MINDLESS GOSSIP

Jenna Bush is moving to South America to teach? Don't tell me--it's a country known for it's coca production.

That Elvis-lovin' japanese president looked so cool with his long grey hair on his recent visit to Graceland. (I think he supports the Iraq war effort, but he still LOOKS hip.) The Bush's worked a new look for Memphis--all 3 Bushes seen here:



But did you clock the mug on that Priscilla Presley? She's been to the Black Lagoon via her surgeon and that trout pout is outrageous, especially when something so extreme and sex-change-y is worn with a conservative suit and "day" necklace. Throw on some over-the-top Mugler if you want your face to be that outrageous, honey! And she kept flicking her (too young for her) hair into her face as if to camouflage her latest bungled procedures. She may have learned this little trick from her former thing-in-law, Michael Jackson, whose wigs are often tousled onto it's face to mask it's own mangled mask.

I never gave a hoot for Elvis, but 16 year-old Priscilla, with that virginal princess face styled with the jet black bouffant and exaggerated liquid eyeliner of Morticia Adams' niece, DROVE ME WILD! A teenager in full drag!



She stayed gob-stoppingly gorgeous for many years to come. Catch the hot-rolled fantasy hair on this DALLAS-era disco goddess publicity shot. INCREDIBLE!



While googling Priscilla, I came across this insane page with TV Guide Graffiti art work which includes this one featuring Ms. Presley:



Check out the site to see other such works of art by Clifty, including a bearded and toothless Meredith Baxter-Birney!

CLIFTY

NYC drag queen Hedda Lettuce and I have had our differences over the years, but I'm actually sympathizing with her after she was booed for imitating Kevin Aviance's difficulty in speaking after his recent gay-bashing, which resulted in having his jaw wired shut. It was at the HX awards and as a presenter, she was forced to stall. Of course, it's not funny that Kevin was bashed and had his jaw wired but an imitation of it, while tasteless, is funny. I was asked to present an award but was out of town. Good thing, cuz if I'd been in her shoes I might have come up with something equally tasteless like:

That Kevin was overdue for a new "smash hit", but not of that kind!

The good news is that his jaw has been wired and is healing nicely. The bad news is that it's only wired for 6 weeks!

I don't understand why a wired jaw would prevent Kevin from performing--he often lip-synchs!

Kevin's always seemed "wired" to me, and every time I "bump" into him at a club for years his speech has been garbled--what's the big deal?

These might have gotten booed, too. But before you bash Hedda, she DID lend her talents to help to organize the rally against homophobia in Kevin's honor. Kevin has a pretty dark sense of humor, so I don't think he would mind her send-up of his garbled speech too much.



The bad news about Kevin's bashing is that a couple of the guys apprehended are apparrently gang members, so there is some fear of retaliation from the unapprehended gang members. (I love that I've just done a month of jury duty dealing mostly with victimless crimes like somebody buying a bag of weed, so it's kind of confounding that vicious gangs aren't being rooted out when their members can be so easily identified.) I can't imagine the trauma of being beaten and left in the street, trying to heal, missing work without insurance to cover huge medical bills AND compounding it with fear of gang retaliation when you ARE able to recover sufficiently to make public appearances, Kevin's only source of income. Well, besides those $5 blow jobs he use to give in the Port Authority men's room, stall # 3. With his jaw wired shut, he can only open his mouth wide enough to blow asian men. So Kevin's re-vamped his website and is accepting donations to see him through this time of need. Stop by KEVINAVIANCE and check out his cunty new tune DANCE FOR LOVE and make a donation if you feel so inclined. Minimum donation: one baggie. Or if you want some of music for your $ you can also pick up one of Kevin's dance hits on itunes.

Speaking of dance music legends, Lady Kier recently performed at San Fran's gay pride festivities. I'm told she blew the fairy-filled crowd away, sounding and looking amazing, as she breezed through some old favorites and some hot new jams. I'm also told that the insane party animals from Vancouver's House of Venus helped Kier celebrate post-show by emptying her hotel room's mini-bar. Rather than pay the whopping bill, the industrious Lady stuffed the emptied minis in her bag and staggered to the local liquor store to replace each one. How honest! I normally just drink the vodka and refill it with water, though you can actually brew up the tea and coffee in the room and add it in to mimic the darker colored spirits like rum.

BELOW: IN MIAMI, LADY KIER'S UNMISTAKEABLE, COLORFUL TRADEMARK LOOK STILL ATTRACTS A YOUNG, HIP AUDIENCE TO HER SHOW



As much as I gripe about them, I'm glad that CNN, and yes, the often-bitched-about-on-this-blog Anderson Cooper in particular is now backtracking on the Miami 7 and suggesting that the 7 were patsys for the FBI, who concocted their plot to blow up Chicago's Sears Tower. There was even some inference that one of the gang wasn't too bright and easily duped into taking his oath to Al Quaeda. So is the government trying to entrap/create terrorists so that they look more on top of things when the terror plot is foiled? God, that's sick! The administration knows it's viewed as a flop, so it helps to create terrorist attempts so that it can restore our confidence.

CELEBRITY SIGHTING! I actually walked past pasty Woody Allen in London's Paddington station. He was with a group of 6/7 flunkies, one of whom resembled Jude Law, and they seemed to be blocking out a scene, because Woody was making the kind of hand motions which flight attendants make when indicating exits when he caught my bewitching eye. It had fallen out. He picked it up and handed it back to me.

And now for the truth. I am the world's most chronic allergy sufferer who is allergic to everything: chocolate, milk, grass, pollen, trees, pets, dust, feathers and yes, I'm a drag who is even allergic to make-up! My hay fever in London was acting up horribly and since my nose was all stopped up, I was brutishly breathing through my mouth when Woody caught my eye. Well, honey, I AM an under-used actress after all, and you should have seen how quickly that open, drooling mouth morphed into a puckered pout under the gaze of this legendary director. And for some reason, his eyes did linger on me for a bit. Recognition of my star quality, perhaps? The instant comeradery between two world class buffoons? Fear that I would ask him for some change? I had just had my lashes died to add a little sparkle to my day look/gay look, with a dye which is illegal over in the states. But even so, my pout didn't hold his attention for too long, so remembering his young asian bride Soon Yi, the pucker was instantly transformed into a buck-toothed grin as I dropped my luggage to frantically fashion my hair into pigtails, curtsied girlishly with eyes squinted, performed what was intended to be a high kick to demonstrate my versatility as a performer, and then coquettishly dropped my business card with a saucy wink. I'm very surprised that he hasn't yet phoned me to discuss a collaboration.



Boy George must perform community service if he wants to return to this country. Boy had his lawyer communicate with the American judge who sentenced him that a pop star sweeping the streets in an orange jumpsuit would create a media circus, and suggested that Boy give make-up lessons to underpriveleged transsexuals instead. I think it's a genius idea and demand that LOGO shoot it for a new reality show, but the judge was not amused and reminded Boy's lawyer that community service was a like a lesser jail sentence and not to be taken lightly. Nor could Boy pick the type of service he must perform. Boy George slammed Madonna in his book and a friend tickled me by observing how rich it would be if Madge was hanging out her Central Park West window yelling "George, you missed a spot!" as he swept up in the park adjacent to her deluxe pad.

But you know I can't give Madoodoo the last laugh, so check this out. I'm still chuckling over Jackie Beat's description of Madonna's gnarled hand giving her age away in the HUNG UP video. Check it out on her blog and don't miss Jackie's opening blog item, in which she "restores" edited excerpts from the Star Jones/Larry King interview. Had me rolling! The girl is gone!