HAPPY NEW YEAR!

BABY NOOR

This child is driving me out of my mind. Hey, bless her little heart and malformed spine, and I wish her a speedy recovery, happy new year and all that. It's a sweet story. American soldiers find a baby Iraqi girl about to die from a rare form of spina bifida unless they cart her off to the good ol' US of A for the costly surgery which an Atlanta doctor is donating. Baby Noor's folks couldn't afford the operation even if it were available in their god-forsaken country. Our heroic soldiers went out of their way to help this girl, it's reported. And it's reported on very often on CNN with several minute long segments devoted to it every day, tugging away at our heartstrings.

It's tugging at a few of our gag reflexes, too. This is pure propaganda. US forces aren't in Iraq to save spina bifida victims! Or any other kind of victims! We are in Iraq to CREATE VICTIMS! We are killing Iraqi people without good reason. Baby Noor is the exception, yet SHE is heavily covered. If you spent 5 minutes profiling the victim of every baseless murder committed by our troops in Iraq we'd watch nothing else past 2007. Where's the background story on the members of that wedding party who were blown to bits by an air raid? Wouldn't that make a sweet enough story? "Speak now or forever hold your"--KERPLOWIE! In October I was in England where the news is a bit more balanced, and saw the mangled bodies of several teachers who'd been killed. Talk about tugging at your heartstrings. TEACHERS! People who devoted their lives to educating others--brutally struck down. In a war started by us, a country where it's becoming more and more difficult to find people willing to go into the caring teaching and nursing professions. Odd, that there's not many jobs available and yet people don't want to become teachers or nurses. Or soldiers, anymore.

So you saved one girl. Hoo-fucking-ray. I'm glad my tax $ is being spent to fly over and house troops for years to save Iraqi babies and fly them and their fathers and grandmothers over here for free surgeries. It's a blatant attempt to put a softer face on the less and less popular war. Don't you see it? It's brainwashing! Just like naming the attack and occupation of Iraq Operation Iraqi Freedom, the exact opposite of what you are seeing on the news is the truth. Soldiers aren't saving infants' lives, they are killing and being killed. That's what soldiers do. You have to read between the lines to get the truth--even on CNN, the supposedly "liberal" news channel.

The soldiers had not stopped by for a cup of tea and a neighborly chat, they were on a routine visit/raid/security check/"knock-and-search"/whatever you wanna call it.

from CNN.com

Pfc. Justin Donnelly, an Army medic in the unit that found the child, examined Noor and said it was apparent something was wrong with her. "I really wanted to help her as much as possible," Donnelly said Friday.

In the first place, why would a medic be making routine security checks--unless perhaps, this was all a photo op? ("Ask around. Find a cute kid that's hurt or needs some operation she can't get over here. Oh, and make sure her name is easy enough to pronounce--even for the president.") In the second place, if you really wanted to help as much as possible, you'd get the fuck out of her country and stop renting yourself out as a thug to a greedy moron named Bush.

"I feel like God put me here to help this little girl so, that pretty much makes my whole trip here worth it."

Oh, right, God put you there. God loves war, doesn't she? I guess God does work in mysterious ways. You go all the way over to Iraq to kill people--even though your "God Is Love"--and end up saving one! Hallelujah! It's a blessed miracle! And the regiment which found Noor--CNN reported over and over again-- was from Georgia--the red state where the child will be operated on for free. Halle-fuckin-lujah for the red states, too! See! They have even the little Iraqi babies' interests at heart!

While they're still little and cute enough to enable Bush to get some mileage out of their rare medical conditions, that is. Little Baby Noor wasn't old enough to be aware of relatives killed during the occupation or even miss the electricity and clean water which have been less plentiful in Iraq since the US invasion. Or old enough to vote in the election which is perhaps a more imortant symbol for us than for Iraqi's. Hell, she's too young to even have to wear one of those muslim head-scarves. And she's too small to strap a bomb to, but you'd better check her and her relatives out anyway before flying them over here anyway.

from CNN.com

Once Noor does arrive in the United States, Dr. Roger Hudgins, the chief of neurosurgery at Children's Healthcare of Atlanta, has promised to perform the delicate operation for free.

HERE'S THE KICKER:

Hudgins said that while the surgery will probably help Noor, there's no guarantee that it will cure her of her condition.

It will PROBABLY help Noor, but there's no GUARANTEE. That's how desperate the government and their henchmen in the newsrooms are to make a mountain out of a molehill and whitewash our perception of this war. Yeah, we'll go out on a limb to save this baby girl--that's why we are in Iraq! The same day it was first reported, a very short news item was thrown in afterward. There was an "upward tick" in violence in Iraq that day. Oh! But analysts felt it was probably just the last wave of insurgency reacting against the great, historic elections we'd provided the Iraqi people.

Look. Before you award me "The Bitterest Thing of 2005" on New Year's Eve, I'm glad for Noor, but her possible triumph shouldn't overshadow the tragedy at the root of our mission in Iraq--even for 5 minutes 5 times a day. And though I'm hesitant to concede any victory to Bush, maybe the elections are a sign of hope in Iraq. Too bad the party the we DIDN'T want to win won. And election results are being disputed as fraudulent. So maybe we are beginning to transfer some of US-style "democracy" to the Middle East after all. Maybe Baby Noor can even enjoy McDonald's in her homeland by the time she grows up. If she does.

2 BLONDES' YEARS IN REVIEW

A BLONDE'S YEAR IN REVIEW:



January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print
labels....."duh".....bottles won't fit in typewriter!!!

March - Got excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....box Said
"2-4 years!"

April - Trapped on escalator for hours.....power went out!!!

May - Tried to make Kool-Aid.....8 cups of water won't fit into those
darn little packets!!!

June - Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a slope.

July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition..... learned later, other
swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!

August - Got locked out of car in rain storm.....car swamped, because
top was down.

September - The capital of California is "C".....isn't it???

October - Hate M&M's.....they are so hard to peel.

November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days.....instructions said 1 hour per
pound and I weigh 108!!!

December - Couldn't call 911....."duh".....there's no "eleven" button
on the phone!!!



MY YEAR IN REVIEW IN DECEMBER'S GENRE MAGAZINE FOR MY MONTHLY FURROCIOUS COLUMN:

2005 certainly was memorable, but not one of the--shall we say?--happiest years in history. Hopefuly, the natural disaster-related trend will slow up in 2006. In irreverent honor, here are my picks for the events and people who shaped this last year.

NATURAL DISASTERS

Freakish disasters like hurricanes, floods and earthquakes wreaked havoc on the lives of millions worldwide, leading many to speculate that global warming may have screwed up the earth irrevocably. (Too bad our president practically refuses to acknowledge global warming's existence!) Despite all the sorrow--at least one good joke came out of it:

WHAT DID GEORGE BUSH THINK ABOUT ROE vs WADE?
HE DIDN'T CARE HOW PEOPLE GOT OUT OF NEW ORLEANS!

Other prominent freaks of nature in 2005 included TomKat (help, it's multiplying!) and Michael Jackson. The Queen of Pop has been absolved of all charges, is recording a Katrina benefit tune, and was spotted at the London stage production of BILLY ELLIOT. Shocking! The adolescent Billy character seems much too old for Jacko. But now Michael can go back to doing what he does best. Singing? Nope! Dancing? Nope! Molesting his own kids!

MASTER DEBATING

Forget those Supreme Court nominees and their paltry scandals. This district judge would make Terry Shiavo blush. District Judge Donald Thompson of Oklahoma is facing allegations that he masturbated with a penis pump while presiding over his courtroom--even while hearing a murder trial! Jurors may be forced to listen to 180 hours of court tapes, which contain the penis pump's whooshing sound! Insane!

GO WEST!

Kanye West broke ranks with the rest of the largely homophobic hip-hop community to publicly denounce gay-bashing. He then electrified the nation at a Katrina event, saying "George Bush doesn't care about black people." For a minute, it seemed like at least a smidgeon of the revolution WOULD be televised. But actually, Bush doesn't care about poor people of any race, Kanye.)

BLAME ELLEN!

Popular US religious leaders rivalled fanantical Muslim clerics with the outrageousness of their pronouncements. This year, Pat Robertson pegged Katrina as God's revenge against the selection of Ellen DeGeneres as host of the Emmys. On his show, The 700 Club, Robertson claimed "By choosing an avowed lesbian for this national event, these Hollywood elites have clearly invited God's wrath...Is it any surprise that the almighty chose to strike at Miss DeGeneres' hometown? Wow! I didn't God was that cruel! Maybe he doesn't like Ellen's chat show? Or maybe it's just that freaks like Pat Robertson who misinterpret his message of love into one of vengeful hatred that has his holiness' dander up?

BUSINESS AS USUAL

Political disgrace was somehow more exciting when it involved cum-stained dresses--but leave it to the Republicans to serve up some real political scandal. Plamegate has made Karl Rove awfully nervous. Bill Frist is under investigation for insider stock tips a la Martha Stewart. Tom Delay's been indicted for election fraud and has been forced to step down from his role as majority leader. Even his replacement is under "funny money" investigation--is corruption a prerequisite for elected Republican officials? The Repubs have inextricably linked their policies to good ol' time religion. But when their parties leaers are under regular investigations and indictments, even a blind conservative church-goin' granny from a red state can see that repubs can't even follow the law of the land, much less God's law.

THE TERMINATOR

Arnold Schwarzenegger vetoed a bill that would have legalized same-sex unions in California. Arnie, you might wanna come correct with the gays cuz whichever hairstylist is dying your sad burgundy straw-hair and eyebrows is having quite a cackle behind your back as retaliation. For chrissakes, even Jackie Stallone's hairdresser would be an improvement!

LIKE A PRAYER

The Catholic church, under brand new Poop, I mean Pope, Benedict XV!, demanded that all gays, regardless of whether or not they were practising homosexuals, be removed from the church. Then the church announced that it actually will allow gay priests to join it's ranks, as long as they aren't overtly gay and don't "Hail" each other's "Mary's" too flamboyantly. Good Idea! Bury their sexuality so deeply with shame that it has to manifest itself where it can, like with choir boys! Well, that's always been condoned by this church--just don't mention it.

THE HEROINE

I agree wholehearted with the heroine of 2005, Cindy Sheehan: We should impeach the man who killed her son and so many others. And the members of the mainstream media should be jailed. Whoops! I guess that includes little ol' me, since I's now a "journalist." Well, after another year of the horrible flop that are Bush's economic, social and foreign policies, free housing and 3 meals a day aren't sounding so bad to me! Not to mention all the sex I can handle--maybe even some I can't. OUCH!

OH well, here's to a better year in 2006. At least it rhymes with something I know most of you like!

ASK BUNNY

ASK BUNNY

My monthly fashion/beauty advice column continues in Dutch magazine Star Style. (And yes, I'm aware of how ridiculous the notion of me giving anyone advice on either is--but hey, they approached me!) In case you don't visit the Netherlands often, subscribe to Star Style, or read dutch, here's my latest column.


Dear Bunny, I am desperate for a man! What scent lures a guy to my bed? A fresh scent like Calvin Klein's Eternity, a heavy odeur like Poison by Dior or the watery scent of L'eau by Issey Miyaki? Or shall I opt for the empress Josephine way? Her husband Napoleon forbade her to wash herself when he was away conquering countries. Her unwashed state apparantly really turned him on when he came back. Charlotte, 24 Utrecht


Charlotte, I believe that Napoleon was trying to scare off potential lovers who might court Josephine while he was away. Wasn't he often on expeditions for years at a time? Pew! Of course, the french do enjoy eating those ripe, smelly cheeses....

But you're not in France, and I think it's important to cater your perfume to the type of nose you're trying to attract. Do you heat up over hippies? Throw some flowers in your hair and wear hashish oil--and red, bloodshot eyes will follow you wherever you go. Like your hunks a little rough around the edges? Generously spritz on beer (imported, please) as cologne and carry a see-through bag full of bread crumbs and cigarette butts--homeless men's faces will light up with glee! Or are you looking for a traditional, old-fashioned husband? Smear yourself with cinnamon-scented apple pie and wear an apron. Maybe you fancy a lesbian? Then just pop a herring in each of your bra cups and the girls will cum licking--I mean running. Turned on by garbage collectors? Take a tip from Josephine and don't wash--you'll make those burly studs feel right at home. (I'll even give you an excellent pick-up line which never fails when cruising a garbage truck: "Hey, if you like to pick up trash, HOW ABOUT ME?")

Personally, I wear an exquisite fragrance which was actually created centuries ago for Empress Josephine: Bouquet Imperiale by Roget et Gallet. It's very inexpensive and deliciously intriguing. Sometimes I even use it as mouthwash!

All that to say, a girl's scent is a very personal matter. There may be some guys who know enough about women's perfumes that you could impress them by choosing a brand new, expensive fragrance. But Charlotte, these men are gay and they will never screw you! They may even ask you to borrow a spritz! If you know that a guy you've got a crush on favors a certain perfume then by all means try it, but I think you'd be better off satisfying your own nose. When you march into a club knowing that you look and smell great, your confidence grabs the guys' attention. And if your look or attitude stinks, wearing half a bottle of the priciest scent on earth won't help a bit!

365 DAYS SPENT AT RANCH

Down on the Ranch, President Wages War on the Underbrush
Bush Conscripts Aides in Tireless Pursuit of Clearing Ground

By Lisa Rein

Washington Post Staff Writer
Saturday, December 31, 2005; Page A03

CRAWFORD, Tex., Dec. 30 -- On most of the 365 days he has enjoyed at his secluded ranch here, President Bush's idea of paradise is to hop in his white Ford pickup truck in jeans and work boots, drive to a stand of cedars, and whack the trees to the ground.


AT LEAST HE'S QUALIFIED FOR THAT JOB!

Read the rest: WASHINGTONPOST.COM

PARIS UNCOVERED!

GREAT JOB, BUSHIE

A stinging year-end review from NY Times.


By PAUL KRUGMAN
A year ago, everyone expected President Bush to get his way on Social Security. Pundits warned Democrats that they were making a big political mistake by opposing plans to divert payroll taxes into private accounts.

A year ago, everyone thought Congress would make Mr. Bush's tax cuts permanent, in spite of projections showing that doing so would lead to budget deficits as far as the eye can see. But Congress hasn't acted, and most of the cuts are still scheduled to expire by the end of 2010.

A year ago, Mr. Bush made many Americans feel safe, because they believed that he would be decisive and effective in an emergency. But Mr. Bush was apparently oblivious to the first major domestic emergency since 9/11. According to Newsweek, aides to Mr. Bush finally decided, days after Hurricane Katrina struck, that they had to show him a DVD of TV newscasts to get him to appreciate the seriousness of the situation.

A year ago, before "Brownie, you're doing a heck of a job" became a national punch line, the rising tide of cronyism in government agencies and the rapid replacement of competent professionals with unqualified political appointees attracted hardly any national attention.

A year ago, hardly anyone outside Washington had heard of Jack Abramoff, and Tom DeLay's position as House majority leader seemed unassailable.

A year ago, Dick Cheney, who repeatedly cited discredited evidence linking Saddam to 9/11, and promised that invading Americans would be welcomed as liberators - although he hadn't yet declared that the Iraq insurgency was in its "last throes" - was widely admired for his "gravitas."

A year ago, Howard Dean - who was among the very few prominent figures to question Colin Powell's prewar presentation to the United Nations, and who warned, while hawks were still celebrating the fall of Baghdad, that the occupation of Iraq would be much more difficult than the initial invasion - was considered flaky and unsound.

A year ago, it was clear that before the Iraq war, the administration suppressed information suggesting that Iraq was not, in fact, trying to build nuclear weapons. Yet few people in Washington or in the news media were willing to say that the nation was deliberately misled into war until polls showed that most Americans already believed it.

A year ago, the Washington establishment treated Ayad Allawi as if he were Nelson Mandela. Mr. Allawi's triumphant tour of Washington, back in September 2004, provided a crucial boost to the Bush-Cheney campaign. So did his claim that the insurgents were "desperate." But Mr. Allawi turned out to be another Ahmad Chalabi, a hero of Washington conference rooms and cocktail parties who had few supporters where it mattered, in Iraq.

A year ago, when everyone respectable agreed that we must "stay the course," only a handful of war critics suggested that the U.S. presence in Iraq might be making the violence worse, not better. It would have been hard to imagine the top U.S. commander in Iraq saying, as Gen. George Casey recently did, that a smaller foreign force is better "because it doesn't feed the notion of occupation."

A year ago, Mr. Bush hadn't yet openly reneged on Scott McClellan's 2003 pledge that "if anyone in this administration was involved" in the leaking of Valerie Plame's identity, that person "would no longer be in this administration." Of course, some suspect that Mr. Bush has always known who was involved.

A year ago, we didn't know that Mr. Bush was lying, or at least being deceptive, when he said at an April 2004 event promoting the Patriot Act that "a wiretap requires a court order. ...When we're talking about chasing down terrorists, we're talking about getting a court order before we do so. It's important for our fellow citizens to understand, when you think Patriot Act, constitutional guarantees are in place when it comes to doing what is necessary to protect our homeland, because we value the Constitution."

A year ago, most Americans thought Mr. Bush was honest.

A year ago, we didn't know for sure that almost all the politicians and pundits who thundered, during the Lewinsky affair, that even the president isn't above the law have changed their minds. But now we know when it comes to presidents who break the law, it's O.K. if you're a Republican.

NO FISH JOKES!

WOMAN WEDS DOLPHIN


FISHYWEDDING


British tourist Sharon Tendler has finally made her dream match - by "marrying" a dolphin she has been visiting for 15 years in the Israeli resort of Eilat, the mass-circulation Yediot Ahronot daily reported today.

Ms Tendler, 41, has been visiting the city on the Gulf of Aqaba two or three times a year to spend time with her 35-year-old underwater sweetheart.

"The peace and tranquility under water, and his love, would calm me down," the Israeli daily quoted her as saying.

Last week, Ms Tendler finally plucked up the courage to ask the dolphin's trainer for the mammal's fin in marriage.

The wedding took place on Wednesday, with the bride - wearing a white dress and watched by amazed spectators - walking down the dock to where the groom was waiting in the water.

She kissed him, to the cheers of the spectators and then, after the ceremony was sealed with some mackerels, was tossed into the water so she could swim away with her new husband.

"I'm the happiest girl on earth," the bride was quoted as saying.

"I made a dream come true. And I am not a pervert."

2006 CALENDAR HUNKS

FEBRUARY HUNK

MARCH HUNK

APRIL HUNK

MAY HUNK

JUNE HUNKS

JULY HUNK

AUGUST HUNK

SEPTEMBER HUNK

OCTOBER HUNK

NOVEMBER HUNK

DECEMBER HUNK

NEED A LAST MINUTE ACT?

For New Year's? Aunt Laurie may be available. Check out the rest of their roster:

BOOKING

BROKEBACK ANAL-YSIS

Ya gotta love a bitter queen who tells it like it T-I-S!

"It's very brave of them"

Everyone who’s tired of the media—and Madonna—calling Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger “brave” for acting in Brokeback Mountain, please raise your hands. Then say it with me: “poppycock”

By Charles Karel Bouley II

An Advocate.com exclusive posted, December 13, 2005



It started eating at me when I saw a little preview on Logo for upcoming movies. It said, “Logo salutes those who were brave enough to play gay...” or something like that. It stuck in my craw (or whatever the human equivalent is) for days: brave enough to play gay. But since I have ADD (no, not attention deficit disorder, aging diva disorder), I quickly forgot and moved on.

Then the topic again came into view, and craw, with weeks of prerelease coverage of Academy Award-winning director Ang Lee’s Brokeback Mountain, which stars two allegedly straight hunks, Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal. Even before the movie was released, the accolades for these two began pouring forth. Gay Goddess Madonna saw the film and told the British magazine Attitude, “They’re really good, those boys, and they did a great job. It’s very brave of them.”

And there’s the problem. The media seem to be running with a recurring theme around this movie: the “bravery” of the actors playing the roles, the “courage” it took them to do it, and the “speculation” about whether America is ready for a “gay cowboy movie.” Certainly not a position a liberal would take, so it befuddles me how the media is labeled “liberal.” Because the media has all but compared these two to war heroes for their portrayal of two closeted cowboys in a story of unrequited love and personal deception.

Say it with me: poppycock.

Now, there can be no doubt it took awhile for this movie to be made. And there can be no doubt there was a lot of fear surrounding it. And that’s what the media should be talking about. Instead of playing into the homophobia about how courageous it is to play gay, the media should be examining why it’s OK to play a rapist, a demon, a vampire from hell, a serial killer who eats his victims with fava beans and nice chianti, or any of the hundreds of sick, warped, twisted characters Hollywood puts out and we gobble up. Why do studios green-light films all the time that have gruesome plots or despicable characters, and why did this film languish for years?

If it really is the gay thing, then the media needs to take Hollywood to task, instead of lauding the courage of the people who ended up making the film.

According to the Hollywood Reporter’s story of November 11, the movie struggled for years to get made, in part because no actors would commit. According to the story, actors would read it, love it, and then their agents would advise them against it even though it was, according to most, the best script they’d read in years. Those actors obviously had no courage in turning down the script, according to the press, yet not one interview has been done with the interviewer calling such an actor a coward. We can laud the heroes but not call out the cowards, I suppose.

The media’s obsession with the “courage” and “bravery” is just plain crap. First of all, I thought Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal were actors, as was every person who turned down the script. And I thought actors were paid, often large amounts, to be somebody else. In other words, they are paid to play people who are not themselves. So why on earth would playing gay be a problem? Actors take on roles all the time embodying despicable or reprehensible characters. No one clamors to them and tells them how brave they are. But the media make a big deal when a straight guy kisses another straight guy on-camera. (Or a woman kisses a woman, for that matter—remember Mariel Hemingway and Roseanne?)

Are they, and thus America, so insecure that they actually believe if two guys kiss on-screen, they’re gay off-screen? Bi? Curious? Are we still that much in the dark ages when it comes to being gay? Can we all just finally agree that it is not learned, it is not forced, it is as organic as breathing? And just because a person “acts” gay doesn’t mean they “are” gay. So when an actor acts, he is doing just that, and when the lights go off he goes back to his Hollywood starlet.


READ THE REST--THE PACKS A WALLOP: ADVOCATE.COM

CONDOM STATUE

Condom statue angers Catholics

John Hooper in Rome
Friday December 23, 2005
The Guardian

A British artist has outraged Roman Catholics around the world by advertising a statuette of the Virgin Mary enveloped in a condom in a respected Jesuit weekly.
The artist, Steve Rosenthal, offered readers a chance to buy a "a stunning 22cm statue of the Virgin Mary standing atop a serpent, wearing a delicate veil of latex". It provided an email address at which prospective buyers could register interest.

In a front-page article in the Italian daily Corriere della Sera, Vittorio Messori, a literary collaborator of the late pope John Paul, expressed horror at the way the sperm cup at the end of the condom had been arranged so as to sit on top of the Virgin's head, "like a grotesque cap replacing the royal crown of tradition". The Jesuit weekly, America, which calls itself the US "national Catholic weekly", apologised in its latest issue. A spokesman told the Guardian: "We made a terrible mistake by publishing this. We only saw the ad in black and white, so we didn't see how serious it was."

NA-"TV"-TY SCENE

Transvestite nativity shocks Rome

A nativity scene that includes naked women and transvestites standing near the baby Jesus has caused outrage in Italy.

The scene was created by the Scuotto siblings from Naples, who are famous for carving traditional nativity scenes.

Their latest, more controversial, offering is now on show at the San Giacomo church in Rome.

Father Raffaele has refused to remove the set despite members of the congregation expressing their outrage at the "blasphemous" scene.

Defending the sordid depiction of the birth of Christ, Salvatore Scuotto said: "Such scenes are a part of reality.

"The real scandal is when figures such as Bin Laden or George Bush are used in nativity scenes."

I LIKE THE PURDY PITCHER

PIECE IN THE MIDLE EAST

NACHO JESUS

A Florida restaurant says it has been blessed just before Christmas. Workers claim a holy image has appeared in one of their cooking pans. At the Stadium Club in Jacksonville workers have found what they believe is an image of Jesus in a nacho warming tray.



The pan is used to heat waterwhich then heats the food. The image was created from mineral deposits in the water. One of the cooks says he went to empty the pan last night and saw Jesus looking back at him. A spokesman for the Stadium Club says they will not continue to use the pan.



Someone pulled this off a Pennsylvania newspaper website, where people can leave their comments. Most postings there thought the image looked more like Osama bin Laden. Another comment posted: "That is NOT mineral deposits, it's intelligent design."

NIGGA PLEASE!

WATCH NOW: NIGGAPLEASE

NO $ INCENTIVE FOR AIDS VACCINE

Excerpts from yahoonews.com article. Read full article: YAHOONEWS

WASHINGTON - In an unusually candid admission, the federal chief of AIDS research says he believes drug companies don't have an incentive to create a vaccine for the HIV and are likely to wait to profit from it after the government develops one.

And that means the government has had to spend more time focusing on the processes that drug companies ordinarily follow in developing new medicines and bringing them to market.

IAVI estimates total annual spending on an AIDS vaccine is $682 million.

"This represents less than 1% of total spending on all health product development," IAVI said. "Private sector efforts amount to just $100 million annually. This is mainly due to the lack of incentives for the private sector to invest in an AIDS vaccine — the science is difficult, and the developing countries that need a vaccine most are least able to pay."

ODE TO CHUCK NORRIS

I don't know what this is or who wrote it (my friend Howie Pyro sent it), but it's a hoot!


Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but
because he has run out of women.

MacGyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris
can kill him and take it.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the
information he wants.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till."
After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided
to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a
beard.

Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed
by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick.
When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths
have increased 13,000 percent.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and
unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was
finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul
back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he
should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of
the month.

Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a
stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly
after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck
Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew
once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK
assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard,
deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of
"beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous
of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have
Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse
kick related deaths.

There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.

To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer, Chuck Norris smoked 15
cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of
cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that,
Lance Armstrong.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more
than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck
Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing
Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for
a single show, however, so it was divided.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked
names for his left and right legs.

It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate,
but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to
him. Pirates never were very smart.

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage.
We know this beverage as Red Bull.

LI'L KIM'S NEW CELLMATE?

FOXY BROWN SLIPS JUDGE THE TONGUE: Rapper cuffed to court bench Friday for disrespectful behavior

*Foxy Brown was almost thrown in jail for 30 days and forced to fork over a $1,000 fine during a court date Friday for allegedly showing disrespect to a judge, including sticking out her tongue to prove that she wasn’t chewing gum.

The rapper, who is nearly deaf from a rare hearing disorder, was in court to plead guilty to disorderly conduct after striking a deal with prosecutors that would keep her out of jail and require her to perform 10 days of community service.

Brown was originally charged with assault in a 2004 nail salon incident in which prosecutors allege she attacked and kicked one worker and hit a second worker in the face over payment for a manicure.

WHOLE STORY HERE: EURWEB.COM

Village Voice describes Li'l Kim's current tour:

Lil Kim. Still on tour, Lil Kim goes from one corner of her cell to another singing "Lighters Up" and occasionally "Lighters Up (Reggaeton Remix)," which is "Lighters Up" with a very pronounced lisp. Pretending cinder blocks are her fans, she sometimes holds a lighter up near the block as if the block is holding the lighter, then gets taken to a nearby hospital for burning her finger.

2 NEW RINGS AROUND URANUS

URANUS

REJECTED TITLES FOR BROKEBACK

The titles that could have been attached to the cockbuster western flick BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN:

10. "Not-That-There's-Anything-Wrong-With-That Mountain"
9. "How The West Was Hung"
8. "Little Bathhouse on the Prairie"
7. "For a Few Dollars More We Can Make It a Threesome"
6. "Go West, Young Man...Now South...A Little More To The South...Oh God, Yes! Right There!"
5. "Clint Eastwood's Nightmare"
4. "The Good, The Bad and the Fabulous!"
3. "Broke My Back Mounting Him"
2. "Oklahomo"
1. "Fun With Dick In James"

POPEYE'S MOM FOUND

TRANNYSHACK CALENDAR

Those wacky faux femmes at San Francisco's 10 years and counting legendary Tuesday night dragfest have a 2006 calendar out. I have to admit, with a touch of jealousy, that it looks fab and would make an ill addition to any home even if you aren't familiar with the demented divas of San Fran-sissy-co like Smallsetta Knockers, Fudgie Frottage, Putanesca, and the grand ol' foundress herself, Heklina. The whores featured and the price is cheap ($20--Heklina will blow you for $10--$15 for unsafe) but the photography and art direction actually look rich and professional!

BUY IT HERE: TRANNYSHACKCALENDAR

"NUN BUN" STOLEN

Someone has stolen a cinnamon bun said to look like Mother Theresa from a Nashville coffee shop, where it's been proudly displayed in a glass case since 1996. Guess the thief was short on bread! Good one! Feel free to use it! Just warming up! I'm here every day this week at noon! Is this thing on?



If you don't believe me: NUNBUN

C'mon, Mother Theresa was not that fucking ugly! I mean, she was ugly, but not this booger. This looks more like Saint Frederika Flintstone. These religious freaks are desperate for "miracles" that they'd actually display this for 10 years? Much better likeness on this FATHER SON AND HOLY TOAST miracle bread.

MY WISH FOR 2006

WHATEVER HAPPENED TO PEACE ON EARTH AND GOODWILL TOWARDS MEN?

Remember that traditional Christmas/Holiday saying? Well, there isn't too much peace or goodwill emanating from our president, despite his claims that he's guided by faith in God. (Which one? Satan? Beelezebub? Mars? Loki?) Bush has started a war against the wrong country, Iraq, where no weapons of mass destruction were found and which had no connection to the Al Quaeda-led 9/11 attacks. It's openly discussed that Bush mislead us by falsifying intelligence to support his desire to go to war. Sure, Saddam was no sweetheart, but that doesn't mean he's responsible for 9/11 either. Bush wanted to attack Iraq before even 9/11, and after the tragedy he played on our grief and fear to get us to back his aggressive foreign policy. Where's the peace or good will in this supposedly Christian man? Does a peaceful man start a baseless war? Does a man with good will toward men allow the torture of other men?

Our tax dollars continue to pay for a war that most Americans no longer support. Yet he keeps on bullishly backing this baseless and unpopular war. Where is the voice of all these Americans who are being polled who distrust the war? Why aren't they more organized? Why aren't they saying much and why did it take so long for even the media to openly second-guess a war which was declared "won" years ago? Are YOU one of these people who is dissatisfied with the Bush administration? Are YOU doing anything? Are YOU saying anything? Are YOU contributing any money to the organizations like moveon.org which have consistently held Bush's feet to the fire, uncovered his lies and kept those petitions circulating to our representatives to demonstrate our dissatisfaction? If not, then the blood of American and Iraqi soldiers (and Iraqi citizens) is on YOUR hands and YOU had better take some responsibility for the murder that's being committed in YOUR name. That's what a democracy's supposed to be about. How the hell are we going to establish a democracy in the Middle East when our own is slipping away?

We sit back and try hard to imagine why sensible Germans under Hitler's murderous regime weren't screaming out against their leader's atrocities. Well, living as they were in a military state, they had even less freedom to speak out than we do--so what's our fucking excuse for being so spineless and uninvolved? Do we want to be remembered in history as sheep who were too preoccupied with Jennifer Anus-ton's hairstyle or Fifty Cent or sports or American Idol to speak out against our own leader's atrocities? I hope that most of you will answer "no", and if so, as Gwen Stefani put it, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? Get involved now, before more lives are lost! People are dying as I type this! Are YOU doing anything about it? If you have no time to physically join protests, donate! Give a gift to the world! It, unlike many of the recipients of gifts exchanged this year, really needs one! Righting a world class mess like this one takes some commitment from the folks who supposedly care. C'mon out and openly denounce this scumbag--if you're reading this email, you're probably being spied already on so what's the difference?

Rumsfeld went to Iraq over the holidays to console the troops and actually mentioned their "guaranteed heroes position' in history books. Well, as American indians and blacks will tell you, history books have been falsified before and may well be again. But no reputable history book will be singing George Bush's praises when it comes to this illegal war. Bush's secretive administration has held less press conferences than any president since Kennedy. Why? Well, besides the fact that he's unintelligent and can't handle hard questions or even pronounce "tough" words like nuclear, he also has a lot to hide. A liar generally does. Yet through script doctors and joke writers, Bush's approval ratings actually improved after his 4 recent speeches to explain his determination to win the war in Iraq. This is insane! Why on earth would a re-statement of his purpose in Iraq (ie: the same ol' shit) raise his approval ratings when the failing war is illegal to begin with? Either Americans are stupid enough to fall for the reasoning of a stupid man with some decent speechwriters, those poll numbers were doctored, or both.

Sunday on MEET THE PRESS, Ted Koppell stated that there is one thing about the war in Iraq that no one is mentioning: THAT THE WAR IN IRAQ IS ABOUT OIL. Our main pipeline Saudi Arabia has a very unpopular government that could combust at any moment, and without some sort of stability in the Middle East, especially in another oil-rich country like Iraq, the US and Europe would be fucked if our access to Saudi oil were cut off because their large population of discontented youth started a revolution--the kind which we just had a taste of in France with disenfranchised, unemployed, and--OK, I admit it, sexy--youths.. That's why Bush wants democracy/stability/US occupation in Iraq--he's nervously eyeing Saudi Arabia and weighing up other options, including his recent, thankfully failed attempt to begin drilling for oil in Alaska.

But Bush didn't do his homework on Iraq--or much else, including grammar. Years after victory was proclaimed and Saddam's statue was toppled, the leader of the free world with his huge military force and sophisticated weaponry still can't win a war against a much smaller, much poorer nation which couldn't shoot a bomb anywhere near our country if they fucking had one--which they don't! And Bush and Rumsfeld may throw us a bone and mention that a few less troops will be deployed so that their approval ratings will rise, but the fact is, this war may never end. Those Sunnis, Shiites, and whatever else is over there have been bitterly fighting each other for centuries and we've deposed Saddam, the only bastard brutal enough to keep them in check. Now we're faced with the seemingly impossible task of keeping imposing a western-style democracy in the heart of the Middle East, a region which hates and distrusts us! Dream on!

I'll admit, I was a little turned on by the sight of all of those hunky Iraqi soldiers jabbing their soiled fingers in the air after the election. And I'm always resistant to "pulling out"--but back to the war!

I'm no military strategist, so I can't, unlike John Murtha who called for immediate troop withdrawal, concoct a plan for pulling out or guess what it's effects might be. But I do know this. WE SHOULD NOT HAVE BEEN THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE! AND THE MAN WHO PUT US IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS MESS NEEDS TO BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE, ESPECIALLY IF HE FALSIFIED THE EVIDENCE UPON WHICH THE WAR IS BACKED!

It's really frustrating that Democrats, as the Republicans happily point out, aren't coming up with many solutions. Well, I have an idea for one. Let's start by admitting our mistakes. Let's openly acknowledge that there were no weapons of mass destruction and that there were no ties between Saddam and 9/11. Let's then ask for help, working with the international community to figure this mess out. You can run as many news segments on the UN's "oil for food scandal" to demonstrate the organization's corruptness as you like, but no organization is perfect and the fact is, the United Nations could actually unite and hammer out some plan which might work better than that of an ignorant, greedy and belligerent cowboy whose idea of diplomacy is "You're either for us or against us." As long as there's a world leader like Bush, who is willing to ignore the UN and launch a disastrous pre-emptive attack like the one on Iraq, no one on this earth is safe.

Bush is on his holiday--sorry, Christmas--vacation and I wonder if in prayer or in some hymn he'll utter the words PEACE ON EARTH, GOOD WILL TO MEN. My wish for 2006 is that there were some way for him to remember those words when he returns to the White House. For such a supposedly religious man, he's certainly has conveniently forgotten about the commandment "THOU SHALT NOT KILL." So I guess it's up to us to remind him!

JESUS THE MUSICAL

This short is beautifully shot and hilarious! There's even a costume change! This one's a must see!

JESUSTHEMUSICAL

DOGGY FUNERAL

Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with
only a pet dog for company.

One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, 'Father, me dog is dead. Could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor creature?'

Father Patrick replied, 'I'm afraid not; we cannot
have services for an animal in the church. But there
are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin'
what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature.'

Muldoon said, 'I'll go right away Father. Do
ya' think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?'

Father Patrick exclaimed, '
Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn't`ya tell me the dog was Catholic?'

MOORE XMAS!

XMAS MOVIE RENTAL?

PEACE IN THE VALLEY

This house music classic from 1991 by the gorgeous Sabrina Johnston is perfect for a holiday PEACE IN THE VALLEY theme. Reminds me of when dance music was actually hummable.

PEACE

SANTA GETS BUSTED

SANTABUSTED

XMAS GREETING FOR S/M FAGS

S/MFAGS

XMAS IS A GAS!

Spread Christmas cheer with a few Bronx jeers in this video by some serious acid ravers with some serious acid reflux!

CLICK HERE: JINGLE_SMELLS

FOR DRUGGY DYKES

At New Year's! DRUGGYDYKE

ELVIRA'S XMAS CARD

She's still got it! Those devil eyes! LOVE HER! And in case you can't read it, it's signed YOURS, CRUELLY!

WE WISH JEW A MERRY XMAS

Darlene Love sings CHRISTMASTIME FOR THE JEWS in this animated short:

XMASTIMEFORTHEJEWS

SANTA'S ON STRIKE!

Dustin from Texas sent me this one:

I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer serve Georgia, Florida, West Virginia, Virginia, North and South Carolina, Tennessee, Kentucky, Mississippi, Arizona, Texas, Ohio or Alabama on Christmas Eve.

Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. As part of the
new and better contract, I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies so keep that in mind.

However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with your local replacement, who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus.

His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls; however, there are a few differences between us.

Differences such as:

1. There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads:
"These toys insured by Smith and Wesson."

2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave RC cola and pork rinds (or a moon pie) on the fireplace. And Bubba doesn't smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff, so please have an empty spit can handy.

3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin' coon dogs instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my reindeer one time, and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's fireplace.

4. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner, and Blitzen..." when Bubba Claus arrives.. Instead, you'll hear, "On Earnhardt, on Andretti, on Elliott and Petty."

5. "Ho, Ho, Ho" has been replaced by "Yee Haw" And you also are likely to hear Bubba's elves respond, "I her'd dat"

6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh does have a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words "Back Off."

7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th Street" and "It's a Wonderful Life" will not be shown in your negotiated viewing area.
Instead, you'll see "Boss Hogg Saves Christmas" and "Smokey and the Bandit IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of state patrol cars crashing into each other.

And Finally,

8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd make sure you, the wife, and the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put presents under the tree.

MEET JEAN TEASDALE!

Now The Onion's biggest loser has her own site--and the music's awful purdy!


Jean's Proverb of the Week!

Depending on how you look at it, I either work part-time, or I'm semi-retired!

JEAN

TRANSIE STRIKE

SENSIBLE HEELS RECOMMENDED, GIRLS!




This is from an actual press release sent to a friend at indy radio:


Subject: Interview source / NYC transit strike

Dear (Name Withheld),

I am working with (Name Withheld), celebrity fitness trainer named "the
hottest trainer in America" by Out magazine. He has developed a fitness
routine called "The Traffic Jam Pump," a tool to help New Yorkers
maximize their
time during the transit system strike.

I've pasted a press release for you below. Please let me know if I can
schedule an interview for you. I look forward to hearing from you.

Thank you,
(name withheld because I'm sure this publicist googles herself constantly))



This has got to be the most ridiculous notion on earth. I asked my friend at WFMU to PLEASE have him on the air and have her first question be "What makes you think the transit strike would last long enough for your fitness routine to take any effect whatsoever?" (It's already over.) Maybe a second question could be "Why would you think that most New Yorkers have cars to get stuck in so they could use your plan--that's the whole problem with the strike, dunce!?!" And if anything, New Yorkers are exercising more than ever, marching miles in the freezing weather to and from work, you ninny!

I actually enjoyed walking from the West Village to 81st and Park Avenue for a doctor's appointment--technically I was "on transie strike" and called in sick to my show at XL Wednesday night. It was funny to see all the New York characters out in force--the haggy New York broad angrily blowing her whistle on a bike, the cab-drivers bickering in more languages than there are middle-eastern spices in the average cabbie's fart, unbothered, well-turned out upper east side ladies being pushed in wheelchairs by their maids and some very confused, cheated tourists. But it did remind me of post-9/11 NYC when there was this feeling that New Yorkers can always find a way to cope. (I can't believe it, but I'm actually echoing the sentiments of The NY Post's Andrea Peyser here.) Sometimes ya gotta pay your dues to live in the USA's greatest city and when ya do ya fuckin' make the best of it. Today, we're back to normal, and with the weather a little milder, you remember how wonderful "normal" is in NYC, baby!

I don't know too many of the details of the negotiations, but Bloomberg was more likeable than ever in his forceful denouncement of the union as "thuggish". He wasn't his usual disinterested-seeming self, and perhaps it was his no-nonsense approach which kept the strike short. I think shutting the city down should be the very last resort--especially around Xmas--and that's coming from an atheist! My friend from Tea and Sympathy mentioned that he lost $20,000 in unsold Xmas merch which won't be sellable after the holidays. He's not a major chain who can afford to take a financial hit--just a small entrpreneur whose marketing plan was royally fucked by this ill-timed strike coming out of the blue.

I realize that unions are necessary to act as a voice for the voiceless workers. But my personal experience with union workers has been with sound technicians in larger venues like Lincoln Center. (OK, I ain't frontin' like I play there every night--I was there once 8 years ago! But I've been in other large venues--ok, as a customer, but what the hell!) These guys are typically assholes with a "dare-me-to-fuck-up-I-can't-get-fired" attitude. I guess their dream gig would be roadie for a Stones tour, so they seem to think that the idea of a drag queen or track act with a cd backing track is beneath them. (And they usually aren't cute enough to make ya want to get beneath them!) So they're either so disinterested or incompetent that they have no problem fucking up simple instructions like "I want this loud"or "Start the track when I'm introduced." I'm not slamming unions in general, but my personal experiences with union sound people has usually been bad, if not horrid.

I think drag queens need a union to meet our special needs.



DRAG QUEEN UNION DEMANDS

1. Drink tickets upon arrival--10 per hour should suffice. Does not include complimentary shots of Jagermeister.

2. All payments to be made in cash, off the books.

3. Double pay if we are forced to wait until the club closes to get paid by a coked-out club-owner--unless they share!

4. Regular "powder" room breaks.

5. Spare pairs of queen-sized support hose, nail glue and hairspray to be provided by venue on request.

6. A private sucking station, with a sanitary ledge for our dentures, which should be re-sanitized after use. Industrial strength sanitization required for Chi Chi Larue's "engagements."

7. Dressing rooms to be shared only with strippers who are hung over 10 inches. We're big "girls" and it takes a lot to satisfy us!

8. "Fun", frisky customers who raise our skirts, squeeze our falsies, or say "Love your hair, hope you win!" are entitled to a stinging smack on their stupid, drunken faces.

9. Healthcare benefits to include a shot of Geritol and a bump of Doan's upon arrival.

10. Retirement age will be dropped to 50. Sorry Lypsinka and RuPaul! But you had good runs. Well, considering...

11. Pension plan to include a Bob Mackie bugle-beaded gown upon retirement--it'll make that inevitable triumphant return to the stage even more sensational!

I DON'T WANT A CURE FOR THIS

"I'VE GOT THE SWEETEST HANGOVER...
I DON'T WANT TO GET OVER" --Diana Ross

New study says all hangover cures are bogus. Unless you just never stop drinking!

LONDON (Reuters) - Forget aspirins, hairs of dogs and hot baths, the only sure way of avoiding a hangover is not to drink in the first place, according to a new study.

HANGOVERCURES

GOODBYE TO hi

Karen Hughes, in charge of US diplomacy in the Middle East, abandoned the publication of hi mgazine, a slick Arabic-English magazine designed to put a friendly face on the US to largely hostile Arabs. The $4.5 million ANNUAL publication cost for the free mag was not deemed worth it in terms of effective pr.

Duh! Drop a bomb on Arab nations with one hand and hand out a free propaganda rag with the other. No one's gonna buy that shit. I resent that my tax dollars would ever be considered for such a pointless plan! The last month's issue actually featured a story on "state of the month", Texas--ie, birthplace of the man Arabs know as Satan.


from yahoonews.com

The slick Arabic-English magazine, hi, focused on American culture and life. About 55,000 copies of hi were distributed per month in 18 countries; most copies were given away.

State Department spokesman Sean McCormack said Karen Hughes, the former Bush White House adviser who is now in charge of public diplomacy in the Middle East and elsewhere, wanted to evaluate whether the $4.5 million annual publication cost was well spent.

Like U.S.-funded radio and television broadcasts intended for the Muslim world, hi was criticized as propaganda. Features this month included one on Texas, the state of the month, and one on multigenerational American households.

"Part of what she wants to do is see if we are actually being effective in getting our message across to the intended audience," McCormack said. "So part of this assessment is to take a look at different feedback ... take into account these kinds of critiques of the magazine and see what the next steps are."

Rami G. Khouri, executive editor of Lebanon's The Daily Star, last year called hi and other U.S.-funded media outlets in the Arab world "entertaining, expensive, and irrelevant."

"Where do they get this stuff from? Why do they keep insulting us like this?" he wrote.

There are no plans either to scrap the project entirely or to resume publication, McCormack said. hi first appeared in July 2003.

The magazine's Web site, which had a wider audience than the printed version, will remain active, McCormack said.

___

On the Net:

"Hi" magazine site http://hiinternational.com

AMERICAN GIRL-COTT

This is so nuts! These religious nuts are not going to buy their daughters (and maybe a few unfortunate, budding faggots) this popular doll because the manufacturer gives money to Girls, Inc., which in addition to helping underpriveleged girls, also says that abortion and being gay are ok. Jesus! If your daughter wants one of these precious princesses, why would you possibly pinpoint one of the many organizations which Mattel must donate to and two of their policies? It's not like the dolls come with pro-abortion pins and a fucking rainbow flag! Mattel just gives Girls, Inc a few coins. These religious freaks must be scared shitless!

The dolls come in period costumes which denote different eras in our wonderful nation's history. Like Molly.

From americangirl.com:

Meet Molly



"Molly McIntire® is a girl growing up in 1944. The world is at war, and she misses her father who is overseas caring for wounded soldiers. Molly® doesn’t like many of the changes the war has brought, like rationing rubber, eating turnips for dinner, and not seeing Dad on Christmas. But she learns the importance of getting along and pulling together—just as her country must do to win the war! Lively and lovable, she is the star of her story."


I'm not too sure why a young girl would be concerned about rationing rubber, but maybe the quizzical, bespectacled Molly is just such a curious lass! I'm equally unsure as to why a child of today would want or care about a doll who doesn't like rubber-rationing. I'm imagining scenes of girls asking Molly, "Would you like to play ball, Molly?" The child shakes Molly's sweet head in agreement. "Too bad, cuz there's not enough wubber to make any more balls!" The child shakes Molly's head in a weeping motion. "Well, then how about going for a drive, then?" Mollsters perks up at the notion. "Sorry, Molly. Toldja. Ain't got no tires cuz of the wubber shortage!" (Please, sickos, do not make any of mention of condoms as rubbers during this touching scene.) Hell, maybe today's brats need this fucking doll to prepare themselves for the shortages of jobs, affordable health care, gas, and civil liberties that the Bush administration has ushered in. Between the war in Iraq and Katrina, regaining prosperity seems generations away.

So let's live in the past--but just not with THESE dolls. Well, not until next year, when Mattel cuts it's ties with Girls, Inc. Until then, let's turn back time. Back before Charles Darwin, and unsuccessfully try (halle-fuckin-lujah!) to cram Unintelligent Design down our kids' throats. Let's advocate forcing abortions into unsanitary back-alley butcher-shops and gays into cruising public toilets which, ok, some of us still haven't left! I'd like to see a line of dolls that teaches kids about the monstrosities in our nation's history. Then maybe these children would grow up with a healthy distrust of the powers that be--a distrust which would NEVER have allowed Bush to implement this much of his agenda almost without question until recently. How about a little black girl doll whose daddy died from syphillis that the government infected him with in those famous Alabama experiments? Or an American Indian girl. doll who's left all alone after we've butchered her family? Or here's a really horrible one. How about a hopelessly emotionally disturbed girl from the 1920's who's snapped in horror after attending one of Lypsinka's performances? I'm kidding! Lyp's heyday was in the '30's.


But back to my point: I'M STONED!




from CBSNEWS.COM

(CBS) With $379 million in sales last year, the American Girl dolls are just like the girls who adore them — wholesome and sweet and rooted in American history.

They were a huge hit in the Wiesner household.

Claire Wiesner says, "They are so much fun to play with and they seem so real." Her sister Elena adds, "And they're really pretty."

Renee Wiesner, Claire's mom tells CBS News correspondent Mika Brzezinski, "Everything that they sold to us seemed very consistent with our values."

That was until the Wiesners found out that the American Girl company donates money to an organization called Girls Incorporated, which offers support to underprivileged girls. Girls Inc. also endorses Roe v. Wade — the right to abortion and it promotes acceptance of homosexuality. It's an association that families like the Wiesners are protesting with their wallets.

"This year, we're not going to buy any of the products for Christmas," Wiesner says bluntly.

And some are taking it a step further. The Pro-Life Action League is calling for a boycott of the dolls. Some Catholic schools have cancelled American Girl events.

"They take a position that I am 100 percent against which would be in telling girls abortion is a solution for them," Wiesner says.

American Girl, which just launched its first ever major ad campaign in its 20-year history, released a statement saying it is "profoundly disappointed that certain groups have chosen to misconstrue American Girl's purely altruistic efforts."

Also Mattel, the maker of the doll has decided it will not renew its partnership with Girls Inc. which runs out this year.

And next year we'll find out if that's enough to bring back the American Girl's conservative consumer base.

Clarification: American Girl responded after viewing the CBS report, saying while they considered the report fair and balanced they wanted to point out the "I Can" program and Girls Inc. partnership was always planned as a 2005 initiative and the end date of Dec 26, 2005, was mutually agreed upon by both parties.

NEED ANOTHER REASON TO HATE STAR JONES?

Star, Joy Wage 'Holy War' on 'The View'
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
By Don Kaplan

A holy war broke out on "The View" Tuesday between co-hosts Joy Behar and Star Jones during a discussion about religion.

The argument was spurred by a clip of Barbara Walters interviewing a Palestinian extremist in an Israeli jail, who said anyone who is not Muslim will go to hell.

When Jones began to talk about her personal relationship with God, Behar wanted to know why "this is a public thing?"

"For me, God has been revealed as a Christian through Christ," Jones said. (BUNNY NOTE: DOES THIS MAKE ANY SENSE AT ALL? NOTHING LIKE A RIGHTEOUS IDIOT WHO BELIEVES FIRMLY IN NONSENSE.)

"This guy wants to kill Jews because they don't believe what he believes," Behar said, appearing to make an attempt to steer the conversation back to the man in the video clip.

As all five of the show's hosts began yelling and trying to talk over each other, Jones said, "It's because religion and people who get caught up in religion cause wars."

Then, contradicting herself, she added, "If you have a relationship, a personal relationship with God, then you are in the spirit with God, you're not causing war." (BUNNY NOTE: TRY TELLING THAT TO OUR BORN-AGAIN WAR-MONGERING LEADER!)

"This man says his religion makes it justifiable to kill Jews," Behar snapped back.

"I would never agree with that or believe in that," said Jones.

"I'm not Jewish, I just object to the anti-Semitism that goes on in this world," Behar said.

The show then erupted as its other two hosts, Meredith Vieira and Elisabeth Hasselbeck, tried to get a word in edgewise.

As Jones and Behar began to shout even louder at each other, Walters tried to take back control of the live telecast.

"I will not have a war at this table," Walters said. "All we're trying to say is that if you feel your [faith] is the only way, and everybody else is wrong, that is what leads us to discontent." (BUNNY NOTE: AND THIS IS PRECISELY THE PROBLEM WITH THE BORN-AGAIN MOVEMENT IN THIS COUNTRY. EVERYONE BESIDES THEM IS GOING TO HELL. THANKS, BARBARA!)

This is far from the first time that Behar and Jones have clashed on "The View."

Behar was especially brutal during the run-up to Jones' wedding, which Star ceaselessly promoted on TV and in magazines.

The alleged animosity between the two co-hosts has appeared to have grown over the years. So much so that they are rarely seen sitting next to each other during the morning talk show.

ATTENTION GRINCHES!

SCAREDSANTA

You'll love this site with dozens of photos of brats scared by Santa Claus. A couple of the pix here. The first Santa looks quite bombed. And the second...well, either his gut padding sagged or he has elephantiasis of the testicles! And in case you aren't familiar with elephantiaisis, check out Jackie Beat's website! Or take a gander at this example below:

SANTARCHY

from CNN.com--I did not make this up!

Drunken Santas run riot in Auckland

Saturday, December 17, 2005; Posted: 8:42 p.m. EST (01:42 GMT)


Save on All Your Calls with Vonage

WELLINGTON, New Zealand (AP) -- A group of 40 people dressed in Santa Claus outfits, many of them drunk, went on a rampage through Auckland, New Zealand's largest city, robbing stores, assaulting security guards and urinating from highway overpasses, police said Sunday.

The rampage, dubbed "Santarchy," began early Saturday afternoon when the men, wearing ill-fitting Santa costumes, threw beer bottles and urinated on cars from an overpass, said Auckland Central Police spokesman Noreen Hegarty.

She said the men then rushed through a central city park, overturning garbage containers, throwing bottles at passing cars and spraying graffiti on office buildings.

One man climbed the mooring line of a cruise ship before being ordered down by the captain. Other Santas, objecting when the man was arrested, attacked security staff, who were later treated by paramedics, Hegarty said.

The remaining Santas entered another downtown convenience store and carried off beer and soft drinks.

"They came in, said 'Merry Christmas' and then helped themselves," store owner Changa Manakynda said.

Two security guards were treated for cuts after being struck by beer bottles, Hegarty said. Three people, including the man who climbed on the cruise ship, were arrested and charged with drunkenness and disorderly behavior.

Alex Dyer, a spokesman for the group, said Santarchy was a worldwide movement designed to protest the commercialization of Christmas.

CAROLS FOR THE CRAZY

SCHIZOPHRENIA -
Do You Hear What I Hear?

MULTIPLE PERSONALITY -
We Three Queens Disoriented Are.

DEMENTIA -
I Think I'll Be Home For Christmas.

NARCISSISTIC -
Hark The Herald Angels Sing (About Me)

MANIA -
Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and
Office and Town ...or Deck the Halls and Spare No Expense!

PARANOIA - Santa Claus is Coming To Get Me.

PERSONALITY DISORDER -
You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, then MAYBE I'll tell
you why.

DEPRESSION -
Silent anhedonia, Holy anhedonia. All is calm, All is pretty lonely.

OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE -
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle
Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell,Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle
Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle
Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell
Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell...

BORDERLINE PERSONALITY -
Thoughts of Roasting in an Open Fire.

PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE -
On the First Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me (and then took it
all away).

Thanks to Sally Bahner

WORK THE HAIR, BEEYOTCH!

I have a little Iman story. Once I was dj'ing at a Visionaire party in Manhattan. Everyone was buzzing around a lovely young black fox at the bar who I assumed was the haute new modelle du jour. Then I realized that she wasn't young or new--she was Iman. LOOKING SENSATIONAL! I was quite tanked, so it was without hesitation that I barrelled over to the bar and introduced myself. We hit it off immediately, and it when the second dj took over I joined her at the bar and some really rotten antics ensued. I was so drunk that I couldn't tell you for sure, but I believe she was somewhat lit too, and we entertained ourselves by slamming our fists on the bar and demanding more free champagne each time our glasses were even half-empty. Iman was with a cute black fag whose eyes were a little crossed, and whenever he said something I'd look over at her with my eyes crossed and continue the conversation. We were howling, and I began to insinuate that I had a date with David later that evening, and also tormented her with "Ya look good. You're no Esme (a largely forgotten but incredible heavy-eyebrowed early 80's it girl), but ya look good." When she got up to use the toilette, I brayed that she couldn't handle being seated next to a true beauty like myself. She seemed to love every minute of the abuse. I'm sure she's so used to people kissing her ass that she ate up all the insults. I have to say that she is one of the most fun people I've ever met. That David Bowie is getting some of the best pussy in the world! She still looks incredible!

HOLIDAY JOY

My friend Steve sent me this joyful note.

Bunny,

I heard the hallelujah honks out my window last evening! Everett tried to tell me it was just the Jamestown Tech Raiders beating Celeron Applied, but I don't believe it for a minute. Who wouldn't be leaning on a car horn at the news of Judge Jones' gloriously blistering rebuke of the Jesus freaks? My favorite bit in his ruling:

". . .Those who disagree with our holding will likely mark it as the product of an activist judge. If so, they will have erred, as this is manifestly not an activist court. Rather, this case came to us as the result of the activism of an ill-informed faction on a school board, aided by a national public interest law firm eager to find a constitutional test case on Intelligent Design, who in combination drove the Board to adopt an imprudent and ultimately unconstitutional policy. The BREATHTAKING INANITY of the Board's decision is evident when considered against the factual backdrop which has now been fully revealed through this trial. The students, parents, and teachers of the Dover Area School District deserved better than to be dragged into this legal maelstrom, with its resulting UTTER WASTE of monetary and personal resources. . ."

And sho enough, what did the loser Discovery Institute call Judge Jones? "An activist judge who has dreams of grandeur."

I've attached a PDF file of the entire ruling to this email. Print it out and read aloud near Bible-potatoes on the subway (once the MTA is back up and running, NYCers).

Oh, and there's even the possiblity of a perjury trial against two of the Dover school board, the ones Judge Jones all but calls liars:
http://www.ydr.com/doverbiology/ci_3330089
I love the line in there where one of them says, "I'm still waiting for a judge or anyone to show me anywhere in the Constitution where there's a separation of church and state."

Zipadee-doo-dah! Have a wonderful day!

XSteve

XMAS LUNACY

Where did people get the notion that anyone is trying to steal Christmas? At any rate, this is the stupidest thing I've ever read. Someone forwarded it to me. Here goes nothin'.

YOU CAN'T STEAL
MY CHRISTMAS

Poem by Sharon Steege



I don't know who they are
Saying I can't greet the crowd
The way that I want to
Can't say CHRISTMAS out loud.


I walk into a business place
See things that I rather not see
But dare I not say CHRISTMAS
And ask for a "holiday" tree.


What happened to freedom of speech
And living in the land of the free
How can they take my CHRISTMAS money
But can't say MERRY CHRISTMAS to me.


Men and women have given their lives
So we could still go free
I wonder how they would feel
At saying "HOLIDAY" TREE.





Come on AMERICA let's wake up
Don't let our freedom escape
If they get by with doing this
What else will they take.


This is starting to get out of hand,
And I've begun to keep track
Well I've just about had enough
I'M TAKING CHRISTMAS BACK.


So MERRY CHRISTMAS AMERICA
I hope this gets all over the net
If we all stand united and take freedom back
'Twill be our best CHRISTMAS YET!


MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY

HOMER'S A CUNT!

THEY PAY ME TO READ THIS

from washingtonpost.com

They Paid Me To Read This Stuff

By Peter Carlson, Washington Post Staff Writer

In 2005, Popular Science magazine published a story called "How
Cannibalistic Spider Sex Can Make You a Genius" and Bible Review magazine
published a story called "Song of Songs: Not Just a Dirty Book," and Baby
Talk magazine published a story called "Is it love . . . or gas? Decode your
baby's emotions."

Yes, folks, 2005 was another wild and wacky year for American magazines. How
wild and wacky was it? Well, let's check the clips:

In 2005, GQ conducted a random survey of 1,000 American men and learned
this: 13 percent have paid for sex and 11 percent have prayed for sex.

Hoping to raise the intellectual level of frat boys, Esquire suggested a
series of "highbrow drinking games," which included these: "Every time
Charlie Rose interrupts his guest, take a shot. . . . Read The New Yorker
and do a shot every time you encounter a vowel with a diaeresis (coordinate,
reelection, et cetera)."

Fifth Estate, an anarchist magazine, published its 40th anniversary issue
and emblazoned the cover with the magazine's slogan: "Supporting Revolution
Everywhere since 1965."

Details, the glossy magazine for young metrosexual males, published the
"Power 50," its annual list of "the 50 most powerful guys under 39." Coming
in at No. 2 was Maddox Jolie, the 4-year-old adopted son of Angelina Jolie,
and the "home wrecker" who, Details claimed, broke up the marriage of Brad
Pitt and Jennifer Aniston: "This devil wore diapers. For wasn't it the
devilishly adorable Maddox who set the fatherhood-obsessed Pitt's heart
aflutter?"

Which means the editors of Details might be the only people on Earth who
think a guy would chuck his wife in order to get next to . . . Angelina
Jolie's son.

Taki Theodoracopulos got off a memorable screed in his column in the
American Conservative. His subject was the delicious catfight at the New
York Times between jailbird reporter Judith Miller and columnist Maureen
Dowd:

"Whom would you favor in a mud-wrestling match to the finish, Judith Miller
or Maureen Dowd?" Taki asked. "Personally, I think la Dowd might pull it
off. Miller has spent too much time taking dictation from the Pentagon and
the Iraqi National Congress to be in fighting shape. . . . The longer it
goes on, the more Dowd is favored."

America's science magazines did not stoop to printing screeds. Instead, they
raised cosmic questions. Scientific America asked: "Is the Universe Out of
Tune?" And Discover asked: "Is String Theory About to Snap? Or does it
explain everything about the universe?" The answer to both questions was
"maybe."

Radar, a magazine that was born and died in 2003, was born and died again in
2005. But before its second death, it ran a story on Disney World that
contained what might be the single best sentence of the year: "In 2004, a
man playing Pluto was run over and killed by a 'princess float' in the Share
a Dream Come True parade at Disney World's Magic Kingdom."

Like nearly every other American magazine, High Times, the marijuana mag,
ran a story about the war in Iraq. The High Times piece was by a
pseudonymous soldier who smoked hashish in Iraq and found that the war was,
like, a real buzzkill. "The surroundings," he wrote, "were never very
conducive to a complete enjoyment of the high."

Modern Drunkard, the magazine with the slogan, "Standing up for your right
to get falling down drunk since 1996," published the best editorial
disclaimer of the year:

"Views expressed in this magazine do not necessarily reflect the opinions of
the Modern Drunkard staff or publisher. In fact, I would like to take this
opportunity to deny everything. Your honor, I was never even near the place
and what's more, those are not my trousers and those are most assuredly not
my friends. They are merely a drunken and surly gang of hitchhikers I made
the terrible, terrible mistake of giving a lift. I promise to be good.
Really. I swear."

In 2005, many magazines tried to lure younger readers. Vanity Fair's effort
was perhaps the most . . . um, confrontational. It sponsored an essay
contest on the topic of "What's on the minds of America's youth today?" The
text of the contest announcement read: "More than 30 years ago, young people
across the country staged sit-ins for civil rights, got up and protested
against a misguided, undeclared war and actually gave a damn if a president
lied to them. . . . Today it seems as if younger Americans are content to
watch their MTV, fiddle with their game players, follow the love lives of
Brad, Jen, Jessica and Paris, and assume the hard work is being done by
others. What has changed?"

In other words: Hey, kids, how come you're such mindless morons?

In 2005, GQ magazine revealed that deep down inside, your murderous
megalomaniacal dictators are just like the rest of us -- they love to eat
junk food, party hearty and have a good joke.

First, GQ published a story on the American soldiers who guarded Saddam
Hussein in a secret Iraqi prison. They reported that Saddam hates Froot
Loops but loves Cheetos and Doritos. He also enjoyed telling jokes,
including one about three men and a sheep. And, like many American
conservatives, he misses Ronald Reagan, who aided him in his war with Iran:
"Reagan and me, good," he told the soldiers.

After that, GQ ran a story on North Korean dictator Kim Jong Il. It included
an interview with Kenji Fujimoto, who used to be Kim's personal chef.
Fujimoto invited Kim to his wedding and the dictator watched as Fujimoto got
so drunk on cognac that he passed out on the dance floor.

"The next day, Kim Jong Il calls me in," Fujimoto told GQ. "He praises my
drinking ability and asks me, 'By the way, do you have any pubic hair?' I
say, 'Of course, I do.' Kim Jong Il says, 'Why don't you go to the toilet
and look at your pubic hair?' I went there, and there was none."

There you have it, folks -- the kind of magic magazine moment you'll want to
remember next time you're tempted to drink too much at a North Korean
wedding.

HOWARD LOOKS STERN!

Sorry I have been out of touch, but Miss Thing has been on "Tranny Strike" along with the Transit Authority. Actually, I've been working like a hog. Thankfully, my dvds have been selling on the site, so I've been stuffing envelopes like crazy in a pre-Xmas frenzy! I had no idea that I had fans n Brazil, Portugal, Glasgow, Australia, etc. Someone emailed me to ask if that was my handwriting on the envelope, cuz it looked like the scrawling scatching of a serial killer. In truth, I am related on my mom's side to a serial killer who poisoned her family.

Sunday, I flew to Dallas at the delicious Mistress Mini's B'day party. Ya gotta love an 18 year old girl who wears wigs! And the preceding Friday I spun on a The Princess, a boat hired out for Jefferson Wells' (an investment company!) Christmas shindig. But during that day, I attended Howard Stern's Sirius launch. I am not really a huge fan of Howard's, but I like the senseless smut and freedom speech he represents. Plus, I had been interviewed by Derek and Romaine on their Sirius show on Thursday night, and was invited. Noon drag is a little scary, but lord knows, I've never shied away from that look! Michael Lucas and his publicist Heather Reznor accompanied us and snapped these pix.

Howard was very sweet and paused to say "You look great." Too bad he was talking to Michael, who has been a guest on his show. His bodyguards were shoving everyone out of the way and I was shocked that he would pause to pose. His new gal pal is pretty, and they both ignored my cries of "Hey Howard! What's she got that I ain't got? Awww. Besides t-cells!" The mood was mayhem, and Howard's very tanked fans were a little homophobic, but got over it and were soon asking me for blackmail photos with their friends.

Reality TV's biggest bitch Omarosa was actually really pleasant--but she brought out my claws just for fun in this pic.



Sheryl Crow was poorforming. In her defense, it wasn't a dream gig. She has a hit out, her first in years, and here she is doing a possibly free promo gig where Howard, not her, is the main focus. I bounced down to the dancefloor to cause a commotion and attempt to enjoy her poorformance. She caught one look and me and almost visibly shrugged: ALERT: SCENE STEALER APPROACHING! She looks too thin and quite forlorn. And I'm sorry, although I think ALL I WANNA DO is a great pop song, how the hell do you perform a song about fun with zero stage presence and without cracking a smile? Awful! Maybe she should stick to writing. I saw her a few months ago on a morning show and was equally underwhelmed.

Anyhoo, I got a mention in the NY Times for showing up, and I can't tell you how thrilled I was to be mentioned in the same sentence as Wendy the Retard. If she's a regular, I might have to break down and get that Sirius subscrip!

BUNNY FEASTS

on the popular podcast FEAST OF FOOLS with hosts Faustos Fernos and Mark Felion. Those guys are a hoot, so check us out at:

FEASTOFFOOLS

ALIG HEADS

For those of you who can't get enough of the world's most famous axe-murderer/club kid, this item's for sale on Craig's List:

CRAIGSLIST

*EXTREMELY RARE* Collection of Michael Alig & CLUB KID TV A - $100
Reply to: sale-113929178@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-11-28, 2:05AM EST


*EXTREMELY RARE* COMPLETE Collection of Michael Alig & CLUB KID TV Appearances

This is the only place you will find ALL of these videos together in one place on DVD
The perfect addition to any Party Monster fan's collection.
Please keep in mind that these DVD's were mastered off original VHS tapes of the particular TV appearances and therefore while they are all in good quality they are not 100% digital DVD recordings. The quality is above-average with some minor flaws which should be understandable considering the age of the original VHS tapes.
The A&E documentary and E True Hollywood Story alone retail for $29.95 each! Buy together and save!
This three disc DVD set contains:
Disc 1
THREE full-length Geraldo television episodes, including the one which inspired the talk show scene in the movie Party Monster including Michael, his mother, Richie Rich, Walt paper, Rupaul, Michael Musto, Julie Jewels Angel Melendez, et al. (30 Minutes Each)
A&E Documentary on Michael Alig (60 Minutes)
E True Hollywood Story - Death by Disco (60 Minutes)
Full Length Interview with Michael Alig in Prison (from which excerpts were included in the Party Monster DVD bonus footage - 60 Minutes)
Disc 2
Shampoo Horns (English), a full-length movie staring the original club kid's & more.
Disc 3
Home Made Video of Club Kid Footage Volume 1, an unedited tape of original club kid footage including parties and shots at home and going out prepping.
Payment is accepted securely via paypal item ships as soon as payment is received. Buyer pays fixed USPS Express Mail shipping cost of $10.00 via mail only
this is in or around brooklyn
no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

BLOWFLY!

My friend Howie Pyro just sent me this pic from a Blowfly gig he'd just dj'ed at. In case you don't know the Blow, he is a famously foul-mouthed fool who puts on a mind-blowing stage show with filthy lyrics. I bought his box set years ago and was amazed by lyrics like:

She's too fat to fuck
She's too fat to fuck
She's too fat to fuck
All she can do is suck.

(Obviously I've inspired him, too.)

And one tender ballad goes contains a line like this:

Deep in the walls of your pussy there's a war going on
Where the AIDS and the herpes fight.

The Blowfly had a legitimate career as a recording artist named Clarence Reid, who also wrote genius songs like Betty Wright's smash CLEAN UP WOMAN and Gwen McCrae's timelessly funky ROCKIN' CHAIR.

Despite his seriously advanced age (70?), this freak tours constantly--check out his schedule on his site and make sure to catch him if he's in your area. At a Phoenix gig, he's sharing the bill with Rudy Ray Moore, of the Chitlins Circuit comedy albums and DOLEMITE movies fame.

BLOWFLYMUSIC.COM

Blowfly's secret to longevity?

Over the years, Blowfly's seen a lot of his contemporaries fall by the way side. His survival can partially be credited to the fact that while Blowfly is totally whacked in the head, Reid is a God-fearing, Bible-carrying Christian. "I never drink, never smoke, and I never use drugs," confesses Reid. "I may go to hell, but it won't be for those things!"

HUNG UP IN ESPANICH

A silly take from Spain on Madonna's new hit video. I have to say Madonna looks fab in the HUNG UP video. Love the hair and her body looks amazing--especially the exposed rump.

HUNGUP

FROM MOBY.COM

I just discovered his blog thanks to a link on skkkruff.com's newsletter. Here's one entry.


I'd like to write about misogyny. a few years ago when the prodigy released 'smack my bitch up' i spoke up and criticised the song for being overtly misogynystic and irresponsible. i was in turn criticised on radio for 'being too uptight' and not being relaxed enough to appreciate the 'humor' in misogyny.
then 5 years ago i spoke up about the pernicious and pervasive spread of misogyny in popular culture, and again i was crticised for making a big issue out of something that no one
else seemed to care about.
i respect the prodigy and i respect eminem as talented and relevant musicians, but i spoke up because i found the misogynystic content of their lyrics(among many others) to be deeply offensive. even if they themselves are not misogynysts
i found it irresponsible that they, and many others, would release music that glamourized misogyny.
2 months after 'smack my bitch up' was released i went to visit a friend of mine who was in hospital after being beaten by her boyfriend. she had brain damage and multiple fractures due to his pushing her down a flight of concrete stairs.
misogyny is not funny. it is not a joke. and it should not be treated lightly.
and now we find out that a british man who is obsessed with eminem killed a woman with a metal baseball bat
and stuffed her body into a suitcase.
am i being 'too uptight' for not seeing the humor in this?
should i 'relax' and see the comedy in a misogynyst beating a woman to death?
before this british man brutally killed this woman he was singing eminem songs in a karaoke bar.
maybe there's no connection. maybe there is. it's disgusting that we even have to ask that question.
it's disgusting that people in the media and the press have celebrated and glamorized music and musicians who write lyrics that glorify misogyny and homophobia. there is nothing glamorous about homophobia and misogyny. homophobia and misogyny are disgusting and vile and represent the worst and most atavistic elements of the human spirit.
i asked a rhetorical question a few years ago, which was: 'if a musician made a record wherein he talked about killing blacks and jews would he get covered in the press and played on radio and mtv? if the answer is 'no'(as it should be), then why is radio and mtv filled with music that has lyrics about killing and brutalizing women and gays? is it somehow less offensive when women and gays are brutalized and killed?'
any employee of a record company or journalist or radio programmer or mtv employee who has promoted and celebrated misogynystic or homophobic music should be ashamed.
you have blood on your hands, and you should be deeply, deeply troubled at the culture that you've helped to create.
-moby

GIFT IDEA FOR FRANCES BEAN?

DEAR GOD

A postal worker was sorting mail a week before

Christmas when he came across a letter addressed

to God. Since it would be destroyed he decided to

open the letter and read it.

Dear God,

I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small

pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had

$100 in it, which was all the money I had until my

next pension check. Next Sunday is Christmas, and

I had invited two of my friends over for dinner.

Without that money, I have nothing to buy food

with. I have no family to turn to, and you are my

only hope. Can you please help me?

Sincerely,

Edna

The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter

to all the other workers. Each one dug into his or her

wallet and came up with a few dollars. By the time he

made the rounds, he had collected $96, which they put

into an envelope and sent to the woman. The rest of

the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of

Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with

her friends.

Christmas came and went. A few days later, another

letter came from the old lady to God. All the workers

gathered around while the letter was opened, It read.

Dear God,

How can I ever thank you enough for what you did

for me? Because of your gift of love, I was able to

fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a very

nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful

gift. By the way, there was $4 missing. I think it

must have been those thieving bastards at the

Post Office.

Sincerely,

Edna

STANK PRANK

Thanks to Tommy for sending this in. It's an morning show holiday prank call gone waaaaay wrong.

STANKPRANK

SAFETY TIPS FOR WOMEN

This is not the usual kind of thing I post. But this one is quite extraordinary and contains some great info I'd never thought of--when I've been assaulting women, that is. I hope I'll remember these after my sex-change.


We can now add to the list of victims the retired 77 yr. old TCU professor from Ft Worth whose body was found last week in Oklahoma - and the 11 yr. old in Sarasota, FL. Because of these recent abductions in daylight hours, refresh yourself of these things to do in an emergency situation...This is for you, and for you to share with your wife, your children, everyone you know.

After reading these 9 crucial tips, forward them to someone you care about. It never hurts to be careful in this crazy world we live in.

1. Tip from Tae Kwon Do: The elbow is the strongest point on your body. If you are close enough to use it, do!

2. Learned this from a tourist guide in New Orleans. If a robber asks for your wallet and/or purse, DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM. Toss it away from you....chances are that he is more interested in your wallet and/or purse than you, and he will go for the wallet/purse. RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION!

3. If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car, kick out the back tail lights and stick your arm out the hole and start waving like crazy. The driver won't see you, but everybody else will. This has saved lives.

4. Women have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping, eating, working, etc., and just sit (doing their checkbook, or making a list, etc. DON'T DO THIS!) The predator will be watching you, and this is the perfect opportunity for him to get in on the passenger side, put a gun to your head, and tell you where to go. AS SOON AS YOU GET INTO YOUR CAR,
LOCK THE DOORS AND LEAVE.

If someone is in the car with a gun to your head DO NOT DRIVE OFF, repeat: DO NOT DRIVE OFF! Instead gun the engine and speed into anything, wrecking the car. Your Air Bag will save you. If the person is in the back seat they will get the worst of it. As soon as the car crashes bail out and run. It is better than having them find your body in a remote location.

5. A few notes about getting into your car in a parking lot, or parking garage:
A.) Be aware: look around you, look into your car, at the passenger side floor, in the back seat.
B.) If you are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the passenger door. Most serial killers attack their victims by pulling them into their vans while the women are attempting to get into their cars.
C.) Look at the car parked on the driver's side of your vehicle, and the passenger side. If a male is sitting alone in the seat nearest your car, you may want to walk back into the mall, or work, and get a guard/policeman to walk you back out.
IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (And better paranoid than dead.)

6. ALWAYS take the elevator instead of the stairs. (Stairwells are horrible places to be alone and the perfect crime spot. This is especially true at NIGHT!)

7. If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control, ALWAYS RUN! The predator will only hit you (a running target) 4 in 100 times; And even then, it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ. RUN, Preferably in a zig-zag pattern!

8. As women, we are always trying to be sympathetic: STOP. It may get you raped, or killed. Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was a good-looking, well educated man, who ALWAYS played on the sympathies of unsuspecting women. He walked with a cane, or a limp, and often asked "for help" into his vehicle or with his vehicle, which is when he abducted his next victim.

9. Another Safety Point: Someone just told me that her friend heard a crying baby on her porch the night before last, and she called the police because it was late and she thought it was weird. The police told her "Whatever you do, DO NOT open the door." The lady then said that it sounded like the baby had crawled near a window, and she was worried that it would crawl to the street and get run over. The policeman said, "We already have a unit on the way, whatever you do, DO NOT open the door." He told her that they think a serial killer has a baby's cry recorded and uses it to coax women out of their homes thinking that someone dropped off a baby. He said they have not verified it, but have had several calls by women saying that they hear baby's cries outside their doors when they're home alone at night. Please pass this on and DO NOT open the door for a crying baby - This e-mail should probably be taken seriously because the Crying Baby theory was mentioned on America's Most Wanted this past Saturday when they profiled the serial killer in Louisiana. I'd like you to forward this to all the women you know. It may save a life. A candle is not dimmed by lighting another candle. I was going to send this to the ladies only, but guys, if you love your mothers, wives, sisters, daughters, etc., you may want to pass it onto them, as well.

Send this to any woman you know that may need to be reminded that the world we live in has a lot of crazies in it and it's better to be safe than sorry.



Oh, and I just thought of two more!

10. Eat tons of raw lemongrass daily. It'll upset your stomach so you can hike up your skirt and squirt stinging, paralyzing diarrhea into the eyes of your attacker. Practice on your husband and kids if necessary.

(Note: # 10 may not work on R. Kelly or Chuck Berry.)

11. Stab everyone you see. You won't have to worry about serial killers then will you? It'll be tough, but just make like Kathleen Turner in SERIAL MOM and you can't lose. This one's guaranteed.

Oh god! One more!

12. Stab Kathleen Turner! If she dies, you'll be on the national news and so criminals will be less likely to fuck with you again! Even in jail!

SOUL TRAIN ON FIRE

1974. This clip is unbelieveable. The dancing! 15 zillion times more entertaining than any reality TV bullshit. THIS is reality--no script, no choreographer, just raw fucking talent set to a fab Isley Brothers beat. This clip is also hosted on a college humor site. I admit the outfits are campy and the expert moves outdated, but humor??? I'd rather watch this exciting clip on my grimy lap-top than the best of Surreal Life, Gastineau Girls, The Simpletons' Life and The Apprentice on a gigantic flat-screen tv in P. Doody's crib! Once again proving my point. If all you've ever known is shit, how can you possibly know how to recognize shit as shit?

SOOOOOOOOOUUULTRAIN

NAMBLA CLAUS

Via John Dicker from huffingtonpost.com. OK, so the premise is funnier than the actual video, but for those wishing to be mildly amused before bedtime:

NAMBLACLAUS

FREEMAN ON 60 MINUTES

YAHOO NEWS: NEW YORK - Morgan Freeman says the concept of a month dedicated to black history is "ridiculous." "You're going to relegate my history to a month?" the 68-year-old actor says in an interview on CBS' "60 Minutes" to air Sunday (7 p.m. EST). "I don't want a black history month. Black history is American history.


Black History Month has roots in historian Carter G. Woodson's Negro History Week, which he designated in 1926 as the second week in February to mark the birthdays of Frederick Douglass and Abraham Lincoln.

Woodson said he hoped the week could one day be eliminated — when black history would become fundamental to American history.

Freeman notes there is no "white history month," and says the only way to get rid of racism is to "stop talking about it."

The actor says he believes the labels "black" and "white" are an obstacle to beating racism.

"I am going to stop calling you a white man and I'm going to ask you to stop calling me a black man," Freeman says.

Freeman received Oscar nominations for his roles in 1987's "Street Smart," 1989's "Driving Miss Daisy" and 1994's "The Shawshank Redemption." He finally won earlier this year for "Million Dollar Baby."

XMAS DOG

forwarded from RuPaul:

So here it is... Christmas Day. Dinner is almost ready. The wine is flowing. Everyone's having a great time. Your parents are there. Your aunts and uncles are there as well as all of your cousins and even some of their kids. Even your pastor is there because you ran into him at the grocery yesterday morning and invited him over for a quick cup of eggnog on his way to the church. The day couldn't be more perfect. Then walks in the dog...

FUCKCHRISTMAS.ORG

Ouch! This is the only content on FUCKCHRISTMAS.ORG

But you can also sign up for the newsletter and send this rant to a fellow scrooge!


Oh man, fuck Christmas.

Seriously – are you kidding me with this “There’s a war on Christmas” bullshit? FOX News wasn’t raking in enough cash already from all the Christmas commercials for Kill ‘em All Barbie and Girls Gone Wild Brand Toddler Gear? They had to start publishing books about some bogus attack on Christianity? And who did they pick to lead this particular charge?

John fucking Gibson. This guy has wiener written all over him.

Bill O’Reilly gets all the credit as the biggest nutcase in FOXville, but Gibson really deserves his own special wing in the happy house. This motherfucker’s embedded assignment reads “Up Karl Rove’s ass.”

What makes him such a dick? I mean, besides making a fortune by screaming hysterically about how oppressed Christians are by the other twenty percent? How about advocating bombing countries that don’t vote the way we want in their own elections? Way to encourage democracy, fuckhead. And maybe he was kidding when he wished, on air, that the French had gotten the 2012 Olympics instead of the Brits so the terrorists would “blow up Paris,” but it might have been just a touch over the top to call for it again on the day of the London train bombings. Classy move, asshole.

And really? That’s just scratching the fucking surface. Anyone remember who was responsible for the bombing of the Federal building in Oklahoma City? John does: Iraq. And speaking of Iraq, Gibson thinks Rove deserves a fucking medal for outing that CIA agent. And, like any good reporter, he wanted to burn the Florida ballots after his buddy Bush got “elected” rather than, I don’t know, count them? “Is this a case where knowing the facts actually would be worse than not knowing?” That right there is why sometimes it’s useful for journalists to go to, what do you call that fucking place? Oh yeah, journalism school.

And now he’s all worked up about Christmas being stolen. What is this, the fucking Fairytale Network? It’s a national fucking holiday and we’re spending gobs of our hard-earned tax dollars on wreaths and lights for your special Santa day. But these bastards are all “But they call them Holiday trees!” Here’s a clue: no, they fucking don’t. Ok, maybe in a couple places, like on FOXNews.com and at the White House, but if Christmas is under attack, I’m Kris fucking Kringle.

And guess who’s stealing Christmas, according to Gibson. Go on — guess. “A cabal of secularists, so-called humanists, trial lawyers, cultural relativists, and liberal, guilt-wracked Christians — not just Jewish people.” (Emphasis mine. Pure, unadulterated anti-semitism, his.) A cabal? Are you fucking kidding me? Could we try to be a little more fucking original with our Jew-hating?

Speaking of Jew-hating, Pat Buchanan has joined the hype-a-thon of the supposed Attack on Christmas, too. Or, as he put it, “What we’re witnessing here are hate crimes against Christianity.” Sorry? We’re not so hot on paying for an inflatable camel for your goddamn nativity scene and suddenly we’re Slobodan fucking Milosevic? Fuck you. Get some goddamn perspective, you little prick. When they start hunting Christians in the streets, it’ll be time to start yelling “Hate crime.” And no, it won’t count when they start chasing you with the torches. That’ll be called “The Most Wonderful Time of the Year.”

And Bill O’Reilly, Gibson’s cellmate in the silly shack, is doing his part to save Christmas, too. He’s been going after New York’s Mayor Bloomberg (that Commie) because he says the Christmas Tree at Rockefeller Center has been renamed a “Holiday Tree,” and “No Christian Christmas symbols are allowed in the public schools.” The only problem? Neither of those things is even remotely fucking true.

It takes some super-sized balls for O’Reilly to get all lathered up about sinners and their fictional anti-Christian crusade. Every fucking person on the planet has hard and fast evidence that Bill is a world-class pervert, but still he feels totally justified lecturing the rest of us on our moral inferiority.

How fucked up is Bill O’Reilly? Pretty fucked up. Everyone got so crazyfaced about him confusing a sponge and a Middle Eastern snackcake (pretty fucking funny, mind you), that they missed the scary bit: what he meant to say. Old Bill wanted to get all funky on his intern like this: (you’ll excuse my foul language, I’m quoting an award-winning newscaster here) “I’d take the other hand with the [loofah] thing and put it on your pussy.”

loofah (lū’fə) noun. A natural exfoliating sponge.

exfoliate (ĕks-fō’lē-āt’) verb. To remove (a layer of bark or skin, for example) in flakes or scales; peel.

That’s right. Bill O’Reilly, fount of morals, is super familiar with the female anatomy. So much so, that he knows how good it feels to have one’s pussy exfoliated. We’re talking h – o – t, Hot. That’s exactly who I’m going to for my life lessons.

Sorry, where were we? Oh yeah, fuck Christmas.

Can we back up just a couple steps here? At what point did a basic understanding of the separation of church and state become a fucking war on religion? And how did we get to the point where you can call an organization set up to defend our civil liberties “Terrorists” on national television and no one fires your ass? Enough. Fuck all of you lying little shitheads who wish the world was out to get you so you could play the poor oppressed victims. Wake up assholes — you’re the cowboys, not the fucking Indians.

“But we want to display our Christmas tree on city property!” You can, go right ahead. “They’re stopping us from praying in school!” They’re not, so fuck off. “We’re not allowed to say ‘Merry Christmas’ anymore!” Are you fucking kidding me? Knock yourself out. Say it at work, scream it in your high school lunch room, hell, tattoo it on your fucking forehead for all we care. Guess who’s gonna be there defending your right to do every one of those things? The fucking ACLU. One of these days you bastards are going to drive those fuckers out of business, and then you’ll see some actual attacks on your religious liberties. I thought conservatives were supposed to be all proud and independent? When did they turn into a bunch of fucking crybabies?

Let’s back up even fucking further, shall we? Can anyone tell me how old Christmas is? Anyone? Two thousand years, give or take, right? Gee, who’s been reading their No Child Left Behind History Textbooks? Try fucking four thousand years. Huh. Twice as fucking long as your little baby king has been around. How could that possibly be, unless. . . waitaminute. . .

Christmas isn’t fucking Christian. Ok, now we’re talking.

That’s right, that Yuletide cheer you’re spreading? What exactly do you think Yule is? It's the fucking Pagan celebration of solstice. And those “Christmas” traditions? They’re not just like Pagan rituals, they fucking are Pagan rituals. Way before your Jesus got all magical with the bread and fishes, the Romans were celebrating the birth of Mithra on . . . guess? Go on – guess. December fucking twenty fifth. What a weird coincidence. Practically the whole thing is ripped off from the fucking Druids and the Romans. Twelve days? Check. Exchanging gifts? Check. Mistletoe? Check. And you’d better fucking believe that those decorated trees that Gibson and Co. are so bent out of shape over are as Pagan as the Rune and Crystal Shack at Pentagramfest 2005. You might as well be building miniature fucking Stonehenges in your den.

And don’t you read your own goddamn Bibles? Jesus was born when? In the middle of winter? Lot of Shepherds out watching their flocks around that time of year in Bethlehem? No, because they’d be freezing their fucking asses off. Tell you what – y’all go figure out which one of the different Bible stories about the birth of Baby Jesus® you want to believe, and then we’ll argue about whether it fucking happened like that or not.

Christians just stole a bunch of traditions from other cultures, slapped them together, stuck a fucking tinfoil star on top and called it the Most Important Holiday of the Year. Modern American Christmas makes Michael Jackson look positively organic.

But you boys at FOX still freak out every year about how everyone's out to get your special trees. This is really the most important thing you have to talk about? Whether Target says Happy Holidays or Merry Christmas? Here’s a brainstorm: there’s a fucking war on. Our soldiers are out there dying while you guys do your 14th live feed of the day from WalMart to show us what good little consumers we are. What Would Jesus Do? He’d jump over that newsdesk and kick your ass for that shit. Are you sure you want to hang your journalism credentials on a story about what some guy calls a tree?

Well we’ve fucking had it. You want to play bullshit games and scream about how God’s fucking judgment is gonna come raining down on us if we don't start watching our vocabulary? Go right the fuck ahead. But let me clue you in on something: fire and brimstone ain’t no deterrent for us. We’re not going to hell, assholes, we’re fucking in hell. We live with you.

And fuck Easter too, you fertility–rite–celebrating, whiny, self-righteous, don’t–know–the– history–of–your–own–religion assholes. Fuck off.

POLAR WARMING

Is Global Warming Killing the Polar Bears?
By JIM CARLTON
Staff Reporter of THE WALL STREET JOURNAL
December 14, 2005; Page B1
It may be the latest evidence of global warming: Polar bears are drowning.

Scientists for the first time have documented multiple deaths of polar bears off Alaska, where they likely drowned after swimming long distances in the ocean amid the melting of the Arctic ice shelf. The bears spend most of their time hunting and raising their young on ice floes.

In a quarter-century of aerial surveys of the Alaskan coastline before 2004, researchers from the U.S. Minerals Management Service said they typically spotted a lone polar bear swimming in the ocean far from ice about once every two years. Polar-bear drownings were so rare that they have never been documented in the surveys.

READ MORE:

WALLSTREETJOURNAL

YAY GERMAN GQ!

from www.Gawker.com:

I WAS WRONG!

Stop the press! A week or so ago I dissed RENT, though I admitted I'd never seen it. I was especially critical of the fact that a drag is wearing a Santa Claus look, but apparently, the plot explains her ensemble. It was just an image I'd seen for years in association with the play. I'm told that the drag is a scene-stealer in the film.

But that doesn't mean I didn't cringe when a dj last night played 5 Hundred 25 Thousand Six Hundred Minutes--REMIX, although some black gal did hit some incredible notes toward the end and the tune is--I hate to admit it, catchy. Maybe not the best candidate for a house remix, but catchy nonetheless.

WEBSITE OF THE CENTURY

Talk about full face transplants!








It is with giddy delight that I introduce a site which will provide you with endless enjoyment:

WWW.MASKON.COM

Make sure to check out the MASKON icon/ OUR CONVENTION FOR PIX!

Curious about the title? Well, it seems that one particular crossdressing fetish involves not only wearing women's attire, wigs, and footwear, but also masks with feminine features, which completely cover the face. Sure must save on make-up and depilatory procedures! On the site there are dozens of outrageous pix from their events, one which attracted 30,000 maksed women and their admirers. The "girls" often feature super-hero looks which entail sometimes impressive costumes which include ofen include gloves and boots--these gals wanna be fully-covered!

There are names for the masks, which are available for order in a variety of styles and even races. There's even a blue-faced one which is featured with a belt of yellow skulls which would have tickled Leigh Bowery pink. I haven't had time to check out all the links, but here a few of pix. I wholeheartededly recommend that you click on the link to enjoy more. You know, gather round the laptop after the holiday meal and enjoy a fascinating gander at these unique ladies and their admirers. It was awfully tough to weed out the pix I couldn't post, but here's a tantalizing, tempting taste of something totally taboo!

DO I GET WORKER'S COMP?

CLICK HERE FOR VIDEO: CUMSHOT

RJ from sent me the link to this "cum shot" video. But you must also check out the priceless parade of Santa "fashions" like this one on his site: RJR10036.TYPEPAD.COM

QUEERTY.COM'S #1 DRAG QUEEN

You'll never guess who's #1!


"You know we love The Straights as we illustrated in yesterday’s So Gay! list. You know whom we love more than straights? Drag queens and transgender folks. And they were everywhere this year. The top five moments in drag and trannies from 2005 is below."

READ MORE: QUEERTY.COM

PENTAGON SPYING ON PEACE ACTIVISTS

Aren't you glad that your tax dollars are being spent to spy on the very threatening Quakers?


WASHINGTON - A year ago, at a Quaker Meeting House in Lake Worth, Fla., a small group of activists met to plan a protest of military recruiting at local high schools. What they didn't know was that their meeting had come to the attention of the U.S. military.

A secret 400-page Defense Department document obtained by NBC News lists the Lake Worth meeting as a “threat” and one of more than 1,500 “suspicious incidents” across the country over a recent 10-month period.

“This peaceful, educationally oriented group being a threat is incredible,” says Evy Grachow, a member of the Florida group called The Truth Project.


READ MORE:

MSNBC.MSN.COM

WE DON'T TORTURE

1 DAY TO STOP PATRIOT ACT

Even republicans are questioning Bush on this one. Shouldn't you be too? But do it now--there's 1 day left to speak out against this!

from moveon.org

A bipartisan group of senators have agreed to fight the Patriot Act—by filibuster if necessary. The law currently goes too far in curtailing our civil liberties and they're fighting back. The Senate will vote as soon as Thursday. This is the time to act.

This is a huge moment. Senators from both parties are standing together to protect privacy and liberty in a time of war—and they're ready to go all the way. It's important to support them and to show those who are still on the fence how important this issue is to you. Will you help us reach 250,000 signatures on our petition by Thursday so we can deliver them in time for the vote?

MOVEON

If this filibuster holds, Congress could vote to temporarily extend the Patriot Act as it stands—allowing time for a new, better version that addresses the big problems in the law. This would be a huge victory for those of us who believe that liberty is non-negotiable.

The tide is turning in Congress. Leaders in Washington are beginning to demand accountability from the Bush administration on everything from Iraq to the use of torture. Now it looks like President Bush's plan to pass a new and more dangerous version of the Patriot Act is also in trouble.1

In 2001, only one senator voted against the Patriot Act. Since then, people from all across the political spectrum have come to realize that the Patriot Act strikes a blow to the fundamental rights, liberties, and privacy of all Americans. Protecting freedom is something that all of us—progressives and conservatives, Democrats and Republicans—can agree on.

That's why a bipartisan group of senators, including Republicans Larry Craig, John Sununu, Lisa Murkowski and Democrats Russ Feingold, Dick Durbin and Ken Salazar, have been working to fix the Patriot Act. They have vowed to fight the most egregious provisions and filibuster reauthorization if necessary. We need to show them that we have their backs.

The Patriot Act that the president wants them to pass now goes too far and doesn't protect the privacy of innocent Americans. It doesn't address some of the biggest problems in the law. For example:2

The government can obtain your private records, like medical, library, school, and other records—without showing any connection between your activities and and a suspected foreign terrorist.
Some 30,000 National Security Letters ("NSLs") are issued each year to obtain private records,3 and the recipients of those NSLs are under a gag order that is almost impossible to overturn. But the Patriot Act does nothing to address these abusive powers.
The government is allowed to get "sneak and peek" search warrants to search a home or business and doesn't have to tell the owner of the premises for a month. This power can be used in cases that don't have anything to do with terrorism.
Right now, the Patriot Act is just bad law about to get worse—and leaders in the Washington are actually willing to try to block it. We can't let our only chance to fix it slip away without a fight.

Hundreds of thousands of signatures on a petition like this will show the Senate how serious Americans are about protecting their constitutional freedoms. Will you sign the petition and show your support for filibustering a Patriot Act that doesn't include privacy protections?

MOVEON

Together, we can make sure we're safe—and our freedom is safe, too.

DELETE ALITO

This cute video is only a minute and a half and it takes one sec to fill out the TAKE ACTION form against this creep who Bush has nominated to the Supreme Court. Which means that Alito would continue "Bush-like" rulings long after Bush is out of office! Please take a minute and check this out.

ALITOSAMERICA.ORG

LOOKING FOR THE PERFECT GIFT?

LOOK NO FURTHER! May I suggest yours truly in her very first comedy dvd? A few reviews are below. Make sure you read to the bottom where I included a few celeb reviews! Or you can watch the trailer here: TRALERTRASH


PHILO HAGEN at QUEERDAY.COM

Lady Bunny is Rated X in her first DVD release

While Lady Bunny has peddled VD for years, I was really impressed to find out that she's actually selling a DVD this year instead, especially when my copy showed up in my mailbox in a gorgeously designed and most sanitary Lady Bunny envelope. I could feel the excitement in my hands before I even opened her package. What did I find within? Her very first video collection entitled "Rated X (For X-tra Retarded)." Yeah, we all know that it just isn't cool to say the "R" word anymore, but she's from New York City and she's got really big hair so we forgive her.

As soon as I slid it right into the slot, of my DVD player that is, it wasn't long before she had me giggling and I have to admit I literally fell off the sofa during her opening medley I was laughing so hard. Her crack production team really did a great job of putting this star-studded air strike together, as many a celebrity Bunny has rubbed shoulder pads with over the years has their moment on screen. Britney Spears, Courtney Love, Elvira, Flotilla DeBarge...

While Rated-X relies rather heavily on what one might call toilet humor, what's hilarious about it and the Bunny herself is that she looks so glamorous and gorgeous while the most tawdry things come out of her mouth. Hosting the show from her bed, she doesn't shy away from saying what's on her mind at all either. While her live stage numbers at Wigstock and elsewhere are crowd pleasers, Queer Day is particularly fond of her flashback Laugh-in flavored psychedlic sock-it-to-me comedy vignettes that deliver such gems as - "What's the difference between a priest and acne? Acne doesn't come on your face until your 13!" Her timing and delivery of what basically amounts to a big heaping pile of filth couldn't be more impeccable. At times Rated-X is incredibly self-indulgent (the Kate Bush number for example), but that's also what we've come to expect and love about her as well. And when it isn't all about her, Lady Bunny's delivering a swift kick in the groin to Bush and the right wing. ¡Viva la señora Bunny Revolution!!!

(Bunny note: only the press gets the Bunny design envelope. I know y'all consumers want plain paper when ordering smut.)


MICHAEL MUSTO in the VILLAGE VOICE

Another drag queen with balls, LADY BUNNY, has come out of the forest with a new DVD, Rated X (For X-tra Retarded), that showcases her shellac-haired self in club-performance clips, Wigstock highlights, and segments that have her blithely go-go dancing in between doing lines, I mean one-liners. Among the chortlers: "How does CLAY AIKEN remove a condom? He farts!" and "What's the difference between a priest and acne? Acne doesn't come on your face until you're 13." If those are too racy for your suddenly so sensitive ears, there are more family-friendly bits like, "What do you get when you cross a crooked politician with a crooked lawyer? CHELSEA CLINTON."

And here's a few from some satisfied consumers:


I have to say, I've never seen anything so offensive, shocking and truly
disturbing. And that was just from looking at the cover. The DVD? It's a
scream! A must for deranged individuals world-wide. I was gonna share it
with friends, but instead I'll make them buy their own copies. ---Erik Jackson


I got the fucking video!
 
I loved it.... and almost peed myself......okay, it was cum and I was jerking off.
 
It got here so fast...maybe you can lick and stick a stamp on your pretty little boobs and come visit someday!
 
Thanks so much for the video.  It's going to be a real hit.  ---Karl Rove



God, it arrived really fast. Poor Bunny must be really broke. ----Anonymous



Bless her! She's a true gift from God. --Pope Benedict



I laughed my damn self to death! --Richard Pryor
 

O, HOLY FRIGHT

Ok, I wish they'd been focusing on something a little more important, but this NY Post cover story is a sick hoot!


By MARLENE NAANES and ANDY GELLER

OPEN SLAY: Joel Krupnik's bloody Christmas tree yesterday on East 18th Street.

Photo: Luiz C. Ribeiro


December 13, 2005 -- EXCLUSIVE

Ho, ho . . . no!!!!!

Slay bells are ringing outside a $3 million brownstone on East 18th Street in Manhattan, where, rather than your typical jolly St. Nick, a skinny, bloody-bearded Santa holds a knife in his left hand and the severed head of a doll - blood gushing from its eye sockets - in the other.

This 'tis-the-season-to be-creepy display - which has drawn no small amount of community ire - can be found in the front yard of Joel Krupnik, 58, and his wife, Mildred Castellanos, 43, who said they are protesting the commercialization of the Yule season.

In another touch of Christmas jeer, the Santa dummy is standing behind a tree whose bare branches are adorned with beheaded Barbie dolls.

"Christmas has religious origins. It's in the Bible. Santa is not in the Bible. He's not a religious symbol. Santa Claus has become a piece of Americana," Krupnik explained yesterday.

Krupnik, who dabbles in real estate, said if anyone was offended, they could simply cross the street. Some children have done just that.

Other people have called the cops - only to be told there was nothing they could do. And one woman chased Castellanos down the block, screaming epithets at her.

Outside the home - also decorated with gargoyles, lizards and dragons - there were many who accused the couple of dreaming of a fright Christmas.

"This is like a nightmare before Christmas. These people are possessed," fumed Laure Levinson, 50. "I thought it was very gory and bloody. Christmas is not supposed to be gory," said Jimmy Crevier, 9, who was passing by. "It's bad," agreed Sean Conlon, 5. "Santa's face and hair are red - Santa shouldn't look like that."

His brother, Ryan, 9, chimed in, "Santa makes toys and he lives in the North Pole. He doesn't have a haunted house like that."

"It's weird," said Javin Bose, 7, who lives next door.

The Krupniks, who have three children and have owned their home for 16 years, are nonpracticing Jews who don't celebrate any holidays, but like putting up decorations for them.

"We definitely have holiday spirit," insisted daughter Darla, 16.

The couple introduced their kids to horror films at an early age - and Darla and her brothers, Ariel, 18, and Charleston, 20, love them.

In fact, Darla came up with the idea for the bloody Santa - basing it on the movie, "Silent Night, Deadly Night," in which a teenager goes on a murderous rampage dressed as Santa.

The beheaded dolls came from Castellanos, who has a collection.

THINK PINK

The Star-Ledger [Newark, NJ]
November 27, 2005

Breaking the color barrier in clothing, boys think pink

By CARRIE STETLER, STAR-LEDGER STAFF

When Jake Miley was 5, he violated one of boyhood's most powerful taboos: He
wore pink socks to kindergarten.

The results were predictable.

"I got made fun of," says Jake, now 12.

These days, when Jake wears a pink shirt and matching bracelets, he gets
nothing but compliments, especially from middle school's harshest fashion
critics: eighth-grade girls.

"They say, 'Nice shirt,'" according to Jake, a seventh-grade skateboarder
from Montague whose shaggy blond hair falls over one eye.

Once the color of girlie girls and preppie men, pink is losing its stigma
among boys. Teen and preteen skateboarders - a group that retailers consider
trendsetters - have made the color a style statement, a defiant blow against
gender-typing that lends boys in fuchsia a sort of reverse machismo. It is
summed up in a T-shirt sold by J.C. Penney: "Tough Guys Wear Pink."

Doug Rosell, 13, is so tough he wears that T-shirt, with pink sweat pants,
to wrestling practice at Little Egg Harbor Middle School. He's campaigning
to get teammates in pink for matches, though not everyone likes the idea.

"They think they're going to get harassed," says Doug, a skateboarder whose
11-year-old brother, Eric, also wears pink.

Although pink menswear is not new - it was big in the 1950s and resurged in
the 1980s - it's unusual for it to be embraced by boys, especially younger
grade-schoolers.

"When a baby's born, blue is for a boy, pink is for a girl. It starts right
off the bat. It's how we've been socialized in this country," says Atlanta
psychologist Barbara Rubin, who specializes in gender identity.

While she couldn't explain pink's from sissified to sick (skater slang for
"cool"), Rubin said it may symbolize some small, rose-colored way that
America has changed.

"I don't know whether this is a status thing for these kids, a sign that
they're able to take risks, or whether they're doing it for shock value,"
Rubin said. "But if they're not getting chastised by their families or
friends, things have come a long way."

Skateboarders, who total 12 million in the U.S., according to the
International Association of Skateboard Companies, incited the pink
revolution a few years ago, along with rap stars like Cam'ron.

The fad began with older teens and caught on with junior high skaters and
grade-schoolers, especially fans of MTV star Bam Margera, whose signature
gear for the Element skateboard company is pink.

"It trickled down," said Bill Spice, who works at Division East skateboard
shop in Montclair.

At NJ Skateshop in Sayreville, four of 10 items sold are pink, said co-owner
Chris Nieratko. "One hundred percent of the pink stuff we sell is sold to
boys," he said.

For skaters, wearing pink is a way to stand out.

"It's not something everyone else is doing," said Jake Miley.

Wendy Smith, who with her daughter Leslie McAdam co-owns Fate skate shop in
Manahawkin, said: "It's a really positive rebellion: 'I feel so secure with
myself I can wear pink.'"

'WHATEVER MAKES HIM HAPPY'

At Fate, boys can find pink T-shirts by skateboard companies like Flip and
Girl, along with metal-studded pink belts and pink leather sneakers.

There are pink helmets, pink decks (the top of a skateboard), pink trucks
(the brace that connects the wheel to the board) and pink wheels. Shades
range from hot pink to bubble gum to pink as pale as ballet slippers. (The
store also sells "girl pants" - tight, flared jeans that skaters, including
Jake, are starting to wear.)

While Smith has seen some parents balk at pink for boys, many are fine with
it.

"I just figured it's a punk rock thing," said Jake's dad, Lance Miley.
"Whatever makes him happy and keeps him out of trouble."

Miley, a guitarist who sported teased hair and Spandex in a 1980s metal band
called Angelica, draws the line at pink for himself, however.

"I wear a lot of black," he says.

And for most preteen boys, pink is still fringe.

"We are aware of the trend and we are watching it closely. But at this time
we don't have any pink clothes for boys on order," said Susan LaBar,
investor relations analyst with the Children's Place clothing chain.

Charlie and Carter Cooper, preteen skateboarders from Parsippany, sometimes
raid the girls department to buy pink knit caps and T-shirts. Carter, who is
9, said he has been teased - his pastel polka-dotted Vans sneakers are a
particular source of ridicule.

"They say, 'You wear dumb shoes,'" said Carter, but he shrugs off the
hostility. "I don't care about other people's opinions."

Charlie, his 12-year-old brother, lifted the cuffs of his jeans to reveal
shocking pink socks, also bought in the girls department. He's been wearing
pink since third grade. Carter started last year, when he was in second.

Pink's popularity among skateboarders probably means it soon will be easier
to find in stores. It's already making headway in the boys department.

"Skateboarders are the trendsetters, the center of it all for that age
group," said Daphne Avila, a spokeswoman for J.C. Penney.

Pink has been especially popular for boys in the teen department, said
Avila, and she expects there will be a spike in pink clothes for younger
boys. The "Tough Guys Wear Pink" tee was a big seller this year, she
said.Whether tough guys and skateboarders will continue to wear pink,
however, is debatable.

While Carter said he'd stick with the color even if everyone wore it, others
have moved on.

"Purple is really coming up," said Smith.

KAZAKHSTAN NOT AMUSED

by Sacha Baron Cohen (aka Ali G) and his impersonation of a racist, sexist, Kazakh reporter who shoots dogs for fun. I've never seen this character cuz I ain't got no HBO but the pic is hilarious!

READ MORE: YAHOONEWS

Thanks, Jan, for sending me this link to a video of Ali's Kazakh reporter character:

PUTFILE.COM

PUPU PLATTER

OKAY, this comedy troupe is REALLY ill. And free. Every Tuesday night at Starlite in the East Village. Show starts fairly promptly at 10:00. Their comedy is so refreshingly wrong cuz, I ain't sayin' they don't rehearse, but let's just say they "vibe" a lot. The cast includes from l-r:

I can't remember her name but she stars in a pathetically tragi-comic Chicken Little skit which has to be seen to be believed. The punchline is that there is none--the skit NEVER pays off. Mind-bogglingly stupid.

A jew-dyke who does borscht belt stand-up in Annie drag. She hates me because I got stoned on July 4th and while leaving a fireworks-viewing party, we were walking down the street and I thought it might be amusing to shove her onto a bus when it pulled up at the bus stop and the doors opened. It was funny but dykes hate to be manhandled. Especially when it's by a stoned wo-man.

A complete retard named John Roberts who is also part of the hit downtown band OPTIGRAB and does his own solo music which you can hear on myspace/flaco. But at Pu Pu platter, he wears many hats, most of them very busted wigs with some really rotten "characters" coming out from under them! A world class fool!

Gina Varla Vetro, an italian sexpot (emphasis on the pot) who clucks out a mean version of LIGHT MY FIRE.

They do the same skits every week so bring eggs.

CONDI MEETS SHIRLEY Q

CONDISHIRLEY

JERRY S. ON TOOKIE

Was anyone listening to Jerry Springer's show on AIR AMERICA today? He's so entertaining! He doesn't have the bitter bile of brilliant battle-axe Randi Rhodes, but he really connects with the callers so you get to hear and sometimes sort of understand what their points are, though Jerry often disproves them in a clever and friendly way. Who'd have thunk that the guy who created the insanity of "tabloid tv" would now be dispensing sense on the radio? (Even if AIR AMERICA isn't broadcast everywhere on the radio, you can hear it online at www.airamericaradio.com). On Thanksgiving day, Jerry's good old-fashioned American holiday topic was the ins and outs (or should I say on's and off's?) of transsexualism! Jerry--whose tv show once featured a totally demented theme of COUNTRY DRAG vs. CITY DRAG which culminated, naturally, in a cross-dressing basketball game?!?!?!--is now clearing up misunderstanding towards transsexuals which often lead to discrimination and violence? Amazing.

Transsexualism can be tough to understand, even for gays and drag queens. And I've often heard it expressed that "So-and-so shouldn't live in drag cuz she's too ugly", which really misses the point that it's how the transgendered feel, not look. One male-to-female post-operative (ie: dick chopped off) tranny phoned up to say she was happily married for years, and it seemed shocking to me that this person would undergo the hormones, therapy, electrolysis, surgery, etc. and still sound like Barney Rubble--no attempt to feminize the voice whatsoever! Or who knows? Maybe that was his/her feminized version and the regular version sounds like the manlier Fred Flinstone. Then the tranny shared that her wife was also transsexual and it did get very confusing. Some male-to-female trannies get the chop and then become dykes--I guess they love pussy so much that they simply had to get one of their own! But enough nookie and onto Tookie!



Today, Jerry was advocating that state executions be broadcast on tv. "If it's not to disturbing to be done then it's not too disturbing to be seen"--to paraphrase him. It's a good point. If you are advocating the death penalty, be prepared to watch it. Maybe we'd even develop a taste for it like the ancient Romans or bring back pillories in town squares. Jerry also made the point that centuries ago, we did many things which would disgust people today. There are, according to some guy on Larry King last night, only 3 other countries beside the US which still use the death penalty. And with the Bush administration making a rare pre-emptive attack like the one on Iraq and hiding military torture, it wouldn't be out of line to suggest that under Bush, we're becoming more barbaric and war-like. Don't many Texans traditionally pride themselves on their gun-totin', "Don't mess with Texas" belligerent, cowboy mentality? Kinda reminds ya of Bush's "You're either for us or against us" brand of "diplomacy" which has made the whole world despise us.

DISCLAIMER: I'm not very familiar with the facts on the Tookie case. It kind of exploded in my face 2 days ago and I missed the movie. But some very interesting notions came out last night on Larry King.


Schwarzenneger claimed he could not pardon Tookie because he espressed no remorse.

But Tookie has maintaned his innocence--so how could he express remorse for something he didn't do?

There was never any physical evidence to convict Tookie. He was convicted on "snitch testimonies", which are apparently so unreliable that reliance on them is now being reviewed by some CA government branch.

The tweety-birdish looking red-head who wanted Tookie's death to vindicate her dead relatives refused to comment on Larry's assertion that other family members claimed she was never very close to the relatives which Tookie supposedly killed. So why would she cling to this? Her 15 minutes of fame? Racism? Delusion?

A black friend mentioned that Tookie was never given a second trial on a technicality. Is this true? Someone on Larry King mentioned that the best lawyers had duked it out for 20 years. Anyone know the score on this for someone who is too lazy to google?

The same friend said Tookie was convicted by an all-white jury and asked "Why aren't there ever any all black juries?" (I'm guessing--they are a minority so it's against the law of averages ? Or maybe there are all black juries but they're rare and so far none in famous cases?)

Another black friend claimed that "White people get pardoned" and that "blacks don't get the same kind of justice". Well, OJ, Michael Jackson, Kobe Bryant, Jayson WIlliams--the one who killed his white chauffeur for fun--and the blacks with money do. Many agree that the justice system is slanted against people of color, but then again, maybe this case is as simple as Tookie did the crime, so take the punishment.

One comment made on Larry King in defense of the death penalty was that "all human systems have errors." Trucks sometimes kill people, and doctors sometimes kill people mistakenly. Does that mean that we get rid of doctors and trucks?

And most importantly of all---Bianca Jagger's hair looked gorgeous! I'm kidding, but it was interesting to clock the varied celebs which came out in support of Tookie: sexy self-help guru/Lurch-impersonator Tony Roberts, Jamie Foxx, that guy from Mash, Bianca and Snoop Dogg. Quite a motley crew! Snoop made a ridiculous comment like (paraphrasing again) "Tookie inspired me and thousands of kids and I've inspired millions so if you multiply that, it's hundreds of millions of lives he's touched." Ugh, Snoop. Precious. Dumplin'. Your last smash DROP IT LIKE IT'S HOT name-checks the Crips gang which Tookie founded and has a verse about you threatening someone with cement shoes. I don't exactly think you make the best spokesperson for a former gang member convicted of murder. But what would bring all of these very different people together in support of Tookie if there weren't some grave injustice afoot?

Personally, I think commuting his sentence to life might make sense--they aren't asking to release him. But then again, wasn't there some suggestion that Tookie continued to engage in gang activity from "the inside"? But I'm conflicted on the death penalty in general. I don't believe in god, so I don't buy into the "we shouldn't play god" idea. Someone raised the interesting question that how can these pro-lifers advocate the death penalty?

Someone else on Larry King--I gotta hand it to him--Larry was actually "on" last night--advocated the death penalty for especially gruesome crimes like those committed by Hitler. I think I agree. I mean, if a sissy like me were to go to jail for anything, I'd be raped and probably infected with a multitude of diseases, including that fatal one. So if you're a queen who looks even half-way effeminate, going to jail for even nail polish theft can be a death sentence by lethal injection--of AIDS cum! (Maybe I'd try to ward them off or at least get them to wear a condom by tattooing a lesion on my face before I got shipped off to the slammer.) Enough about my jail-rape fantasies. I'm just trying to say that if jail didn't seem scary, it wouldn't be much of a deterrent to crime. Same with cops. I don't condone police brutality any more than I do AIDS infection through prison rape, but if the cops seem too much like cuddly sweethearts, ain't nobody gonna be scared of 'em! It's that "all human system have errors" again. Maybe the death penalty could deter people like Hitler? I doubt it. And I think there have been plenty of studies of which indicate that the death penalty DO NOT deter criminals. So I'll conclude that for now, I am pro-death penalty only for especially heinous crimes. I'm not saying that Tookie was guilty cuz I don't know all the history of his trial. But a committee is investigating whether or not George Bush deliberately falsified evidence to lead us into a war which has killed tens of thousands. On a "heinosity scale", Bush is a lot closer to Hitler than Tookie was. And will Bush ever even be tried?

NEW STUDY

A new study suggests that middle-aged adults who go on periodic drinking binges may face a heightened risk of dementia later on in life. The study is entitled, "National Strategy for Victory in Iraq."

THE BARTENDER ROBOT

The Bartender Robot

A man enters a bar and orders a drink. The bar has a robot
bartender.

The robot serves him a perfectly prepared cocktail, and then
asks him,
"What's your IQ?"

The man replies "150" and the robot proceeds to make
conversation about global warming factors, quantum physics
and spirituality, biomimicry, environmental
interconnectedness, string theory, nano-technology, and
sexual proclivities.
The customer is very impressed and thinks, "This is really
cool."

He decides to test the robot. He walks out of the bar, turns
around, and comes back in for another drink. Again, the robot
serves him the perfectly prepared drink and asks him, "What's
your IQ?"
The man responds, "about 100."

Immediately the robot starts talking, but this time, about
football, NASCAR, baseball, super models, favorite fast
foods, guns, and women's breasts.

Really impressed, the man leaves the bar and decides to give
the robot one more test. He heads out and returns, the robot
serves him and asks,
"What's your IQ?"

The man replies, "Er, 50, I think."
And the robot says... real slowly... "So............... ya
gonna vote for Bush again?"

TRANSGENDER BENDERS

Jackie Beat, Linda Simpson, honorary drag queen Joan Rivers and I discuss legendary drag screen performances in this article on Radar Magazine online:

RADARONLINE


Also on radaronlinecom: and interesting Q & A with Ethan Brown re the Fiddy, Gotti and the McGriff suit/acquital:

radaronline

An excerpt:


50 Cent has built his entire career based on his street life.

He’s smarter than anyone else in the music business. Even though he’s not really welcome back in Southeast Queens, a lot of those guys respect him because he operates in a similar way. He sees someone, goes after him, takes him down, and destroys him. A guy who said he used to be part of the Supreme team approached me out of the blue and said, “You know, I don’t like Fiddy’s music, but he moves like he’s from the block.”

Do you think there’s a separation between drugs and hip-hop now?

No. Juelz Santana [a protégé of Cam’ron and a member of Harlem’s Diplomat Set crew] is completely steeped in crack language. The CD booklet actually has a step-by-step photo series of cooking crack. There’s a new hustling paradigm in hip-hop. It’s much more direct than anything Irv or Fiddy was doing."

WHITE TRASH XMAS

This animated video's a LOT better than that I WILL SURVIVE-singing Thanksgiving turkey.

WHITETRASHCHRISTMAS

'TIS THE SEASON!

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
RE: Holiday Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place On December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks!

We'll have a Small band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00pm. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at
that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees!

Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time! Merry Christmas

To you and your family.

Patty



FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
RE: Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides With Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on
we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians or those still celebrating Re Conciliation Day.

There will be no Christmas tree present. No Christmas
carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.

Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family.
Patty



FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table ... you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only"; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore.

How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody?

Forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts exchange are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy. NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.



FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party!

Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employee's beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party- or else package everything for you to take it home
in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?

Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table.

To the person asking permission to cross dress, no cross-dressing allowed though, we will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food we suggest for those people with high blood pressure to taste first.

There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot Supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!

Did I miss anything?!?!?

Patty



FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Fucking Employees
RE: The Fucking Holiday Party

Vegetarian pricks, I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep This party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit Quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your fucking salad! bar, including organic tomatoes.

But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW! I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die,

The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!



From: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director

Re: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery. And I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon off with full pay.

Happy Holidays!

FOR THE RECORD...

Yes, I do like it when fans email my site with nude pix. Hell, who cares if they're even fans if they look this damn tasty!

CONVICT'S CANDY

An excerpt from the new GHETTO HEAT publication someone sent me--gotta love the cover! Especially that gloved pinky turned out just so!


"When Candy reached cell 1325, she’d glanced twice at the number printed above on the door, making sure that she was at the right cell before she’d entered. Candy had peeped in the window to see if anyone was there. Seeing that it was empty, she’d stepped inside of the cell that would serve as her new home for the next five-and-a-half years.

Candy was overcome with joy to find that the cell was perfectly neat and clean, and for a moment, she’d sensed that it had a woman’s touch. The room had smelled like sweet perfume, instead of the strong musk oil that was sold on commissary.
Right away, Candy had dropped her bedroll and raced towards the picture board that hung on the wall, analyzing every photo, curious to know who had occupied the cell and how they had lived. Candy believed that a photo was like a thousand words; she felt that people told a lot about themselves by the way they posed in photographs, including how they displayed their own pictures.

Candy had smiled as her eyes perused over photos of gorgeous models, both male and female, and had become happy when she’d found the huge portrait of her new cellmate. Judging by his long, silky jet-black hair, facial features and large green eyes, Candy assumed that he was Hispanic.

Finding out the identity of her cellmate, Candy had decided that it was best to go find him and introduce herself, in hopes that he would fully accept Candy into the room. As she’d turned around to head out the door, Candy was immediately stopped by a hard, powerful right-handed fist to her chiseled jaw, followed by the tight grip of a person’s left hand hooking around her throat, crushing Candy’s vocal cords so she couldn’t scream.

Candy had haphazardly fallen back into a corner, hitting the back of her head against the wall and had become unconscious momentarily. Within the first five seconds of gaining back her conscious, she’d pondered who had bashed her so hard in her face. The first person that had come to mind was Trigger. Secondly, Candy also had thought it might’ve been her new cellmate who obviously didn’t want Candy in his cell, assuming by the blow she’d just taken to her flawless face.

Struggling her way back from darkness, Candy’s eyes widened wide, now being terribly frightened, as she was face-to-face with two unknown convicts wearing white pillow cases over their heads; mean eyes had peeked from the two holes that were cut out from the cloth. The two attackers had resembled members of the Ku Klux Klan bandits as they hid their faces; both armed with sharp, ten-inch knives.

Overcome with panic, there was no doubt in Candy’s mind that she was about to be brutally raped, as there was no way out. Candy had quickly prayed to herself, hoping that they wouldn’t take her life as well. Yet, being raped was no longer an important factor to Candy, as they could’ve had their way with her. All she was concerned with now was continuing to live."

CONVICT’S CANDY, the new novel by Damon “Amin” Meadows and Jason Poole, Essence bestseller of LARCENY.
CONVICT’S CANDY—A GHETTOHEAT® PRODUCTION.

MR HETERO

Religious group Feces on the Family--I mean Focus on the Family--is endorsing this new contest which includes food-tasting. Pretty wacky!

MRHETERO

NYC XMAS SHOWS

Had a blast at XL last night in my first show of 4 (every Wednesday in December). The sound is great and the place is really cute--I'd never been there before my soundcheck. Too bad I literally mistook Visine for nail glue and popped a drop in my eye. Ouch! But the "sow" must go on! So I had to do the show in sunglasses with one eye made up, the other watering badly. Retarded. But dvds will be on sale at every show so stop by if you want one for 20 measly bucks but ain't got no credit card.

Other notable NYC Xmas shows:

Jackie Hoffman in THE KVETCHING CONTINUES: HANUKHAH AT JOE'S PUB: This gal is hilarious and oh so bitter!



JOE'S PUB


Murray Hill at Mo Pitkins, with different guest stars at each of her 10 shows, including Dirty Martini, Taylor Mac, and Julie Atlas Muz. Murray is the world's most loveable drag king!



MURRAYHILL


JACKIE BEAT IS THE HOLIDAY HO, cutting up at The Cutting Room. A twisted, bitter Xmas tradition!

SPINCYCLE



(Psssst! Find out which NYC drag queen Jackie Beat hates in her interview on www.queerty.com!)

BAD DAY

COULTER BOO'ED

STORRS, Connecticut (AP) -- Conservative columnist Ann Coulter cut short a speech at the University of Connecticut amid boos and jeers, and decided to hold a question-and-answer session instead.

"I love to engage in repartee with people who are stupider than I am," Coulter told the crowd of 2,600 Wednesday.

Read full article here: CNN.COM

MARIAH GOSSIP

I was in LA recently and hung out with a friend of a friend of Mariah, who always seems so off, even though I love her voice. Apparently she has her make-up artist color in some coloring imperfections on her dog's face with cosmetics when making public appearances. I also hear that she has a special mic with a control lever so that she can manually increase/decrease the amount of pre-recorded vocals in her track, depending on how strong her voice is that day. But you know what? I still love her and am thrilled that WE BELONG TOGETHER was a smash for her. If you are a true Mariah freak and love soulful house, you MUST check out Craig C's gospel-y remix of IT'S LIKE THAT. Craig, formerly of The Pound Boys, works that tune into a hallelujah hoedown!

HARDEST WORKING MAN...

in the bedroom! James Brown still going strong! From www.popbitch.com

James Brown's tour rider has an interesting request,
"Two girls under the age of 21 who are willing to
spend the night with the Godfather of Soul."

BURGER KING XMAS

and you can also shop at THE CRIPPLE STORE!

BURGERKINGXMAS

NEED A QUICK "PUKE ME UP"?

TRY THIS CUTE COFFEE MACHINE

1. CLICK ON THE LINK (COFFEE MACHINE BELOW)
2. PUT THE COIN IN THE VENDING MACHINE
3. CHOOSE YOUR DRINK
4. CLICK ON THE CUP WHEN IT IS READY
5. CLICK ON "APRI"
ENJOY! Don't forget to click on "APRI" at the end.!!!

COFFEEMACHINE

STRYKER SINGS!

Check out his country single POP YOU IN THE POOPER! He sounds pretty darn good: POOPER

And here are some comments that were forwarded to me from who knows which site. CAMMIE PARKER BOWELS and SISTER SUCKEMSILLY? Love it!


Jeff Stryker and Lady Bunny, together at last

Lady Bunny performed at Hustlaball , the event that is as she put it, "Berlin's fairground for male prostitutes catering to every imaginable taste -- or lack thereof!" Lucky for her, she wound up sharing a dressing room with gay porn legend Jeff Stryker, who is filming a reality show by the way. Who knew? Anyway, his eye was swollen and he was concerned until Bunny reassured him, "Don't worry, ain't nobody gone be lookin' at your eye, Jeff!" Apparently neither was she. Her camera didn't get one photo of his face. She did, however, snap a couple of very impressive (and not safe for work) photos: #1 , #2 .
CommentsLady Bunny is none other than joan rivers in Drag

Posted by CUMINME on November 1, 2005 03:48 PM

Lady Bunny once ate my Toenail,I clipped it and it flew into her salad,Being a Bunny She thought nothing if it
Cammie Parker Bowels

Posted by Cammie Parker Bowels on November 1, 2005 03:50 PM

I once pushed a carrot into her G spot,and she stated it was just like Jeff Striker,or was that match striker

Posted by Carrot Top on November 1, 2005 03:54 PM

Like to get Jeff Between two pieces of bread
Ms Bunny said.......
Hold The Mayo,
I stated you'll need crisco to take that 10

Posted by Earl of Sandwich on November 1, 2005 03:58 PM

Lady Bunny and I are old friends. We were made from the same mold. I remember it under her mothers sink. Lady Bunny's real name is Marshall Arthur Starr, a good Jewish boy, cut here darling.
Until recently we shopped at Marshall Fields, Chicago, soon to be Macy's. Those Queen's at Macys just don't know what they are doing, Just like when they got rid of the Glory Holes
Thank you,
Sister Suckemsilly


Posted by Ms. Spermazota on November 1, 2005 07:57 PM

Jeff Once Mounted me, It's sure a thick one and talk about deep. after about 20 min or so. He withdrew and I took the load off as one would say. Talk about a good load, it was great. Too bad it ws not filmed.


Posted by Carlton Snodgrass III on November 29, 2005 11:04 AM

BUSH THE WORST PRES EVER?

Bush may be ousting James Buchanan from his spot as the all-time worst.

from Yahoo News:

PARIS -- President John F. Kennedy was considered a historian because of his book "Profiles in Courage," so he received periodic requests to rate the presidents, those lists that usually begin "1. Lincoln, 2. Washington ..."

But after he actually became president himself, he stopped filling them out.

"No one knows what it's like in this office," he said after being in the job. "Even with poor James Buchanan, you can't understand what he did and why without sitting in his place, looking at the papers that passed on his desk, knowing the people he talked with."

Poor James Buchanan, the 15th president, is generally considered the worst president in history. Ironically, the Pennsylvania Democrat, elected in 1856, was one of the most qualified of the 43 men who have served in the highest office. A lawyer, a self-made man, Buchanan served with some distinction in the House, served as chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee and secretary of state under President James K. Polk. He had a great deal to do with the United States becoming a continental nation -- "Manifest Destiny," war with Mexico, and all that. He was also ambassador to Great Britain and was offered a seat on the Supreme Court three separate times.

But he was a confused, indecisive president, who may have made the Civil War inevitable by trying to appease or negotiate with the South. His most recent biographer, Jean Clark, writing for the prestigious American Presidents Series, concluded this year that his actions probably constituted treason. It also did not help that his administration was as corrupt as any in history, and he was widely believed to be homosexual.

Whatever his sexual preferences, his real failures were in refusing to move after South Carolina announced secession from the Union and attacked Fort Sumter, and in supporting both the legality of the pro-slavery constitution of Kansas and the Supreme Court ruling in the Dred Scott class declaring that escaped slaves were not people but property.

He was the guy who in 1861 passed on the mess to the first Republican president, Abraham Lincoln. Buchanan set the standard, a tough record to beat. But there are serious people who believe that George W. Bush will prove to do that, be worse than Buchanan. I have talked with three significant historians in the past few months who would not say it in public, but who are saying privately that Bush will be remembered as the worst of the presidents.

There are some numbers. The History News Network at George Mason University has just polled historians informally on the Bush record. Four hundred and fifteen, about a third of those contacted, answered -- maybe they were all crazed liberals -- making the project as unofficial as it was interesting. These were the results: 338 said they believed Bush was failing, while 77 said he was succeeding. Fifty said they thought he was the worst president ever. Worse than Buchanan.

This is what those historians said -- and it should be noted that some of the criticism about deficit spending and misuse of the military came from self-identified conservatives -- about the Bush record:

He has taken the country into an unwinnable war and alienated friend and foe alike in the process;

He is bankrupting the country with a combination of aggressive military spending and reduced taxation of the rich;

He has deliberately and dangerously attacked separation of church and state;

He has repeatedly "misled," to use a kind word, the American people on affairs domestic and foreign;

He has proved to be incompetent in affairs domestic (New Orleans) and foreign ( Iraq and the battle against al-Qaida);

He has sacrificed American employment (including the toleration of pension and benefit elimination) to increase overall productivity;

He is ignorantly hostile to science and technological progress;

He has tolerated or ignored one of the republic's oldest problems, corporate cheating in supplying the military in wartime.

Quite an indictment. It is, of course, too early to evaluate a president. That, historically, takes decades, and views change over times as results and impact become more obvious. Besides, many of the historians note that however bad Bush seems,
they have indeed since worse men around the White House. Some say Buchanan. Many say Vice President Dick Cheney.

I'M "IN"

I'm interviewed in IN NEWS WEEKLY to promote my New England gigs and dvd. Click here to check out article and if you're in Boston or Providence come by and see me!:

INNEWSWEEKLY

FED UP WITH HUNG UP?

Here's Jason Yates' parody video of Madonna's new smash:

HUNGUPPARODY

DIET AND HEALTH

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on
nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those
conflicting medical studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks
than the British or Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than
the British or Americans.

3. The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart
attacks than the British or Americans

4. The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer
heart attacks than the British or Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and
fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

CONCLUSION:

Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English apparently is what
kills you.

FOR THE HOLIDAYS...

CANDLELIGHT

CUMMING SOON!

an email from sick piece Alan Cumming with his fun new line of merch:

Hi everyone! It's Alan!

I'm writing to tell you more about the first of our new range of Cumming products - Cumming clean, the body cleanser! I've enjoyed CUMMING in the shower so much I've decided to let everyone have a go! But there's more to it than you think. This isn't your average body cleanser. First of all, did you know that traditional body cleansers use thickening ingredients to give you lather but they also really dry out your skin? Well, we've formulated a cleanser- with glycerin- that lathers only slightly leaving your skin soft, clean and retaining its own natural moisture as well as a hint of Cumming the fragrance. And it's concentrated - you only need to use a little to keep CUMMING for a very long time.

Manly, moist and malleable. What could be better? Well, bigger, of course! Duh!

And you don't get much bigger than our 8", 12 fluid ounce bottle. Oh yeah baby. The best part of the package is the box - the inside of which is covered in pictures of me in various homages to fragrance ads of yesteryear. What are you waiting for?

Check out Cumming clean and our other products at
www.cummingthefragrance.com

Peace!

Love from Alan xxx

I'M SMART!

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever," --Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.
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"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff." --Mariah Carey
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"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life," --Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.
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"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body," -- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
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"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country," --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC .
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"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president." --Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.
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"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it," --A democratic congressional candidate in Texas .
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"Half this game is ninety percent mental." --Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark
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"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." --Al Gore, Vice President (DUH)
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"I love California . I practically grew up in Phoenix." --Dan Quayle
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"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"--Lee Iacocca
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"The word 'genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." --Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback &sports analyst.
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"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people." --Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.
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"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." --Bill Clinton, President
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"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur." --Al Gore, VP (damn he's smart)
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"Traditionally, most of Australia 's imports come from overseas." --Keppel Enderbery
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"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances." --Department of Social Services, Greenville , South Carolina
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"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record." --Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

SAD NEWS IN DC!

The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a Nativity Scene in Washington, DC this Christmas. This isn't for any religious reason, they simply have not been able to find three wise men and a virgin in the Nation's capitol. There was no problem, however, finding enough asses to fill the stable.

PARTY POLICE

Anyone know what clubs these were?

fromm www.skufff.com's newsletter: (Great quote at the end!)

New York's Party Police Raid Eight East Village Bars

Cops and council officials from New York's infamous MARCH (Multi-Agency Response
to Community Hotspots) swarmed into eight bars in Greenwich Village and the
Lower East Side last weekend, prompting the Village Voice to declare 'the
Party's over: fun ends in NYC forever'.

The paper suggested local cops have been becoming 'increasingly aggressive'
towards nightlife again in recent months, and said many bar owners are concerned
about their overzealous behaviour.

"This knee-jerk reaction destroys nightlife in New York," one bar manager told
the Voice, "We aren't police. We can't control people on the street. There needs
to be some sort of partnership between police and bar owners."

Nightlife columnist Matt Kalkhoff, who reports primarily on Manhattan's gay
scene, shared the Voice's concerns that the raids could be 'a sign that another
Giuliani-style anti-nightlife crusade is looming', though also suggested the
raids could be a cyclical thing. He also remained upbeat about Pacha's imminent
opening, telling Skrufff he expects it to be unaffected by the latest crackdown
(not least because the mid town club is based in a different cops' precinct to
the one affected by the latest raids).

"There's definitely a major buzz about Pacha," said Matt.

" I think it's definitely going to be the biggest opening night party this town
has seen since Crobar's three years ago."

http://www.drugpolicy.org/news/nyciilicitdance120105.cfm ('New York City May
Reconsider 'Illicit' Activity of Dance: "The cabaret law itself is absurd.
It's totalitarian. Two years ago the only places it was illegal to dance were
Manhattan and Afghanistan. And now you can dance in Afghanistan. .')

HOW MANY CHRISTIANS...

...DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB?


Charismatic : Only 1
Hands are already in the air.

Pentecostal : 10
One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

Presbyterians : None
Lights will go on and off at predestined times.

Roman Catholic : None
Candles only.

Baptists : At least 15.
One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken.

Episcopalians: 3
One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk about how much better the old one was.

Mormons : 5
One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.

Unitarians : ??
We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, you are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, 3-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

Methodists : Undetermined
Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Bring a bulb of your choice to the Sunday lighting service and a covered dish to the pitch-in.

Nazarene : 6
One woman to replace the bulb while five men review the church lighting policy.

Lutherans: None
Lutherans don't believe in change.

Amish :
What's a light bulb?

XL MARKS THE SPOT

CUM SEE ME EVERY WEDNESDAY IN DECEMBER AT XL! First show's at 10:00. The second's whenever the fuck I want to start it. I'll probably take my time cuz I just realized that the adorable Brenda Black is dj'ing! And unlike the dj's at many gay bars, Brenda actually plays music with a melody and ....wait for it...vocals! And not just Deborah Cox, either!

ACTION JACKSON

Courtesy of www.popbitch.com


More news from the Prince of Pop

What a week it's been for Michael Jackson:
* His ex-wife reveals that Jacko was not the
real father of their blonde, fair-skinned
children - they actually used an anonymous
sperm donor.

* A tape of Jackson's anti-semitic.
ramblings ("they're like leeches.. I'm so
tired of it.") was broadcast.

* Neverland is up for sale.

* Interest payments he has due in December
may bankrupt him.

* And revelations about his drug habits suggest
he was found by police with gak (ie: cocaine) in his pants.

Still, you can't keep a good megastar down. As
ever, Jackson is riding the zeitgeist - he's
found Islam. Reports in his new home, Bahrain,
claim he's building a mosque and in the
process of converting to the religion,
following the advice of his brother Jermaine,
who converted years ago and moved to Dubai.

(Jermaine's son is named Jermajesty.)

WILLIE NINJA BENEFIT

(THAT'S MISS NINJA ON THE RIGHT)

People are emailing and texting away about voguing legend Willie Ninja''s benefit on Tuesday 12/6 at Avalon. The old school club community is really coming together, thanks to Don Welch and Barbara Tucker of the Underground Network. Louie Vega spinning, along with music on other floors by Jeannie Hopper, DJ Skribble, Chip Chop Gonzalez. Performances by the Queen of House Miss Barbara Tucker, Althea McQueen, Kevin Aviance, Antony Lamont, Darryl D'Bonneau, and ME! Also a fashion show by Willie's old cohort Adrian Extravaganza, now of design firm Nico and Adrian. Doors open at 8:00 so with this many performers the show should start at 10:00. I suspect that the special surprise star might be India, who was one of clubland's finest vocalists before she switched over to her platinum salsa career. And with her ex Louie spinning for his core crowd, the vibe will be ovah, miss ting!

LUCAS ON BUNNY ON GERBILS

I sat down on the set of DANGEROUS LIAISONS (the X-rated version) to discuss the taboo topic of (Richard) Gere-bils with porn star/director extraordinaire Michael Lucas.

So grab your mouse and click on GERBIL to watch the video.

Or the full interview here: MYSCENEWITHMICHAEL

If he ever gets tired of porn, he should consider comedy!

D-VD FROM WOW REPORT

The sweet guys over at www.WORLDOFWONDER.NET have not only written the following kind mention of my dvd, they've also posted a clip here: RATEDXCLIPS

THE DEBASEMENT TAPES

"The Lady Bunny is for sale. So what else is new, you ask? What's new is that you can buy her this time and not have to worry about picking up an STD. Now it's only her DVD you'll pick up, if you're smart. And it's highly contagious. That's right, her hilarious comedy package (and, oh boy, she has one!) is called Rated X (for Xtra-Retarded!), and is not available in stores, such is its filth factor, but only on her website, LadyBunny.net. But we've edited and clipped some of it for you right here, so you can get a taste of Bunny before you bring her home."

And my sistagirl Amnesia Sparkles had a thing or 2 to say about her copy:

"I'll probably do a full review of Lady Bunny's DVD “Rated X (For X-TRA Retarded) when the burning in my insides subsides. If you do end up buying this awful, disgusting, anti-BUSH, crab infested, trannie-wreck of a DVD I strongly suggest you wear surgical gloves when opening the envelope in which it arrives in the mail, for I hear Lady Bunny herself does the mailing with her very own sticky hands. There aren't many DVDs out there you can buy that come scented with the sweet aroma of balls, ass and pantie "hoes" and also VD rubbed all over it. Bunny, you must be proud honey!"

Stop by and check Amnesia's site: AMNESIASPARKLES
Warning: She's a slut! But you should see her gay prom date from high school at the top of her blog!

DVD ON SALE MONDAY!

DVD FAQ's


WHAT'S ON YOUR DVD, HEIFER? The best way to find out is to watch the trailer on my homepage. The dvd is 52 minutes long and contains the same type of material: good ol' fashioned smutty humor! It includes the entire number from Wigstock 2003 called PROMO VIDEO on my site as well as similar numbers, 3 Laugh-In style joke routines, and a few more songs like my raunchy Xmas medley. And even a couple of celebrity cameos! It DOES NOT contain the trailer, except for the actual excerpts from the dvd which are at the end of the trailer. But I invite you to watch the trailer on my site at any ol' time for free!

HOW MUCH DOES THE DVD COST, BEEYOTCH? The cost is $25 which includes all shipping and man-handling. The price is the same for US and international purchases.

HOW FUCKING LONG WILL IT TAKE TO ARRIVE? It will be shipped immediately after I receive confirmation of your payment and should take 4-8 days to arrive at a US address, depending on where in the US you live. Obviously, international deliveries will take longer. All deliveries will be made through the US Postal Service. But remember, the PO goes postal around Xmas so order now!

HOW THE HELL DO I PAY? You do NOT need a PayPal account to purchase the dvd. Credit and debit cards work as well. No checks and no cash accepted. Just push the BUY NOW button. Oooh, baby! Push it harder! Oh! Unsure if PayPal accepts payments from your country? Then visit www.paypal.com and check. I'll also sell it at my live shows fo r $20.

HOW IS YO' SHIT PACKAGED? My idea was to skimp on the packaging and spend the money I 'd saved to look extra glamorous. (It didn't work, but that WAS my idea! ) So the dvd comes in a modest plastic sleeve with the artwork printed on the dvd itself--no booklet, no plastic case. But you won't need a jewel case--cuz you'll probably love this dvd so much you won't ever want to remove it from your dvd player!

IS THIS THE SAME OLD DVD I BOUGHT THIS SUMMER? No, this version was completed in late November. If you bought one before then, it was a rough edit which I made to sell at gigs this summer. This new version contains all the same numbers, but with a few additional bits, narrations, credits, etc. It's a more finished product with several extras.

I'M A JET-SETTER. WHAT ABOUT INTERNATIONAL FORMATS? This dvd is American format and probably won't play on overseas dvd players which require a different format. You could probably still play it on your computer overseas, if it plays AMERICAN format dvds.

WHAT IF THERE ARE PROBLEMS? Contact ladybunny@ladybunny.net with inquiries.

WHAT ABOUT OTHER BUNNY MERCHANDISE? Wigstock t-shirts can be purchased on www.wigstock.nu, and I'm working on a cd of original music, some of which you can hear on my site's player now.

WILL I AUTOGRAPH IT? And spoil the stunning cover artwork? Don't even ask!

HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY BE SO BEAUTIFUL AND TALENTED? Buy the fucking dvd and find out! And quit bugging me with these stupid questions already!


WATCH TRAILER NOW: TRAILERTRASH

BUSH VS DESTINY'S CHILD

Here's a cute link to an animated George Bush and co parodying Destiny's Child's recent quasi-hit SOLDIER. Well it was better than that dumb turkey diva singing I WILL SURVIVE that everyone was forwarding at Thanksgiving!

DESTINY'SRECRUITERS

BUNNY ON SIRIUS

Toay at 1:00 with the adorable FranK DeCaro. Even if you don't subscribe to Sirius, you can listen with a trial subscription on SiriusRadio.com. Or catch me on Sirius on the Derk and Romaine Show on 12/15 at 9:00 PM.

XMAS LIGHT HOUSE

LIGHTHOUSE

CALL HER MISS HILL

from Big Park Marketing's newsletter:

The Daily News reports that Lauryn Hill has everyone working on the Fugees album scratching their heads. "She makes everyone in the recording studio, even Wyclef and Pras, call her 'Miss Hill,' every single day," reports a Lowdown spy. "These are people she grew up with! She's beyond a diva. She thinks her s- don't stink." A rep for the Fugees conceded Miss Hill's strict edict, but insisted that it didn't apply to the other two Fugees. "If you talk to her, she will say, 'Call me "Miss Hill," because that is who I am right now,'" said the rep. "It might be a respect thing. But what you need to know is that Wyclef and Pras call Lauryn whatever they feel like calling Lauryn." I hope she doesn’t act this way around her kids, if so they’re f*cked!