 1/2 years to 20 years in prison. He entered the plea in January. A no contest plea is not an admission of guilt but is treated as such for sentencing purposes.

Tamara Towns, an assistant prosecutor for the county, argued that Haynes should be ordered to register as a sex offender because once out of prison, he could prey on children or vulnerable adults.

Haynes said he is not a violent person and would not assault children.

"The prosecutor is being real hard on me for what I did," he said. "But I should not be treated as a child molester."

A telephone call seeking comment was left Tuesday at the Marshall office of defense attorney John B. Sullivan.

Police said Haynes had sex with a sheep at a Bedford Township farm on Jan. 26, 2005. The animal's owner caught him on the property and the sheep was found injured.

Haynes was arrested in June after a DNA sample taken from the animal matched Haynes' genetic material.

Haynes has prior convictions for burglary, home invasion and uttering and publishing, and was on parole for burglary at the time of the sex crime.

ANT WATCHING

Dementia forwarded from Kansas's freak of the week, Jan.

I watched an ant climb a blade of grass this morning. When he reached the
top, his weight bent the blade down to the ground.
Then, twisting his thorax with insectile precision, he grabbed hold of the
next blade.

In this manner, he traveled across the lawn, covering as much distance
vertically as he did horizontally, which amused and
delighted me.

And then, all at once, I had what is sometimes called an
"epiphany," a moment of heightened awareness in which
everything becomes clear.

Yes, hunched over that ant on my hands and knees, I suddenly
knew what I had to do.......

Quit drinking before noon.

BROKEBACK LEGO?

And you thought I had too much time on MY hands. This kook has a whole BROKEBACK Lego series which can be viewed here:

DESTINATINDANIEL

OLYMPICS: NAUSEATING?

NBC Puts On 2-Week Commercial for US Power

by Pierre Tristam

About half the readers of this site are from outside the United States, which means that among those of you who chose to watch the Olympics’ opening ceremonies from Turin Friday, about half of you were lucky enough not to be subjected to NBC’s nauseating production. But I’m not so sure you should count your blessings. Watching an American production of a world sporting event these days may be embarrassing. It is simplistic. It is supremacist. It is promotional to the core. But it is also instructive. NBC covers the Olympics the way American neocons do foreign policy: The world is 95 percent America, 3 percent water, and 2 percent everything else. America’s projection onto the world is mostly as an emblem of force, preferably unrivaled. What world does exist outside its borders is reduced to elementary-school simplicities (“1.3 billion Chinese!” and how to say Turin in Italian). Above all, it’s reduced to the presumption that the rest of the world is either a by-stander, an enabler or a threat to American hegemony—what America’s Republicans, who have more in common with Charles DeGaulle than with Abraham Lincoln, would call American greatness (even as that greatness is right now pulling an Algerian rug from under its booted feet, with Iraqi weaving). That’s how NBC projects its Olympic coverage. All the world’s a spectator to American prowess and dominance. You get the sense that none but American athletes are in these competitions, just as the Bush White House gives the sense that all the world is collateral for American foreign policy. NBC has been trained for the task. The same people who brought us the Iraq war as show business and “The Rescue of Jessica Lynch” as truth, and who keep bringing us coverage of the White House as public relations, now bring us the Olympics as a two-week commercial for American power.

The introduction set the tone. The announcer, speaking in the cadences of a Vietnam War documentary, gave a Travel Channel-synopsis of Turin’s Alpine character, with cinematography spectacular enough to make you wonder why it was so maliciously abbreviated. He swept over Turin’s architecture and summed up its two thousand year history in twelve seconds or so (about the length of any world history lesson in White House briefings). He intoned about this or that athlete from another country, the one whose body was “stitched together after twelve surgeries” or the one who single-handedly convinced his no-snow African nation to endorse a winter Olympic federation so he could compete. He made you feel that, well, maybe there is a world out there after all. But then the music changed — from conventionally upbeat to Rambo-martial. Instinctively you knew what was up, for having been on the receiving end of similarly ominous soundtracks for the last four years every time a news show substituted nationalistic bombast for reporting: The subject switched exclusively to American athletes. It was no longer sport, but war. It was no longer competition, but defiance, whether it was about the athlete who “has converted his body into a bullet” or the one from New Hampshire who has taken his state motto and, somewhat inexplicably, turned it into his Olympic promise: “Live free or die.” If this weren’t enough, the announcer trumped up a little bit of divine right when he claimed that “the royalty of American figure skating” was making its return, lord knows from what genesis — Tonya Harding? Nancy Kerrigan? The eternally unfulfilled promise of Michelle Kwan? Naturally, Kwan was NBC’s very first Olympic interview, though not word one about the four Olympians who’d already been booted out for doping up, among them Zach Lund, the American sledder who made a gold medal seem like his entitlement.

What’s imperial gold to America sounds tinny to much of the world, and of course even to much of America, judging by the other inescapable parallel in this story: Bush’s anemic approval ratings—and NBC’s: “Friday’s Olympic opening ceremony was the worst-watched in at least a decade,” went one report. There’s a lesson there, but America’s powers that beam, from the presidency down to its media farmhands, aren’t learning it for being too self-absorbed. To the self-deluded, approval doesn’t matter anymore.

In 2001, the whole world called itself American in solidarity with the attacks the country sustained. It didn’t last, because President Bush couldn’t pass up the opportunity to answer fanaticism with fanaticism, alienating the world along the way. That the world’s pronounced tendency to hate America almost as much as it hates Iran seems only to reinforce his conviction that the only country that matters is America. He said as much in an interview with Bob Woodward in early 2002: “At some point,” Bush said of the war on terror, “we may be the only ones left. That’s okay with me. We are America.” NBC’s Olympic coverage revels in that unilateral view. It should be alienating to anyone but the most hardened, modern version of America-Firsters. But we keep watching because we don’t have a choice, or because the instructive element is worth the attention, or because there are always a few surprises, like NBC’s uncharacteristic decision to show the entire parade of nations, cutting not a single one of the eighty participating countries even when it went to commercial. Not bad. But that was the sort of exception that proved the rule, a bone thrown to Bob Costas, the eminently qualified (and worldly) Olympic anchor since the late 1980s. His talent was ruinously snubbed Friday by NBC’s decision to stick him with a an escort for the evening, the way the Pentagon sticks reporters with escorts in war zones: Costas’ shadow was none other than Brian Williams, the NBC News anchor and recent replacement for Tom Brokaw. It was half publicity stunt half conceit. NBC wants to give Williams exposure in his new role. Williams wants to give himself gravitas. And NBC’s Olympic coverage wants to seem au courant, hip to the sporty and the newsy. Instead, Williams’ comments — about Italy providing the third-biggest contingent in Iraq (he did not mention that Italy was withdrawing its troops over the next several months), about China having an iffy environmental record, about Iran threatening Israel, about Danish athletes potentially triggering demonstrations over the Muhammad cartoons — had the feel of a mortician distributing his calling card at a wedding. It wasn’t just intrusive. It was obscene for its self-promotion and redundancy, and for what it took away from the athletes while inferring that they somehow reflected their nations’ policies. The Olympics may be all about promotion, politics, profiteering, marketing, drugs and corruption outside the playing fields. But within them, for those brief moments that athletes hold the stage, they remain about sport for sport’s sake. With obvious exceptions — the U.S.-U.S.S.R. hockey match at the 1980 Lake Placid Olympics come to mind — they remain exclusively about the athletes and their individual frailties and triumphs. Not their nations’. Leave it to NBC to demolish that one last redeeming illusion. It was bound to, having demolished all others.

For here’s another one of those ironies of American technological supremacy and “freedom”: We were not allowed to watch the opening ceremonies live, the way most of the rest of the world did. We won’t be allowed to watch most of the fortnight’s marquee events live, either. NBC packages them for prime-time viewing, between 8 and 11 p.m., to suit advertisers and best reap its $613 million investment in broadcasting rights to these games alone. So it goes with freedom’s might. When dividends are at stake, freedom is reduced to a pretty slogan (which NBC made much use of in its descriptions of “ Torino” as the birth-place of Italy). We are now treated to news anchors who, like one local specimen for NBC’s WESH-2 in Orlando, said he “can’t wait to see what happens tonight” — a newsman saying this — even though the opening ceremony was several hours old and its glittery pictures and accounts were all over the Internet. If the Pentagon is always fighting the last war, the television networks are always broadcasting the previous decade’s Olympics. The distortions are nevertheless in perfect alignment with the American presumption that time zones don’t exist outside the United States, that time itself is an exclusively American luxury others abide by. To watch the Olympics on NBC, like watching the news on any American network, is like shopping in a mall or gambling in a casino: It’s a world onto its own where clocks don’t intrude and windows on the world are non-existent, for fear of distracting the consumer from his primordial duty: to buy what’s being dished out efficiently and uncomplainingly. And then to celebrate his luxurious imprisonment with canned patriotism, for let’s not forget the flag-raising ceremonies disproportionately detained by the Star Spangled Banner.

To reword Tacitus’ famous phrase about Roman armies, they created a monopoly and called it free enterprise. And it is this sort of mentality that pretends to be bringing freedom (and free enterprise!) to the world

"CASTLEVANIA"

Lypsinka sent me this web page for THE LAWRENCE WELK SHOW's JO ANN CASTLE, the show's perky pianist.

WELKMUSICALFAMILY

Jo An has her own site, too, where you can hear audio clips like her spirited version of FLIGHT OF THE BUMBLEBEE entitled BUMBLE BOOGIE. She also does all of those hateful but ridiculously catchy PIANO 101 songs like CHOP STICKS and ALLEY CAT.

BUMBLEBOOGIE

MUST SEE TV

THE DAILY SHOW's YOUR TAX DOLLARS AT WORK with JON STEWART

CROOKSANDLIARS

NYC SHOWS

A couple of upcoming event New Yorkers may wanna check out:

WITCH HUNT: FROM SALEM TO GUANTANAMO and TRIBUTE TO TITUBA (a personal childhood hero of mine--didn't know there were others!)

Kicking off the festivities will be the art exhibit that will open at BAAD!( Bronx Academy of Arts and Dance) on Saturday, March 4 at 6pm. The exhibit, curated by Cassandra, is titled WITCH HUNT: FROM SALEM TO GUANTANAMO. The show takes on past and present inquisitions, visually protests the persecution of difference and dissent, and feeds the spirit of resistance. Featured artists include damali abrams, Sassy Arce, Emily Caruso, Alejandra Delfin, Melanie Dunston, Maggie Ens, Stephanie Foxx, Yasmin Hernandez, Shizu Homma, Yuliya Lanina, Barbara Ann Levy, Sonia Melara, Mimi Perez, Ellen Pollan, Leah Tinari and Reyez .

There will also be a community altar where attendees are encouraged to bring an item to honor the BAAD! ASS WOMEN/WITCH in their lives (living or dead).
The exhibit will be up throughout the festival and until May 20.

Following the artists reception, at 8pm, BAAD! presents a Tribute to Tituba, a multi-disciplinary salute to the only woman of color persecuted by the Salem Witch Trails. The Tribute features the following High Priestesses of Fierceness: dancer extraordinaire Malinda Allen, Native American Singer and heroic defender of sacred sites Barbara James Snyder, work by Bronx-based choreographer Christal Brown of INSPIRIT DANCE, award winning Tituba-inspired author and aritist Debbie Officer, as well as a shout out from the ACLU (American Civil Liberties Union) for good measure.

THE GOAT BRIDE

From BBC News:

Sudan man forced to 'marry' goat

A Sudanese man has been forced to take a goat as his "wife", after he was caught having sex with the animal.
The goat's owner, Mr Alifi, said he surprised the man with his goat and took him to a council of elders.

They ordered the man, Mr Tombe, to pay a dowry of 15,000 Sudanese dinars ($50) to Mr Alifi.

"We have given him the goat, and as far as we know they are still together," Mr Alifi said.

Mr Alifi, Hai Malakal in Upper Nile State, told the Juba Post newspaper that he heard a loud noise around midnight on 13 February and immediately rushed outside to find Mr Tombe with his goat.

"When I asked him: 'What are you doing there?', he fell off the back of the goat, so I captured and tied him up".

Mr Alifi then called elders to decide how to deal with the case.

"They said I should not take him to the police, but rather let him pay a dowry for my goat because he used it as his wife," Mr Alifi told the newspaper.

US ARMY'S NEW SECRET WEAPON

EVERYBODYDANCENOW

"CLAYMATES"

Crazy shit from POPBITCH.COM:

A group of nine Clay Aiken fans are considering
a class action suit against him. So why are
the Claymates narked? "As consumers, we feel
ripped off. It is obvious now that the private
Clay is very different from the manufactured
packaged public Clay that was marketed to us."

THE BEAUTIFUL MONSTER

WATCH HER!

THEBEAUTIFULMONSTER

NEW BROKEBACK CONTROVERSY

A few weeks ago, I posted a BROKEBACK GROCERY LIST which Elvira forwarded to me. One reader took offense, and sent in his snitty, detailed response. Here's his and then mine. OK, so I have a lot of time on my hands!


HIS RESPONSE TO MY POST:

If you will allow a few corrections to the Grocery List:
>
> Brokeback Mountain Weekly Grocery Lists
>
> WEEK ONE
> Beans
> Bacon
> Coffee
> Whiskey
>
>
> WEEK TWO
> Beans
> Ham
> Coffee
> Whiskey
>
>
> WEEK THREE
> Beans al fresca - the correct Italian is al fresco
> Thin-sliced Bacon - the correct English is thinly sliced
> Hazelnut Coffee
> Sky vodka & Tanqueray gin
>
>
>
> WEEK FOUR
> Beans en salade - in French "salade" means only lettuce
> Pancetta
> Coffee (espresso grind) Espresso is not a grind it is a roast
> 5-6 bottles best Chardonnay
>
>
>
> WEEK FIVE
> Fresh Fava beans - fava are beans so this is a bi-lingual redundancy
> Jasmine rice
> Prosciutto, approx. 8 ounces
> Thinly sliced medallions of veal Porcini mushrooms - what are veal Porcini mushrooms?
> 1/2 pint of heavy whipping cream
> 1 Cub Scout uniform, size 42 long
> 5-6 bottles French Bordeaux (Estate Reserve) - What other kind of Bordeaux is there if it isn't French? Another bi-lingual geographic redundancy.
>
>
>
> WEEK SIX
> Yukon Gold potatoes
> Heavy whipping cream
> Asparagus (very thin)
> Organic Eggs
> Spanish Lemons
> Gruyere cheese (well aged)
> Crushed Walnuts
> Arugula
> Clarified Butter
> Extra Virgin Olive oil - what, not cold pressed?
> Pure Balsamic vinegar - vinegar by nature cannot be pure since it is a fermented food
> 6 yards white silk organdy - do they mean "organza" ?
> 6 yards pale ivory taffeta
> 3 Cases of Dom Perignon Masters Reserve - this doesn't exist

(HE GOES ON)

Well, it takes a sense of humor to have "fun" made of oneself, it takes a level head, a steady heart, and enough self knowledge not to be bothered, but frankly it also takes honesty to be a man, to be a woman, to be a human, and to be a friend. So here is what I feel about all the so-called humor going around about Brokeback Mountain. I think it stinks. I think it is rotten to the fucking core. I think it is a cheap shot, a stupidity, a joke in itself. I do not find it funny any more than I feel blond jokes are funny, any more than I feel jokes denigrating women, lesbians, blacks, or any particular group.

In this particular phase of our human de-evolution I find jokes about Brokeback Mountain completely and totally miss the point of the film. Either that or the "clever" people who make them up are simply using the film to show their ignorance thinking they are somehow witty and clever. ”Au contraire", as we cowboys say. The film is a love story, had it been about two heterosexuals, i.e. most of western literature dealing with thwarted love, what jokes might we have heard or read? Nothing.
It would have become a tragedy, a Shakespeare play, a ballet, poetry about human cruelty. But because it is about love between creatures of the same gender then "we" take out after it, and any opposition to this "humorous" stance is met with, "oh c'mon, lighten up, give it a rest, don't take all this so seriously." Well, frankly I do not choose to do that this time around. No, all these references are only perpetrating the myth that gay people, including gay cowboys, have refined taste, which I assure you is not the case. It also suggests that we are "artsy" and "French" in our tastes. Well, I have news for my fellow Americans. The French are, by and large, not sexually repressed. They have no understanding of the current round of Brokeback Mountain jokes. If you run one by them they just stare at you with wider and wider eyes and say, "what does that supposed to mean?" They just don't get it. They don’t have the same stereotypic image; in fact macho American men often make the comment that all Frenchmen are gay simply because they are more refined than their American counterparts. The French have been attending the film in droves. We saw it weeks and weeks ago on opening night in Bordeaux and many of the people sat in their seats drying their eyes even after the credits ended. The film has also won three awards from the French film industry. So say what one will about my lack of sense of humor, but in all honesty and from deep inside my heart, I cringe at these jokes. As far as I am concerned not only are they personally offensive, but they also underscore the smallness of the human spirit. The intent of these jokes might not be to make light of or poke fun at gay people, but they still serve to keep the myth alive that gays are "effete." Have they never heard of gay rugby men? And look at the number of people we know personally, just in tiny Corvallis alone, who have lived the Brokeback Mountain lie for years and years and in so doing have caused enormous pain to many family members and loved ones. I can name five right off the bat. No, self denial is neither pretty nor funny, and murder isn't either.

Good wine, good cheese, okay, but organdy and taffeta? And what is the Boy Scout uniform about? Those things border on the sick.

I hope you won't take offense at what I've said here. They are my problem not yours. I am glad you sent the "joke" because it helps keep me in touch with my homeland and its pop culture. Perhaps these five years that I've been gone have removed me too far from the mainstream. In fact, the other night someone from the USA in a phone conversation asked me, "You probably don't really feel American any more, do you?" Well, I feel I am the American I was all my life; I feel I am the American I was when I left America. What I don't feel is that America is neither now the place where I grew up nor the place I left. It is, in short, a real Broke Back Mountain.


MY RESPONSE TO HIS RESPONSE:

I certainly don't take offense that you find the ficticious Brokeback grocery list offensive.I'm actually impressed that you took the time to express your thoughts in such detail, though we disagree. And though you wind up by saying that you're glad I sent the joke (which I just posted and did not write, by the way) because it helps to keep you in touch, you may not be in touch with what type of website mine is. I love crude and sick humor, and I'm a blonde who makes blonde jokes. I particularly like the grocery list because it takes the piss out of the gays. It's the type of joke that a macho straight guy might tell, if they were clever enough to write it. Even though Elvira sent it to me, it takes on a new ridiculous dimension when a gayer than gay transvestite posts a macho-man type of joke about her own kind. It IS a cheap shot, which is the name of the game around here. Though if I'd had the wit to write it, I might have gone even cheaper with gerbil feed, "tina", and poppers references. I wouldn't call it stupid, however, and it isn't trying to get the point of the the film. That's the joke's twist! It's imaginatively fucking with the point of the film and focusing on one minor thread--their provisions, and fagging it up.

I certainly think one may enjoy this joke without considering "artsy", "french", or "sophisticated" to be liabilities, as I don't. And I'm glad that the film's a hit in France. I sat and cried in it, too. But "a smallness of the human spirit"? Wow. You SHOULD lighten up.This joke doesn't make light of the self-denial or murder in Brokeback. It's a silly "what if" scenario. Part of the joke's appeal lies in the fact that though the grocery list does perpetuate stereotypes that gays are effete and ignores the existence of truly masculine gay men, a lot of gays spend their lives trying to be more masculine than they actually are. When you're trying to be something that you're not, you're an easy target, like an old or fat woman trying to be sexy. (Insert applicable joke about my age and weight here.) Like the leather mary who sings along to Judy Garland while fastidiously grooming his died black handlebar moustache and puts on chaps in preparation for a night of fisting in a backroom. In a similar vein, I recently got a kick out waiting in line at a grocery store behind a 45-ish pinched leather gay shrugging exasperately as the straight latino homeboy cashier was forced to ask the female cashier next to him to help identify every gourmet produce item from fennel to arugula in the gay's shopping basket. Stereotypes are a common source of humor and a lot of the political incorrectness is removed when blacks, jews, gays, lesbians, handicapped or any other group direct the barbs to their own communities.

But what really gets my goat is your smart-ass fact-checking of the list itself. I'm no chef, but several of your corrections need correcting. Google "Al fresca" and several recipes come up. And they don't refer to dishes the diet soft drink poured in them. Unless they're all mispelled, "al fresca" is a bonafide coooking term. "Al fresco" also can also refer to dining outtdoors, or to my office "al fresco", which is the term I used to use when my phone would get turned off and I'd hang on the payphone outside my apartment making my business calls. And jeez, does that "Please deposit an additional 25 cents for the next five minutes" recording from the operator really add a dash of panache to one's work calls! Also, California Bordeaux does exist and I've often heard the term "en salade". The use of "fava beans" is no more redundant than string beans, grean beans or pinto beans. No one in this country has ever ordered a "side of favas". But you are probably right on "organdy" and this one: if you google "Dom Perignon Masters Reserve", no wine sites come up. Only pages and pages of sites which have posted the same joke list that Elvira forwarded to me. I think that attests to the effectiveness of the joke.

So, with all due respect, I highly recommend that you lighten and loosen up. But noting your masculine yet effete tendencies, perhaps I may offer these tools as loosening aid? I trust that the workmanship of the finely crafted products below will surpass even your high standards. I recommend alternately inserting each for several days, after which your nit-picky, anal self is likely to feel markedly more relaxed and less prissy. Who knows, if there is a mirror on hand, the sight of your fairy butt wiggling with a fanciful horsehair tail in it may even restore your sense of humor. Please send us some pix!



OR THIS ONE WILL LEAVE YOUR DELICATE ROSEBUD ANUS FEELING, IF NOT EXACTLY SMELLING, LIKE A ROSE!




UH UO! NOW THE INTERNATIONAL FASHION QUEENS ARE WEIGHING IN!

from the rarified drag deity Alexandra Von Raisin:

Hi Sweets.
You attract some oddballs. If that guy criticising your entry doesn't have a sense of humor, what is he doing perusing your witty, bawdy, world?
Here's more to prove him silly:
-"Prenzel vinegar tastes as it did to the medieval palate, with a wide range of layered flavours and subtleties. No attempt is made to sugar or otherwise soften the product - it is just PURE vinegar with no chemical additives of any kind."

-Silk organdy is a fabric, though probably more popular as cotton organdy. It's a sheer fabric often used in bridal gowns. Leads one to think that paired with the taffeta and champagne, there may be a wedding that weekend.

-Veal Medallions
-Porcini Mushrooms It's just a typo. Should be two separate lines.

-Exta Virgin Olive Oil is the purest available. "Cold pressed" is an anachronistic and largely unregulated label description for olive oil.

-Espresso Grind- "Another important factor that affects a cup of espresso is the grind. "An incorrect grind will result in a poor quality and inconsistent cup," says espresso machine expert, Christopher Cara of Thomas Cara, Ltd. in San Francisco.
If your beans are too oily and your grind is too fine, your espresso maker can't produce an even flow of liquid -- it will trickle out with no crema. [Crema is the beautiful, brown cream found on the top of a perfect espresso.] If your grind is too coarse, the espresso pours out of your machine like Niagara Falls...too fast for good flavor and definitely no crema."

Bi-lingual. To my knowledge, bilingual is spelled without a hyphen.


And from Paper's fashion maven Mickey Boardwoman:

bunbun

organdy and organza are basically the same except organdy is made
from cotton and organza from silk.

SNAP!

LETTER TO MLK

OUCH! My friend Zhana sent me this, the author is unknown.

Thank you Ms. Coretta for the grace, strength, and dignity that you displayed. Since your wonderful husband was assassinated by the bullets of fear and hate. You know they killed him because of their ignorance. Thank you for not allowing bitterness and anger to engulf your very existence.

Now that you are reunited with Martin tell him that they are stripping our rights away, day by day, but his fight was not in vain.

Tell him that although my generation glorifies drugs, debases black women in song, and calls us vulgar names - that his dream still remains.

Our men no longer celebrate our natural black beauty - we have to have long weaves, small waists, and big ole booties.

The videos are so degrading, they mirror soft porn. Us Blacks own television stations now, but that's all that's shown.

Tell Martin that my generation apologizes for its lack of respect for his legacy and the dormancy of our elders, we might as well call this the Civil Rights of Unmovement Era.

Tell him that although we as black people make more than we've ever seen, that we squander it on diamond clad teeth, 24 inch rims, and designer clothes due to our sagging self-esteem.

Tell Martin that our babies are growing up without fathers, while the mothers are catching buses just like he remembers. Our children take to the streets in droves, not to march or proclaim the injustice of this nation, but to pledge their gang affiliation. I can't rhyme to this next line. On any night thugs hang out while bullets ring out - not freedom. And yes we continue to be judged by the color of our skin by America but I wonder most about the lack of the content of our character.

Advise him that the grand-daughters of the Civil Rights era are making their money as strippers. The Grand-sons of the marchers are ignoring their sons and daughters and hanging and slangin' on corners. They're going to jail in mass numbers, not for protesting, marching, or defying racism, but because they commit illegal acts to gain materialism. Our children are making babies, ignoring education, committing felonious capers, I'd wish they'd read his Birmingham Jail Papers.

Tell Martin that those in the ghetto are not the only ones forgetting his dream. There are those who've forgotten where they came from because of a little cream. Who refuse to give back to the community, because their motto is 'More for me'. They've forgotten how to lend a helping hand, to help their fellow man - all the while thinking, 'If I can make it, they can'. Looking down without offering a leg up, getting on elevators with their noses up. Some of us are even republicans now, but that's a very exclusive black crowd. Striving to get to the top of the ladder, to make their pockets fatter - instead of doing something that truly matters. Leaving the 'hood' in droves and only moving back when Whites buy up all of the homes.

Tell Martin that we still like to dance and sing, but not Negro spirituals cuz we've got Beyonce grinding and shaking her thing. Ms. Coretta, this may hurt poor Martin the most - it just may seal the deal, we as a people don't attend church anymore. Cuz we've gotten a little education and found out that God wasn't real. For those of us who still believe, it makes us want to holla, we've got a pimp named Bishop and a Bishop named Dollar.

I don't know Ms. Coretta, maybe you'd better not tell Martin that for all that he's done to make us free, equal, and just - that we still migrate to the back of the bus. I'll bet looking down - he doesn't recognize us. We've forgotten how to march, protest, and vote - but be at the club, standing in line for hours - in the freezing cold. Sporting the latest gear; stilettos, hoochie clothes, teeth that's froze, and Tims - driving cars with less tire more rim. Dying to get in so that we can 'shake it fast', drop it like it's hot' - forgetting the respect and dignity that we were taught.

I neva' thought I'd think this thought, but please don't eva' give Martin your report. Ms. Coretta, maybe you should just avoid mentioning my generation all togetha'.

MRS. DOUBTFIRE BANDIT

OK, so I lied about going to Tokyo.

from Ananova.com

Police hunt cross-dressing bank robber

Police in Australia are hunting a cross-dressing bank robber who they have dubbed the Mrs Doubtfire Bandit.

The man robbed a bank in Bayswater, Victoria, wearing a floral dress, roller blades and brandishing a gun, reports the Melbourne Herald Sun.

He demanded cash and, after it was handed over, rolled out of the National Australia Bank branch and into the street at high speed.

Witnesses said he was wearing a striking white dress with a floral pattern, a pair of leggings and a black wig with a blue stripe.

But they told police his voice and facial features were clearly those of a man.

Sen-Det Robert Dabb appealed for witnesses: "Someone out there will most likely have seen this person roller-blading around," he said.

MAKE MINE A DOUBLE

SAYONARA, TOKYO!

My trip was a bit of a disappointment. Not because of Japan itself, but rather my own flu-ish condition and the rheumy eyes through which I viewed my exotic, new surroundings. I'd had a rotten cold for a week before leaving on Valentine's Day. I missed my therapy session so now I'll save some $ by whining to you! By the time I got off the 12 hour flight, sucking in the same air as the other international bird flu, turd flu and SARS-infected passengers I was riddled with a cold so debilitating that they would want to put those fucking surgical masks on when I trolled by slinging my deadly snot.



As if those masks work. Are they worn by the sick to prevent others' contamination or as protection from getting sick? Or to filter out pollution? This guy who lowered his mask to have a ciggy certainly seems to defeat whatever the purpose was. Maybe they should design a smoker's version of the mask with a hole at the mouth.



Anyhoo, I came over to dj at a Visionaire launch/exhibition/party, but I thought why come all this way without hanging out for a few extra days? It's a long flight and I'd only been here once, with Willie Ninja, Sister DImension, Madamae Ekaterina Sobechanskaya, club-kid legend Olympia and a few others to work a Suzanne Bartsch party. Since we never made it out of Tokyo, I'd wanted to return and use a spare day to take the bullet train to Kyoto and have a gander at the temples, geishas and what not. WRONG!

I will never again underestimate the crippling force of jet-lag, which has never hit me like it did this time. (Old?) I was hag-xhausted, but unable to sleep because my rhythms were fucked-up. I guess what I'd recommend to a visitor to any land that far away are bringing plenty of melatonin, Ambien or other sleeping aids, and DEFINITELY figuring in at least a day of leisurely recovery time before you have to "do" anything, much less hop a train to another city to explore. I was also poorly prepared for my trip. I'd had only jumped out of my 4-day sickbed to rush around the day before my departure trying to accessorize the borrowed kimono which I imagined I'd wear while go-go dancing to TURNING JAPANESE on a street corner behind a tip cup, with dumbfounded japanese looking on in shock, disgust, dismay--whatever. I thought it might be cute to cut graphics into the footage which indicated that I was an "international sensation", along with other segments in which I asked perplexed japanese for directions to the Great Wall, or perhaps brandished a piece of dental floss offering to blindfold strangers on the street. I had visions of prissing through the shopping areas and showing the Harajuku girls of HOLLA BACK fame a thing or two as their eyes narrowed at my "wicked style", and dreamt of later photo-shopping a Hacidic male's hat and spit-curls onto my head as a Hara-JEW-ku girl. All for you, my dear readers!

I would also recommend bringing fiber supplements. I know that whole continents subsist on white rice, but like our white bread and the food in Torino which the Winter Olympics athletes just complained about yesterday, there is very little fiber in it. Together with the few vegetables served (to me) in Japan besides seaweed, you're likely to be literally "full of shit" throughout your stay. And another thing--only take nutrition tips from fat people.

I also hadn't done my research, since I was busy wiping away my bountiful snot while shopping for the "perfect jewelry" for the borrowed psychedelic TURNING JAPANESE kimono which I wouldn't even wear once. I didn't go online and google any gay highlights (like the popular gay bar Mr. Strawberry--how fruity!) or tourist attactions or find out info on that bullet train to Kyoto. And Tokyo, much larger than NYC, is a bit daunting. A few warnings. Outside of your hotel, english is not widely spoken. Your ATM cards and cellphones are unlikely to work everywhere. Tokyo is huge and the subway was confusing--though I'm admittedly not a map person. Taxis are abundant, but japanese have their own unique way of giving directions and unless your destination is a well-known landmark, rotsa ruck with the non-english speaking cabdrivers. Oh, and the taxi doors, like the escalators which are triggered to start right before you step on them, are automated. Don't touch them! The driver won't like it. He wants to be in control of opening and closing them. And their spotless white gloves are so cute!



Not so cute? Trying to get my big bubble-headed moose-ass into the diminuative japanes taxis!



The japanese are a fascinating and often startlingly gorgeous people. As soon as the male flight attendant made his announcements in a whispery, polite, barely audible manner which was so different from our loud and gregarious "Welcome aboard and how 'bout that Super Bowl?" stewardesses, I began to realize how different our people are. Personally, I am probably the direct opposite of these reserved, polite, efficient and cheery clean freaks. Well, except for the freak part. I was shocked to see construction workers painstakingly putting out their cigarette butts on the bottom of their shoes and then into the trash can. Can you imagine a gruff American workman doing anything other than flinging his cigarette butt on the ground? There are hardly any homeless people here, and apparently a .5% unemployment rate, although my keen eye clocked one, who gave me a cheery if toothless grin from his makeshift hut.



And he singlehandedly disproved the myth about miniature asian dicks.He had 10 inches! Well, 7 after I removed the dirt and scabs. I had brought along a magnifying glass to aid in my quest for cock--but next time I'll come better prepared with a microscope. No, I'm kidding! Japanese dicks are the perfect size....for flossing with! Oink!

But unlike the above gentleman, most of these folks are super-industrious! How else could they afford to be the world's largest consumers of luxury items? Japan keeps those high-end labels in business. And japanese taste is definitely quirky, with a penchant for bright colors and a martian (as my Wigstock partner/fine artist Scott Lifshutz called it) sensibility everywhere.

"SQUINT" AND YOU CAN PROBABLY DETECT THE ANTENNAE AND HOME-MADE NECKLACE HANGING FROM A SEQUIN BAND.

















EVEN DOGS WORK A LOOK!





THIS GENIUS CREATION WAS IN THE WINDOW OF A JAPANESE 7-11. CAN WE DISCUSS THE WHITE THIGH BOOTS AND TANK TOP ORNAMENTED WITH A RHINESTONED MINIATURE BAT-WING? AMAZINGLY CUTE!



Maybe it's my pre-conceived notion of the "ancient mysteries and treasures of the Orient", but you do get a delicious feeling that they're keyed in to some "mystery of the Orient" which westerners aren't, and that they're somehow at peace with themselves. Until you see something like this:



Well I certainly didn't see anything like that at the glittering Visionaire soiree, held atop the famous Mori Tower, and presented by Van Cleef and Arpels and Moet Chandon. I met the creative director of Van Cleef and I'm not sure he understood my humor as I enthused, "I've always been such a fan of your exquisite jewelry", and holding up a VIP access dog-tag on a disposable chain, "but NONE of your designs could ever compare to THIS." He laughed nervously, no doubt noticing the mismatched jewelry that I was forced to wear as my jeweler is busy gearing up for that blasted Night of 1000 Goons.



I arrived and the photgraphers went wild. Both of them! They were screaming for me in their native tongue. I was later informed that translated, their words meant "Get out of the way, scag!", "What is the fuck is it?", "Quick! Get my surgical mask!" and "Where's Cecelia?".



Cecilia Dean, the Visionaire-y who you may recognize from her stunning Harry Winston ad, obliged the shutterbugs by arriving just moments later with her handsome escort David.



Since the radiant Cecilia brought nothing to wear (!), Balenciaga fedexed her a gown from Paris, which deserves it's own full-length shot. (Guys, for the record, I don't consider myself a photo-journalist, but I'm trying!)



Her bag is haute, and I think her dress would look great on me--as a scarf! Cecilia and David are joined here by the suave Greg Foley, another Visionaire staffer. Now Visionaire and I have a longstanding and somewhat peculiar realtionship. I never really intended to become a dj, and still can't mix worth a damn, but as music in the clubs got harder and more techno-y in the 90's, a lot of clubs would stick me in the lounge because I provided a relief from the usual main floor fare by spinning a variety of tempo, styles, and eras. No one really took me seriously as a dj until this deluxe, glossy art and fashion quarterly started hiring me to play their parties in New York, Paris, Milan, London, and Miami. And as high end as their publication may be, the Visionaire crew has a delightful sense of humor and appreciates my sense of trash. Like the time they arrived at the hotel in Paris to have the handicapped toilet door swing open to reveal me bombed and blowing the vietnamese janitor. At 5:00 am on that night, I dialed up Cecilia's room to inform her that I'd spoken with Stephen Gan, the head honcho pictured below,



and that her services would no longer be needed at Visionaire, effective immediately. Stephen reminded me that I'd also tried to blow Greg at each of their first 10 parties. Hey! A girl can't help it if she's got good taste, can she? Look how suave Greg still looks sampling figs and candied ginger dipped in chocolate. Luckily for Greg, I have finally given up after 10 years.




SPOTTED: THE GAL FROM PIZZICATO FIVE--WHAT A POSE! SHE'S RESPONSIBLE FOR HEAVENLY-TITLED TRACKS LIKE STRAWBERRY SLEIGHRIDE AND MAGIC TWIN CANDLE TALE.



SEX CHANGE SITING!



ANOTHER SEX CHANGE SITING!



Now this drag had a novel idea. Take a cab and arrive with one wig on head and one in hand.



Then for added height, plop the second wig on top and secure it with some sort of stick lodged in the base wig prior to arrival, et voila!



JAPANESE CARTOON BLING BLING





NEW YORK ELECTRO DUO DUKE WAS PERFORMING AT CLUB FALINE THAT NIGHT.



AT THE INVITATION OF THIS LOVELY LADY, WHO WAS INTRODUCED AS THE QUEEN OF THE HARAJUKU GIRLS. (I guess the hot new look over there is nightshades with long reddish hair under the arms! I wonder if Lypsinka knows how in she is...)



AND I GUESS THE SIDEWAYS PEACE SIGN IS THE POPULAR POSE:



IS THIS ONE OF THE WORLD'S MOST ADORABLE COUPLE OR WHAT?




GURL, I EVEN FOUND TRADE IN TOKYO!

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ATTACHED TO THIS!



I wouldn't exactly call his gold-sequinned cowboy hat to be as cutting edge as Visionaire's latest issue, but then neither was the moment when I incorrectly cued up a compilation cd which I'd made, and instead of the Basement Jaxx's DO YOUR THING I'd intended to play, out came the horrifyingly gauche opening strains of LA VIDA LOCA. (At least I didn't fuck up and play Wanda Jackson's FUJIYAMA MAMA, a rockabilly song in which Wanda threatens "I can cause distruction, just like the atom bomb". The only thing sadder were the remaining 4 minutes of the song that I was forced to grin and bear all and bounce around in mock delight as the dancefloor cleared. Troll in the hizouse! This admiring dancer didn't seem to mind. I have two captions for this shot:

SHE SAID: ORDINARILY, I"M THE ONE ON MY KNEES!

HE SAID: THE LONGER I STROKE HER FLAT WHITE ASS, THE SHORTER HER NECK GETS!



I THINK THIS GAL IS TOKYO'S GAND MASTER OF TEA CEREMONIES (REALLY!)



Socialites mingled in designer duds as expensive champagne flowed freely--was I the TOAST OF TOKYO?



OR JUST PLAIN TOASTED? OR JUST PLAIN?



I was plain BUSTED by the time I crawled back to the Ana Hotel. It was there I'd stay for the next few days, clutching a snot-rag and the remote. I had hoped to catch some traditional kabuki drag in a theater, but there was plenty of gender-bending on the telly. I marvelled at the site of these geisha drags in a musical, but was not prepared for the drag kings which followed. At least I think they were drag kings. (That rheumy eye again.) And then there were some really nutty club kid/musical looks that would have done Sister Dimension proud. Forgive the red eye function on my camera--I just got it and couldn't figure out how to turn it off as I (literally) feverishly snapped away at the TV screen.

















If you ever visit this site again with those red-eye "art pix" photo essay, soon I'll post pix from my trip to shopping havens Harajuku Street and Shibuya. Yeah, soon. It took me a month to post these!

CHAT ROOMS

NEVER TELL A WOMAN SHE CAN'T COOK!

MAD TV'S GAY SKIT

Hilarious!

YOUTUBE

QUEER MUSIC HERITAGE

A fascinating site with loads of pix of olde school N'Awlins drag queens from the 40's and 50's, and an audio clip of Jimmy Callaway's saucy stand up and singing to a full orchestra at the My-Oh-My Club! Now we just use those tired karaoke tracks!

QUEERMUSICHERITAGE

WHERE'S BARBRA'S MOUSTACHE?

Find out on this unusual post: ATTATOR.BLOGSPOT

ST GEORGE?

From FX:

President George W. Bush was scheduled to visit the Methodist Church outside of Washington as part of his campaign. Bush's campaign manager made a visit to the Bishop, and said to him "We've been getting a lot of bad publicity among Methodists because of Bush's position on stem cell research and the like. We'd gladly make a contribution to the church of $100,000 if during your sermon you'd say the President is a saint."

The Bishop thinks it over for a few moments and finally says, "The Church is in desperate need of funds and I will agree to do it."

Bush pompously shows up looking especially smug and as the sermon progresses the Bishop begins his homily: "George Bush is a petty, a self-absorbed hypocrite and a nitwit. He is a liar, a cheat, and a low-intelligence weasel. He steals elections. He politicizes science. He has lied about his military record and had the gall to put himself in a jet plane landing on a carrier posing before a banner stating 'Mission Accomplished.' He invaded a country for oil and money, and is using it to lie to the American people. He continues to blur the line between church and state. Cronyism and corruption is rampant in his administration. He is the worst example of a Methodist I've ever personally known. But compared to Dick Cheney and the rest of his cabinet, George Bush is a saint."

BUCK WILD!

Gotta see third sex porn star Buck Angel in action!

BIZARREMAG.COM

And, Buck's the lead item in an especially good Michael Musto column:

LADOLCEMUSTO

GAOL?

My friend Corey sent me this article from the Daily News. I'm curious to see what your take on it is.
AOL strikes wrong chord

Thursday, February 16th, 2006

Does music have a sexual orientation? Apparently America OnLine thinks so. Call up their massively popular AOLmusic.com site, scroll through their "musical styles" choices, and right below "soundtracks" and just above "classic rock" you'll find a heretofore undiscovered genre known as "gay and lesbian" music. If nothing else, this begs some intriguing questions about your CD collection: How, exactly, would a CD become gay? To this gay man, the absurdity of the question begs the most blinkered suppositions: Was the CD abused by an LP when it was young? Did it lack a proper stereo system to guide it while it was growing up? Or maybe it was the product of some "intelligent design" decision at the manufacturing level - the technological equivalent to the so-called "gay gene." AOLmusic isn't the only sonically minded company thinking gay these days.

Sony/BMG has just proudly trumpeted a new label meant to tout lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgendered artists called
Twist. Its first releases arrive this June. The label comes complete with a syndicated radio show, which just began spinning "gay music" locally on WPLJ Sundays from 10 p.m. to midnight. On the surface, this all reads as terribly liberated, as if the conglomerates were saying: "Look how gay-friendly we are! We're promoting you guys to the hilt." Unfortunately for, say, Twist, most gay musicians would sooner be shoved into the "spoken word" category than be ghettoized by their sexual-object choice. It's not that many don't want to be known for who they are. It's that they make music for the same audience any artist does: as large and lucrative a one as possible. By labeling their music "gay," it sends the message to straight people that they can't possibly relate to what they're singing about. Is this something tomorrow's Elton John would want to tell his potential listeners? In the case of AOLmusic, the "gay and lesbian" music section makes assumptions about taste that
necessarily stumble into stereotype.

Take a look at what AOL considered "gay music" in its debut week: A show tune (from "Rent"), a song from a fashion-oriented sexpot (Gwen Stefani) and a dance cut from - guess who? - Madonna. Why not go all the way and throw in something from Judy Garland? The only two acts included in the pop top 10 of late that have openly gay members are the one-named singer Antony and the Scissor Sisters, who, at least in England, have enough presumably straight fans to have hit No. 1 on the charts several times. Of course, AOL didn't become a major corporation by being dumb. Stereotypes have some basis in truth. If you go to a Pet Shop Boys concert in New York, it's a safe bet a hefty percentage of those attending have been to a bar named Splash. And, of course, we've all gone to Broadway musicals and found ourselves wondering, briefly, why the line at the men's room is so much longer than the one at the women's. But AOL's labeling of music as "gay
and lesbian" is hardly the benign equivalent to those like-named sections that appear in travel books, city magazines or Internet guides like Craigslist. Those outlets provide crucial information for LGBT people about health, safety and the most likely place to find sex at 3 o'clock on a Sunday afternoon. What's irritating about the growing "gay" demarcation for music isn't only that it's nonsensical. It's that it purports to be cutting edge while hinging on something as old as the proverbial hills: targeting a market. Worse, this particular targeting operates on an antique model. For years, gay media sold itself to the advertising world on the strength of the community's uncommon amount of disposable income, generated by having no kids to support. But with gay couples currently crowding the nation's fertility clinics and adoption houses, it's no longer a sure thing that they can, at whim, spend $300 on a throw cushion. If AOL and other media outlets are so eager to codify
gay taste, maybe they should go all the way and create their own version of the Kinsey Scale. Brainstormed by the famous sexologist in the '50s, Alfred Kinsey's scale rated people's orientation on a measure of 0 to 6. "0" was the "most straight," "6" the "most gay," with all kinds of tantalizing gradations in between. For the musical equivalent of "0" you'd have, say, Buju Banton (the dance hall star whose songs call for gay people to be slaughtered en masse). For "6" you could have something by Morrissey, whose lyrics epitomize that famous "gay sensibility" more bitingly than anyone since Oscar Wilde. The problem is, Morrissey has never declared his sexual orientation. And what would we do with someone like Rob Halford, singer of the metal band Judas Priest, who has come out but who makes the most conventionally macho music on the planet? Maybe this "gay music" stuff isn't as easy as it looks.

* * * This week's 'Gay Music' (according to AOLmusic, that is)

1. "Just Stopping By" (DJ set), Andy Bell
2. "Behind These Hazel Eyes" (live), Kelly Clarkson
3. "Dare," Gorillaz
4. "Black Horse and the Cherry Tree," K.T. Tunstall
5. "I've Got a Life," Eurythmics
6. "Hit Me Baby One More Time," Britney Spears
7. "King of the Mountain," Kate Bush
8. "Just Let Go," Fischerspooner
9. "Beautiful" (live in studio), Christina Aguilera
10. "You're Beautiful" (in studio), James Blunt

"TASTE" OF TOKYO

This would be a bowl full of cooked fish sperm, a Japanese delicacy which my new friend Fumiyaki ordered tonight. I didn't have the nerve to try it. I only like raw fish sperm, straight from the source. But it sure is a bitch turning the fish on. I mean, I've certainly enjoyed the raw sperm of men, horses, bulls and ok, a stray dog or two on a drunken spree, but there was something a little too fishy about this speciality for me to stomach. Who knew that fish had such big loads? Maybe this is one of those species which shoots out tons of sperm into the water while a female wriggles through it with her--I don't know--cunt gills open? (How do you make a fish come? Start by rubbing my nipples. Ba-dum-pum!) Has anyone ever eaten this? I thought I might spew like I did when I tried the lemon soda from the hotel mini-bar, and it turned out to be a vomitous lemon-flavored beer concoction.

MORE REJECTED BROKEBACK TITLES

Courtesy of the delicious Jan!

HIGH NOONER

JEREMIAH'S JOHNSON

TRUE, HE GRITS

THE PLEASURE OF THE SIERRA, PADRE

THE MAN WHO SHOT ALL OVER LIBERTY VALANCE

HOW THE WEST WAS HUNG

THE WILD BRUNCH

HE WORE A YELLOW RIBBON

THE LEGEND OF THE LONG RANGER

DOC'S HOLIDAY WITH BILLY THE KID

VERY RAW HIDE

LONESOME DOUG

THE HOARSE SOLDIERS

DESTRY RIDES AGAIN... AND AGAIN

MCCABE AND MR. MILLER

A FISTFUL OF NED

HI, PLAINS DRIFTER!

QUICKLY DOWN UNDER

BAREBACK MOUNTING

BONE-NANZA

DON'T MESS WITH TEX' ASS

HOME ON THE RANGER

OKLAHOMO

LITTLE BATHHOUSE ON THE PRAIRIE

PRANCES WITH WOLVES

CHENEY HUNTING GAME

From part of HUFFPO's CONTAGIOUS FESTIVAL

HUFFPO

MAHER ON CARTOONS

Bill Maher on the Mohammed cartoons:

I have to admit: part of me is glad we're seeing the cartoon riots. They serve as a great reminder of what we're up against. Plus, sometimes it's just nice to see angry Muslims burning someone else's flag for a change. And all this over a cartoon. Wait until they find out one of the Teletubbies is gay.

These riots really do remind us that, in some ways, this really is a clash of civilizations. One photo in particular caught my eye, one of a dark-skinned man holding a sign that read, "Freedom: Go to hell!" Then I realized it was Alberto Gonzalez.

MORE: HUFFPO

THEIR FREEDOM FRIES

From AOL News:

TEHRAN, Iran (AP) - Iranians love Danish pastries, but when they look for the flaky dessert at the bakery they now have to ask for "Roses of the Prophet Muhammad."

Bakeries across the capital were covering up their ads for Danish pastries Thursday after the confectioners' union ordered the name change in retaliation for caricatures of the Muslim prophet published in a Danish newspaper.

"Given the insults by Danish newspapers against the prophet, as of now the name of Danish pastries will give way to 'Rose of Muhammad' pastries," the union said in its order.

Read whole article:

AOLNEWS

CYSTERS, CYSTERS

From ebay: only $28,000 for a cyst with teeth! EBAY



WE HAVE DECIDED TO SELL THIS PICTURE OF WHAT WE WERE TOLD WAS A OVERIAN CYST AND A TUMOR. OUR DAUGHTER JESSICA IS A FATERNAL TWIN TO MY DAUGHTER MICHELLE. JESSICA WHEN SHE WAS CONCIEVED SOME HOW HER IDENICAL TWIN, THE EGG DIDN'T SPLIT ALL THE WAY AND HER IDENTICAL TWIN ENDED UP GROWING INSIDE OF JESSICA. JESSICA AND MICHELLE ARE 23 AND LOOK IDENTICAL BUT THERE NOT. HER DOCTOR ADVISED ME TO TAKE HER TO A CERTAIN DOCTOR AND HE DID THE SURGERY.HE THOUGHT HE WAS TAKING OUT A TUMOR AND A CYCST THE SIZE OF A VOLLEY BALL. JESSICA'S TUMMY STARTED GETTING BIGGER AND BIGGER AND SHE WAS HAVING TROUBLE URINATING AND HAVEING A BOWEL MOVEMENT. FOR 10 MONTHS THE DOCTOR JUST GAVE HER PILLS. WE ASKED FOR A XRAY HE WOULD JUST GIVE MORE PILLS . SO I TOLD JESSICA TO GO TO HER CHILDHOOD DOCTOR.HE RIGHT AWAY SAID THERE IS SOMETHING VERY WRONG. THE DOCTOR HE SUGGGESTED TOOK IT OUT AND TOOK A PICTURE WHILE JESSICA WAS STILL ON THE OPERATING TABLE.IF YOU LOOK YOU CAN SEE HER INSISION IS STILL OPENED AND WAY DOWN ON THE LEFT A DOCTOR IS HOLDING HER HAND IT LOOKS LIKE A BABIES HAND.SHE IS VERY PETITE. THEY BIOPSIED THE TUMOR AND THANK GOD IT WAS BENIGN. HOWEVER WHEN THEY BIOPSIED THE CYST WHICH WAS 15 POUNDS, JESSICA ONLY WEIGHED 86 POUNDS AFTER THE CYST WAS REMOVED. WELL THEY DID A BIOPSY ON IT AND FOUND MY DAUGHTERS HAIR, TEETH, BONES AND SOME ORGANS. BUT IT LOOKED LIKE A HUGE MASS, A SOLID MASS OR CYST. NO ONE KNEW THIS WAS MY OTHER TWIN AND JESSICA'S IDENTICAL TWIN. I SHOULD HAVE HAD TRIPLETS. I WAS HEART BROKEN AND JESSICA FELT SHE KILLED HER SISTER BUT OF COURSE THIS WOULD HAVE EVENTUALLY KILLED JESSICA TOO. IT WAS LIVING OFF OF HER BLOOD AND OXYGEN AND WAS ATTACHED TO HER NAVEL AND STOMACH. WHOEVER IS INTERESTED IN USEING THIS PHOTO THE WINNING BIDDER WILL RECIEVE THE ORIGINAL PICTURE THE DOCTOR TOOK ITS A 8X10 OR BIGGER.THIS IS JESSICA'S AND MY DECISION AND WE HAVE VERY GOOD AND SOUND REASONS FOR SELLING THIS BUT WE AREN'T ALLOWED TO SAY ON EBAY. HOWEVER I DO HAVE A E-MAIL AND MY PHONE NUMBER IS ON EVERY LISTING. ONLY THOSE TRULEY WANTING OR NEEDING TO BUY THIS BID ON IT. YOU CAN E-MAIL ME FOR QUESTIONS OR CALL ME .NO RUDE E-MAILS OR PHONE CALLS PLEASE.HERE IS A PICTURE OF JESSICA WITH HER BELLY POOCHING OUT. THIS WAS A YEAR BEFORE SHE HAD SURGEY AND A PICTURE OF THE TUMOR AND CYST. THE CYST THAT TURNED OUT TO BE HER TWIN AND MY DAUGHTER.I RESERVE THE RIGHT TO STOP THIS AUCTION AT ANYTIME FOR ANY REASON. THE WINNER WILL RECIEVE THE ORIGINAL PICTURE TAKEN BY THE DOCTOR IN THE OPERATING ROOM.HAPPY AND HEALTHY BIDDING!!!

BROKEBACK TO THE FUTURE

I don't get this cuz I never saw Back To The Future, but everyone keeps forwaring it so maybe it's better than I'd thought. You decide.

YOUTUBE

RUPAUL INTERVIEW FOR GENRE

I interviewed Miss Supermodel of the world for a recent issue of Genre. Naturally, she and I got to chatting as drag sisters will, and I went way over my word-count and the Genre piece (I think it just went off stands recently) had a lot of the juicy, drag-specific bits were chopped out for size considerations--it's only a one page article. But I thought it came out so well that I'm reprinting it here in it's entirety. Don't y'all love dirt on Diana Ross and lace-front wigs? I know I do! Ru was practically my drag mother in 80's Atlanta and it was a ki-ki to reunite with her after all these years. And Miss Sashay Shante gives GREAT interview!



B: Being roomates in ATL many years ago, we were pretty out there, artsy-fartsy party animals--we called it being "hooty". You've always kept some of that zaniness in your persona and a perfect example is "sashay shante" which took the nation by storm as a saying, but it really makes no sense. What exactly is it?

R: It's a feeling. I was thinking about that at the gym today and they were playing an album of a new artist who I didn't particularly care for. She's got a nice voice, nice music, but she didn't have that image or stance and that hooty stance is the irreverence that we grew up with and brought to New York, which is carried over into the work I do. That's what excites me. That's what interests me about--

B: --Stuff like "Strudel Model"--

R: YES!

B: Kind of Retarded stuff--

R: --Retarded stuff because the role of drag queens through out history has been of the shaman of the witch doctor. Of the people who keep the myths of any culture alive and they remind every culture not to take yourself too seriously. That you are not this body. That you are much more. So you decorate it and you make fun of it. That we are all both male and female and this is not to be taken seriously.

B:--I hope you don't mean this interview.

R: I mean your wig, actually.

B: Now in Atlanta we would often joke about things being mystical. How mystical/spiritual is RuPaul?

R: Obviously I acknowledge that there's more to this life than what the eyes can see. But, do I have a spiritual practice? I've prayed, I've meditated. I know that there is more and I acknowledge it but I don't go to retreats with candles and go round a campfire or anything like that.

B: No, YOU go to retreats with candle wax dripping on your nipples in a sling by the campfire.

R: Exactly.

B: Quite the opposite from spiritual, you have a website with downloads and a blog and you do your show on mini-disc. How much of a tech geek is Rupaul?

R: You know, people would be surprised. I've always been technical. I know how to do Pro Toolz but not the advanced level. I'd say, on a scale of 1-10 of a techie, I'm probably a 7.

B: Back in ATL, we were quite the party messes. Though I will still go out and do the occasional shot of Geritol and bump of Doan's, staying sober is an occupational hazard for drag queens. We're supposed to be the life of the party. Bartenders give the drag a drink as soon as she walks in the door so that she'll carry and entertain. At the level that you perform, you're in a much more controlled environment. You walk into a club to your dressing room, perform and leave. You aren't out hosting until 5:00 am. Any advice to your drag fans on how to avoid staying fun enough to be hired without being a mess?

R: Well, that's a good question because 1991 is when I quit the downtown hostessing circuit and I also had to quit drinking then too to focus on doing a demo and getting the attention of the mainstream entertainment world. Actually, at that moment, that's when drag stopped being woo hoo! that type of fun for me because then it became a job. And then when I got famous I couldn't go out down to the Vault and carry on. I couldn't go out I couldn't do any of that stuff and that what what was so much fun about being in drag! You could go out and terrorize. Back then I had to go out and every single to keep my name out there so that the promoters would hire me. If you stayed away for a week you were forgotten. And by the time I got up to NYC, I'd already been doing clubs for 7 years and I was over it. And the only way for me to get through this new crop of kids was to get crunked up. It is an occupational hazard. I think there's probably a way to do it, but your senses would probably tell you to leave this business alone if you were not to drink or get high. Even today, the only way you could get me out to a club if there are men wih their dicks hanging out on a pedestal shaking their dicks and asses or if there was a drag show or trannies popping ping pong balls out of their asshole.

B: What if it was a drag queen shaking her dick and squirting ping-pong balls out of her asshole?

R: I'm there. Reserve my seat.

B: I'm afraid Lypsinka is sold out.

R: All the kids write to me and say Ru, she looks just like you. And all these bitches are pumping lace front wigs. Brandy, Beyonce, Mary J., Ashanti, Tyra, of course.

B: Well after that rap song that made fun of Tyra's big forehead. How do they hide the lace front on HD TV?

R: Well, Granny on the Beverly Hillbillies--that is a lace front wig. I mean, we've seen lace-front wigs our whole lives and because of lighting, you don't see them. I have a lady in who does lace fronts with me in LA and she does them for Cher and Halle Berry, and she gave me Halle Berry's lace which is brown and it's unspookable.

B: Halle Berry wears a lace-front wig?

R: She wore it in when she played Storm in the X-Men and in Catwoman.

B: Well, it's nice change for that secretary do that the top black sexy actress has worked for 10 years! I hate it!

R: Oh god, it's rotten. But you know what? She's too short to really carry off long hair. That's why she has the secretary do. Cuz her neck isn't very long and that's how you elongate the proportions.

B: Oh really? (fingering my wig) Got any scissors on ya? There's a RuPaul doll out. Did you play with dolls as a kid?

R: Yes, I played with my sisters dolls!

B: What was your favorite?

R: Well, I loved Barbie. I carried on with that doll more than my sister did. Dressing her up and putting on shows and try to make outfits and do her hair. I think doll's are great to start kid's imagination. I don't know how many kids are going to be playing with my doll because it's $60 a pop--

B: Aren't they all now?

R: No, Barbie's like $20.

B: Well, who the fuck do you think you are, bitch? You ain't Barbie! Of course you've done MAC ads and radio and TV, but there is something about a doll that's a tangible message that you've reached a certain level--omeone wants to market a physical replica of you. Is that like a dream come true for a former doll lover?

R: It is exciting. But all the things that have happened in my career are things that I assumed would happen. It's exciting but it's not a surprise to me. I saw all these things as happening years ago. I thought the world at this point would have advanced way beyond where we are now. Technologically, we're really advanced but on an emotional level, in terms of men loving men and people accepting that, we're so in the 50's. And artisitically, as a pop culture watcher, we would be so much further if our culture would accept men loving men. In fashion, movies, art--it's all a rehash of old stuff. Movies of old tv shows, fashion is something from the 60's, 70's, 80's and music is all sampled. If we would accept love between 2 men, it would open up a myriad of different variations and possibilities of where we could go. Not just for gay people but for everyone. It would influence everything we do as a culture, what we wear, color combinations we would do. Hopefully, the doll and thinks like it will be chipping away at that. But in the meantime I'm just going to be having fun doing what I do.

B: Your doll is thinner than the Billy and Carlos dolls so I can take the whole thing inside me. Did you ever imagine that you'd be such a top? I mean, you've kissed my ass every night this week! And I think you should next the next line with washable clothes. Actually, the doll sports several different looks--give me a run-down of the "cunture".

R: Initially there were just 3 dolls and their looks were benchmarks in my career. The first was the cover of the single for Supermodel which is the glamorama look. The second doll is a sort of replica of the Viva Glam M.A.C. ad that I did which ran in Vogue and on billboards woldwide. And the 3rd doll is my current look which is relaxed--long hair, jeans, tube top--more accesible. Actually, it was planned to be more scary than before because it's more human and more touchable.

B: What do you mean more scary? I found all your looks quite scary!

R: Well, the current look is not a caricature. It's not larger than life, an untouchable glamazon. It's relaxed with with jeans on.

B: Urban real girl. And that makes it scary?

R: That makes it scary because before you could say "oh she's done to the hilt, she not even human she's beyond human". This is actually human and it scares people more. That's why I haven't been on Leno or Letterman because what are they going to talk about with me? They can make jokes about me, but when I open my mouth it's hard for them to approach me because it threatens the fuck out of them. Never been on Leno, never been on Letterman.

B: But so why would you plan to make it scary--to push buttons?

R: To push buttons and I've already gained entry into Betty and Joe Beercan's house. I don't need more of that. Now, I can actually go back to my roots which is scary drag. Which is pushing buttons. The glamorama look was premeditated because I wanted to appear sort of a caricature, a non-threatening persona that could gain entry into the homes of America. And it worked. Now, years and years later, I don't need to gain entry. Everybody knows my name. So, I can actually push it further. I can be more interesting to me and at the same time push people's buttons in our culture.

B: You place in the drag hierarchy is very different because you "made it" looking pretty. Ugly drag has been traditionally been the only drag that America will accept--

R: Milton Berle--

B: Or Some Like It Hot or Mrs. Doubtfire or Sha Ne Ne. If the joke is how busted the drag i., it's ok. But if it's a character who actually looks sexy and glamorous, it's harder to accept. And a drag queen/transsexual is more likely to pass in a real girl look than if she's prissing down the street in a white bouffant and a gown with a train.

R: Yes, exactly.

B: So the new look does sort of put you in the realm of "I am fuckable."

R: Right, exactly.

B: And that is your message, you slut?

R: It's true! That is the message because it's no longer pulling any punches. Ultimately, there's only one of us here. People like to make a big difference betwen what's male or what's female. Well the truth is, everbody has it all. And Letterman and Leno don't want to acknowledge that. I remember once Leno had a cigar and Dr. Ruth said "I know why you've got that cigar in your mouth" He said (Ru fake stutters wildly)" Don't go there!" That side of him is so shut down that he didn't know what she was going to say. Well, we know what she was going to say.

B: What?

R: That he wants a big fucking cock in his mouth.

B: Black cock.

R: Black! Exactly. And there's nothing wrong with that--

B: (relieved) Good! Whew!

R: Our culture has demonized that with men. I'm embarassed to say that I read The Da Vinci Code but it talks about that. It talks about the demonization of feminine behavior in our culture--not only with men but with women too and how it's been just made to seem weak. But because the first 3 dolls are so popular they added 4 more and these are all variations on the current look. And all these looks come from the Lookin' Good, Feelin' Gorgeous video. Different hair colors, etc.

B: The new look is urban and realer and there's a lot of down-tempo and even the house cuts are funkier than the previous albums--does that reflect your personal taste or what's on the market at the moment?

R: Absolutely. I think everybody listens to a myriad of styles and this album does reflect most of my tastes. It has dance, pop, r & b, a little bit of rap. I listen to everything. I love Tanya Tucker and Pam Tillis and Li'l Kim. But this album not only represents my musical tastes but also where my head has been in these last 5 years. My personal evolution, how I see the world and how I see myself.

B: Well, Supermodel is all about a model looking gorgeous but the lead single from your new album is about you Lookin' Good and Feelin' Gorgeous and you have a lot of self-empowerment messages like "you can do it" and "this is my moment" .I'm someone who is very bitter when I look out at the world which is perhaps in the worst place it's ever been in. How do you manage to have a balance to keep yourself together with all this unsettling world drama? I know you have a lot to say on the world situation because I saw you interviewed on CNN right before the election and you were talking a bit about politics and the anchor asked you "How long does it take you to put on your make-up?" And I could see tht you were frustrated because it's like yeah I may be a man in drag but I've also got something to say about things other than make-up. Even in the gay community--this has turned into a monologue instead of a question--

R: Yeah! ARE YOU INTERVIEWING ME OR Am I interviewing you? I fel like Oprah. More like Tyra actually. And can someone please tell Tyra, GET YOUR OWN LOOK?

B: But even in the gay community a drag queen is expected to be fluff and fun.

R: The choice to see the glass half full or half empty is a choice I make every single day.

B: Me too, at a bar!

R: The truth is the glass is half full or half empty--but one choice will bring you joy and one choice will bring you pain. And I choose to look at it as half full. Neither is wrong. But as for the second part of the question--activism in terms of drag go hand in hand. And I've said before, everytime I bat my eyelashes it's a political statement. Anytime you follow your heart and do what you desire to do which is play with all the colors in the crayon box, somebody is gonna get upset about it. Somebody is going to be rubbed the wrong way because they're going to be reminded that they're not living their lives to their full potential. And that's really what it boils down to. My songs are optimistic because it's my own personal mantra. I'm not only saying "Live life to it's fullest" and "you better work" to other people but I'm also saying it to myself cuz I need that affirmation everyday. I forget. I don't practice religion but I do practice keeping myself in a place where I can enjoy this gift of life. The 5 years I was in California I had some really dark times. I didn't create work for myself--I just did what came to me. I spent a lot of time sitting with myself in a way that I've never done before. Because my whole life, I wanted to be famous and it happened. Then what? It's like Dorothy after Oz. What do you do after you've seen the Wizard? Well I had to sit it out and that was like my 40 days and 40 nights. It was beautiful and great but it was very dark. There's some dark stuff on the record. I talk about my break-up of my relationship with George--we were together for 6 years. I talk about coming into my own and loving myself irregardless of the fact that I have character defects and that's alright.

B: You've gotten to meet and work with Diana Ross. What was that like to meet your idol?

R: I don't think that people should meet their idols, honestly. I've had to develop a love for the image and then a completely separate relationship with the person. Rarely do the two meet--they never meet. The image you have of someone is never gonna be who they are--

B: With Patti it is!

R: Well, yes. Most people won't understand that. Because when you're dealing with someone's fantasies and the part of them that is their hope, it's very serious business. So I've learned to not be sarcastic about my career. I used to never take a compliment. Just the other day a guy hung out with me and I said "You got to see the poison that is RuPaul." and he said "Don't say that." He was being sincere. And I have had to learn not downplay people's love for me because it's serious stuff--their image of me or of any star. But Diana is a very ambitious person, she's a mother and she's a lot of times unaware of her impact in all of the things she's done. Her kids don't even listen to all of her records the way that I have. She's a lovely person. She's very guarded, too.

B: Against what?

R: She knows that there are people who would do anything to get to her or to use her.

B: The one thing from Call Her Miss Ross that people pull out as scandalous is that her employees aren't supposed to look her in her eye backstage. As cruel as that may sound to fans, I know for a fact that if she were approaching the stage at a huge concert, possibly nervous or remembering lyrics and focused and I passed her, there would a be a look of longing in my eye that screamed "I need validation from you of all the love I have for you!" I guess that's why that's in her contract. Because even I feel that way towards her and I'm not a very star-struck person--could I have your autograph, Ru?

R: Most people don't understand that. We're talking shop talk. Certain things you can't tell to the regular Joe Schmoe on the street because they won't accept it the same way. If a child passes their parent's room and they're having an S & M workout and mommy is beating the fuck out of daddy--

B: No it was the other way around--oh you mean hypothetically--

R: No not YOUR parents, Bunny ! A child won't understand that that's a sophisticated expression of love or enjoyment. There are certain things in show business that are behind the curtain that if normal people heard about, they would think of it as being cruel. And the Ross eye thing is one of them.

B: Tucking is another.

R: When I did my show on VH1, I would tell the staff not to tell me I look great. Everytime I'd come in they'd be like "Wow! You look great!" and I don't really wanna hear that. We were taping 2 shows a day and I had a lot to remember to say. and they'd been working on me for 4 hours--I know I look great. To hear that it distracts me and then I have to say "Oh, thank you! "when I'm focusing on remembering lines and even that small amount of time it takes away from what I'm there for. I have the best people in NYC working on me--I know I look great. The truth is everybody is the same: Cher, Patti, Diana, Janet--insecure, wants love, wants to be validated, just like you, me and everybody out there walking on 8th Ave right now. But you have to understand that. But in order to understand that you have to give up your image or your fantasy of that person. And that's very valuable stuff. A lot of times it may not even be worth it to give that fantasy image up.

B: Is Diana Ross fierce? When she's just sitting there and not necessarily "on" is she a fierce black woman?

R: Absolutely. Last time I saw her she was in Atlantic City I went backstage to see her. I have a personal relationship with her and talk to her on the phone and visit her house. At one point she was talking about being in Las Vegas and Atlanatic City and I said "I don't like being there cuz I don't gamble" and she said "I gamble". She said I've come home with $100,000 and threw it up in the air and all the kids were like "Mom! What's that?" And the kids are playing with it--$100,000 she won at the tables. And I said "Aren't you said that you could also lose $100,000?" and she said "Ru, I'm a winner. And I have always have been." And I said "I'm a winner, baby like me Mahogany!" and we all laughed. And I told her "It's true, you are a winner. No matter what you've ever done, you've always come out on top." So yes, she is fierce and she knows it. And she owns it. And I think she owns it now more thyan ever before. I think a lot of the troubles she's had in the recent years have been because maybe on some level maybe she didn't believe it and there was some insecurity.

B: But she's not like a chatty fag hag.

R: No, she's not. She's very guarded. She knows her power. If you remember, at Motown, all the Motown people hated her because she got preferential treatment, deservedly so. She had the boss's daughter. So she couldn't afford to be chatty or to give so much to everyone cuz they would use it against her. And they have. The same with Cher, Oprah, all of them. They all know that they are the guardian of their legacy and that they can't just sprinkle it around everywhere because everyone will take it and everyone will use it to their advantage. Even their families.

B: Controversial blackface drag queen Shirley Q Liquor does the intro on Lookin Good, Feelin' Gorgeous. Race issues have exploded in this country. Something is brewing.

R: Oh yeah. A lot is brewing and it should be brewing. I think our culture has gotten so complacent with ipods and cellphones and Tivo and it needs to explode. I think race issues are really a sympton of a deeper problem--that people are disenfranchised and feel like they're not being heard. I think race issues are always there because it's the easiest thing for people to grab and say "Oh, you're doing that to me because I'm black." Well, the reason doesn't have to do with that person. The bad republicans don't have morality. They have a one-mindedness which is to preserve their way of life. And if it comes across as being racist, it's not even that personal. It's really just about them protecting what they have. And yeah, it does trickle down to being racism. Things are going to get a lot worse before they get better. It's already happening. Katrina is purely feminine energy, and I always think of the Mississippi Delta area as the womb of this continent. This feminine energy is going to rock this administration, even rock what I was talking about earlier with Leno and Letterman--this male-dominated thought process that is damaging to our culture and everything that's creative about life.

B: Well, George Bush is the epitome of that.

R: Absolutely!

B: With his sand-box bully style of "You're either for us or against us"--it's more like a bully in a schoolyard picking teams than diplomacy. It's not like "Can we discuss this? It's "We're going to war. We're gonna hit some Arab nation and it doesn't matter if they are connected to Al Quaeda or not. That is a masculine energy and it's time that women's influence is felt more. Let's go chop our nuts off!

R: Right, but women are guilty of it, too. I'm walking through the airport and I can't believe all the friggin' TV's are turned to news or sports. Do all these women really want to watch this? It's small things, but it's the way we've been oriented.

B: Did you see the Kanye West thing? It was so electrifying that I burst into tears--it was a little truth that did get televised.

R: I did see it and I went out and bought 2 copies of his album.

B: As far as your new down-tempo cuts, do you think America would accept RuPaul as something other than a dance diva? Dance isn't really making it onto the radio anymore--it's all r&B and hip-hop. And that world is very homophobic. Kanye West denouncing homophobia in the rap world was the exception.

R: No, I don't think the hiip-hop community would accept me and honestly, coming back into the business, my thing wasn't about trying to get world-wide acceptance--I've gotten that. I want to do work that I will enjoy, and that people who want to see me will enjoy, too. I'm not trying to convert anybody. I just wanna do my thing. I don't want to be on HOT 97 or any of those stations because I think they are mean-spirited. I think a lot of that stuff and even reality tv I've been asked to do are all mean-spirited. I don't want to do that stuff. I took a long time away from the business and I'm coming back to it to have fun.

B: I think that's all my questions. I can't really see because I just had to get glasses and I never remember to bring them.

R: Oh, you know I got my glasses, too. I'm not wearing them now?

B: (Squinting) You're not? Oh, ok. So long DOES it take you to do your make-up?

R: God, everybody asks me that! I don't really have an answer for that--

B: Hours? Days?

R: Laughs .--cuz it's not just the make-up. It's about all the stuff. The corset, the hair--

B: What's a corset?

R: All the stuff. The make-up is just part of the stuff. I could probably do it in maybe an hour and 15 minutes.

B: For a special occasion.

R: I could do 45 minute make-up if it's just a stage show where I knew there weren't going to be any digital cameras and I could get a way with it.

B: But you always use make-up artists for taping stuff.

R: Yeah.
'
B: Speaking of which, you're doing a movie! You did a lot of these gorilla--I mean guerilla--style movies in atlanta, a couple of which I am in but I don't remember being in cuz I was so drunk when we filmed them. But this movie is the same kind of thing.

R: I saw some of the old films that were 20 years old and I thought it's perfect timing for me to actually do one of these types of films and do it a few notches up with a director and actual crew. And that's what we're doing-- time it's gonna go directly to dvd and it might show at the Quad, perhaps. It's not going to make a whole lot of money.

B: Well, the movie industry is in such a horrible state that they can't even make a fun film out of a concept as great as BEWITCHED, so maybe it needs a jolt from Ru the independent filmmaker. Some freshness that isn't filtered through the Hollywood system is what the film industry needs.

R: Which is exactly why the internet is so exciting. I put my record out myself and I'm getting my boutique on my site together so I can sell downloads and wigs and whatever I wanna sell. That's what's so exciting about this film--I'm doing it myself and maybe I can sell downloads of the movie on my website not having to go through the Hollywood system or any system. It's so exciting to me. This movie, whether I make money or not, I'll be of service to kids like me, kids like you--

B: I love servicing kids, too! Kids over 18, I meant to say.

R: --who now have a chance to see that stuff if they have a computer. That's why I wanna make this movie. When we made movies years ago we did it with literally no budget and the editing facilities were 2 vcrs. And people loved them!

B: For those who aren't familiar with the Atlanta films, you often played a female blaxploitation-style heroine--

R: Well, all the movies were exploitation films which took a cue from John Waters and Russ Myers. You and I did Terror 2 and the Wild Child. Another feature of drag is that it deconstructs what our culture takes seriously and does it with a wink. And our culture needs to be reminded, take this life a s a gift and to not take it too seriously. To have friggin' fun. And that's what I do with my movie, my music--hopefully with everything I do.

B: I know that Michael Lucas will be doing a cameo in your movie and that you're a fan of porn--

R: Love it!

B: Will there be any other well-hung sexy men besides Michael Lucas and Candis Cayne?

R: (Howls!) Yes, tons! Gus Maddox, who is gorgeous, is playing the male lead and Owen Hawk. The prerequisite is that the film is full of queens, trannies and male porn stars. All f the porn stars are showing their hard cocks, and all of the transsexuals are showing--

B: --their soft cocks.... and their hard faces! I understand that 80's drag legend and our old room-mate Lahoma Van Zandt will be coming out of retirement for this.

R: She is coming out of a 9 year semi-retirement to do this film and it's very exciting. It's hard to do this stuff. Mike Ruiz, who directed Lookin' Good and Feelin' Gorgeous video and is a incredible high fashion photographer--

B: and gorgeous--

R: --And gorgeous. It's difficult to do this film because the stakes are higher in terms of other people. My aesthetic is "Just get it on camera--I don't give a fuck. Just make sure my light is good." Well, it's a little more complicated when you get someone with a beautiful eye like a Mike Ruiz and the production value's much higher. In fact the role you're going to play is sort of like a lipstick lesbian who likes to pick up the prostitutes and talk dirty. I play a hooker and there are many montages of the tricks she has to turn and you are one of these tricks. You play a woman who picks up women.

B: Typecasting!

"WE DON'T TORTURE"

Previously unpublished images showing US troops apparently abusing detainees at Iraq's Abu Ghraib prison in 2003 were broadcast today by an Australian television station.

Still and video images were broadcast on Dateline, a current affairs programme on SBS television, which appeared to show dead bodies and Iraqi prisoners being tortured by US troops.

In one piece of footage, an Iraqi detainee was seen slamming his head repeatedly into a metal door, with guards apparently unwilling to intervene and stop him.



A still image showed a naked detainee with 11 non-fatal gunshot wounds to his buttocks.

SBS said it had obtained a file of hundreds of images and that many of them depicted dead bodies, bloody injuries and acts of sexual humiliation that were too graphic to be aired.

In some of the film shown, naked male prisoners wearing hoods were seen being forced to masturbate in front of the camera.

READ THE REST: GUARDIAN

STEVE MARTIN ON CHENEY

From HUFFPO:

Vice President Dick Cheney, while hunting wild geese in the Rose Garden, accidentally shot President Bush twice, once in the heart and once in the head. "I didn't really shoot the President twice," said Cheney. "The second time I shot him, I was president. It wasn't until my third shot, where I accidentally shot my own foot, that I had shot the president twice.

I was officially injured and unable to govern, when Dennis Hastert came in, and stepped on the butt handle of the rifle causing it to swing up like a rake and shoot his hair off. I guess I'm officially responsible for that too, meaning I shot the acting president for a total of three occupants of the oval office. I'm not proud, but it is a record."

VD WANK

ROTTEN!

NEWGROUNDS

ARMY GIRLS GONE WILD

New video from Jerry Jihad and The Evildoers (aka Gerry Casale formerly of DEVO)

VIRTUALMATTER

TOP 10 CHENEY EXCUSES

10. "Heart palpitation caused trigger finger to spasm"

9. "Wanted to get the Iraq mess off the front page"

8. "Not enough Jim Beam"

7. "Trying to stop the spread of bird flu"

6. "I love to shoot people"

5. "Guy was making cracks about my lesbian daughter"

4. "I thought the guy was trying to go 'gay cowboy' on me"

3. "Excuse? I hit him, didn't I?"

2. "Until Democrats approve medicare reform, we have to make some tough choices for the elderly"

1. "Made a bet with Gretzky's wife"

WHO

DO YOU THINK IS BURNING THESE CHURCHES IN ALABAMA?

At first they said it could be racially motivated, yet it's both black and white churches so that don't make sense. What is the motive? Someone in Alabama who hates churches? Not many. Or is it to rile up the religious right so that they rise up even more powerfully against some unknown devil/attacker? I wonder if the same person who sent that anthrax out a few years ago is behind it--THE US GOVERNMENT!

What do y'all think?

SOMETHING SWEET

HO'S ON PARADE

from an english tabloid:

MORE REPORTS OF NY FUN???

Courtesy of Suzanne Bartsch's new night at Happy Valley:

NEWYORKMETRO

R.I.P. PETRINA MARIE

Whenever I get a call from 314 area code, I know it's either ma dirty dawg Nelly on a booty call (I wish) or Petrina Marie, St. Louis's reigning booger drag. I met Petrina when performing at Faces in St. Louis, and it was one of those "instant sister for life" moments which us freakazoids sometimes experience on our quest for something unnamed. Petrina succumbed to throat cancer yesterday after a long battle with it. Her lover was kind enough to phone me and give me the news of her passing. He said I was one of her favorite people. She was definitely one of mine.



A week before her death, she sent me gob-stopping this pic of her. Excelling in lunacy until the very day she died, I'm sure. I marvelled at not only the genius of photoshopping her big horsehead onto a supple young female acrobat's body, but really sending it over the top with the addition of fake rotten teeth--not that her own choppers were much better looking! Or maybe those weren't fake--she was kinda long in the tooth. I had planned to steal the idea from her, but out of deference, I'll wait a week or two. And her homemade costume "collection" might be of interest to the Ringling Brothers clown department.

Petrina's gruff voice greeted me with "Skank" from the first time we met at Faces, where I was hired to join the cast. Petrina occupied a unique position in St. Louis's drag hierarchy and the surrounding circuit: she was a hilarious emcee who provided a comic touch to all the gals who strove to be real, a slick dancer, or celebrity impersonator. Trolling out onto the stage with toilet paper intentionally stuck to her pump, she provided a welcome break from the gals who took themselves seriously. I've howled for years at her gravelly, acidic retort to one unfortunate heckler: "Listen fag! You paid to see me. I would NEVER pay to see you!". She also got me with her confession to the audience that "My dick is shoved so far up my ass that if I ever got a hard-on I'd have to do a back-flip." Country humor which is so ill that I didn't really get it all the time, but laughed at the sheer wrongness of it anyway. I guess you could say she was the Mr. Charlie Brown (Atlanta's finest femcee) of St. Louis. Thanks for all the laughs, you ROTTED SKANK! I loved your sorry ass to death--uh, literally!

IDIOTAROD

Or as one friend put it: Is NY having fun again? Kooky article from Village Voice.

VILLAGEVOICE.COM

HILLARY BUMPER STICKER

At last! A bumper sticker for both parties. FINALLY, someone has come out
with a 100% bipartisan political bumper sticker. The hottest selling
bumper sticker comes from New York.

"RUN HILLARY RUN"

Democrats put it on the rear bumper.

Republicans put it on the front bumper.

CHENEY T-SHIRT

Jan is already on this one!




POLITICALHUMOOR.ABOUT.COM

PEEPER DRAMA

Events at the Trojan Games took another volatile turn today as a spectator was dismissed from ringside during the women's 10-minute boxing match between USA's Tyra George and Russia's Evgenya Miranova. Officials were alerted when the unidentified man began to make noises that were audibly different from the usual cheers and chants associated with the event. "He was clearly in a state of arousal," said a Games spokesperson later. "We encourage audience enjoyment of the events, but this is something we have been trying to stamp out for some time now."

WANNA SEE A MAJORLY BIG DICK?

CRAIGSLIST

WOULD YOU LIKE HAVARTI

With Those Freedom Fries? by Choire Sicha

Embassies have been torched, several people have died, ignorance flows from all corners—all for a few cartoons less intelligible than your average “Cathy” strip. Welcome to the new medievalism.
And then the Vatican weighed in on the Danish cartoon freakshow that is now literally burning up Eurasia. “The right to freedom of thought and expression,” said the little city-state that could, “cannot entail the right to offend the religious sentiment of believers.”

Cannot? Really? Uh, screw you, New Pope!

Who’d have thought World War III, the war between secular societies and theocratic ones, would have come to a roiling boil over a dinky Danish newspaper?

But last week, bat-shit crazy theists of all stripes, international policy suckjobbers, NGO lifers, and European and American publicist-trained politicians and their dumb-eyed lackeys together hit a wall with the international incident.

Instead of blaming imams who toured the Arab world with inflammatory material of unknown origin, instead of say, keeping their mouths shut, the only way politicos could find to weasel out of their troubles was by trashing the international free press.

(Certain disclaimers should apply here: Is the international free press really free? Anyone who’s worked for a newspaper publisher would have a good chuckle over that. Yet still.)

Because there is a war on, Western politicians—undoubtedly because of animalistic impulses from their reptile brains—began to replicate the sort of thinking that motivated the Sedition Act of 1918. Except, somehow, this time, it’s in reverse.

Now no one must speak badly of his enemy.

This is pretty funny in America, for sure, where a majority of the citizenry doesn’t particularly want to even be at war with an enemy.

People have revealed themselves to be, in varying degrees, psychotic, venal, petty, superstitious, medieval, opportunistic, and very, very stupid.Even the rah-rah-kill Bush administration, the Bush administration of the Axis of Evil, the pro-torture Bush, the Let’s Roll! Action Figure Bush and the Mission Accomplished, No Really! Bush, seemed to morph into the wussy-handholding (yet secretly bomb-friendly!) Clinton administration—and not at all in a good way. Before President Bush’s extremely odd borrowing of the classically liberal verbiage of “addiction to oil,” and his pledge of Best Friends Forever with Iran in his fifth annual talking points run-down, or State of the Union, as it was once called, the State Department took a wacky we-feel-your-pain stance on the Danish cartoon fracas currently burning up Europe.

THEMORNINGNEWS

SPEAKING OF CHEESE...

NEVER FART...

IN A WET SUIT!

IRAQ THE MUSICAL

IRAQTHEMUSICAL

HEATHERETTE PIX

Miss Thing got dolled up to attend the Heatherette show at Bryant Park, and was psyched to see the models strut to David London's THE SOUND OF THE CITY, since I'd turned Aimee of Heatherette onto the showy cut from the largely forgotten Village People/Valerie Perrine vehicle CAN'T STOP THE MUSIC. The designer's theme was Gotham, so I thought it would be perfect. They agreed, and rewarded me with a front row seat next to Blondie Harry (which we call her to aggravate her). Unfortunately, the cunts started the show on time--the last one I attended was over an hour late, and the doors were closed! Even my cries of "But I'm Richie Rich's dealer!" didn't cause the gruff guards to budge. So I grabbed a quick nap behind the tent.



And saw performance artist Brandon Oleson emerging from the trash.



Since Richie got his start as a Michael Alig club kid star, Heatherette probably attracts the most downtown crowd of any of the shows, like Todd Oldham's did in the '80's. Hence the appearance of club royalty like TOBELL VON CARTIER, former Boybar Beauty CODIE RAVIOLI, and an unknown cutie who they've obviously drugged into submission in order to accompany their mangy asses. Actually, Codie, on the right, looks like a movie star. Tobell does too...Lassie! (That Mississippi bitch will cut me for that.)



ATTITUDE FOR DAYS! You gotta love a grey church lady hat with a matching ribbon woven into a braid--with facial hair.



SUZANNE BARTSCH's pregnancy certainly didn't change her always stunning figure. She joked that her son, Bailey, is now 12 and having "dates" at Starbucks with young misses. So Suzanne's freer to get back on the club scene and she hosts the wildly popular new HAPPY VALLEY, every Tuesday, along with co-host KENNY KENNY.


Kenny has had a different look every night for 15 years. Rarely good, but always different! (Kidding!)



CUTEES



LOVE THIS JEWEL PRINT PULLOVER!



SONGSTRESS MYA WITH ME-YA (Look at MY camera next time, beeyotch!)



I don't think my companion Dan Matthews from PETA approved of it, but I have to give points to this ol' gal with the hair teased up above the fur headband, accented with a rhinestone brooch. Nuts!



DJ THOMAS, DEBORAH HARRY AND MISS GUY



Blondie is getting ready to be inducted the Rock "n" Roll Hall of Fame on March 9th with an after-party at which Johnny Dynell, Guy and I will spin. A Blondie Greatest Hits will also be released, including a new duet by Guy and Blondie of the group's classic IN THE FLESH.

Snapped this pic of NAOMI CAMBELL on the monitor. Ain't she got some broad shoulders? (I know, look who's talking!)



Speaking of supermodels, JANICE DICKINSON can work a room so well it's scary! She was extremely fun and immediately screeched "I love you!", a line which she probably learned decades ago was a great way to appease any vain drag she actually didn't know!



SCISSOR SISTERS' JAKE SHEARS WITH HEATHERETTE'S AIMEE PHILLIPS (working a hot manicure!)



Gorgeous hair on a gorgeous model! The clothes were fantastic. Really imaginative shapes and fabrics in subtle colors like teal and pewter, so that the look was edgy, but not clown overload.



I asked the mere slip of a girl to "Try to look fat" when posing with me:



And I asked Richie, a model and Trevor Rains to "Try to look young". Hence the thumb-sucking.



One of the models featured sore on the mouth make-up:



MICHAEL CAVADIAS (aka LILY OF THE VALLEY), make-up artiste KABUKI, and RUFUS WAINWRIGHT (aka DUFUS AIN'T RIGHT)



Then it was off to Beige to try and catch a glimpse of Donatella's ever-changing mug, but she was a no-show. But the svelte (sniff!) host Erich Conrad was holding court with Lincoln Palsgrove, champagne, oysters and such.



Personally, I wish they'd add this exotic delicacy to the menu.



Beige wouldn't be Beige without crackwhores. Here's DJ JOHN JOHN FIELDS with coke-whort.



All in all, I'd say that Downtown isn't dead after all. It just waits to come alive for special occasions.

CHEAP DATE ON VD DAY?

I'll be enjoying a threeway on Valentine's Day. Ambien, Valium and me on a coach seat to Tokyo. But if you are in NYC, don't miss the demented Duelling Bankheads, who'll be making a rare appearance to fill in for Pu Pu Platter, who've gotten their fancy butts a gig in LA.. And it's free!

The Starlight lounge
167 Ave. A 10/11st.
Tuesday Feb. 14th 10 pm
2 4 1 drink specials after the show (though definitely needed before the show!)



If you're lucky, they'll perform their mind-blowing Hellen Keller skit. Beg them and they are likely to oblige. They aren't accustomed to requests other than "Get off!" and "Retire!".

LOSE WEIGHT WITH AYDS

No, not the disease! The reducing candies (lose weight with chocolates!), which were heavily promoted until AIDS the disease kicked in. Ayds was then yanked off the market, but here's a 1982 commercial for the diet aid.

YOUTUBE

RONALD IS METAL

ILL!

RONALD IS METAL

GIZOOGLE.COM

SHIZZLE-IZE ANY WEBPAGE WITH GIZOOGLE. Here's one of my recent blog entries "gizoogled". I'm sure religious sites could provide endless entertainment.

CARTOON BLUES
It was a gorgeous, S-U-Double-Nizzy day on Friday. I guess that's tha bright side of global rhymin' fo' sheezy: beach days in January! Woo hoo where the sun be shinin and I be rhymin'! Actually saw one homey witout a shirt dur'n tha day n shit! But no cracka could brotha me up when I heard tha news `bout T-H-to-tha-izzat Danish pusha cartoon which depicts Islam's prophet Mohammed wear'n a turban/bomb . Ya fuck with us, we gots to fuck you up. Now Danish consulizzles have bizzle burned in Damascus n Beirut n huge protests is on tha mizzarch worldwide. I'm thrilled thiznat progressive European playa published tha images in freedom of speech's defense. One of tizzy showed Mohammed bustin' tizzle paradise is mobbin' out of virgins n shit. I'm sorry, but that's funny spittin' that real shit! President Tiznush condemned tha messin' . One, two three and to tha four. I guess he feels that tha military occupation of two Middle Eastern countries is enough. Not condemn'n a cartoon would be going a shawty too far fo` him. I hope that (both) muslims wit a sense of humor noted tha irony/idiocy of Bush's clockin' up on this hittin that booty.

But as much tizzle as I spend slamm'n Bush n his baseless attacks on muslim countries, this explosion of muslim outrage over a cartoon, reminds me that they religious extremists is just as backward as ours--at least Pat Robertson hasn't called fo` beheezeeings over a cartoon--yet! One muslim promised a 9/11 com'n soon ta Denmark. Freedom of speech, hello? I think tha civilized world has established that--can tha muslim world pleaze play catch up? Yo stone-throw'n, embassy- n cruisin' protest'n mobs is actually perpetratin' tha US look fair, rational n advanced. I knizzay T-H-to-tha-izzat tha US has done/is doing a lot ta inflame muslims wit it's foreign policy, but these hotheezees obviously have a ridiculously short fuse . Snoop dogg is in this bitch. At least tha image of Kanye W-to-tha-izzest, photographed fo` Perpetratin' Stone as a crucifiction-mode Jesus, (thanks fo` anotha one, David LaChappizzles didn't cause born-agains ta takes ta tha streets of US cities . Death row 187 4 life. If yo "great" muslim religion can't stand up ta a fuck'n cartoon, tizzle it's as pitiful as Bizzush, whose policies as laid out in his State of tha Union address couldn't stand up ta Cindy Sheehan's t-shirt so she was ejected n arrested . Nigga get shut up or get wet up. (Randi Rhodes had her on as a guest on AIR AMERICA n joked "I wizzay ta tha SOTU address n all I gots was arrested.") T-shirt or cartoon, it's one step away frizzay George Orwell's Think Police say'n "izzy is not allowed ta hizzle this thought." Wiznell, you baller may not be, but I stiznill am aww nah.

I say defuse all of this ancient idolatry. Let Sinead rip up tizzy photo of tha pope, bizzy any fizzle you wizzant, n dizzle any cartoon you desire . Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your motherfuckin' dome. I'm try'n ta imagine if I'd be outraged if sum-m sum-m I loved tha mizzle wizzle desecrated n shit. Let's see, if MY idols Patti Labelle, Charo n Barbara Eden were de-wigged n infected wit AIDS via a huge, uncut dominizzles dong thizzat had been ripped from mah own greedy grill riznight before I orgasmed n tizzle all three were led through tha streets in chains while angry mobs hurled stones at them, I'd be pretty devastated. IF IT ACTUALLY HAPPENED in tha mutha fuckin club. But I think, wit tha aid of Valium, I could handle an illustration of it like a tru playa'. Doesn't christianity frown on idolatry? The fizzy online dictionary defines it as: "idolatry - tha worship of idols; tha worship of images thiznat is not God." In otha words, you can only have one idol, tha one tizzy we call god gangsta style. Fizzy tha symbols . Yippie yo, you can't see my flow! Be concerned wit wizzy they represizzles used ta represent, anyway. Instead of Hillary Clinton join'n republizzles ta legislate against gang bangin' she should prioritize n focus less on tha piece of fabric itself n more on improv'n tha actual country which those stars n stripes represent, as we move horrifyingly playa away fizzle Constitizzles upon which we were founded. Catholics angered by Sinead's anti-pope sentiment should wizzy at straight trippin' tha mackin' child abuse, corruption n lies which taint they church. And ratha tizzle focus'n on a Mohammed cartoon, why not address tha terrorists witin yo religion whizzay is mak'n tha Danes snea at yo prophet?

If you don't wizzay thugz draw'n bombs on yo version of Jesus's heezee, QUIT BOMBING PEOPLE IN HIS NAME! Or git a baller press agent, coz tha mizzle side of Islam we see is whizzen you dizzle in fo` events like 9/11. Not that US news gives us tha miznost balanced images of muslims, but it's widely known that 9/11 turned it's mastermind into a hero in tha muslim world. Hizzay mah thugz is belligizzles too but real niggaz don't give a fuck. But you have ta face tha facts that yo devotees aren't exactly seen around tha world as sweethearts n frown on yo malishizzous extremist elements as I F-R-to-tha-izzown on mah own fo gettin yo pimp on. If we don't keep powa out of extremists' hands or we all doomed like a motha fucka.

Christian n muslim nations mov'n nigga ta extremism wit tha church n state intertwined n inflamed like this and like that and like this and uh. It's a move away fizzle reason . Aint no killin' everybodys chillin'. Did you see tha rage in tha faces of these muslim rappa? In Gaza, muslim men unda 45 were forbidden ta pray becasue they were afraid ta let an angry gizzle congregizzles even in a mosque. Hordes of furious youth who is partially angry over they own poverty, as depicted in SYRIANA's plot of tha brotha turned suicide nigga . It dont stop till the wheels fall off. Kind of like tha pimp income mizzle youth in this country who see tha military as a way ta makes $ and yo momma. Oh, but tizzle you die so you can't enjoy tha $ n tha whole country is now against tha war so recruitments drizzay so low tizzy they is now admitt'n ex-cons ta mizzy military quotas . You gotta check dis shit out yo. Solution and yo momma! Mix in religion, so youths wizzy fizzight ta they own deaths ta support someone else's greed W-H-to-tha-izzich they'll cracka own a piece of---and fight it wit tha conviction of a-- dare I use tha actual word?--crusada. A fairy tale of an old dawg wit a long, white beard in heaven wizzle boost they morale as they kiznill themselves n Iraqi innocents like this and like that and like this and uh. I jiznust saw an anchor on CNN ask tha author of some new book on soldia n religion brotha or not faith makes fo` a playa soldia . Chill as I take you on a trip. The reply was yes, Rhymin' coz tizzle tha playa have worked out a rationale of why tizzle is over there fight'n . Snoop heffner mixed with a little bit of doggy flint. Yeah, by side-stepp'n tha emphasis on peace W-H-to-tha-izzich is at tha core of every religion, just like muslims do. And if yo gods is so all-powerful, can somebody pleaze pray ta theirs fo` some good news? It's been a while since we've had any . Subscribe nigga, get yo issue.! Oh, sorry . Keep'n it gangsta dogg! I forgot in tha dogg pound. I guess I'm supposed ta be stoked tizzy tha sun comes up every day due ta "Him". Yeah. Thanks, god. I want ta be able ta see tha bombs ballin' on me, which is sent in yo name by a bunch of religious freaks who've perverted yo message, as clearly as possible now motherfuckers lemme here ya say hoe. Amen so i can get mah pimp on!

MY FIRST METH LAB

COLLEGE ILLITERACY SHOCKS EDUCATORS

I don't have a college degree--they didn't offer any courses called Drag 101. But I half-heartedly attended UTC and GSU as an undecided major (ie alcoholic) for a couple of years. But my dad's a history professor, and I often heard him rail against changing attitudes towards a college education, which used to mean being exposed to different disciplines like languages and philosophy, even if those subjects weren't directly related to your major, resulting in a broader-thinking graduate. Nowadays, my dad griped, students despise the languages and philosophy and usually go straight for a business degree. No enlightenment necessary, learn only what you need to make money. I guess that excludes reading now. And if they dumb us down enough, we won't question their propaganda. The dumbing down starts in grade school, but it's still shocking to read that it's so effective that one can obtain a college degree without being able to fully comprehend what they've read.

by Dr. Samuel L. Blumenfeld

February 4, 2006

Stunned, shocked and appalled are American educators as they study the recent report from the National Center of Education Statistics, which reveals that only 31 percent of college graduates can read a complex book and extrapolate from it. "It's really astounding," said Michael Gorman, president of the American Library Association. "That's not saying much for the remainder," he added, meaning that 69 percent of our college graduates cannot read at or above a "proficient" level.

Absolutely appalled by the results of the survey was Mark S. Schneider, commissioner of education statistics, who remarked, "The declining impact of education on our adult population was the biggest surprise for us, and we just don't have a good explanation. What's disturbing is that the assessment is not designed to test your understanding of Proust, but to test your ability to read labels."

SIANEWS

BROKEBACK GROCERY LIST

(from Elvira)

Brokeback Mountain Weekly Grocery Lists
for Ennis Del Mar and Jack Twist, Summer 1963

WEEK ONE
* Beans
* Bacon
* Coffee
* Whiskey

WEEK TWO
* Beans
* Ham
* Coffee
* Whiskey

WEEK THREE
* Beans al fresca
* Thin-sliced bacon
* Hazelnut Coffee
* Sky vodka & Tanqueray gin
* K-Y gel

WEEK FOUR
* Beans en salade
* Pancetta
* Coffee (espresso grind)
* 5-6 bottles best Chardonnay
* 2 tubes K-Y gel

WEEK FIVE
* Fresh fava beans
* Jasmine rice
* Prosciutto, approx. 8 ounces, thinly sliced
* Medallions of veal
* Porcini mushrooms
* 1/2 pint of heavy whipping cream
* 1 Cub Scout uniform, size 42 long
* 5-6 bottles French Bordeaux (Estate Reserve)
* 1 extra large bottle Astro-glide

WEEK SIX
* Yukon Gold potatoes
* Heavy whipping cream
* Asparagus (very thin)
* Organic eggs
* Spanish lemons
* Gruyere cheese (well aged)
* Crushed walnuts
* Arugula
* Clarified butter
* Extra Virgin olive oil
* Pure Balsamic vinegar
* 6 yards white silk organdy
* 6 yards pale ivory taffeta
* 3 Cases of Dom Perignon Masters Reserve
* Large tin Crisco

BROKEBACK CARTOONS

PERSEPHONE'S BEES

I had never heard of this San Francisco group before Jordy sent me a link to their groovy new video: VIRTUALMATTER I understand they have a song on the BEWITCHED soundtrack--so no wonder I'd never heard of 'em! OINK!

I'm no rocker, but this video and song are so groovy!

IF THIS DON'T WARM YOUR HEART...

Then ya ain't got one! Erik is a friend, and boy, was his daddy a tiger! If you're as sick of hearing about the Super Bowl as I am--except how Aretha demanded that they put her and Stevie Wonder on, announcing that ignoring Detroit's homegrown talent in favor of the Rolling Stones was an insult--you might enjoy this article. (Of course I didn't see the game, but I'm told Re Re didn't even need a microphone!)

THE PRO-GAY VOICE OF A FORMER NFL PLAYER

Former NFL Player Frank Jackson talks about his gay son, Texas conservatism and what would happen if Vince Young was gay

By Cyd Zeigler jr.

Coming out to your parents is never easy. Even if they were card-carrying hippies and dabbled with the same sex themselves, the great fear of their unknown reaction can be intimidating.

But when your dad grew up in Texas, served in the Army, and is a former pro football standout, the thought of telling him that you sleep with men could be overwhelming.

That's what Erik Jackson went through 15 years ago. Erik is the son of Frank Jackson, a former running back and flanker who played for the Dallas Texans (who became the Kansas City Chiefs) from 1961 to 1965 before being picked in the expansion draft by the Miami Dolphins in 1966.

"Certainly, it had crossed my mind that this man who had spent his life in athletics, in the most extreme of macho environments, may have some difficulties with this," Erik says.

Erik had passed pretty well for straight all his life. While he didn't take to football, he was a track-and-field star, running the 100-meter, 200-meter and 400-meter spints, setting a school record in the former that he still holds to this day. He had a girlfriend through much of high school, right up until he headed West for USC. He was class president. All of this in Plano, Texas, meant he was straight, no question.

So, when he finally told his father that he was gay – over the phone the evening after his mother had guessed his lingering secret – he waited for the great unknown: the reaction of this former pro athlete.

"Without missing a beat, [my dad] said, 'Look, I'm going to love you no matter what. It may take a little time getting used to, but it doesn't change the way I feel about you,'" Erik recalls. "It was the dream scenario."


outsports

A CATOR 'N' KIER XMAS

Lady Kier has moved back to NYC and we are practically neighbors. She was living in London for around 5 years and we are thrilled to have her back. The sultry songstress has spent those years dj'ing and writing music, and is finally busting out with some new tunes which should be on her site soon ( LADYKIER.COM ). She dee-lited audiences at Wigstock and in Chicago with a few recent shows, an will soon open for James Brown on an Australian tour. Will that be a fonky-ass show or what?

I rang in the New Year with her and assorted aging scenesters at Sister Dimension's place. We hooted at Raquel Welch's insane 1970's TV special. More pix of the the gang on Billy Beyond's cool site: BILLYBEYOND . He's a much better photographer than I as evidenced by these pix of Kier and Raquel which I "borrowed". Which is why he just finished art-directing Amy Sedaris's upcoming home entertaining guidebook.

AS IF RAQUEL ISN'T STUNNING ENOUGH, CHECK THE FACE POPPING THROUGH A SUNBURST IN THE FUCKING RAMS THROAT!


Kier spent Xmas eve with her friend Cator Sparks, who blogged the experience.


Last week the Harvey Milk school had their first Trans Week.

This was a week for everyone from Trans kids, to trannies in training to learn about the lifestyle. There were classes on female speech, collagen injections and how to adapt into society. The grand finale was a Vogueing Ball held in the cafeteria/entertainment room.

These kids have a small ball every Friday but this one was a much bigger event. MAC had makeup artists (including my roommates) come in and do the kids makeup and they always hope for a celebrity judge or two to take part.
When I heard this part I knew immediately who to call.

Lady Kier accepted before I even finished my sentence. She worked with the school in the 80's and knew all about it. When I called the school they about popped out of their skin when I told them Lady Kier would be a judge.

That Friday we got all dolled up. I wore a corset and a westwood top (no fun in the subway, thank God for my overcoat) and headed to Kiers house.



She was in nothing less than neon pink tights, neon blue skirt and a jeweled batwinged sweater. "Hold on Cator, let me just throw on this wig!" she cried from the bathroom.
Out she came with an auburn crimped fall wafting below her shoulders, all attached with a big pink hair clip. The kids were not ready- she looked incredible.

READ THE REST: CATORSPARKS.BLOGSPOT.COM

TURDS OF A FEATHER...

ROME - An Italian priest who runs a music label specializing in religious songs said on Monday that Michael Jackson could be one of several artists to sing on a CD of Pope John Paul II's prayers, but cautioned that the project is "only a small idea" that has yet to be run by the Vatican for approval.

YAHOONEWS

Well, priests and Wacko share a love of theatrical costumes, lawsuits and they LOOOOOOOOOVE kids. I heard the Pope called MJ and said "If you keep molesting this many boys, I'll have to make you a priest!" Ba-dum-pum!

PETA PARTY PIX

PETA'S HEAD INGRID NEWKIRK WITH SPAMELA



Stella McCartney's chic shop hosted a fashion week bash for PETA, for which I dj'ed. Since it's in the meat market, once the strip for trannie hookers, I felt quite at home walking to work, though it's now a cluster of chi-chi boites and shops. The dilapidated three story house in which I once cohabited with RuPaul, Larry Tee, Lahoma Van Zandt and Nelson Sullivan is now an upscale eatery. Honey, if the yuppies dining there only knew about the Special K-induced homeless-rimming marathons that went down in that dump 10 years ago, they'd keep on walking!

Sashaying past one fancy boutique which had a huge glass window full of designer duds, I had to recall the inventive Florida gang of drags who would back a van into a shop window, load it up with gowns and zoom off to a pageant, where one queen was actually apprehended on stage wearing her beaded booty. Luckily, I don't own a van--and designer gowns don't fit me!

Alan Cumming was on hand to present an award in a sassy kilt. We chatted about our mutual friend porn star/director Michael Lucas, who apparently selects his ensembles with a stylist one month in advance, every month. Alan asked him "What if it rains? Or you go somewhere you didn't plan to?" Can you say ANAL?"



Former drag sister from Atlanta Lurleen Wallace was trailing Alan for a Paper magazine article and she took this pic of us, which brings to mind 2 drag do's and don'ts.

DO paint your second chin brown to help it recede from view through the ancient art of shading.

DO wear glittery patches,like this Playboy bunny in gold sequins seen here, to focus the eye on the sparkling center and not on how wide the sides are.

DON'T allow the light to bounce off your sequins and refract light onto your brown-tinted second chin, defeating the shading effect so that everyone can see how low your pendulous turkey gobbler actually hangs.

Pamela Anderson, or Spamela Hamderson, as she's affectionately known in the PETA offices, roared in and the photogs went wild. After they'd calmed a bit, I joined her on the red carpet for this shot.



Of course, the presence of a drag queen brings out the cattiness in women and fags alike, so Pam, noting my dramatic poses from the corner of her immaculately-painted eye, threw off her coat and rejoined me with her jugs perched lovelily in a low-cut black number, accented with a gold pendant. As my poses turned from bombastic to a sadly indicating my own inferior bosom , Pam mewed "Sophia Loren" into my ear. I didn't get it at first, but she was, of course, referring to the famous photo of Sophia jealously eyeing Jayne Mansfield's whoppers.



But Pam wasn't the only pumped hooker around. Miss Allanah Starr, of SHEMALEEXOTICA.COM fame, is alway a hoot to run into. Before her transformation, I knew Allanah in South Beach when she was a demented club kid drag named Damien Devine. A protegee of Elektra St. Jill, Damien wowed them in pageants with her intricate lipsynch spectacles set to numbers like Donna Summer's MACARTHUR PARK in which she smeared cake all over her mug to accompany the lyrics "Someone left the cake out in the rain." She also thrilled Wigstock audiences several years ago with a lip-synch to Adam Sandler's illin' AT A MEDIUM PACE. I respectfully waited a few years and the scooped that number up for my own act, since she's "afishally" out of the performing business!



The program included awards for Moby, Martha Stewart, (accepted by her daughter) who renounced fur in a new video for PETA and Reverend Al Sharpton, whose taped a new anti-KFC ad ("KFC? That's foul!") which can be viewed here:

PETATV



Reverend Al, who gave his first sermon at age 4, is a dynamic speaker, and I was delighted to hear that just recently, he urged the black community to accept gays, joining the tiny, elite ranks of black entertainers like Patti Labelle and Kanye West who publicly support us. So I was delighted to see him waving at me from across the room before his speech. I wasn't quite so delighted to realize that it was Pam, standing next to me, whose attention he sought. Or perhaps he thought Pam was me, and that's why he wanted her attention? Or maybe he thought I was Pam's mom or ...her transvestite dad? I'm clutching for anything here... Anyhoo, Al couldn't have been more pleasant.

That's PETA's Dan Matthews on the right. I bumped into him at Burritoville for lunch (and quickly changed my order to vegetarian). I loved hearing him gripe about "BOREBACK MOUNTAIN", which he thought was a snooze. I had to laugh in partial agreement, while explaining that the film's breakthrough encouraged straight audiences to accept us and understand how love between two men could blossom naturally. Antony (of Antony and The Johnson's fame) bitched that BROKEBACK isn't about "us" because few gays he knows are that macho. He has a point. But I rejoice anytime religious groups are reminded that their hatred of homos isn't as widespread as they'd like it to be. But don't tell it to those folks who just got shot and hatcheted in that Massachusetts gay bar.

Speaking of "cutting up", also seen were doorman Desmond Cadogan, Leigh Chappell and He-quida (drag queen Shequida in her civvies), and these fashion Week cuties. Doesn't this guy resemble Jay Davidson from THE CRYING GAME?



And honey, if you can make a universally-reviled comb-over look stylish you are young and sexy!



This young pussy pirate of the Carribean approached Pam so meekly and asked her for a photo. Can you say PUSSY-WHIPPED BY A VEGETARIAN VAGINA? As you can see, Pam, who favors the white boy rocker types, could have cared less.



I, on the other hand, dug into my bra and thrust a sweaty business card into his hand, hoping that he'd call to have me email the pix, or anything else he might want. Look at the joy in this boy's face! How many times must he have yanked his meat while drooling over Pam's pin-ups? Hey, I ain't proud! Pam and I can work as a team. She'll get the young gods all worked up and then leave, with her deranged "sister" left behind to take care of 'em. Someone please have her agent contact me to set this up. Oops! There's the phone. Maybe it's him!



Later, on a lark, Pam and I threw on dark wigs and removed our make-up to blow his surprisingly dark meat.

CARTOON BLUES

It was a gorgeous, sunny day on Friday. I guess that's the bright side of global warming: beach days in January! Woo hoo! Actually saw one guy without a shirt during the day! But no weather could cheer me up when I heard the news about that Danish newspaper cartoon which depicts Islam's prophet Mohammed wearing a turban/bomb. Now Danish consulates have been burned in Damascus and Beirut and huge protests are on the march worldwide. I'm thrilled that progressive European newspapers published the images in freedom of speech's defense. One of them showed Mohammed saying that paradise is running out of virgins. I'm sorry, but that's funny! President Tush condemned the drawing. I guess he feels that the military occupation of two Middle Eastern countries is enough. Not condemning a cartoon would be going a little too far for him. I hope that (both) muslims with a sense of humor noted the irony/idiocy of Bush's piping up on this.

But as much time as I spend slamming Bush and his baseless attacks on muslim countries, this explosion of muslim outrage over a cartoon, reminds me that their religious extremists are just as backward as ours--at least Pat Robertson hasn't called for beheadings over a cartoon--yet! One muslim promised a 9/11 coming soon to Denmark. Freedom of speech, hello? I think the civilized world has established that--can the muslim world please play catch up? Your stone-throwing, embassy- and flag-burning protesting mobs are actually making the US look fair, rational and advanced. I know that the US has done/is doing a lot to inflame muslims with it's foreign policy, but these hotheads obviously have a ridiculously short fuse. At least the image of Kanye West, photographed for Rolling Stone as a crucifiction-mode Jesus, (thanks for another one, David LaChappelle!) didn't cause born-agains to take to the streets of US cities. If your "great" muslim religion can't stand up to a fucking cartoon, then it's as pitiful as Bush, whose policies as laid out in his State of the Union address couldn't stand up to Cindy Sheehan's t-shirt so she was ejected and arrested. (Randi Rhodes had her on as a guest on AIR AMERICA and joked "I went to the SOTU address and all I got was arrested.") T-shirt or cartoon, it's one step away from George Orwell's Think Police saying "You are not allowed to have this thought." Well, you fuckers may not be, but I still am.



I say defuse all of this ancient idolatry. Let Sinead rip up that photo of the pope, burn any flag you want, and draw any cartoon you desire. I'm trying to imagine if I'd be outraged if something I loved the most were desecrated. Let's see, if MY idols Patti Labelle, Charo and Barbara Eden were de-wigged and infected with AIDS via a huge, uncut dominican dong that had been ripped from my own greedy mouth right before I orgasmed and then all three were led through the streets in chains while angry mobs hurled stones at them, I'd be pretty devastated. IF IT ACTUALLY HAPPENED. But I think, with the aid of Valium, I could handle an illustration of it. Doesn't christianity frown on idolatry? The free online dictionary defines it as: "idolatry - the worship of idols; the worship of images that are not God." In other words, you can only have one idol, the one that we call god. Fuck the symbols! Be concerned with what they represent--or used to represent, anyway. Instead of Hillary Clinton joining republicans to legislate against flag-burning, she should prioritize and focus less on the piece of fabric itself and more on improving the actual country which those stars and stripes represent, as we move horrifyingly further away from Constitution upon which we were founded. Catholics angered by Sinead's anti-pope sentiment should work at fixing the glaring child abuse, corruption and lies which taint their church. And rather than focusing on a Mohammed cartoon, why not address the terrorists within your religion which are making the Danes sneer at your prophet?

If you don't want people drawing bombs on your version of Jesus's head, QUIT BOMBING PEOPLE IN HIS NAME! Or get a better press agent, because the main side of Islam we see is when you drop in for events like 9/11. Not that US news gives us the most balanced images of muslims, but it's widely known that 9/11 turned it's mastermind into a hero in the muslim world. Hell, my people are belligerent, too. But you have to face the facts that your devotees aren't exactly seen around the world as sweethearts and frown on your malicious extremist elements as I frown on my own. If we don't keep power out of extremists' hands or we're all doomed.

Christian and muslim nations moving closer to extremism with the church and state intertwined and inflamed. It's a move away from reason. Did you see the rage in the faces of these muslim protesters? In Gaza, muslim men under 45 were forbidden to pray becasue they were afraid to let an angry gang congregate, even in a mosque. Hordes of furious youth who are partially angry over their own poverty, as depicted in SYRIANA's plot of the oil-worker turned suicide bomber. Kind of like the lower income male youth in this country who see the military as a way to make $. Oh, but then you die so you can't enjoy the $ and the whole country is now against the war so recruitments drop so low that they are now admitting ex-cons to meet military quotas. Solution! Mix in religion, so youths will fight to their own deaths to support someone else's greed which they'll never own a piece of---and fight it with the conviction of a-- dare I use the actual word?--crusader. A fairy tale of an old man with a long, white beard in heaven will boost their morale as they kill themselves and Iraqi innocents. I just saw an anchor on CNN ask the author of some new book on soldiers and religion whether or not faith makes for a better soldier. The reply was yes, (paraphrasing) because then the soldiers have worked out a rationale of why they are over there fighting. Yeah, by side-stepping the emphasis on peace which is at the core of every religion, just like muslims do. And if your gods are so all-powerful, can somebody please pray to theirs for some good news? It's been a while since we've had any! Oh, sorry! I forgot. I guess I'm supposed to be happy that the sun comes up every day due to "Him". Yeah. Thanks, god. I want to be able to see the bombs dropping on me, which are sent in your name by a bunch of religious freaks who've perverted your message, as clearly as possible. Amen!

YMC-GAY

They're young, cute, and oh so thin. So who cares if their choreography needs a little work!

YOUTUBE

IT'TH FASHION WEEK, GURL!

Sorry, I haven't checked in too much lately. Been busy with my preparations for the big Super Bowl Weekend! Actually, I've been out on the town with a new camera so I've oodles of photos to share with you. Thursday was the Mao Mag party, where I poorformed with a bevy of busty, bodacious beauties.

HERE'S DIRTY MARTINI!



AND DIRTY WITH WORLD FAMOUS BOB



Tell me the truth. Am I just thrilled to have a camera simple enough for my blind, clumsy ass to use or are these pix not a hoot? I guess it's the subjects, cuz it can't be my lenswomanship. I just got the camera that day, hence the "photo essay". Real girls doing full drag! I love it! It's not fair and I'm jealous, but genetic females are catching on to something us queens have to learn. Beat your fucking face! Throw on a wig and jack it up high! And get draped to perfection! Bob, Dirty and Kitten Deville were sizzling! It's as if the real girls are asking up "Why should queens have all the fun with the wigs and lashes and over-sized jewelry?" These gals are serving you old school burlesque DOWN!

MOTHER FLAWLESS SABRINA (RIGHT) WITH FRIEND

Sabrina is the legend who emceed in the cult film THE QUEEN, which chronicled a queenius drag pageant from the late 60's. I remember her hitting the scene around the time of Jackie 60's height, and she's been hitting it hard ever since. She was hired that night to simulate talking on a telephone onstage, which Linda Simpson and Lavinia Co-op used to do at Sweetie's old Saturday night affair. It's a new style of go-going for the non-dancers who don't strip. Although Sabrina, still going strong at 60+, did pop out a few years ago with a pal in matching skimpy costumes and Dubya masks! Insane. Mao, Mao Mao! How do like it? How do you like it?



PORNSTER MICHAEL LUCAS AND LOGO'S JASON BELLINI



"You know this don't make no kinda sense.
Walkin' round here so intense!"

The lyrics to HEARBEAT by Taana Gardner sum up my take on this cinched siren!



ASTRO EARL AND CREW OF CUTIES



HOT MAO GO-GO SLUTS GRINDING TO THE SOUNDS OF DJ WILSON



BRENDA A-GO-GO IN A HAUTE DRESS WITH PATRICK MCDONALD



GAZELLELAND MAGAZINE'S MADAME GAZELLE AND HER UNKNOWN SUPERSTAR COHORT



THE LUSCIOUS, LEGGY CANDIS CAYNE WORE AN ICED BEIGE MACKIE!



ALSO SEEN: Village Voice's Michael Musto and Lynn Yaeger, doorman Kenny Kenny, "Cynthai Social Lies", Mauricio from Mao Mag, Daniel Nardicio, Brandywine, Scott Ewalt and Bradford Shelhammer from Queerty.com

FUCK THE SOTU

Sweet baby Jesus, you call that the fucking State of the Union? Please. George Lucas writes better monologues for Jar Jar Binks. You didn’t really think we were going to be sucked in by that load of crap, did you? Try this on for size: the real state of our little union is a mindbending clusterfuck that would make Ron Jeremy chafe.

Sorry, was that a little too direct for you? You were hoping to conduct politics in a more . . . civil tone? Fuck you. We’re not complete morons out here, you know. We didn’t miss the fact that your minions outed a CIA agent out of spite, or started rumors that McCain had fathered an illegitimate black child, or said that Democrats’ response to 9/11 was to find Al Qaeda a good therapist. And that’s just Karl Rove. How about that Dick you work for telling a senator to go fuck himself right there in the halls of Congress? Tell you what, we’ll put down our guns when you put down yours. Until then, you can stick your civil tone right up your Turd Blossom.

And don’t even try and peddle that nineleven crap – we’ve heard all that shit a million times.

READ THE REST: FUCKTHESTATEOFTHEUNION

OLD IS WHEN

A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two
drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink she says, "I'm on
this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today.." The
bartender says, "Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink.
In fact, this one is on me."

As the woman finishes her drink, the woman to her right says, "I would
like to buy you a drink, too."

The old woman says, "Thank you. Bartender, I want a Scotch with two
drops of water." "Coming up," says the bartender. As she finishes
that drink, the man to her left says, "I would like to buy you one,
too."

The old woman says, "Thank you. Bartender, I want another Scotch with
two drops of water." "Coming right up," the bartender says. As he
gives her the drink, he says, "Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity. Why the
Scotch with only two drops of water?"

The old woman replies, "Sonny, when you're my age, you've learned how to
hold your liquor. Holding your water, however, is a whole other issue."


"OLD" IS WHEN ... Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love,"
And you answer, "Pick one; I can't do both!" "OLD " IS WHEN ... Your
friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.

"OLD" IS WHEN ... A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker
opens
The garage door.

"OLD" IS WHEN ... Going braless pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

"OLD" IS WHEN ... You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as
you don't have to go along.

"OLD" IS WHEN ... You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead
of by the police.

"OLD" IS WHEN ..."Getting a little action" means you don't need to take
any fiber today

"OLD" IS WHEN ... "Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking
lot.

"OLD" IS WHEN ... An "all nighter" means not getting up to use the
bathroom.

AND

"OLD" IS WHEN ... You are not sure these are jokes.

BALLSIEST STAR AWARD GOES TO...

...PETE BURNS!

WEDDING CRASHING

THEY FELL FOR YA, ALRIGHT!

WEDDINGCRASHING

BUSH SINGS

SOTU/GROUNDHOG DAY

FROM FX:

On the proximity of the State of the Union speech to Groundhog Day:

It is an ironic juxtaposition: One involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to a
creature of little intelligence for prognostication, and the other involves a groundhog.

CORETTA SCOTT KING

THE LATE CORETTA PICTURED WITH AN UNKNOWN DYKE

From Linda Simpson:

Here are some inspiring words from Coretta Scott King. She was one cool lady...

"I still hear people say that I should not be talking about the rights of lesbian and gay people, and I should stick to the issue of racial justice. But I hasten to remind them that Martin Luther King Jr. said 'Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.' I appeal to everyone who believes in Martin Luther King Jr.'s dream to make room at the table of brother- and sisterhood for lesbian and gay people.

Homophobia is like racism and anti-Semitism and other forms of bigotry in that it seeks to dehumanize a large group of people, to deny their humanity, their dignity and personhood. This sets the stage for further repression and violence, that spreads all too easily to victimize the next minority group.

Gays and lesbians stood up for civil rights in Montgomery, Selma, in Albany, Georgia, and St. Augustine, Florida, and many other campaigns of the civil rights movement. Many of these courageous men and women were fighting for my freedom at a time when they could find few voices for their own, and I salute their contributions."

BUSH JUMPSTARTS ALTERNATIVE ENERGY MOVEMENT...

Bush Jumpstarts the Alternative Energy Movement...

...with His Own Hot Air Demonstration

By Daniel Patrick Welch

When Gore Vidal endorsed last nights demonstrations against Bushs ridiculous
I-am-the-state theatrical stunt, he added the pithy comment: Go back to
Crawford&. Well help raise the money for a library, and youll never even ever
have to read a book. As always, Vidal has perfectly framed the argument for
resistance to this anti-intellectual, anti-science, anti-thought, anti-agenda.
And while the networks and pundits and media shills gawk and preen and profit
off the spectacle of this horrific failure, this loser in the most profound
sense of the term, this puppet plutocrat who brings nothing to the table except
for his legendary ability to drink everyone under it"an as-yet-unindicted war
criminal with more blood on his hands than the tyrants from whom he liberates
the world in the name of (and at the direction of) his Lord and Savior"we must
make our own noise, in the name of the unnumbered and unidentified dead whose
corpses pave the way to Heaven for Bush and his psychopathic band of theocrats.

For as hard as it is to say, Bush is beside the point. As powerful as he is
despised, he still has an awesome power to destroy and an unquenched thirst for
dominion. But while Bush may be a laughable idiot, his rise to Inherent
Authority could not happen without the complicity of what Irish revolutionaries
of yore referred to as traitors and slaves. Every War Party needs fellow
travelers, and Bush and his coterie have plenty. Just yesterday, the Democratic
leadership in congress surpassed even itself in capitulation, a talent at
which it has excelled for some time.

If you wasted the time to watch the circus (I only do it because I love you,
Dear Readers), then you are obviously part of the problem: no one should dignify
this fraud of a presidency by validating the notion that he has something to
say. The world has long since stopped listening, and only the sycophant U.S.
press gave The Leader of the Free World the stagecrafted, self-serving free
advertising to which the far right feels entitled from the liberal press. Bush
entered this farcical pageant at the lowest point of any postwar president since
Nixon, and is fast catching up to the crook.

Brave souls were treated to the usual lies, exaggerations, distortions and
demagoguery, as ol Ronnie would say. But a few brazen nuggets stand out: it was
refreshing, in a perverse sort of way, to hear the biggest recipient of
political oil money on the face of the earth rail against special interests.
Were addicted to oil! Says the oilmonger. We must guard against the tendency to
centralize power in Washington, says the Unitary Executive. We need to seek
bipartisan solutions, says the man behind the curtain of the most ruthless
rubber stamp congress in memory, who shuts out the opposition in closed
conferences at which major revisions to legislation are decided. When he started
in on affordable health care, I had to leave the room to throw up; there is a
limit to the pain I can take even for the sake of a column. Thankfully, I was in
the bathroom when The Man Who Makes Us Safer introduced Justice Alito, the
living, breathing symbol of the end of constitutional government in the U.S.

Its nice to see that hes still reaching out to Black folks, I guess; maybe a
sign that hes in as much trouble as we think he is, seeing that 100% of
African-Americans in a recent Zogby poll (Im not kidding) are unconvinced. But
seriously, folks, we are in deep shit. The fact that this charade could take
place at all without a self-respecting opposition walking out on a muppet who
arrogates to himself the inherent authority to piss on them is yet another
sign that the Reichstag fire has come and gone.

Democrats are too complicit, too timid, too stuck in a past in which one wing
of their own party was among the greatest terrorist organizations in human
history. The War Party has mastered the Election: Mark Crispin Miller argues
that tampering and memory card chicanery engineered a switch of eight million
votes in 2004. Too bought-and-sold to save even themselves, it would be a true
miracle if the carcass of the party could convince Americans that it can save
the country and swing control of the legislative branch in November.

But George Orwell may have been right: If there is hope, it lies in the
proles. Of course, by his own prose, it proved a misplaced hope, but lets stick
with the slogan. The highlight of my evening was not typing this as I listened
to the Joker-in-Chief spin a new web of lies: prior to the speech, we
interrupted our little gathering to stand outside in the frigid New England air
and drown out the noise, as the organizers suggested. Holding signs reading
Impeach Bush, Drown out the Lies, and peace, our hapless little band
garnered more attention than we have ever felt for another cause or candidate.
Is it too late? Or is there an undercurrent sweeping the country, sick of being
told how to be American by the pimps and whores whose assets are safely stowed
in the Cayman Islands or in a secret Swiss account, or in the greedy, bloody
hands of some transnational oil borg. Screw you. We are citizens of the world,
and the world is fed up.

SOME IDIOT BANGED MY CAR!

HOT CALENDAR!

Click here to see this smokin' new calendar of firemen and their hot hoses!

FIREFIGHTERSCALENDAR

TO THE KIDS OF THE 30's-70's

Forwarded to me today:

TO ALL THE KIDS WHO WERE BORN IN THE
1930's 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's !!

First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked
and/or drank while they
carried us.

They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from
a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes.

Then after that trauma, our baby cribs were covered
with bright colored
lead-based paints.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors
or cabinets and when we
rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the
risks we took
hitchhiking.

As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts
or air bags.

Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was
always a special treat.
We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a
bottle.
We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one
bottle and NO ONE
actually died from this.

We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank
soda pop with sugar in it, but
we weren't overweight because

WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!

We would leave home in the morning and play all day,
as long as we were back
when the streetlights came on.

No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.


We would spend hours building our go-carts out of
scraps and then ride down
the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After
running into the
bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

We did not have Play stations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no
video games at all, no
99 channels on cable, no video tape movies, no
surround sound, no cell
phones, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet
chat
rooms..........WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and
found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth
and there were no
lawsuits from these accidents.

We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the
worms did not live in us forever.

We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays,
made up games with sticks and tennis balls and
although we were told it would happen, we did not put
out very many eyes.

We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and
knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just yelled
for them!

Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the
team. Those who didn't
had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine
that!!

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the
law was unheard of. They
actually sided with the law!

This generation has produced some of the best
risk-takers, problem solvers
and inventors ever!

Kind of makes you want to run through the house with
scissors, doesn't it?!

DOG SHIT HAM

from Ananova News:

A Wakefield man lost his appetite when he found "dog sh*t" listed among the ingredients on a packet of ham.

Mick Woods, 34, examined another of the 300g containers and saw the same 'additive' listed on the label.

And he admitted: "Obviously I haven't eaten it. It sort of puts you off."

His partner Tracey, 28, bought the 99p packs of cooked, sliced ham from a store near their home.

The dad-of-three added: "We spent 40 minutes laughing. But we haven't put any in the kids' sandwiches and we had something else for our tea."

Manufacturer H R Hargreaves & Son said it axed an employee over the labeling prank and was trying to recall the ham.

A spokesman for the Manchester firm said: "We can't have people fooling about with food products. A number of packs are affected. We're trying to find out what shops they're in."

AFTER LAST NIGHT'S SPEECH

TO SENATORS WHO APPROVED ALITO

A friend forwarded this email which hits the nail on it's spineless, "democratic" head:

January 31, 2006
An open letter to:
€ Sen. Daniel Akaka (D-HI)
€ Sen. Max Baucus (D-MT)
€ Sen. Jeff Bingaman (D-NM)
€ Sen. Robert Byrd (D-WV)
€ Sen. Maria Cantwell (D-WA)
€ Sen. Thomas Carper (D-DE)
€ Sen. Kent Conrad (D-ND)
€ Sen. Byron Dorgan (D-ND)
€ Sen. Daniel Inouye (D-HI)
€ Sen. Tim Johnson (D-SD)
€ Sen. Herb Kohl (D-WI)
€ Sen. Mary Landrieu (D-LA)
€ Sen. Joseph Lieberman (D-CT)
€ Sen. Blanche Lincoln (D-AR)
€ Sen. Bill Nelson (D-FL)
€ Sen. Ben Nelson (D-NE)
€ Sen. Mark Pryor (D-AR)
€ Sen. John D. Rockefeller (D-WV)
€ Sen. Ken Salazar (D-CO)

Dear Senators:

Half a lifetime ago, on my eighteenth birthday, I proudly registered to vote
as a member of the Democratic Party. Today, at 36, I am re-registering as an
independent and renouncing my affiliation as a Democrat.
And you are the reason.

I've seen many things in the past five years; things that shocked me,
horrified me, angered me, depressed me.
I saw President Bush raid the treasury and steal four hundred billion
dollars a year to hand out as tax breaks to his plutocratic supporters,
running up more debt in five years than all of his predecessors combined,
letting nothing--not terrorist attack, not two wars, not natural disaster,
nothing--interfere with his looting.
I saw Bush sit through the worst attack on the US since Pearl Harbor,
reading to children, knowing that the attack was underway but doing nothing
to respond to it.
I saw him declare that Osama bin Laden was wanted dead or alive. I saw him
state, six months later, "I don't think about him much...I truly am not that
concerned about him."

I saw Congress debating whether or not the USA PATRIOT Act should be passed,
whether it intruded too far on the civil liberties of Americans. I saw
Congress unite in almost unanimous support for it once anthrax-filled
envelopes began turning up in the offices of Democratic senators. I saw
investigative leads in the attack dry up when evidence pointed to the Army
biological weapons laboratory in Fort Detrick, Maryland, as the most likely
source of the anthrax.

I saw Republicans take the absolute unity the nation felt after 9/11 and
pervert it into the greatest divisiveness our country has seen since the
Civil War--turning friends, neighbors, and even family members against each
other. I saw Republicans attack Democrats as cowards, fellow travelers of
bin Laden, fifth columnists, traitors to their own country.

I saw heads of corporations enrich themselves with billions of stolen
dollars--robbing retirees of their pensions, lying to investors to pump up
stock prices, sending the electrical grid of the entire west coast into
chaos--urinating on the heads of their employees, shareholders, and ordinary
citizens like a vodka-filled ice sculpture of Michelangelo's David.
I saw the GOP blatantly violate Congressional rules, holding votes open for
hours beyond the deadline in order to strong-arm any Republicans who might
vote against the party leadership's position, shutting off microphones while
Democrats attempted to speak, and sneaking significant unapproved revisions
bills while in conference committee.

I saw the administration suppress government scientific research at odds
with their policy goals, demand rewriting of documents to undermine
scientific claims, and replacing respected scientists with industry
insiders. I saw information on the effectiveness of condoms in preventing
HIV removed from the CDC website and replaced with abstinence information. I
saw Christian conservatives oppose a vaccine that is 100% effective against
a sexually transmitted virus that causes cervical cancer, because it might
undercut their pro-abstinence message. I saw the morning-after pill withheld
from over-the-counter sales through the efforts of a man with a history of
repeatedly anally raping his wife.

I saw members of the Bush administration lie and deceive Congress and the
American people into a war that was unwarranted and unwinnable. I saw them
fabricate connections between Saddam Hussein and al Qaeda that did not
exist, and drill these fabrications relentlessly into citizens' brains until
the majority of Americans believed that Iraq was involved in 9/11. I saw
them terrifying people with the specter of nuclear mushroom clouds
annihilating American cities, generated by weapons that Saddam Hussein did
not have. I saw Colin Powell betray a lifetime of honorable service by
presenting sketches of imaginary mobile bioweapon factories to the UN
Security Council. I saw the administration and its allies in the media
attacking anyone who dared question their lies, trumping up a bogus child
molestation charge against former UN weapons inspector Scott Ritter and
exposing the identity of Valerie Plame as a covert CIA operative and her
brassplate company as a CIA smokescreen, undermining decades of CIA
non-proliferation work and jeopardizing not only Plame's life but that of
everyone who could be connected to her. I saw senior Bush administration
officials lying to investigators about who was responsible for the Plame
leak, and Bush himself lying about the consequences that the leaker would
face.

I saw Bush send thousands of Americans and tens, possibly hundreds of
thousands of Iraqis to gruesome deaths while spouting platitudes about
freedom, democracy, and peace. I saw him say implicitly that the only way to
honor the deaths of those thousands of Americans is to continue down a path
that will ensure the deaths of thousands more. I saw American troops cut to
pieces by improvised explosives. I saw them docked pay and forced to pay for
their own food while hospitalized from combat injuries. I saw them
scrounging through scrap heaps for pieces of metal and broken bulletproof
glass to use as improvised vehicle armor. I saw them receiving inadequate
body armor. I saw families spending thousands of dollars for the best body
armor available when the military failed to provide it. I saw the military
tell soldiers they would forfeit their death benefits if they were killed
wearing body armor that was not standard issue.

I saw administration lawyers proclaim the Geneva Conventions to be a quaint
anachronism and redefine torture to mean nothing less than suffering
"equivalent in intensity to the pain accompanying serious physical injury,
such as organ failure, impairment of bodily function, or even death." I saw
the administration forging an alliance with Uzbekistan, whose government is
accused of boiling political prisoners alive. I saw the CIA secretly
shipping prisoners to countries that commit torture. I saw innocent
prisoners in Bagram, Afghanistan, murdered by US troops, none of whom
received a prison sentence longer than three months. I saw photographs of
hooded Iraqi prisoners at Abu Ghraib hooked up to electrodes, of naked
prisoners smeared with feces, stacked in piles, menaced by German shepards.
I saw an Army interrogator receive a reprimand for killing an Iraqi general
by smothering him in a sleeping bag while sitting on his chest. I saw the
CIA setting up secret miniature gulags in former Soviet prisons. I saw
reports of white phosphorus being used like napalm against civilians in
Fallujah, and of American troops arresting family members of suspected
insurgents and holding them hostage. I saw nothing happen to anyone in
command who was responsible for the decisions leading to these atrocities.

I saw corruption spread like a cancer through the Republican party, as Tom
DeLay, Bob Ney, Ralph Reed, Grover Norquist, Michael Scanlon, David
Safavian, Conrad Burns, and others were implicated in the Jack Abramoff
scandal; as Randy "Duke" Cunningham pleaded guilty to conspiracy to commit
bribery, mail fraud, wire fraud, and tax evasion; as DeLay was indicted for
money laundering; as Bill Frist (whose family corporation was once fined a
billion dollars in the largest case of Medicare fraud in history) was
accused of conflict of interest and violating the terms of his blind trust;
as Republican leaders were accused of allowing stock market day traders to
work out of their offices, profiting from the ultimate in insider
information. I saw Bush obstruct the Abramoff investigation by giving the
chief prosecutor a federal judgeship. I saw Republicans respond to ethics
complaints by considering John Boehner for House majority leader, a man who
had previously handed out checks from tobacco lobbyists to colleagues on the
House floor.

I saw President Bush strumming a guitar while an entire American city
drowned in the fetid, pestilential waters of Hurricane Katrina. I saw the
first major RNC policy push in the wake of Katrina--to make the elimination
of the estate tax permanent. I saw Bush say "I don't think anyone could have
anticipated the breach of the levees" when a FEMA exercise the previous year
clearly foresaw that possibility. I saw him use the post-Katrina chaos to
sneak through a Justice Department recess appointment for Alice Fisher, who
had been implicated in policy decisions leading to detainee abuses. I saw
bodies floating in the streets while FEMA head/former horse racing official
Michael Brown sent word that his dinner was not to be disturbed, fretted
about how he looked on TV, and blamed everyone but himself for the
disastrous federal response. I saw decomposing corpses rotting on rooftops
four months after government officials were told where to find them. I saw
oil companies push gas prices up to three, four, five, six dollars a gallon,
allegedly to offset increased costs due to disruptions to refineries and
pipelines--then report two consecutive quarters of unprecedented
eleven-digit profits.

I saw Bush appoint talentless cronies to positions they were utterly
unqualified for, even after Hurricane Katrina, thus virtually guaranteeing
that any major problem they were responsible for addressing would by design
turn into yet another unmitigated disaster. I saw him demand "up-or-down
votes" for all his appointees, demand that he get every appointment he
wanted, demand secrecy from Congressional inquiry so that his bad advisors
could feel free to give him all the bad advice they could.

I saw the Bush administration use every means at their disposal to acquire
and abuse new powers. I saw him declare that the President had the right to
indefinitely imprison anyone he wished, citizen or foreigner, and to deny
them access to legal representation or any contact with the outside world. I
saw him authorize no-fly lists to ban air travel by suspected terrorists,
peace activist nuns, four-year-old children, and men named David
Nelson--with no published information on how the list is determined and no
way to get off it. I saw him appoint convicted Iran-contra perjurer John
Poindexter (a man so corrupt he couldn't tell Congress the truth even with a
grant of immunity) to develop a massive database on American citizens. I saw
the military conduct surveillance of Quaker peace groups and college
anti-war groups and classify them as a "credible threat." I saw the illegal
warrantless surveillance of at least 80,000 of Americans by the NSA in a
program that predates 9/11. I saw the President sign the McCain anti-torture
bill into law with a statement that he felt free to ignore it. I saw him
suggest that his title as commander in chief of the military gives him
authority to spy on civilians; that in authorizing him to take action to
defend the country, Congress implicitly repealed any law that might stand in
his way; and that the FISA court is merely a tool for him to use, or not, at
his discretion, rather than a constraint on his authority. I saw him fight
the war against terrorists by attacking American citizens and the rights and
liberties that are our inalienable birthright.

And I saw the Democrats in Congress do nothing.

Worse, I saw you often sabotage each other. Joe Lieberman regularly scolds
other Democrats for their anti-war statements, reinforcing the Republican
talking point that Democrats are weak on national security issues an unable
to lead in a post-9/11 world. Zell Miller took his attacks on his fellow
Democrats all the way to the 2004 Republican national convention.
Presidential hopeful Joe Biden threw his support behind a bankruptcy bill
that provided minimal protection for military families, opposed a 30% usury
cap, and failed to treat medical crises differently from irresponsible
spending. Harry Reid put out a factual press release listing 33 Republicans
implicated in corruption scandals, then apologized for it a day later. You
unthinkingly repeat the lies in Republican talking points without
questioning them. You fail to support each other, you fail to respond
coherently to outrageous actions by the administration, you fail to stick to
a consistent message, you fail to protect the interests of the voters by
whose graces you serve, and you fail to stand up for your own principles.
I naively hoped that your inaction was merely a clever strategem; those
hopes were occasionally buoyed by minor victories. Perhaps you were just
biding your time, I thought...waiting for your chance, giving the
Republicans enough rope to hang themselves.

Then came the Samuel Alito nomination. You had the perfect opportunity to
begin to reverse the course of this train wreck of an administration.
Instead, you fucked yourselves and the rest of us.

You knew Alito had boasted of his membership in the Concerned Alumni of
Princeton, a racist, sexist, homophobic, elitist alumni organization, when
applying for a job in the Reagan administration. He claimed now not to know
anything about the group or to have had any involvement with them, which
offered only two possibilities, either of which was sufficient to instantly
disqualify him--that he had lied to get the job then, or that he was lying
to get the job now. You knew he had vigorously advocated a fight to reverse
Roe v. Wade in his Reagan years, that the Supreme Court had explicitly
rejected his dissenting opinion in Planned Parenthood v. Casey where he
argued in favor of requiring spousal notification--thus, in effect, giving
men veto power over their wives' medical decisions and ownership of their
uteruses. You knew of his failures to recuse himself from cases in which he
had a financial conflict of interest. You saw his ruling allowing a
warrantless strip search of a 10-year-old girl, just the most outrageous of
many data points illustrating his contempt for individual rights. You knew
of his support for the notion of an omnipotent "unitary executive"
unconstrained by Supreme Court precedents, by the laws passed by Congress,
even by the Constitution itself (that "goddamned piece of paper" as Bush
calls it)--a grotesque concept utterly alien to American jurisprudence. You
knew that most of his most important rulings were overturned by higher
courts, that he usually dissented from the majority opinion in cases he
heard, and was often the lone dissenter, indicating that his legal views
were not mainstream and were often at odds with long-established precedents.
Christ, he wouldn't even state that it was unconstitutional for Congress to
pass a law stripping American-born children of illegal immigrants of their
citizenship because he might have to rule on it in the future, in spite of
the plain, unambiguous text of the Fourteenth Amendment.

You knew this battle was coming. You fought over the "nuclear option" a year
ago to ensure the availability of the filibuster for use against such an
extreme nominee. You had three months to get your act together, to put
together a plan of action, to build public support. But in the final
climactic moment, the vote for or against cloture, the nineteen of you
caved. You worthless, cowardly bastards, you caved. You threw away the only
vote that mattered. Good God, what the hell is wrong with you? What reason
could you possibly have had for not supporting the filibuster? You handed a
Supreme Court seat to a man with no respect for the Constitution, no respect
for individual rights--a defender of the indefensible, an enabler of
fascism, a rubber stamp for tyranny. And in so doing, you have given Bush a
blank check for any abuse of power he wishes, knowing that he's got all
three branches of government in his pocket. Furthermore you've jeopardized:
€ fifteen years of disability rights legislation
€ thirty years of abortion rights precedents
€ thirty-five years of the struggle for gay and lesbian rights
€ forty years of minority voting rights
€ half a century of black civil rights
€ seventy-five years of labor law
€ 115 years of antitrust legislation
€ 135 years of environmental protections
€ the First, Second, Fourth, Fifth, Sixth, Seventh, Eighth, Ninth,
Tenth, Fourteenth, and Fifteenth Amendments
€ and perhaps even the authority of the Supreme Court to constrain
unconstitutional acts by the President, dating back over two centuries to
Marbury v. Madison.

In short, you've undermined everything the Democratic party supposedly
stands for and crippled your ability to revive your moribund policy goals.
The death rattle may not come this year, or next, or five years from now,
but as long as Alito is on the Supreme Court, the bloodletting will continue
until nothing remains of the Democratic agenda. And so-called Democrats like
you are responsible. As Edmund Burke wrote, "the only thing necessary for
the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." And at the moment when
decisive action was most desperately needed, YOU. DID. NOTHING.

That's why I no longer consider myself a Democrat. You cannot be trusted not
to betray your core constituency, and I cannot in good conscience associate
with such duplicitous cowards. The Republicans may be right--maybe you are
traitors to your country; maybe you do hate what America stands for, if you
violate your oath to support and defend the Constitution, if you see the
enormity of this administration's crimes against our country, our people,
and our world, and do nothing to stop them. The GOP is far worse, of course,
but I know enough not to take my eyes off them...I expect them to stab me in
the back. I expected better from you. But no more. The Republicans' actions
in the past five years have wounded my faith in our nation's future, but you
killed it.