JURY DOODY

Here's a tip for ya: if you ever get picked for grand jury duty in NYC, DO ANYTHING TO GET OUT OF IT. After kvetching in Sunday's PIER PRESSURE rant about how we've all got to get involved to ensure that our voices are heard fro within the system, I'm eating my words as I prepare for the second day of 1 month of grand jury duty. Let's just hope it's a hung jury! With grand jury, you don't actually hear trials, but you hear many pre-trials for ONE MONTH to determine if the prosecutor has enough evidence to go to trial. So there is no hope of getting off early should a verdict be reached quickly. Actually, our first case today was fairly interesting, but I'm sworn to secrecy. (Hint: it did NOT involve stains on a settee left by Linda Simpson's bleeding hemmorhoids at the venue where the MY COMRADE soiree was held last week.) I think I can disclose that the warden was tickled pink when she recognized a TV star from some home improvement show amongst my fellow jurors. The one plus about grand jury duty is that once you've served your four weeks, you don't get summoned again for 8 years. Why I'll be out of school by then and probably married! And you get a whopping $40 per day. And hell, it's my first time serving and I've lived in NYC over 20 years! I wore a "YOU MESS WITH ME, YOU MESS WITH THE WHOLE TRAILER PARK" t-shirt today. Today, let's see how they like the US government seal with EVERYTHING YOU KNOW IS WRONG worked into it.

A kook from the Pyramid club had a novel approach to never getting summoned to serve. Kennon B. Raines, a poetess who migrated to NYC along with the Atlanta posse which included Larry Tee, Lahoma Van Zandt, RuPaul, FFloyd, Lurleen, Beme Seed, Lady Pecan and more, showed up for jury selection dressed as a homeless woman. (RuPaul lent her the dress.) Kennon rubbed dirt all over her face and for added authenticity, dumped a beer on her head prior to entering the courthouse. When they told her that she wasn't needed, she pitched a fit and started screaming "They said I was gonna make $8 a day. I want my $8!" Needless to say, they didn't ever summon Miss Kennon again.