CARTOON BLUES

It was a gorgeous, sunny day on Friday. I guess that's the bright side of global warming: beach days in January! Woo hoo! Actually saw one guy without a shirt during the day! But no weather could cheer me up when I heard the news about that Danish newspaper cartoon which depicts Islam's prophet Mohammed wearing a turban/bomb. Now Danish consulates have been burned in Damascus and Beirut and huge protests are on the march worldwide. I'm thrilled that progressive European newspapers published the images in freedom of speech's defense. One of them showed Mohammed saying that paradise is running out of virgins. I'm sorry, but that's funny! President Tush condemned the drawing. I guess he feels that the military occupation of two Middle Eastern countries is enough. Not condemning a cartoon would be going a little too far for him. I hope that (both) muslims with a sense of humor noted the irony/idiocy of Bush's piping up on this.

But as much time as I spend slamming Bush and his baseless attacks on muslim countries, this explosion of muslim outrage over a cartoon, reminds me that their religious extremists are just as backward as ours--at least Pat Robertson hasn't called for beheadings over a cartoon--yet! One muslim promised a 9/11 coming soon to Denmark. Freedom of speech, hello? I think the civilized world has established that--can the muslim world please play catch up? Your stone-throwing, embassy- and flag-burning protesting mobs are actually making the US look fair, rational and advanced. I know that the US has done/is doing a lot to inflame muslims with it's foreign policy, but these hotheads obviously have a ridiculously short fuse. At least the image of Kanye West, photographed for Rolling Stone as a crucifiction-mode Jesus, (thanks for another one, David LaChappelle!) didn't cause born-agains to take to the streets of US cities. If your "great" muslim religion can't stand up to a fucking cartoon, then it's as pitiful as Bush, whose policies as laid out in his State of the Union address couldn't stand up to Cindy Sheehan's t-shirt so she was ejected and arrested. (Randi Rhodes had her on as a guest on AIR AMERICA and joked "I went to the SOTU address and all I got was arrested.") T-shirt or cartoon, it's one step away from George Orwell's Think Police saying "You are not allowed to have this thought." Well, you fuckers may not be, but I still am.



I say defuse all of this ancient idolatry. Let Sinead rip up that photo of the pope, burn any flag you want, and draw any cartoon you desire. I'm trying to imagine if I'd be outraged if something I loved the most were desecrated. Let's see, if MY idols Patti Labelle, Charo and Barbara Eden were de-wigged and infected with AIDS via a huge, uncut dominican dong that had been ripped from my own greedy mouth right before I orgasmed and then all three were led through the streets in chains while angry mobs hurled stones at them, I'd be pretty devastated. IF IT ACTUALLY HAPPENED. But I think, with the aid of Valium, I could handle an illustration of it. Doesn't christianity frown on idolatry? The free online dictionary defines it as: "idolatry - the worship of idols; the worship of images that are not God." In other words, you can only have one idol, the one that we call god. Fuck the symbols! Be concerned with what they represent--or used to represent, anyway. Instead of Hillary Clinton joining republicans to legislate against flag-burning, she should prioritize and focus less on the piece of fabric itself and more on improving the actual country which those stars and stripes represent, as we move horrifyingly further away from Constitution upon which we were founded. Catholics angered by Sinead's anti-pope sentiment should work at fixing the glaring child abuse, corruption and lies which taint their church. And rather than focusing on a Mohammed cartoon, why not address the terrorists within your religion which are making the Danes sneer at your prophet?

If you don't want people drawing bombs on your version of Jesus's head, QUIT BOMBING PEOPLE IN HIS NAME! Or get a better press agent, because the main side of Islam we see is when you drop in for events like 9/11. Not that US news gives us the most balanced images of muslims, but it's widely known that 9/11 turned it's mastermind into a hero in the muslim world. Hell, my people are belligerent, too. But you have to face the facts that your devotees aren't exactly seen around the world as sweethearts and frown on your malicious extremist elements as I frown on my own. If we don't keep power out of extremists' hands or we're all doomed.

Christian and muslim nations moving closer to extremism with the church and state intertwined and inflamed. It's a move away from reason. Did you see the rage in the faces of these muslim protesters? In Gaza, muslim men under 45 were forbidden to pray becasue they were afraid to let an angry gang congregate, even in a mosque. Hordes of furious youth who are partially angry over their own poverty, as depicted in SYRIANA's plot of the oil-worker turned suicide bomber. Kind of like the lower income male youth in this country who see the military as a way to make $. Oh, but then you die so you can't enjoy the $ and the whole country is now against the war so recruitments drop so low that they are now admitting ex-cons to meet military quotas. Solution! Mix in religion, so youths will fight to their own deaths to support someone else's greed which they'll never own a piece of---and fight it with the conviction of a-- dare I use the actual word?--crusader. A fairy tale of an old man with a long, white beard in heaven will boost their morale as they kill themselves and Iraqi innocents. I just saw an anchor on CNN ask the author of some new book on soldiers and religion whether or not faith makes for a better soldier. The reply was yes, (paraphrasing) because then the soldiers have worked out a rationale of why they are over there fighting. Yeah, by side-stepping the emphasis on peace which is at the core of every religion, just like muslims do. And if your gods are so all-powerful, can somebody please pray to theirs for some good news? It's been a while since we've had any! Oh, sorry! I forgot. I guess I'm supposed to be happy that the sun comes up every day due to "Him". Yeah. Thanks, god. I want to be able to see the bombs dropping on me, which are sent in your name by a bunch of religious freaks who've perverted your message, as clearly as possible. Amen!